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8 Time Wasters That Hold Us Back (And What To Do Instead)

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If we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that we hold ourselves back. We can blame our past, our parents, we can even blame our pets for the faults in our lives. But our greatest enemies? Are ourselves. We are our greatest saboteurs.

I’ve been there a few times myself and it has not been an easy road to get to a place of true understanding. But I’ve done it and as I discover new things about me I’d like to share with you my journey.
There some time wasters in our lives that suck our energy and hold us back from not only being productive but from achieving real success in our lives on a whole.

8 Time Wasters That Could Potentially Destroy You

 

1. Holding on to the past

Regrets never take you anywhere but into a dark deep hole of what ifs. You can’t change what has happened but you can ensure that it never occurs again. The energy and emotion spent on regret can be used in other creative ways. And it’ll help you to learn and grow from the experience.

What to do instead:

Letting go of the situation may be easier said than done but it’s not impossible. For example, if you need to forgive someone (even yourself) do it then move on. In her TED Talk Don’t Regret Regret Kathryn Schulz notes:

“regret doesn’t remind us that we did badly, it reminds us that we know we can do better.”

Go forth and do better.

 

2. Waiting for “something big” to happen

It’s good that you believe in manifesting your reality but if you don’t put in the work, you won’t achieve that grand dream. Things won’t just happen to you. You have to go out and make it happen. Do whatever it takes to make it come to pass.

If big journeys begin with small steps then you need to just put one foot in front the other and start walking.

What to do instead:

Set at least 5 goals that are needed to get that big thing to happen to you then start small, adjust, and tweak as you go along.

You wish to become a writer? Spend 30 minutes each day doing some writing and you’ll be amazed with the results at the end of six months. Or follow your favorite author(s) on Social Media, comment on their posts and share what they share. You’ll begin to make connections with them that way. And while you’re at it live in the moment, savor the “In-Between moments” that occur before the big journey arrives.

 

3. Seeking revenge on others

On your backstabbing coworker, ex-girlfriend, you name it you want to do it.

I know we’ve all had fantasies of getting back at the idiot who almost ran you over on the freeway or at the boss who called you out in front of your coworkers; but it’s a waste of time as well as energy and happiness.

Share below the last time you exacted revenge on a wrong and you felt good about it.

What to do instead:

Judith Orloff talks about understanding the importance of dealing with your emotions. I’ll just say learn to accept that at some point you will get betrayed and that someone will steal your thunder. No you won’t be walking around being an eternal pessimist, but rather you’ll know that it’s not about you if it ever happens.

 

4. Having the attention span of a gnat

This has nothing to do with ADD or ADHD. It’s just that you need to focus on what is happening at the point in time.

When there are multiple things happening in your life and mind at once, chaos ensues. Your brain can only focus on one thing at a time doing more presents chaos that cannot be controlled.

What to do instead:

Be mindful of what you’re doing every time. If you’re conversing with your spouse stay focused on them.

Train your mind to focus on one thing at a time. Turn off your phone and other distractions when you are completing a task. After you’ve done that you may then commence another task.

 

Short Life Quote
 

5. Bad talking others

Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of doing this myself but doing it hurts both the gossiper as well as the gossiped. That childhood taunt – “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can do me no harm” is a barefaced lie.

Words hurt and once they’ve been spoken they can’t be taken back. And you? You’ll lose credibility and no one will trust you with their secrets either.

What to do instead:

Surround yourself with people who are positive and upbeat. Download a few books on your tablet, read them and start a book club. Learn to play the guitar (or some other instrument) during your lunch hour.

Start a blog but whatever you do: RUN from your former gossiping allies.

 

6. Envying what others have

Do you know how they came by it?

Were you there when they stayed up late, got up early in order to see their project though?

Then why do you feel it’s okay to sit in a corner and let the green eyed monster take you to places you shouldn’t go?

What to do instead:

Be grateful for what you do have and strive to share it with others regardless of how small it may be.

When you think of it nobody really has it all but rather than wanting the shiny object in the other person’s hand go get your own.

 

7. Negative beliefs

Negativity can be crippling and keep you from launching. Negative beliefs come in thoughts such as I am not good enough; I have nothing to offer; they are so much better than I am.

Why would he want to go out with me? Stop. Just stop.

Until you recognize how negativity is like a crutch, a familiar idol which you keep close to hobble along life then you’ll forever find yourself in a concentric circle dumping your emotions into the smaller circle with little room for escape or maneuvering.

What to do instead:

Within that concentric circle I mentioned above, it’s unavoidable that you’ll touch the life of others around you; we are too intertwined as humans: socially, genetically, romantically for it not to happen.

In order to stem your negative beliefs you can learn to touch others with love, with a bit of grace and definitely patience. Your life is your message don’t let it be defined by things that won’t help others on their own journeys.

