Connect with us

Success Advice

14 Ways I Completely Changed My Life And So Can You

Published

on

A few years ago my entire life changed, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I decided that I had reached a point in my life where I wasn’t happy and needed to make massive changes. I began a long process of understanding what it would take to experience massive success and become a magnet for all things good in life. Addicted2Success was part of that journey, and so were a number of other great resources.

Below are my fourteen quick tips for turning your life around

 

1. Do a clean out of all your friends

I went through all my friends and asked myself one question, is this person helping me to succeed or bringing me down. If the answer was the later, I deleted them from my social media and my address book, and moved on. This might seem drastic but sometimes it’s the tough decisions that will help you achieve massive success. The only exception to this was that if someone proved that they were going to change, then I allowed them back in again. Doing this made me feel like I had control over my life again.

 

2. Listen to audiobooks every single day

The one habit that started this whole transformation for me was listening to my very first audiobook, which happened to be “Tony Robbins Get The Edge.” I started by deciding that I needed to do some exercise and that walking around my neighbourhood would be a good start. I could often be seen walking on the main roads of Melbourne, in the middle of the night, listening to these audiobooks and looking very animated because they were literally addictive. These tapes taught me the information that school did not, they taught me the basic success principles that I was now going to live my life by.

 

3. Start a LinkedIn page

For a long time, I avoided LinkedIn because I thought that people might bother me or that my privacy would be breeched. I have now learnt that if you are authentic and genuine online and have nothing to hide, tools like LinkedIn can become very powerful – read why here.

“LinkedIn is for your network what venture capital is for startups, it allows you to scale at a rate that you never thought was possible”

 

4. Remove negative media from your life

One of the best things I did was get back time in my day by not watching anymore TV and ditching the habit of watching or consuming any mainstream news. I replaced this wasted time with my new favourite hobby, reading Kindle books on my iPad. For many years, I was unable to read a lot of books because my eyes got tired from reading. Then I started reading on an iPad screen, which was much brighter and easier on my eyes. It was like discovering reading for the first time, and I begun to read anything from “Think and Grow Rich,” to amazing entrepreneur books like Lisa Messengers “Daring & Disruptive,” to books about Wall Street.

Tim Denning - Read Lisa Messenger's Book Daring And Disruptive

Replace negative media with amazing books like Lisa Messenger’s “Daring and Disruptive.”

 

5. Start juicing and rebounding now

Green Juice - Vegie Girl - Urban Projuice Tim DenningAfter attending a Tony Robbins seminar, I learned about the alkaline diet and took up drinking cold press, green, juice every morning. Never have I felt so good and I now have all the energy to get me through the day. Gone are the headaches and rumbling stomachs because my body is finally nourished and alive again. If I suggest that you do one thing to turn your life around, it would be to take up the habit of juicing.

I also started using my net time (no extra time) by combining important mobile phone conversations with walks in the park. I found this to be very relaxing, and it made me very productive. I then added watching my favourite “Ted Talks” while rebounding on a mini trampoline. This practice helps clear my lymphatic system and is a great way to get me started in the morning.

 

6. Walk away from conversations that involve negative people

When I decided to go and work for a corporate organisation, I started my career in a very negative team. I would often come to work and hear my fellow teammates talking about how much they hated life and the company we all worked for. They could often be seen planning coups and talking about various conspiracies. This was the best lesson of my life! I got to see exactly how I didn’t want to be and why I would never settle for less again. Even now, if I am part of a conversation and it goes down a road that is not congruent with my beliefs, I remove myself. Doing this is such a blessing in disguise because I feel like I am in control and not like life is in control of me, or worse yet, somebody else.

 

7. Don’t worry about the outcome of everything

Before I underwent this change is psychology, I used to try and worry about the outcome of everything. I use to think that I could always control the outcome. When I learnt that it was better just to have faith and know that every outcome happens for a reason, I had completely transformed for the better. When things that most people would consider to be major failures in life occurred to me, I would just shake it off and learn the lesson from it, knowing that every lesson was making me stronger and stronger – I adopted the phrase, “Fail Fast.”

 

8. Have faith in yourself

Something that rejuvenated me was learning to have faith in myself. I began to play a game with myself and tried to be in situations where I had completely no idea. I remember being asked to look after a billion dollar relationship with a client and having absolutely no idea. I said yes because I knew this was a chance to learn. From there, I always said yes to things that I thought I was not ready for. I knew that when I wasn’t ready, it was time to grow. Tony Robbins seminar taught me that my strongest human need was growth, so I tried to feed this need as much as possible. Sure enough, the more growth I experienced, the more confidence I gained. This confidence led me to have faith in myself even when nobody else did.

 

9. Travel the world more

For a long time, I believed that working myself to death was what was required to achieve massive success. While hard work is definitely required, working yourself to the bone will not do you any favours. I began to start travelling more and before I knew it, I had flown to more than eight destinations in the space of 6 months. I found that this travelling helped put my life in perspective and gave me new ideas. Whenever a new thought occurred about something I should be doing in business, I realised that it had come from when I was travelling. It’s easy to get lost in your own community, so get out there and see the world because one day you might not be around to see it.

Tim Denning in New Zealand - Success Travel
 

 

10. Change your career

Most people fear change and the thought of trying another career is daunting to them. I began studying people’s LinkedIn profiles and looking at their various career paths. I saw one common pattern; almost none of the people I studied had actually done the same thing for their whole life. In fact, the ones that had reached the most success had usually taken a massive change in direction at some point in their life. I started to do the same with my own career and try new things out. I discovered that my network grew, and my inner circle of influence became stronger and stronger. Don’t be afraid of change ever!!!

I later started to play a game with job interviews. I purposely went and interviewed for jobs that were way out of my league that my education wouldn’t normally qualify me for. To my surprise, all the personal development and change of character became like a magnet. Everyone was offering me jobs that I could only dream of. When I asked them why the offered me the opportunity they told me that it was the confidence, attitude and way I went about things – who knew this was the most important thing.

Want to know something even more strange? One of the jobs I applied for I was unsuccessful at getting. About 12 months later one of my work colleagues was successful at getting the same role. I asked her to ask the manager why I didn’t get it, and she did. The answer they gave, we thought you were overqualified and would get bored easily. I was convinced that the reason I didn’t get it was experience, yet I was totally wrong. Always back yourself 1000% !

 

11. Reach out to successful people

As a joke, one of my closest friends dared me to try and contact people within my organisation that most would consider to be unreachable. I began ringing CEO’s, Heads of, General Managers; anyone that I thought would see me as the lowest person in the organisation. To my surprise, I was able to get a meeting with every single one of them and talk to them about whatever I wanted. Never underestimate how much other people want to help you and share their advice. The act of doing this taught me about my beliefs and about people, which changed my perception of life.

 

12. Give as much as you can

Giving was something that I was always told was important but I didn’t really know the power of. In the early days of business, I thought it was all about protecting your intellectual property and not telling anyone about your ideas. What I now know is that ideas are not worth anything unless you do something with them. Even if you have a great idea, most people are too lazy or too negative to bother trying to steal it from you. I now tell everybody about all my ideas, and I often find that it opens doors I never knew existed. People now see me as an ideas man because I share everything I know. You will never have all the information about a particular subject no matter how hard you try.

Information is so easy to find thanks to the Internet so share away. I even share my address book because everyone is searchable thanks to LinkedIn and Facebook.

 

13. Attend more networking events

An easy way to expand your influence is to expand your network. I remember hearing a few weeks ago “your network equals your net worth.” A lot of people ask me where I get all my opportunities, my answer, they come from my network. I hear about things before anyone else because my network tells me about them. I do the same so now I have a mini “Pay It Forward,” game occurring within my network. Some of the best people I have connected with in the last few years I have met at networking events. No matter how exhausted I might be after work, I always try and attend events because it lifts my energy and opens my mind to ideas I haven’t thought of before.

 

14. Give everybody a second chance

Last but not least, I learnt to give everybody a second chance no matter what they had done. This forgiveness allowed me to see people’s weaknesses and understand that nobody is perfect. Giving in to accepting that no one is perfect has made others not expect me to be perfect. Nobody does anything to upset you on purpose; it’s how you’re interpreting it that is the issue.

 

So there, you have it, my top tips on how I turned my life around. So many people have asked me, and now you have all the knowledge that I had to do the same. Even if you only do 3 of these tips, I promise you, you will experience a change in your life for the good.

