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“Where Do You See Yourself In 5 Years?” – Who Knows And Who Cares.

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With all the self-improvement overload of information we get, we’re told that we must have goals. Goals are important and I personally set them 12 months in advance.

What’s incorrect is thinking you can realistically plan your life 5 years in advance.

The question I hate the most which we’ve all had in a job interview is:

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

In my head I’m thinking:

“Retired on the beach with a New York Times Best Selling Book? I don’t freaking know!”

Not knowing is the best bit.

Too much certainty makes life really boring. Not knowing where you’re going to be in five years is awesome! If I rewind to 2011 when everything fell apart around me, I would never have predicted where I am today.

Back then I hated writing, had no clue what personal development was and thought my life was going to be miserable forever.

The surprise of seeing myself turn it all around is what makes me so proud. No one came and gave me something for free. I worked for what I have and fostered the proper mindset for success and you can too.

The parts I love about my life now are things I treasure most.

Uncertainty can be your best friend if you let it be. Stop trying to know everything in advance.

You’ll probably be wrong anyway.

Yep, that’s the sad news ladies and gentlemen.

Break out the tissues, shed a tear with me, accept that fact and then get to work. Life is full of suffering and you will definitely encounter a left hook to the face that will knock you flat on your ass. It will take you by surprise and your “5-year plan will take an instant backseat.”

In that moment, you’ll realize what you truly value and what your life is all about. Then you’ll rise and then fall again when the next event happens. Life is made up of these patterns.

“Once you accept this and understand that you’re never going to be your own fortune teller, shit gets real”

The case for short-term goals.

So why I don’t advocate for having these big, difficult, goals that exist in the Neverever Land of 5-year’s time: I’m a big believer in a couple of short-term goals. You need a tiny bit of direction otherwise you’ll get lazy and watch Netflix thinking you’ve got everything covered.

As an example, my two goals right now are changing my career and doing some big public speaking gigs. These two goals are both joined at the hip with my life’s purpose. They motivate me every day to get my lazy ass out of bed and put in the work.

As for five years’ time, I have no clue. I know the direction but I welcome the surprises.

Your future is similar to mine. You’ll need some big goals to get you there but trying to predict it is pointless.

“Thinking you have it all figured out is the disease of someone that thinks they know it all”

This mindset will get you into deep trouble.

Part of being humble is knowing that you don’t have all the answers. What matters is that you have faith in yourself and genuinely believe you can achieve some great accomplishments. What those exact accomplishments are is detail that is not required.

Not getting what you want is all part of the game.

The stupid thing about 5-year plus goals and visions is that it doesn’t take into account one thing: not getting what you want is so important.

If I’d got the successful long-term business I wanted five years ago, then I would never have hit rock-bottom and discovered personal development or blogging. I’d be running a business that I hate, to impress friends that I don’t like, to buy rubbish that brings me no happiness.

When you fail or don’t get what you want, you should be happy. It means there is going to be another avenue. It’s a sign.

Thinking you’ve got it all figured out and in five years you’ll have done X forgets about this very important detail.

“It seems counter-intuitive but not getting what you want is how you get what you need”

What should you focus on then?

Two big short-term goals and a purpose for your life. Short and sharp, just the way I like it, amigo.

Once you know why you exist on this planet, everything else will fall into place and the need for a 5-year plus plan will go out the window.

For example, my life purpose of inspiring the world through entrepreneurship and personal development could be achieved through the following ways:

– Speaking

– Writing books

– Blogging

– Starting a podcast

– Running events

– Working for a global brand

There are so many ways to achieve my life’s purpose and who really cares how I do it. I’d like to think it will be blogging. If I were to back a winner today, it would be probably blogging although I have a habit of being wrong about such matters of life.

The hardest bit is knowing your life’s purpose. Once you know that, the rest is execution. Lose the obsession for caring about which vehicle you end up using to fulfil your purpose – it’s not so important.

Final Thought.

I hope I’ve inspired you to rethink these long-term scenarios in which you’ll almost always be wrong. I hope you can see now how crucial the macro is compared with the micro.

Don’t get caught up in the details and quit being a wannabe fortune-teller. Those wrinkly old things never did serve any of us any good.

Get to work and remember to dream big.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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