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8 Time Wasters That Hold Us Back (And What To Do Instead)

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If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that we hold ourselves back. We can blame our past, our parents, we can even blame our pets for the faults in our lives. But our greatest enemies? Are ourselves. We are our greatest saboteurs.

I’ve been there a few times myself and it has not been an easy road to get to a place of true understanding. But I’ve done it and as I discover new things about me I’d like to share with you my journey.
There some time wasters in our lives that suck our energy and hold us back from not only being productive but from achieving real success in our lives on a whole.

8 Time Wasters That Could Potentially Destroy You

 

1. Holding on to the past

Regrets never take you anywhere but into a dark deep hole of what ifs. You can’t change what has happened but you can ensure that it never occurs again. The energy and emotion spent on regret can be used in other creative ways. And it’ll help you to learn and grow from the experience.

What to do instead:

Letting go of the situation may be easier said than done but it’s not impossible. For example, if you need to forgive someone (even yourself) do it then move on. In her TED Talk Don’t Regret Regret Kathryn Schulz notes:

“regret doesn’t remind us that we did badly, it reminds us that we know we can do better.”

Go forth and do better.

 

2. Waiting for “something big” to happen

It’s good that you believe in manifesting your reality but if you don’t put in the work, you won’t achieve that grand dream. Things won’t just happen to you. You have to go out and make it happen. Do whatever it takes to make it come to pass.

If big journeys begin with small steps then you need to just put one foot in front the other and start walking.

What to do instead:

Set at least 5 goals that are needed to get that big thing to happen to you then start small, adjust, and tweak as you go along.

You wish to become a writer? Spend 30 minutes each day doing some writing and you’ll be amazed with the results at the end of six months. Or follow your favorite author(s) on Social Media, comment on their posts and share what they share. You’ll begin to make connections with them that way. And while you’re at it live in the moment, savor the “In-Between moments” that occur before the big journey arrives.

 

3. Seeking revenge on others

On your backstabbing coworker, ex-girlfriend, you name it you want to do it.

I know we’ve all had fantasies of getting back at the idiot who almost ran you over on the freeway or at the boss who called you out in front of your coworkers; but it’s a waste of time as well as energy and happiness.

Share below the last time you exacted revenge on a wrong and you felt good about it.

What to do instead:

Judith Orloff talks about understanding the importance of dealing with your emotions. I’ll just say learn to accept that at some point you will get betrayed and that someone will steal your thunder. No you won’t be walking around being an eternal pessimist, but rather you’ll know that it’s not about you if it ever happens.

 

4. Having the attention span of a gnat

This has nothing to do with ADD or ADHD. It’s just that you need to focus on what is happening at the point in time.

When there are multiple things happening in your life and mind at once, chaos ensues. Your brain can only focus on one thing at a time doing more presents chaos that cannot be controlled.

What to do instead:

Be mindful of what you’re doing every time. If you’re conversing with your spouse stay focused on them.

Train your mind to focus on one thing at a time. Turn off your phone and other distractions when you are completing a task. After you’ve done that you may then commence another task.

 

Short Life Quote
 

5. Bad talking others

Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of doing this myself but doing it hurts both the gossiper as well as the gossiped. That childhood taunt – “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can do me no harm” is a barefaced lie.

Words hurt and once they’ve been spoken they can’t be taken back. And you? You’ll lose credibility and no one will trust you with their secrets either.

What to do instead:

Surround yourself with people who are positive and upbeat. Download a few books on your tablet, read them and start a book club. Learn to play the guitar (or some other instrument) during your lunch hour.

Start a blog but whatever you do: RUN from your former gossiping allies.

 

6. Envying what others have

Do you know how they came by it?

Were you there when they stayed up late, got up early in order to see their project though?

Then why do you feel it’s okay to sit in a corner and let the green eyed monster take you to places you shouldn’t go?

What to do instead:

Be grateful for what you do have and strive to share it with others regardless of how small it may be.

When you think of it nobody really has it all but rather than wanting the shiny object in the other person’s hand go get your own.

 

7. Negative beliefs

Negativity can be crippling and keep you from launching. Negative beliefs come in thoughts such as I am not good enough; I have nothing to offer; they are so much better than I am.

Why would he want to go out with me? Stop. Just stop.

Until you recognize how negativity is like a crutch, a familiar idol which you keep close to hobble along life then you’ll forever find yourself in a concentric circle dumping your emotions into the smaller circle with little room for escape or maneuvering.

What to do instead:

Within that concentric circle I mentioned above, it’s unavoidable that you’ll touch the life of others around you; we are too intertwined as humans: socially, genetically, romantically for it not to happen.

In order to stem your negative beliefs you can learn to touch others with love, with a bit of grace and definitely patience. Your life is your message don’t let it be defined by things that won’t help others on their own journeys.

 

8. Procrastination

If you find yourself wanting to clean your car (your most hated activity) when you should be completing that all important thing on your to do list then you have avoidance issues.

Reading about overcoming procrastination won’t help either until you plant yourself firmly to get it done.

What to do instead:

Think about the base feelings that cause you to shy away from doing something. For me it was fear. But I learned to live life with pure Chaucerian genius: nothing ventured, nothing gained!

You may need to schedule your tasks in 30-45 minute blocks, set a timer (use your smartphone or download an app from your PC) whatever will work for you. Tackle the task in small increments then avoid anything else that will distract you from getting it done.

 

Conclusion

My life is a testament of all of those things I’ve had to endure during the course of my life. Was it easy? Of course. And hell yes at time times I still have to work on myself to go where I want to go. But I never give up and neither should you.

Practice the suggested tips for the next few weeks and share with us below how you tackle the time wasters in your life.

To your success in life.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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