GET OUT THERE, GET AMONGST IT AND GET EXCITED!

 

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared hundreds of thousands of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around success, personal development, motivation, and entrepreneurship. During the day Tim works with the most iconic tech companies in the world, as an adviser, to assist them in expanding into Australia. By night, Tim coaches his students on the principles of personal development and the fundamentals of entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net or through his Facebook.

Advertisement
36 Comments

36 Comments

  1. Suraj

    Jun 20, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Sir I don’t understand about the network part
    All the above it was good and motivational
    Thanks

  2. George Azide

    Apr 23, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Mr. Denning,

    I’m literally in awe at the quality of your writing.

    Here’s how I came across you – I recently have been stuck in starting my business and wasn’t sure about the next step to take. (I live in Dallas, Tx we’re an entrepreneurial bunch down here.) I signed up for a curated content last year and NEVER read one single email.

    Well today, for some reason, I opened up that inbox and read the email at the top of the list and in was an article titled, “What I Learned From the World’s Greatest Venture Capitalist”.

    As someone who has never even said the phrase “venture capitalist”, I honestly can’t tell you what compelled me to open the article.

    I didn’t just read it, I was absorbed by it. Your content is rich, my man.

    I instantly knew I needed to be on your list to learn more about you. Your article (indirectly) showed me a path for my business that I had NEVER previously considered. So for that I thank you.

    I’m not sure what to call it, but I feel you are filling the exact role you are supposed to be filling in life. And that’s rare to come across randomly.

    I’ve downloaded your Game Changing Influencer eBook and have read most of your work on Addicted2Success. Oddly enough, I don’t see a place where you offer a product. So, this may sound weird, but…can I buy anything from you?

    You’ve blown my mind and I had no idea who you were an hour ago. Ha! As someone who truly embraces the power of the internet, I am very pleased at the moment.

    Thank you again, Mr. Denning. To your continued success.

  3. Glenn

    Jan 3, 2016 at 12:06 am

    Nice post Tim.

    Some really valuable insights.

    The more you grow and learn, the more opportunities open up.

    • Tim Denning

      Jan 23, 2016 at 12:27 am

      Cheers Glenn I am glad you learnt a thing or two.

  4. Indika

    Jul 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Hey Tim,
    This is great practical motivational article I ever seen. thanx a lot Tim. I appriciate ur concern about green meals,friends and giving second chance. who ever wants to stay tune I belive this is the article for them.thank you very much again for the ideas.ideas.keep inspiring people. all the best Tim.

    • Tim Denning

      Jul 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Thanks Indika for the kind words and I wish you all the success you deserve.

  5. Nina

    Jun 8, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I’ve done all of these suggestions and am SO HAPPY! It just all came natural to me over time and now I’m investing in myself and my health. I quit an unhealthy job, chopped out unhealthy people and situations and am learning to like myself. All of these suggestions are absolutely a part of enlightenment. I love seeing someone else encouraging others to push on and give suggestions like yours. Great read for anyone who needs a different direction.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 11, 2015 at 11:11 am

      Thanks Nina and congrats on making the change. Over the next few months you will see some rapid changes and find that your happiness increases. Don’t forget to try the green juices.

  6. Nkuli

    Jun 3, 2015 at 10:24 am

    Hi Tim

    This ia a great read….I have been in the coporate world for almost 5 years and in different compaines and I have realised that I always find something that makes me unhappy hence the jumping from one job to another. so I want to pursue my business idea that I have had for a good 6 months now and the fear of leaving the safety of having a job is over powering me however I feel the need to start my business and find hapiness in what I do and love.
    What is your advise in quiting my current job to pursue my business?

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 6, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Nkuli, I have known quite a few people over the years who have gone through the same thing. Changing from job to job won’t fix anything, the two things that will help is personal development and entrepreneurship.

      If you have that entrepreneur bug then it’s time to pursue it as your only on this planet once and regrets are the worse thing that you can suffer from. I wish you all the success with your new business and go out there and crush it.

  7. sunanda

    May 1, 2015 at 3:44 am

    i so appriciate this post as inspired me fr to take my stand nw .spend sm years as a emotional fool n stuck .as very appropriate to delete negative ppl ,thoughts from life n nvr gv a second chance to thm .thanks again.

    • Tim Denning

      May 5, 2015 at 11:19 pm

      Not a problem at all Sunanda.

  8. jack

    Apr 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    latter

  9. Sakib

    Apr 18, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Hey Tim .. I am really motivated after reading this .. thing is I am in a the middle of medical school course and I am not even interested in this field. All I did was fool thing I know. But now I am 23 do you think that I should change my career ? Im so afraid because people of my age started earning money and I am here like stuck in situation its like life is stopped at a point.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Sakib, glad you got some motivation from this article, but its purpose would be completely useless if you didn’t go and take some action. If you’re studying something you are not interested in and can’t see yourself doing it for the rest of your life then maybe it’s time to look for another opportunity. 23 years old is still very young and most people change their career lots of times in their life, so don’t feel like its too late because it’s not. Earning money is good but it’s nothing to be proud of. What you should be proud of is finding your passion and making a living from that. It’s going to take some time to find that one thing but unless you admit where you’re at and start looking, things will never change and you won’t get the happiness that I believe you deserve.

  10. Marko

    Apr 17, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    What is success?

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Marko, success is the outcome you get, from changing things in your life, so you will grow and do what you are passionate about. Only you can define what success is in your life and it’s not necessarily monetary related.

  11. Janet

    Apr 16, 2015 at 2:21 am

    I so appreciate this post. It takes work to achieve success and sometimes lots of old things do have to be done away with.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Thanks Janet. You hit the nail on the head, you have to do away with old habits and replace them with new empowring ones.

  12. Katrina

    Apr 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    Love it, thanks for sharing!!! A great read for someone who wakes up at 4.30am most mornings in frustration of their current situation. This really helps.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 15, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Your certainly better than me Katrina I wake up at 5am so you’re getting 30 mins of extra reading time than me. Don;t be frustrated with your current situation. This situation is temporary and you will soon be out of Winter back into Summer.

  13. Erick Ramirez

    Apr 13, 2015 at 2:07 am

    Thank you for this, it was a very inspiring morning read. I read a lot of articles but yours was very sincere and really spoke to me. I’m planning on a career and life change at the end of this year, moving from Japan to Hawaii. So I’m looking to start enriching my life. Do you have a blog? I would love to read more of your articles.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 13, 2015 at 11:33 am

      Thanks for commenting Erick. Best of luck with the change in country. I write exclusively for Addicted2Success but you can view all my articles I post on the site via facebook.com/timdenning

      • Erick Ramirez

        Apr 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm

        Good stuff on your Facebook page, liked it. Thanks for the reply. Good luck with reaching the masses.

  14. Cristi Vlad

    Apr 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

    You really hit the nail on the head with #12. thanks! 🙂

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:24 am

      Thanks Cristi. I think giving is a common law of success and that’s why it is mentioned so much in the world of personal development.

  15. Raymond Foo

    Apr 9, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Hey, I’m 20 now. I live in Malaysia. I’m deciding whether to further study or go to work. Some major that cross my mind is Civil Engineering(don’t know if I will like it, but I’m considering it because I could work in an office while still going outside),Marketing(fear that I would get a lowpay). If work, I will work as a Salesperson to get many money and start a business. My goal is to get my dream car. And Travel. What is your advice? Your article ia great and that’s all the thing I’m working towards.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      Hi Raymond, thanks for your comment. Do what makes you really happy. If you’re not sure which option will make you happy then try a secondment or a 4 week trial. Consider taking someone out for coffee who already has the job that you want. If none of these options work then there is a chance you might be destined for the entrepreneur world. Don’t fear about low pay. You can make lots of money doing pretty much anything as long as you’re passionate about it. I have seen people clean toilets and drains and make plenty from doing this. Getting your dream car will only be short lived joy and then you will get complacent again. I have been through this already and no dream car will ever satisfy. What you are really chasing in the feeling that you get my driving your dream car. Try and get that feeling through doing something that may not involve money. Hope those tips give you some clarity. Feel free to connect via http://www.facebook.com/tim.denning to keep in touch

  16. Michele

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Tim, this is really useful. I am on a journey to redesign my life as well. I have done many of these things and am working on a few others- like not worrying about the outcome. It is a process!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      That’s really good to hear Michele and I hope you get where you want to go.

  17. Susan

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:08 am

    This is amazing!! Thank you!!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Not a problem Susan!