 

8. Procrastination

If you find yourself wanting to clean your car (your most hated activity) when you should be completing that all important thing on your to do list then you have avoidance issues.

Reading about overcoming procrastination won’t help either until you plant yourself firmly to get it done.

What to do instead:

Think about the base feelings that cause you to shy away from doing something. For me it was fear. But I learned to live life with pure Chaucerian genius: nothing ventured, nothing gained!

You may need to schedule your tasks in 30-45 minute blocks, set a timer (use your smartphone or download an app from your PC) whatever will work for you. Tackle the task in small increments then avoid anything else that will distract you from getting it done.

 

Conclusion

My life is a testament of all of those things I’ve had to endure during the course of my life. Was it easy? Of course. And hell yes at time times I still have to work on myself to go where I want to go. But I never give up and neither should you.

Practice the suggested tips for the next few weeks and share with us below how you tackle the time wasters in your life.

To your success in life.

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16 Comments

16 Comments

  1. amit

    Sep 9, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    I like your articles, basically the way u present it Its very interesting and useful!

  2. whatsapphindifunnyjokes

    Aug 21, 2016 at 8:18 am

    I like ur articles! The way u present them is very interesting and useful.

  3. Kishan

    Dec 18, 2015 at 11:06 am

    Thanks for Sharing. Really Awesome Content.

  4. Kishan Patel

    Nov 14, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    Thanks for sharing this awesome post. I love the 2nd and 8th point you mention.

  5. Anshu

    May 7, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Thanks very much for sharing this awesome article. I really appreciate your thinking as Its motivates me. God Bless you Dear

  6. Raghav

    Apr 28, 2015 at 9:40 am

    First great thanks to Tasia Gonsalves-Barriero. You have explain very deep truth of life. I really appreciate this. Lovely reading this post. Have a great Day.

  7. Kendy

    Mar 31, 2015 at 7:46 am

    great article. i never knew why am still held back

  8. Tracie

    Mar 13, 2015 at 1:53 am

    Thank you

  9. Jill adler

    Feb 22, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    I’m the master procrastor! Like the idea of a 30minute timer. Thanks!

    • Tasia

      Feb 25, 2015 at 7:18 am

      Hi Jill,

      Thanks for stopping by. Try the 30 minute timer for a few days and let us know how it works for you.

  10. EfficientSoftware

    Feb 13, 2015 at 9:41 am

    Love your posts. Totally agree.
    Usually email checking costs me a lot of time, in order to keep productivity i always put it off instead of checking it in the mornings

  11. Tasia

    Feb 12, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Hi Minesh and Jose:

    Thanks for the responses.

    Jose, I agree that a lot of people waste too much time with waiting. The sad thing is the cemeteries are filled with lots of ideas, dreams and aspirations that will never see the light of day.

    All the best to you and drop by and tell us how it goes with you.

  12. José Lugo

    Feb 11, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    Great article! For me your second point (Waiting for something big to happen) is the biggest time waster of them all. I believe that there are many people with great ideas, dreams and aspirations but they don’t do nothing because there waiting for a big sign or a lucky day. They don’t realize that it may never come. I like your recommendation to what to do instead. It will help a lot of people, I know it has help me.

  13. Minesh

    Feb 11, 2015 at 7:34 am

    Thank u very much

  14. Tasks

    Feb 9, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks for stopping by Aly and for commenting. I’m glad you’ve recovered from the negativity.

  15. Aly Shah

    Feb 8, 2015 at 8:47 am

    holding on to your past your very first point is the most unique feature of this post, as i have seen the other 7 point being talked upon. But still your first point is also the most important point as i have not had problems in the other areas as much as this some past mistakes really pushed my mind into negativity. But thankfully i have had recovered from them quite some time a go with a lot of contemplation. kudos on recognizing the importance of letting go of regret.

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Life

8 Things You Can Do to Rise Above Failure and Attain Success

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Highly successful people have tasted failure more than success. Whether its Nikola Tesla or Michael Jordan, everyone had his/her fair share of failures before rising to the pinnacle of success. Yet, most people I know are averse to the idea of failure.

When ambition fuels your desires, you become so conscious about avoiding failure that you forget to learn how to cope with it when you actually experience it. So, when you come face-to-face with adversity, it often overwhelms you.

This brings us to the question, how can you train yourself to overcome these difficulties and use them to your advantage? Here’s how:

1. Acceptance is important to overcome failure

When the going gets tough, one of the most frustrating things you may get to hear is “stay positive.” The idea of positive thinking has been misconstrued, misused, and abused continuously. Contrary to popular belief, positive thinking has nothing to do with smiling and being happy with everything that happens to you all the time. Anyone who preaches that is either lying or crazy.

