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Want to Stop Being Angry? Stop Doing These 5 Things

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I spent a lot of my life being angry, particularly being pissed off thinking about how my wrongdoers and bullies got away with it.

It was tough. Dealing with anger can be a harrowing experience for sure.

But I made a commitment to change of late.

I did a lot of research and even interviewed experts and influencers across the personal development industry.

You’ll be surprised how we’re constantly misleading ourselves back to anger without knowing it.

To deal with anger, we need to make a shift in perspective. It may sound unconventional at first, but it works.

 

1. Stop thinking the world should work the way you think it should

We get angry when we feel people should be nice or act a certain, logical manner.

We also get angry when we think we should have gotten over it by now.

But that’s the problem.

We need to get rid of our SHOULD rules.

Our mind says one thing, but reality always says otherwise.

Things will go wrong. Life will continue to be unfair and disobey you. As daunting as that sounds, you need to eliminate your SHOULD rules so you can loosen the grip you have on life.

 

2. Stop thinking that anger is a bad thing

Surprise! Anger isn’t a bad thing.

Anger is a good source of energy as a force for positive change. Rosa Parks, Ghandi and Martin Luthor King used it.

But yes, anger cannot sustain you. That is why you need to live life and harness other emotions.

This is a foundation you need to set for yourself to alleviate the undesirable feelings anger brings.

To know that anger isn’t a bad thing is to know that there’s nothing wrong with you, that you’re not a monster, that you’ve a disease or that you’re “messed up.”

So take solace in this. Anger is good. Let that be with your fuel to push you in a positive direction.

 

3. Stop managing your anger

Look, anger management doesn’t work. Surprised? Google it yourself then.

Anger management only serves to repress the feeling and bottle up your anger. That is effectively sweeping your problems under the rug.

No, you’ve to find the root cause of your anger. Anger is after all, a secondary emotion, not primary.

For me personally, I realized one root cause of my anger was fear, that I’d actually lose in a fight one day if it came to it, thus making me think that I’m not a real man.

I had to get honest with myself. I had to deal with it by asking the right questions and then applying realistic ways to stay calm and positive.

So what is it for you? Guilt? Fear? Sadness? Rejection?

Start being honest with yourself. Start asking the right and bigger questions. It will be scary, but you’ve to go through with it.

 

buddha holding onto anger
 

4. Stop reacting

Check out this powerful quote by Thich Nhat Hanh:

” If you get angry easily, it may be because the seed of anger in you has been watered frequently over many years, and unfortunately you’ve allowed it or even encouraged it to be watered.”

Yes, you may be angry today because you’ve watered the seed too much.

Anger, when used too much, can be a habit, and even an addiction.

That is why you need to stop reacting angrily to some negative thought or person.

No, I don’t even think injecting a positive thought in your head will help. That is a form of reaction that’s still acknowledging the anger and giving it power.

Stop reacting. Let it pass instead. Don’t give it any kind of power.

Why do you think people like to say that ignorance is bliss?

 

5. Stop taking the easy way out

You know what’s easy?

Getting angry and breaking things around the house, screaming at somebody, punching the wall or generally doing anything stupid.

You know what’s not easy?

Staying calm at the heat of the moment, walking away from a fight and ultimately becoming the master of your own emotions.

I get it man. Anger is tough. It’s frustrating, stressful and downright crappy.

But that’s the entire point.

If you want to see real results, you need to take on the challenge and embrace the struggle head on. You can’t cower down and take the easy route.

So go for it. Even if it doesn’t feel great, know that it’s perfectly normal. Work hard, feel the heat and don’t give up.

You can be the master of your emotions one day.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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