  18. Bala

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Great Tips. My Favorite ‘ Dont worry about the outcome of Everything’ . I am working on it. Patience and persistence is key. Today we are used to seeing ‘instant’ results when we have just started putting in the effort.

    Thanks Tim

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      Agree Bala and thanks for sharing your opinion.

  19. James Dunn

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Great article!! I can see myself in so many of the steps you’ve mentioned, and I can see that the others are the ones I need to take.

    I attended UPW in San Jose, CA last year and it was a life changing event for me as well. Tony Robbins is such an amazing guy.

    Thanks for the great tips!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I can totally relate James. I went to UPW a few years back in Sydney and it was phenomenal. I think the walking on fire part was the most fun, although day 4 on health was a bit of a shake up.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Success Advice

I’ll Tell You How To Be Confident Without The Self-Help BS: You Just Do It.

Published

on

One of the most popular topics on blogs right now is content about how to have more confidence. It’s driving me bonkers! I’m unsure what the fascination is with the subject.

Having gone through the whole confidence battle myself and come out the other side on top, I think I can share a few things that will help everybody.

 

Act as if.

Rather than be caught up in the foreplay of overthinking, considering and asking too many questions, just do.

“Quite simply, what has worked for me is to just get on with the task and tell myself I’m becoming an expert while being in motion”

Getting going is the part we’re all missing when it comes to confidence. You can’t be confident unless you get some experience at whatever you want to be confident at. This advice sounds simplistic because it is.

I’ve become more confident over the last five years by running up miles in the beaten-up VW Beetle that was my mind and body. Through gaining experience, I turned that VW Beetle into a Lamborghini by trying things and executing.

There’s no pretending when it comes to confidence. You only start to believe you are confident when you begin taking action. I could probably wrap it up right there and you’d be done when it comes to confidence. No more self-help secrets and private masterminds are required.

Act as if you are already confident and your mind will believe you. Your mind only believes what you tell it. Tell your mind you are confident and you will gain more confidence in the execution. That extraordinary mind will then do as you tell it.

 

Sit up and stand up straight soldier!

I always believed this one was total hocus pocus or maybe even a Jedi Mind Trick. It’s not. Confidence is also in the way you move. People feel confidence in you through your presence. If you need to perform at 110% in say a speech as an example, you have to stand up straight and physically be confident.

Now this is harder than it looks so here’s what I did: I stood on the stage with my back straight. I then rolled my shoulders back and poked my chest out slightly. Each movement on stage was acted out as if I was Arnold Schwarzenegger posing for the Mr Olympia Final (that’s hard as I look nothing like him but stay with me peeps).

Simply having a confident physical presence allowed the audience to be confident with the words and advice I was delivering. Even if each point I presented was not completely thought through, the effect was still the same. I came across as confident.

So, next time you want to be confident, try this out for yourself. Pick your own hero who’s oozing confidence, to be the person you imagine when you go into your confident pose. No matter how ridiculous this seems, it works. Don’t question, just do.

 

Self-talk is key: three words to confidence.

Okay, let’s not overdo this confidence lesson. The self-talk in my head when I need to be confident is very dumb and easy to copy. The three words I use are:

“You got this!”

Say those three words whenever you need to be confident. Say them over and over until they drown out your negative inner voice that wants to doubt your ability.

“Doubt is the disease that sabotages your confidence”

I had no idea about blogging as an example. I just believed I’d find a way and I did. My doubting brain told me that I was hopeless at English and couldn’t master grammar to save my life. That aside, I just used these three words to silence the inner critic.

Your inner critic is only right if you let it be. Back yourself. Talk to yourself like a winner (not a loser) and you’ll have more confidence. No need to buy that book on confidence anymore. No need to read another self-help, pump up blog post that gets you all warm and sweaty.

 

Disconnect from the outcome.

Confidence is about putting the outcome aside. Everything you do is a lesson and will give you confidence. Being tied to the idea of what the outcome looks like allows your doubting mind and your inner critic to come back to the main stage of your attention.

Where your energy flows to, is where your focus goes. Focusing on anything other than being confident about your daily battles will give you the results you hate. Nine times out of ten you can’t control the outcome anyway.

So focusing on doing your best and being confident will take you so much further. Like I keep saying “You got this!”

Swag it out like whatever outcome you achieve is phenomenal because you are incredible for waking up each day and just giving it a crack!

 

Say yes and learn later.

Confidence comes from saying yes and deciding to figure out the strategy later. If an offer or idea resonates with you, then say yes. You’ll find yourself gaining more experience by doing so. My superman complex used to make me carefully think about each offer I was presented with to assess whether I had the skills and capability.

Now I choose offers and proposals that bring me joy instead, and I use my newfound confidence to say yes, and know that I’ll learn what I need to execute properly along the way. Failing that, there’s someone I know in my network that can fill any blanks in regardless so I’m very unlikely to fail.

BUT even if I fail it’s all good because I still learned heaps, got experience and had fun in the meantime. All of which made me more confident. Confidence is unstoppable when it starts to compound through experience and taking action.

 

Remember that all of us have no idea including me.

This was something I learned through a podcast. If you look at your heroes and get to know them as friends, you’ll quickly realize, like I did with my own heroes, that they have no idea. Your heroes just act as if and see what sticks.

When approaching any goal with this in mind, you find an inner confidence to have a go and see what happens.

“When you realize we’re all flawed, it sets you free to try stuff and execute on a few wild goals that you may not succeed at”

I have no clue about most things and that’s where the beauty lies. Stop idolizing and be confident in your ability to get sh*t done.

 

We’re all extraordinary when we believe we are.

Belief in yourself is key to having confidence. The truth is that all of us can be extraordinary no matter where we come from, our nationality, the struggles we’ve gone through, what books we’ve read or who our current friends are.

The opportunity to be extraordinary exists for all of us. Let this very idea give you the confidence you need to change the world because you can.

You don’t need more self-help articles on confidence: You need to understand you’re already extraordinary.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Continue Reading

Success Advice

2 Ways To End Suffering Forever.

Published

on

This year I have learned so much. I’ve learned that we all suffer no matter what. No one can avoid it. That’s not what I want to share with you though. What I want to tell you is that you have the power to end suffering.

I have proven it in my own life. We don’t need to suffer. We can end it all and the silly thing is it’s so simple. I do not want you to avoid this advice any longer. I want you to use it even if you think it’s a load of mumbo-jumbo.

Here are the two ways I’ve found to end suffering forever:

 

1. Find a way to give to other people.

You only suffer when life is all about you and your success. Once you move from being all about you, into a state of mind that is focused on giving, your problems become insignificant.

I had a couple of situations this year that have nearly knocked me flat on my ass. One was my romantic life falling to pieces and the other was my career collapsing. When both these events occurred, I used giving to other people as the way out of the maze that my mind created.

The moment suffering begun, I went straight to finding ways to serve other people. I helped friends with their businesses, I spoke at events to inspire people, I did some volunteering and I doubled down on my blogging so I could inspire as many people as possible.

Shifting the focus away from what was wrong and using my focus to give to others ended the suffering.

“There wasn’t time to suffer because the purpose of my life during those months was far bigger than me and my stupid life challenges. Giving to others gave me a way to find happiness when I probably would have hidden away and suffered in silence”

Seeing the solutions to other people’s problems and sharing them, gave me a way to put my career and relationships into perspective.

Giving is the example you need when times get tough and things get complicated. You suffer the most when you get stuck in your head and repeat the pattern of telling yourself how wrong your circumstances are.

Suffering can make you depressed, feel lonely, become selfish, go into a downward spiral and take away everything that’s good in your life.

Finding ways to give on the other hand, can cure all of those problems. I know it sounds so cliché what I’m saying but it surprises me how many people never use this strategy. Like I always say: the answers we seek are right in front of our nose.

Next time you feel yourself suffering, get out of your head and try this strategy.

 

 

2. Practice gratitude.

Okay, I thought this strategy was so dumb when I discovered it. It’s so obvious and it sounds way too easy. I mean how can writing down a few things you’re grateful for really end your suffering?

I mean you could lie to yourself and pretend that you’re grateful for something when you’re not. Well, that’s exactly what I did at the beginning. When I was suffering this year, I started writing down three things each day that I was grateful for.

In the first week, I lied about things I was grateful for and found the exercise completely ridiculous. This advice is so common that I decided to persist with this ridiculous self-help hack anyway.