Use positive thinking to learn, grow, and evolve from the experiences we gather in life. Positive thinking simply means that if you are faced with a setback, you work hard to overcome the challenges. When you experience hardships, it is alright to feel upset and disappointed. Our objective, however, is not to stay down.

2. Be honest with yourself

The most crucial part of dealing with a failure involves pausing for a couple of minutes and pondering over what happened. You need to be completely honest with yourself on why it happened.

It is easy to pull out the Smartphone, turn on the laptop or find other forms of distraction. Most people would do anything to distract themselves and keep their eyes shut to the mistakes they have made.

However, if you don’t confront, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, then you are setting yourself up for failure again. Albert Einstein famously stated that it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. If you don’t derive a lesson out of mistakes and failures in life, then you are doomed to keep repeating them, whether you realise it or not.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

3. Don’t beat yourself up over a temporary setback

When you have experienced a setback, many of you may succumb to the feeling that you’ll always keep failing. It is easy to convince yourself that you are indeed a failure. Don’t let such destructive ideas or thoughts creep into your head. Instead, keep reminding yourself that just because you failed today, it doesn’t mean you’d fail the next time as well.

It is also important that you treat your failure as a passing phase. When you keep moving forward, focus on the right things, and keep learning. Perceiving the setback as a temporary phase rather than something permanent is vital to developing an optimistic attitude in life.

4. Focus on nurturing and improving yourself

Failures don’t discriminate, and it comes to everyone at some point. The trick lies in learning to deal with it and what you do about it that makes all the difference. In many cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t prepared, didn’t invest time on planning or was ill-equipped. It can also be because Lady Luck decided not to shower her favours.

Except for the last one, the rest of the issues can be fixed. Prepare a list of all the things that you think resulted in your failure. Start working on them one at a time. Do everything in your capacity to rectify, improve, resolve, and develop.

5. Find inspiration and support in abundance

Interacting with someone close can be more helpful than you think. You can also learn from people who have been through similar situations and have achieved what you hope to. Gain insights on how they managed to sail through the setbacks or low-points before and during the moment of success.

Or you can gain the motivation or enthusiasm by listening to someone else from an audiobook or podcast for maybe 30-60 minutes. It doesn’t have to be focused on your current setbacks.  Change your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.

6. Adopt a constructive approach and learn from the adverse situation

Consider it as valuable feedback and take home something you can implement in the process of overcoming your failure. The following are some of the questions you need to ask yourself:

  • What is the lesson for me?
  • How can I rectify myself to avoid making the same mistake and do better next time?
  • What can I do to enjoy guaranteed success?

You don’t need to rush through the process. Some of the answers may be immediate, while others might take an hour, a day or even a week to pop up. The significant thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective. Also, you need to be constructive about things rather than getting stuck with denial, negativity and apathy.

7. Stop mulling over and move on

Processing the situation and accepting it is the ideal way to deal with failures. Any individual who has experienced failures will know that it is quite easy to stay stuck in the loop of similar thoughts. In fact, this may go around and around for weeks or even months.

Now, in order to be free from this trap, the one habit that might help you is the set of questions like the ones shared above. You can also create a rough plan for how you wish to move forward from here. So, take some time to sit down and write them down.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

8. Purge out all the negativity

Another impactful way to handle the emotional meltdown and the thoughts that emerge from experiencing failure is to purge out all the negativity. In order to let everything out, you need to confide in someone close to you. There are two ways to go about it: Engaging in a conversation with someone will allow you to see it from a different perspective. The person you talk to can assist you in grounding yourself in reality again and motivate you to look for a way forward.

Or you can simply vent about it while the other person who is listening can sort things out for you. He/she can help you accept what happened and boost your spirit by instilling a sense of hope.

The significant thing to remember is that while you can’t stop obstacles from appearing in life, you can devise smart ways to handle them. If you persevere, you can easily discover opportunities that have been waiting for you on the other side. Now, as you become more efficient at dealing with the failures, you will allow yourself to see the positive side in even the toughest of scenarios.

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Life

How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life

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Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:

1.    “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2.    “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)

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Life

The Truth About the Law of Attraction

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When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!

For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.

The law of attraction is a funny thing.

It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.

However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.

Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.

What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”

This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.

You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.

It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.

Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.

The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!

How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.

That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.

The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.

See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne

The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1

1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”

Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.

2. Be flexible

Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.

3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.

The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.

Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.

It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.

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Life

7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions

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A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.

Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.

But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.

The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.

1. Take a step back

You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of ​​the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.

“Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision.” – Tony Robbins

2. Breathe

The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.

3. Pay attention

Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.

The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.

Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.

4. Discern untruths

It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.

5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them

To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.

6. Be as present as possible

There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” – John C. Maxwell

7. Make your emotions your allies

Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.

Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself.  This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.

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