What I found as I kept doing it was that your brain makes a shift subconsciously. Instead of being pissed off and suffering, your brain has to work extra hard to find three things every day to be grateful for.

To make this habit work even better I forced my brain to describe in detail each thing I was grateful for and ideally why. Some days sucked so bad that I thought I would never find three things. Once the challenge became a must, I spent my days working my butt off trying to find things I was grateful for.

While doing various activities during the day, I’d find moments when I was grateful for something and stop. I’d stop and see how I felt at that moment and I would have a mini celebration because I knew I had something for my gratitude list.

Then I tried to aim for five things each day instead of three. This shifted my focus even more. I should have been suffering but because I was forcing myself to see good things that were happening to me, I was distracted.

As I said earlier, this new habit seemed so dumb at the beginning. Once you really do it for a while, you see how it has the power to end suffering. You can’t be pissed off and be grateful at the same time. So, choose gratitude and then your suffering will be sidelined, and in my case, forgotten about.

 

***Life doesn’t need to be full of low points***

The suffering that we all experience is a choice. It probably doesn’t seem like that but these two hacks will demonstrate this to you. Your decision-making power is incredible and all you need to do is select one of these hacks to end suffering.

Don’t let the quality of your life be jeopardized by your default human mode to suffer. You’ll find these two hacks will not only end your suffering; these two hacks will give you purpose.

Here’s what I learned: most people are pissed off and suffer because they have no purpose. Once you find a purpose for your life, you’ll become addicted.

Now that’s a huge win don’t you think? You can end suffering and find purpose, all by using these two hacks. That’s the best gift I can give you.

Don’t just read this advice. Try these two hacks yourself.

It’s time to end suffering forever.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Continue Reading

Success Advice

7 Steps to Conquering the Fears That Are Holding You Back From Success

Published

on

how to conquer your fears

I remember the day in vivid detail. I was on a weekend trip visiting my girlfriend at the time in Arizona. She had decided that we should join her friends to go “cliff jumping.”  We were early on in our dating and she obviously had no idea that I was not fond of heights. So “cliffs” and jumping off of them… No thanks!

I inevitably found myself on the edge of a 40-foot cliff peering down at a vast blue canvas of water. Then I realized if I didn’t jump, I’d have to start the walk of shame back down the cliff. This was a lose-lose situation for me.

Fear had me. I didn’t want to jump, but I also didn’t want to look bad in front of my girlfriend’s friends. So I jumped and in that moment, I had defied my brain and my neurochemistry.

Our brains are wired to protect us, not to push us towards our goals. Our brains are wired to look for anything that could be potentially dangerous or threatening and keep us as far away from it as possible by using fear. The problem is not all situations warrant fear.

There is a saying in neuroscience that says, “the brain wires the way it fires”, meaning the more you do a certain activity, the more the brain lays down wiring to make that action or activity easier.

‘Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.’ – Karl Augustus Menninger

When we let fear keep us stagnant and we continue to do the same things that are comfortable, our brain gets “hardwired” to stay comfortable. We become “stagnant.” This can become debilitating for some of us and prevent us from encountering the very experiences we need to grow and succeed.

When we, in spite of our fear, do the challenging things that are outside our comfort zone, we begin to hardwire into our brain change, adaptability, creativity, growth, perspective, and happiness because we stretch the boundaries of our brain’s capabilities and force it to adapt rather than “playing it safe.”

An elite athlete didn’t make it where they are today by going into their training and never pushing past their comfort zone. They constantly pushed their limits of comfort to force their bodies and minds to grow to that of a top performer. The same principle applies to our brains. If we let fear dictate our actions in any area of our lives, it will stunt your growth in that area.

So what’s the first step? How do we go about conquering our fears whether it’s public speaking, starting a business, or launching the product or service? See below:

1. Journal Your Fears

Write down all the fears you have, big or small. Contrary to opinion “size does not matter.” Your brain still operates the same with all types of fear. The key is to first acknowledge what you are fearful about and bring it to light. Be as specific as possible.

2. Prioritize Your Fears

I then rank my fears from highest to lowest in terms of how often I think about this fear and/or how much it disrupts my life. You may find some fears combine into a broader category and that’s ok — we’ll get to that. So for now identify your biggest fear.

3. Support Your Belief in Yourself

I don’t mean just “believe in yourself.” What I mean is to build in support systems that will support your belief in yourself, so that when you start taking action, your support systems will solidify those new experiences and form deeper, more meaningful, and lasting beliefs in yourself.

It may look like building a list of affirmations that you say every morning or a meditation. Whatever it is, it needs to be uplifting and empowering you towards conquering your goals.

4. Take Action & Start Small

Look at your list and identify what your biggest fear is. That’s the beast we’re going to tackle long term, but for some that may seem like a big stretch at first. So instead, see what your 5th biggest fear is, and that’s where you’ll start.

What we will then do is build our way up and take a ride on the “Momentum Train.” Starting small with taking actions toward your lower priority fears and then building up helps your brain build momentum, which provides your brain with plenty of courage and motivation to tackle the #1 fear on your list.

‘Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.’ – Helen Keller

5. No Time Limit, Just Consistency

Most goals should be limited to a time domain. For the goal of tackling a fear, time can be a challenging factor to set. Some of these fears may have been unknowingly building up for decades without your knowledge. So I don’t recommend setting a time on when you are “going to conquer your fear.”

Instead set appointments to regularly meet and address your fear. If you’re fear is public speaking, then go to a local Toastmasters once a week. The more consistent you can be, the better.

6. Reframe and Reinforce

As you begin to address these fears, make sure you are reinforcing the experiences you have in a positive perspective. For instance, if you want to be less fearful of public speaking and decide to try out a local toastmasters group, your first time speaking to the group might feel like a train wreck, but when you look back on the situation you can acknowledge that that actually pushed past your fear and accomplished your goal.

7. Rinse and Repeat

This isn’t a quick fix. It may take some time. There’s always a new fear or challenge awaiting us. The key is to have systems like this in place to address those challenges properly rather than allowing ourselves to succumb to fear and derail our lives from their fullest potential.

How do you handle your fears? Comment below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Success Advice

30 Straightforward Reminders to Help You Supercharge Your Life in 2018

Published

on

how to supercharge your life

This time of year it’s easy to be overwhelmed by well-meaning advice. Everyone seems to have a solution to your procrastination or a remedy for your lack of motivation. Unfortunately, most advice is either too general or irrelevant because it doesn’t address your main concerns.

I’ve spent the last year trying to hone in on some of the best tips and tricks I’ve learned to stay ahead and maintain a positive mindset.

Here are 30 straightforward reminders and tips to help you supercharge your life in 2018:

1. Get the basics right. Take care of your body, your mind and your soul. Make a list of what you know is good for you and what you know is bad for you in each category. Consider ways to reduce the bad and increase the good.

2. Reduce distractions that sap your energy. When you’re planning big changes, it’s easy to get pulled into many different directions. You get excited about a certain idea which pulls you down the rabbit hole into numerous other directions. Focus on one thing at a time.

3. Make a new friend. Start a conversation with a stranger in the elevator. Compliment someone. Provide some positive reinforcement. Do something without expecting anything in return.

4. Smile more. Smiling takes less effort than frowning. It’s also scientifically proven to make you feel better even if you don’t necessarily feel like smiling.

5. Walk 30 minutes a day. Just 30 minutes of exercise a day can help you stimulate your immune system, increase your metabolism and improve your mood.

6. Do one push-up for every year old you are. Or do twice as many sit-ups for every year old you are. Making sure you work the muscles in different parts of your body stimulates hormone production and helps increase fat burning.

7. Find your intrinsic drivers. Intrinsic drivers are what inspire you based on internal motivation, rather than external motivation. Find something you think of as beautiful, peaceful, relaxing. Embrace it. Appreciate it. Try to understand why you like it

8. Speak to an old friend. Reach out in an email, a text, a phone call. Check in and just let them know you’re thinking about them.

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” – Woodrow T. Wilson

9. Invest in your health. Join a gym. Buy some type of sports equipment or clothing that is comfortable and that you enjoy being in. Consider joining a pick up sports team.

10. Study something that interests you. Buy a book about someone you admire. Pick a time period that you’re fascinated with. Make a point of becoming an expert on something that matters to you.

11. Teach someone something. Take a topic, any topic, and try to break it down into its component parts so that you can teach someone how to do it. The concentration and the effort it takes to teach someone something is often exactly the kind of effort that is required to truly understand it for yourself.

12. Delegate to someone. Find a task that needs to be done that you could do. Don’t do that task. Instead, look for someone you can ask to help you. Pay them or ask them for a favor. The key is to learn to delegate actions to others.

13. Meditate. Mindfulness and meditation are trending right now, but that’s not the reason you should consider adopting a meditation practice. The real reason is that meditation will help you focus on your key goals while cutting out the noise in the world around you.  

14. Learn to manage your personal finances. One of the biggest causes of stress that we as humans experience is the pressure to make money and control our finances. There are tons of free resources available online to help you learn about finances and help get your money in order.

15. Read more. No, I’m not talking about reading your Facebook News Feed. Read more books. Try to read a book a month, either fiction or nonfiction. At the beginning of the month choose a book and break down the number of pages. See how many you have to read a day to finish… then get started.

16. Cook at home at least 5 days a week. Cooking at home is cheap, easy and fun. You can hone skills in creativity and planning all at once, and it’s a great way to save money.

“My New Year’s resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.” – James Lafferty

17. Sell someone. No, not into human bondage. Sell someone on an idea or a product. Learn to market yourself and your skills. Everyone sells as they move through life, but most of us are average salespeople.

18. Hone your principles. What principles define your life? What are your strongly held beliefs? Be honest with yourself and what principles you feel you must uphold.

19. Embrace the power of positive thought. Listen to positive audio tapes, surround yourself with positive people. Look at the positive side of life. Easier said than done, but truth be told one of the best ways to improve your mood is to look for sources of positive mood and inspiration.

20. Practice willpower. Habits are formed over time. Willpower is one of the most important habits you will ever build, so it is integral you continue to practice it through all aspects of your life. Look to the stoic philosophers for a primer on how to tackle this.

21. Write better hooks. A hook is the bit of a song that catches a listener’s attention and repeats your core message in an intriguing way. Similarly, in writing a hook is the quirky or fascinating intro that makes readers want to continue to read. Think about your own hooks and how you can get people interested in what you have to say.

22. Don’t sweat the small stuff. We often become obsessed with daily minutiae and avoid thinking about the big picture. Don’t let yourself worry too much about the small day-to-day struggles. Instead, put your head down and get to work.

23. Don’t overthink the big stuff. Too often we avoid taking leaps of faith because we’re worried about making a mistake on something big. We don’t buy the new house. We avoid marrying the person we love. We put off going to the doctor for that regular scan. Try not to overthink the big decisions (or seemingly small decisions) that may have larger ramifications. If it’s not overly dangerous or illegal, take the plunge and go for it.

24. Learn a new word a day. Increasing your vocabulary helps you see the world in different ways and makes you rethink your core beliefs.

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.” – Richard Branson

25. Become a moderate. Extremists are divisive and often at odds with a large portion of the population. Look for ways to bring people together through collaboration and consensus rather than through division.

26. Think big(ger). Many self-help books talk about setting big goals or envisioning massive success in your lifetime. If you want to become a true leader and attain greater fulfillment. Look for ways to think beyond creating success in your lifetime. Think about the legacy you’ll leave for future generations.

27. Learn universal processes. Assess how you work best and find ways to carry standardized processes over into other aspects of your life.

28. Develop support structures. What do you do if things aren’t going according to plan? Do you reach out to friends for support, meditate on the problem alone, or use some mixture of different coping mechanisms? Be aware of what works for you, and what doesn’t.

29. Don’t compare yourself to others. We fall into this trap far too often. We use others as a benchmark for our own progress, but we must remember that it is unhealthy to put too much weight on comparisons, as everyone has their own background and their own perspective.

30. Know when to let go. At the end of the day, you must try your best and let the cards fall as they may. All you can do is put your heart and soul into your effort and learn from the results.

Which one of these things are you going to implement into your life immediately? Comment below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Trending

Life

6 Stepping Stones to Become Your Best Self in 2018

Published

on

become your best self

New Year resolutions are often wishful thinking. Being your best self is not something to be ticked off a checklist,  it is part of a never-ending continuum of learning and self-discovery. (more…)

Angela Kambouris used to work with high risk kids in the streets of Melbourne, now she has her own consultancy business and writes for large publications. As a leadership coach and business leader having spent over 20 years in the field of vulnerability and trauma, she has built a high-level career as an executive and transitioned into a business owner. She has spoken on stages and worked with thousands of people in self-development, leadership, mindset, human behavior and business. Love to travel, experience difference cultures and mastermind with leaders and expert authorities in personal development and business all over the world. Connect with her through her website http://angelakambouris.com/ or through her Facebook.

Advertisement
36 Comments

36 Comments

  1. Suraj

    Jun 20, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Sir I don’t understand about the network part
    All the above it was good and motivational
    Thanks

  2. George Azide

    Apr 23, 2017 at 9:59 pm

    Mr. Denning,

    I’m literally in awe at the quality of your writing.

    Here’s how I came across you – I recently have been stuck in starting my business and wasn’t sure about the next step to take. (I live in Dallas, Tx we’re an entrepreneurial bunch down here.) I signed up for a curated content last year and NEVER read one single email.

    Well today, for some reason, I opened up that inbox and read the email at the top of the list and in was an article titled, “What I Learned From the World’s Greatest Venture Capitalist”.

    As someone who has never even said the phrase “venture capitalist”, I honestly can’t tell you what compelled me to open the article.

    I didn’t just read it, I was absorbed by it. Your content is rich, my man.

    I instantly knew I needed to be on your list to learn more about you. Your article (indirectly) showed me a path for my business that I had NEVER previously considered. So for that I thank you.

    I’m not sure what to call it, but I feel you are filling the exact role you are supposed to be filling in life. And that’s rare to come across randomly.

    I’ve downloaded your Game Changing Influencer eBook and have read most of your work on Addicted2Success. Oddly enough, I don’t see a place where you offer a product. So, this may sound weird, but…can I buy anything from you?

    You’ve blown my mind and I had no idea who you were an hour ago. Ha! As someone who truly embraces the power of the internet, I am very pleased at the moment.

    Thank you again, Mr. Denning. To your continued success.

  3. Glenn

    Jan 3, 2016 at 12:06 am

    Nice post Tim.

    Some really valuable insights.

    The more you grow and learn, the more opportunities open up.

    • Tim Denning

      Jan 23, 2016 at 12:27 am

      Cheers Glenn I am glad you learnt a thing or two.

  4. Indika

    Jul 5, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    Hey Tim,
    This is great practical motivational article I ever seen. thanx a lot Tim. I appriciate ur concern about green meals,friends and giving second chance. who ever wants to stay tune I belive this is the article for them.thank you very much again for the ideas.ideas.keep inspiring people. all the best Tim.

    • Tim Denning

      Jul 11, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Thanks Indika for the kind words and I wish you all the success you deserve.

  5. Nina

    Jun 8, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I’ve done all of these suggestions and am SO HAPPY! It just all came natural to me over time and now I’m investing in myself and my health. I quit an unhealthy job, chopped out unhealthy people and situations and am learning to like myself. All of these suggestions are absolutely a part of enlightenment. I love seeing someone else encouraging others to push on and give suggestions like yours. Great read for anyone who needs a different direction.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 11, 2015 at 11:11 am

      Thanks Nina and congrats on making the change. Over the next few months you will see some rapid changes and find that your happiness increases. Don’t forget to try the green juices.

  6. Nkuli

    Jun 3, 2015 at 10:24 am

    Hi Tim

    This ia a great read….I have been in the coporate world for almost 5 years and in different compaines and I have realised that I always find something that makes me unhappy hence the jumping from one job to another. so I want to pursue my business idea that I have had for a good 6 months now and the fear of leaving the safety of having a job is over powering me however I feel the need to start my business and find hapiness in what I do and love.
    What is your advise in quiting my current job to pursue my business?

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 6, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Nkuli, I have known quite a few people over the years who have gone through the same thing. Changing from job to job won’t fix anything, the two things that will help is personal development and entrepreneurship.

      If you have that entrepreneur bug then it’s time to pursue it as your only on this planet once and regrets are the worse thing that you can suffer from. I wish you all the success with your new business and go out there and crush it.

  7. sunanda

    May 1, 2015 at 3:44 am

    i so appriciate this post as inspired me fr to take my stand nw .spend sm years as a emotional fool n stuck .as very appropriate to delete negative ppl ,thoughts from life n nvr gv a second chance to thm .thanks again.

    • Tim Denning

      May 5, 2015 at 11:19 pm

      Not a problem at all Sunanda.

  8. jack

    Apr 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    latter

  9. Sakib

    Apr 18, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Hey Tim .. I am really motivated after reading this .. thing is I am in a the middle of medical school course and I am not even interested in this field. All I did was fool thing I know. But now I am 23 do you think that I should change my career ? Im so afraid because people of my age started earning money and I am here like stuck in situation its like life is stopped at a point.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:13 am

      Sakib, glad you got some motivation from this article, but its purpose would be completely useless if you didn’t go and take some action. If you’re studying something you are not interested in and can’t see yourself doing it for the rest of your life then maybe it’s time to look for another opportunity. 23 years old is still very young and most people change their career lots of times in their life, so don’t feel like its too late because it’s not. Earning money is good but it’s nothing to be proud of. What you should be proud of is finding your passion and making a living from that. It’s going to take some time to find that one thing but unless you admit where you’re at and start looking, things will never change and you won’t get the happiness that I believe you deserve.

  10. Marko

    Apr 17, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    What is success?

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:08 am

      Marko, success is the outcome you get, from changing things in your life, so you will grow and do what you are passionate about. Only you can define what success is in your life and it’s not necessarily monetary related.

  11. Janet

    Apr 16, 2015 at 2:21 am

    I so appreciate this post. It takes work to achieve success and sometimes lots of old things do have to be done away with.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 19, 2015 at 9:06 am

      Thanks Janet. You hit the nail on the head, you have to do away with old habits and replace them with new empowring ones.

  12. Katrina

    Apr 13, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    Love it, thanks for sharing!!! A great read for someone who wakes up at 4.30am most mornings in frustration of their current situation. This really helps.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 15, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Your certainly better than me Katrina I wake up at 5am so you’re getting 30 mins of extra reading time than me. Don;t be frustrated with your current situation. This situation is temporary and you will soon be out of Winter back into Summer.

  13. Erick Ramirez

    Apr 13, 2015 at 2:07 am

    Thank you for this, it was a very inspiring morning read. I read a lot of articles but yours was very sincere and really spoke to me. I’m planning on a career and life change at the end of this year, moving from Japan to Hawaii. So I’m looking to start enriching my life. Do you have a blog? I would love to read more of your articles.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 13, 2015 at 11:33 am

      Thanks for commenting Erick. Best of luck with the change in country. I write exclusively for Addicted2Success but you can view all my articles I post on the site via facebook.com/timdenning

      • Erick Ramirez

        Apr 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm

        Good stuff on your Facebook page, liked it. Thanks for the reply. Good luck with reaching the masses.

  14. Cristi Vlad

    Apr 10, 2015 at 11:26 am

    You really hit the nail on the head with #12. thanks! 🙂

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:24 am

      Thanks Cristi. I think giving is a common law of success and that’s why it is mentioned so much in the world of personal development.

  15. Raymond Foo

    Apr 9, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Hey, I’m 20 now. I live in Malaysia. I’m deciding whether to further study or go to work. Some major that cross my mind is Civil Engineering(don’t know if I will like it, but I’m considering it because I could work in an office while still going outside),Marketing(fear that I would get a lowpay). If work, I will work as a Salesperson to get many money and start a business. My goal is to get my dream car. And Travel. What is your advice? Your article ia great and that’s all the thing I’m working towards.

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      Hi Raymond, thanks for your comment. Do what makes you really happy. If you’re not sure which option will make you happy then try a secondment or a 4 week trial. Consider taking someone out for coffee who already has the job that you want. If none of these options work then there is a chance you might be destined for the entrepreneur world. Don’t fear about low pay. You can make lots of money doing pretty much anything as long as you’re passionate about it. I have seen people clean toilets and drains and make plenty from doing this. Getting your dream car will only be short lived joy and then you will get complacent again. I have been through this already and no dream car will ever satisfy. What you are really chasing in the feeling that you get my driving your dream car. Try and get that feeling through doing something that may not involve money. Hope those tips give you some clarity. Feel free to connect via http://www.facebook.com/tim.denning to keep in touch

  16. Michele

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Tim, this is really useful. I am on a journey to redesign my life as well. I have done many of these things and am working on a few others- like not worrying about the outcome. It is a process!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 12, 2015 at 1:30 am

      That’s really good to hear Michele and I hope you get where you want to go.

  17. Susan

    Apr 8, 2015 at 3:08 am

    This is amazing!! Thank you!!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Not a problem Susan!

  18. Bala

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Great Tips. My Favorite ‘ Dont worry about the outcome of Everything’ . I am working on it. Patience and persistence is key. Today we are used to seeing ‘instant’ results when we have just started putting in the effort.

    Thanks Tim

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      Agree Bala and thanks for sharing your opinion.

  19. James Dunn

    Apr 7, 2015 at 9:43 am

    Great article!! I can see myself in so many of the steps you’ve mentioned, and I can see that the others are the ones I need to take.

    I attended UPW in San Jose, CA last year and it was a life changing event for me as well. Tony Robbins is such an amazing guy.

    Thanks for the great tips!

    • Tim Denning

      Apr 8, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I can totally relate James. I went to UPW a few years back in Sydney and it was phenomenal. I think the walking on fire part was the most fun, although day 4 on health was a bit of a shake up.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Success Advice

I’ll Tell You How To Be Confident Without The Self-Help BS: You Just Do It.

Published

on

One of the most popular topics on blogs right now is content about how to have more confidence. It’s driving me bonkers! I’m unsure what the fascination is with the subject.

Having gone through the whole confidence battle myself and come out the other side on top, I think I can share a few things that will help everybody.

 

Act as if.

Rather than be caught up in the foreplay of overthinking, considering and asking too many questions, just do.

“Quite simply, what has worked for me is to just get on with the task and tell myself I’m becoming an expert while being in motion”

Getting going is the part we’re all missing when it comes to confidence. You can’t be confident unless you get some experience at whatever you want to be confident at. This advice sounds simplistic because it is.

I’ve become more confident over the last five years by running up miles in the beaten-up VW Beetle that was my mind and body. Through gaining experience, I turned that VW Beetle into a Lamborghini by trying things and executing.

There’s no pretending when it comes to confidence. You only start to believe you are confident when you begin taking action. I could probably wrap it up right there and you’d be done when it comes to confidence. No more self-help secrets and private masterminds are required.

Act as if you are already confident and your mind will believe you. Your mind only believes what you tell it. Tell your mind you are confident and you will gain more confidence in the execution. That extraordinary mind will then do as you tell it.

 

Sit up and stand up straight soldier!

I always believed this one was total hocus pocus or maybe even a Jedi Mind Trick. It’s not. Confidence is also in the way you move. People feel confidence in you through your presence. If you need to perform at 110% in say a speech as an example, you have to stand up straight and physically be confident.

Now this is harder than it looks so here’s what I did: I stood on the stage with my back straight. I then rolled my shoulders back and poked my chest out slightly. Each movement on stage was acted out as if I was Arnold Schwarzenegger posing for the Mr Olympia Final (that’s hard as I look nothing like him but stay with me peeps).

Simply having a confident physical presence allowed the audience to be confident with the words and advice I was delivering. Even if each point I presented was not completely thought through, the effect was still the same. I came across as confident.

So, next time you want to be confident, try this out for yourself. Pick your own hero who’s oozing confidence, to be the person you imagine when you go into your confident pose. No matter how ridiculous this seems, it works. Don’t question, just do.

 

Self-talk is key: three words to confidence.

Okay, let’s not overdo this confidence lesson. The self-talk in my head when I need to be confident is very dumb and easy to copy. The three words I use are:

“You got this!”

Say those three words whenever you need to be confident. Say them over and over until they drown out your negative inner voice that wants to doubt your ability.

“Doubt is the disease that sabotages your confidence”

I had no idea about blogging as an example. I just believed I’d find a way and I did. My doubting brain told me that I was hopeless at English and couldn’t master grammar to save my life. That aside, I just used these three words to silence the inner critic.

Your inner critic is only right if you let it be. Back yourself. Talk to yourself like a winner (not a loser) and you’ll have more confidence. No need to buy that book on confidence anymore. No need to read another self-help, pump up blog post that gets you all warm and sweaty.

 

Disconnect from the outcome.

Confidence is about putting the outcome aside. Everything you do is a lesson and will give you confidence. Being tied to the idea of what the outcome looks like allows your doubting mind and your inner critic to come back to the main stage of your attention.

Where your energy flows to, is where your focus goes. Focusing on anything other than being confident about your daily battles will give you the results you hate. Nine times out of ten you can’t control the outcome anyway.

So focusing on doing your best and being confident will take you so much further. Like I keep saying “You got this!”

Swag it out like whatever outcome you achieve is phenomenal because you are incredible for waking up each day and just giving it a crack!

 

Say yes and learn later.

Confidence comes from saying yes and deciding to figure out the strategy later. If an offer or idea resonates with you, then say yes. You’ll find yourself gaining more experience by doing so. My superman complex used to make me carefully think about each offer I was presented with to assess whether I had the skills and capability.

Now I choose offers and proposals that bring me joy instead, and I use my newfound confidence to say yes, and know that I’ll learn what I need to execute properly along the way. Failing that, there’s someone I know in my network that can fill any blanks in regardless so I’m very unlikely to fail.

BUT even if I fail it’s all good because I still learned heaps, got experience and had fun in the meantime. All of which made me more confident. Confidence is unstoppable when it starts to compound through experience and taking action.

 

Remember that all of us have no idea including me.

This was something I learned through a podcast. If you look at your heroes and get to know them as friends, you’ll quickly realize, like I did with my own heroes, that they have no idea. Your heroes just act as if and see what sticks.

When approaching any goal with this in mind, you find an inner confidence to have a go and see what happens.

“When you realize we’re all flawed, it sets you free to try stuff and execute on a few wild goals that you may not succeed at”

I have no clue about most things and that’s where the beauty lies. Stop idolizing and be confident in your ability to get sh*t done.

 

We’re all extraordinary when we believe we are.

Belief in yourself is key to having confidence. The truth is that all of us can be extraordinary no matter where we come from, our nationality, the struggles we’ve gone through, what books we’ve read or who our current friends are.

The opportunity to be extraordinary exists for all of us. Let this very idea give you the confidence you need to change the world because you can.

You don’t need more self-help articles on confidence: You need to understand you’re already extraordinary.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Continue Reading

Success Advice

2 Ways To End Suffering Forever.

Published

on

This year I have learned so much. I’ve learned that we all suffer no matter what. No one can avoid it. That’s not what I want to share with you though. What I want to tell you is that you have the power to end suffering.

I have proven it in my own life. We don’t need to suffer. We can end it all and the silly thing is it’s so simple. I do not want you to avoid this advice any longer. I want you to use it even if you think it’s a load of mumbo-jumbo.

Here are the two ways I’ve found to end suffering forever:

 

1. Find a way to give to other people.

You only suffer when life is all about you and your success. Once you move from being all about you, into a state of mind that is focused on giving, your problems become insignificant.

I had a couple of situations this year that have nearly knocked me flat on my ass. One was my romantic life falling to pieces and the other was my career collapsing. When both these events occurred, I used giving to other people as the way out of the maze that my mind created.

The moment suffering begun, I went straight to finding ways to serve other people. I helped friends with their businesses, I spoke at events to inspire people, I did some volunteering and I doubled down on my blogging so I could inspire as many people as possible.

Shifting the focus away from what was wrong and using my focus to give to others ended the suffering.

“There wasn’t time to suffer because the purpose of my life during those months was far bigger than me and my stupid life challenges. Giving to others gave me a way to find happiness when I probably would have hidden away and suffered in silence”

Seeing the solutions to other people’s problems and sharing them, gave me a way to put my career and relationships into perspective.

Giving is the example you need when times get tough and things get complicated. You suffer the most when you get stuck in your head and repeat the pattern of telling yourself how wrong your circumstances are.

Suffering can make you depressed, feel lonely, become selfish, go into a downward spiral and take away everything that’s good in your life.

Finding ways to give on the other hand, can cure all of those problems. I know it sounds so cliché what I’m saying but it surprises me how many people never use this strategy. Like I always say: the answers we seek are right in front of our nose.

Next time you feel yourself suffering, get out of your head and try this strategy.

 

 

2. Practice gratitude.

Okay, I thought this strategy was so dumb when I discovered it. It’s so obvious and it sounds way too easy. I mean how can writing down a few things you’re grateful for really end your suffering?

I mean you could lie to yourself and pretend that you’re grateful for something when you’re not. Well, that’s exactly what I did at the beginning. When I was suffering this year, I started writing down three things each day that I was grateful for.

In the first week, I lied about things I was grateful for and found the exercise completely ridiculous. This advice is so common that I decided to persist with this ridiculous self-help hack anyway.

What I found as I kept doing it was that your brain makes a shift subconsciously. Instead of being pissed off and suffering, your brain has to work extra hard to find three things every day to be grateful for.

To make this habit work even better I forced my brain to describe in detail each thing I was grateful for and ideally why. Some days sucked so bad that I thought I would never find three things. Once the challenge became a must, I spent my days working my butt off trying to find things I was grateful for.

While doing various activities during the day, I’d find moments when I was grateful for something and stop. I’d stop and see how I felt at that moment and I would have a mini celebration because I knew I had something for my gratitude list.

Then I tried to aim for five things each day instead of three. This shifted my focus even more. I should have been suffering but because I was forcing myself to see good things that were happening to me, I was distracted.

As I said earlier, this new habit seemed so dumb at the beginning. Once you really do it for a while, you see how it has the power to end suffering. You can’t be pissed off and be grateful at the same time. So, choose gratitude and then your suffering will be sidelined, and in my case, forgotten about.

 

***Life doesn’t need to be full of low points***

The suffering that we all experience is a choice. It probably doesn’t seem like that but these two hacks will demonstrate this to you. Your decision-making power is incredible and all you need to do is select one of these hacks to end suffering.

Don’t let the quality of your life be jeopardized by your default human mode to suffer. You’ll find these two hacks will not only end your suffering; these two hacks will give you purpose.

Here’s what I learned: most people are pissed off and suffer because they have no purpose. Once you find a purpose for your life, you’ll become addicted.

Now that’s a huge win don’t you think? You can end suffering and find purpose, all by using these two hacks. That’s the best gift I can give you.

Don’t just read this advice. Try these two hacks yourself.

It’s time to end suffering forever.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Continue Reading

Success Advice

7 Steps to Conquering the Fears That Are Holding You Back From Success

Published

on

how to conquer your fears

I remember the day in vivid detail. I was on a weekend trip visiting my girlfriend at the time in Arizona. She had decided that we should join her friends to go “cliff jumping.”  We were early on in our dating and she obviously had no idea that I was not fond of heights. So “cliffs” and jumping off of them… No thanks!

I inevitably found myself on the edge of a 40-foot cliff peering down at a vast blue canvas of water. Then I realized if I didn’t jump, I’d have to start the walk of shame back down the cliff. This was a lose-lose situation for me.

Fear had me. I didn’t want to jump, but I also didn’t want to look bad in front of my girlfriend’s friends. So I jumped and in that moment, I had defied my brain and my neurochemistry.

Our brains are wired to protect us, not to push us towards our goals. Our brains are wired to look for anything that could be potentially dangerous or threatening and keep us as far away from it as possible by using fear. The problem is not all situations warrant fear.

There is a saying in neuroscience that says, “the brain wires the way it fires”, meaning the more you do a certain activity, the more the brain lays down wiring to make that action or activity easier.

‘Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.’ – Karl Augustus Menninger

When we let fear keep us stagnant and we continue to do the same things that are comfortable, our brain gets “hardwired” to stay comfortable. We become “stagnant.” This can become debilitating for some of us and prevent us from encountering the very experiences we need to grow and succeed.

When we, in spite of our fear, do the challenging things that are outside our comfort zone, we begin to hardwire into our brain change, adaptability, creativity, growth, perspective, and happiness because we stretch the boundaries of our brain’s capabilities and force it to adapt rather than “playing it safe.”

An elite athlete didn’t make it where they are today by going into their training and never pushing past their comfort zone. They constantly pushed their limits of comfort to force their bodies and minds to grow to that of a top performer. The same principle applies to our brains. If we let fear dictate our actions in any area of our lives, it will stunt your growth in that area.

So what’s the first step? How do we go about conquering our fears whether it’s public speaking, starting a business, or launching the product or service? See below:

1. Journal Your Fears

Write down all the fears you have, big or small. Contrary to opinion “size does not matter.” Your brain still operates the same with all types of fear. The key is to first acknowledge what you are fearful about and bring it to light. Be as specific as possible.

2. Prioritize Your Fears

I then rank my fears from highest to lowest in terms of how often I think about this fear and/or how much it disrupts my life. You may find some fears combine into a broader category and that’s ok — we’ll get to that. So for now identify your biggest fear.

3. Support Your Belief in Yourself

I don’t mean just “believe in yourself.” What I mean is to build in support systems that will support your belief in yourself, so that when you start taking action, your support systems will solidify those new experiences and form deeper, more meaningful, and lasting beliefs in yourself.

It may look like building a list of affirmations that you say every morning or a meditation. Whatever it is, it needs to be uplifting and empowering you towards conquering your goals.

4. Take Action & Start Small

Look at your list and identify what your biggest fear is. That’s the beast we’re going to tackle long term, but for some that may seem like a big stretch at first. So instead, see what your 5th biggest fear is, and that’s where you’ll start.

What we will then do is build our way up and take a ride on the “Momentum Train.” Starting small with taking actions toward your lower priority fears and then building up helps your brain build momentum, which provides your brain with plenty of courage and motivation to tackle the #1 fear on your list.

‘Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.’ – Helen Keller

5. No Time Limit, Just Consistency

Most goals should be limited to a time domain. For the goal of tackling a fear, time can be a challenging factor to set. Some of these fears may have been unknowingly building up for decades without your knowledge. So I don’t recommend setting a time on when you are “going to conquer your fear.”

Instead set appointments to regularly meet and address your fear. If you’re fear is public speaking, then go to a local Toastmasters once a week. The more consistent you can be, the better.

6. Reframe and Reinforce

As you begin to address these fears, make sure you are reinforcing the experiences you have in a positive perspective. For instance, if you want to be less fearful of public speaking and decide to try out a local toastmasters group, your first time speaking to the group might feel like a train wreck, but when you look back on the situation you can acknowledge that that actually pushed past your fear and accomplished your goal.

7. Rinse and Repeat

This isn’t a quick fix. It may take some time. There’s always a new fear or challenge awaiting us. The key is to have systems like this in place to address those challenges properly rather than allowing ourselves to succumb to fear and derail our lives from their fullest potential.

How do you handle your fears? Comment below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Success Advice

30 Straightforward Reminders to Help You Supercharge Your Life in 2018

Published

on

how to supercharge your life

This time of year it’s easy to be overwhelmed by well-meaning advice. Everyone seems to have a solution to your procrastination or a remedy for your lack of motivation. Unfortunately, most advice is either too general or irrelevant because it doesn’t address your main concerns.

I’ve spent the last year trying to hone in on some of the best tips and tricks I’ve learned to stay ahead and maintain a positive mindset.

Here are 30 straightforward reminders and tips to help you supercharge your life in 2018:

1. Get the basics right. Take care of your body, your mind and your soul. Make a list of what you know is good for you and what you know is bad for you in each category. Consider ways to reduce the bad and increase the good.

2. Reduce distractions that sap your energy. When you’re planning big changes, it’s easy to get pulled into many different directions. You get excited about a certain idea which pulls you down the rabbit hole into numerous other directions. Focus on one thing at a time.

3. Make a new friend. Start a conversation with a stranger in the elevator. Compliment someone. Provide some positive reinforcement. Do something without expecting anything in return.

4. Smile more. Smiling takes less effort than frowning. It’s also scientifically proven to make you feel better even if you don’t necessarily feel like smiling.

5. Walk 30 minutes a day. Just 30 minutes of exercise a day can help you stimulate your immune system, increase your metabolism and improve your mood.

6. Do one push-up for every year old you are. Or do twice as many sit-ups for every year old you are. Making sure you work the muscles in different parts of your body stimulates hormone production and helps increase fat burning.

7. Find your intrinsic drivers. Intrinsic drivers are what inspire you based on internal motivation, rather than external motivation. Find something you think of as beautiful, peaceful, relaxing. Embrace it. Appreciate it. Try to understand why you like it

8. Speak to an old friend. Reach out in an email, a text, a phone call. Check in and just let them know you’re thinking about them.

“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” – Woodrow T. Wilson

9. Invest in your health. Join a gym. Buy some type of sports equipment or clothing that is comfortable and that you enjoy being in. Consider joining a pick up sports team.

10. Study something that interests you. Buy a book about someone you admire. Pick a time period that you’re fascinated with. Make a point of becoming an expert on something that matters to you.

11. Teach someone something. Take a topic, any topic, and try to break it down into its component parts so that you can teach someone how to do it. The concentration and the effort it takes to teach someone something is often exactly the kind of effort that is required to truly understand it for yourself.

12. Delegate to someone. Find a task that needs to be done that you could do. Don’t do that task. Instead, look for someone you can ask to help you. Pay them or ask them for a favor. The key is to learn to delegate actions to others.

13. Meditate. Mindfulness and meditation are trending right now, but that’s not the reason you should consider adopting a meditation practice. The real reason is that meditation will help you focus on your key goals while cutting out the noise in the world around you.  

14. Learn to manage your personal finances. One of the biggest causes of stress that we as humans experience is the pressure to make money and control our finances. There are tons of free resources available online to help you learn about finances and help get your money in order.

15. Read more. No, I’m not talking about reading your Facebook News Feed. Read more books. Try to read a book a month, either fiction or nonfiction. At the beginning of the month choose a book and break down the number of pages. See how many you have to read a day to finish… then get started.

16. Cook at home at least 5 days a week. Cooking at home is cheap, easy and fun. You can hone skills in creativity and planning all at once, and it’s a great way to save money.

“My New Year’s resolution is to stick to a good workout plan that will keep me healthy and happy.” – James Lafferty

17. Sell someone. No, not into human bondage. Sell someone on an idea or a product. Learn to market yourself and your skills. Everyone sells as they move through life, but most of us are average salespeople.

18. Hone your principles. What principles define your life? What are your strongly held beliefs? Be honest with yourself and what principles you feel you must uphold.

19. Embrace the power of positive thought. Listen to positive audio tapes, surround yourself with positive people. Look at the positive side of life. Easier said than done, but truth be told one of the best ways to improve your mood is to look for sources of positive mood and inspiration.

20. Practice willpower. Habits are formed over time. Willpower is one of the most important habits you will ever build, so it is integral you continue to practice it through all aspects of your life. Look to the stoic philosophers for a primer on how to tackle this.

21. Write better hooks. A hook is the bit of a song that catches a listener’s attention and repeats your core message in an intriguing way. Similarly, in writing a hook is the quirky or fascinating intro that makes readers want to continue to read. Think about your own hooks and how you can get people interested in what you have to say.

22. Don’t sweat the small stuff. We often become obsessed with daily minutiae and avoid thinking about the big picture. Don’t let yourself worry too much about the small day-to-day struggles. Instead, put your head down and get to work.

23. Don’t overthink the big stuff. Too often we avoid taking leaps of faith because we’re worried about making a mistake on something big. We don’t buy the new house. We avoid marrying the person we love. We put off going to the doctor for that regular scan. Try not to overthink the big decisions (or seemingly small decisions) that may have larger ramifications. If it’s not overly dangerous or illegal, take the plunge and go for it.

24. Learn a new word a day. Increasing your vocabulary helps you see the world in different ways and makes you rethink your core beliefs.

“You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.” – Richard Branson

25. Become a moderate. Extremists are divisive and often at odds with a large portion of the population. Look for ways to bring people together through collaboration and consensus rather than through division.

26. Think big(ger). Many self-help books talk about setting big goals or envisioning massive success in your lifetime. If you want to become a true leader and attain greater fulfillment. Look for ways to think beyond creating success in your lifetime. Think about the legacy you’ll leave for future generations.

27. Learn universal processes. Assess how you work best and find ways to carry standardized processes over into other aspects of your life.

28. Develop support structures. What do you do if things aren’t going according to plan? Do you reach out to friends for support, meditate on the problem alone, or use some mixture of different coping mechanisms? Be aware of what works for you, and what doesn’t.

29. Don’t compare yourself to others. We fall into this trap far too often. We use others as a benchmark for our own progress, but we must remember that it is unhealthy to put too much weight on comparisons, as everyone has their own background and their own perspective.

30. Know when to let go. At the end of the day, you must try your best and let the cards fall as they may. All you can do is put your heart and soul into your effort and learn from the results.

Which one of these things are you going to implement into your life immediately? Comment below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Trending