Connect with us

Life

The One Question You Must Answer for a Life Full of Happiness and Fulfillment

Published

on

fulfillment
Image Credit: Twenty20.com

When you see very passionate people in business, education, or religious life you may wonder where that level of passion comes from. They can rant across the stage and we all, in rapt attention, follow their every movement and take notes on every word they say. These people exude passion and the radiate enthusiasm.

But passion is not manifested, it is derived. Individuals who’ve reached the top of their field do so because of two reasons: They have found the underlying, nonnegotiable objective of their life and they have pursued that objective with unbridled abandon. The pursuit of that nonnegotiable objective is what we as outsiders see as passion.

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

In my consultancy over the years I have dealt with many effective but emotionally unhappy and unsatisfied individuals. The reason for their effectiveness is they were earning a great deal of money, loved their lifestyle, and felt a purposeful necessity to support themselves and their family. The reason for their unhappiness is that they were in a position that was not congruent with their nonnegotiable objective in life.

In other words, they wanted to be doing something else. However, they felt trapped. That trapped feeling showed itself in resentment toward work, peers, spouse children, etc. It also showed up in ill health, substance abuse, self-medicating, etc.

I know an individual who acquiesced his desire to become a classical guitarist so that he could pursue a career in engineering. I know another individual whose passion was teaching children but, at the insistence of his father became an accountant instead. Both of these individuals were effective in their jobs, content with their lot in life, but were fundamentally unhappy because they were not pursuing their ultimate dream and desire.

Over six decades ago Earl Nightingale suggested that he can help any person get what they want out of life, the problem is most people don’t know what they want. In over half a century, the same holds true. We simply do not know what we want. The reason? It is less painful not to think about it!

So, I have a question for you. This question may require some days of contemplation, or the answer may jump at you all at once. In either case, happiness, fulfillment and well-being is contingent upon the proper answer to this question:

What is the one true purpose of your life that will bring total happiness and fulfillment if you are able to pursue that purpose every day?

Simple, huh? I am not suggesting that this is an easy question to answer, I am saying that it is vital to answer if you want happiness and fulfillment. When you do what you love, everything else kind of falls into place.

Here a few steps you can take to answer that question:

Step 1: To start, take off the judge’s robe! Don’t be critical of yourself and don’t rationalize why you can’t do what it is that you want to do. If you find yourself saying, “That’s silly,” or, “I can’t do that,” or “I’m too young (old, rich, poor, smart, dumb”, whatever), stop it before you start this exercise.

Step 2: Ask yourself as honestly as you can, what is it that gets your heart racing. Now be honest, is it mountain climbing? Drag racing? Dressing in drag? Standup comedy? Running a multinational company? It doesn’t much matter the WHAT, because it is your WHAT!

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

Step 3: Can your heart pumping desire be monetized? In other words, can you make money on it? If the answer is no, then it is a great hobby, if the answer is yes, now you have a decision to make.

Step 4: Do I want to invest the time, effort and money in making this dream grow skin? Is it worth the risk? If the answer is no, then stop whining about it because you basically told yourself that this is something cool to think about but not go head over heels with. If the answer is yes, then figure out how to minimize the risk while getting others sold on your new mindset.

Step 5: Prepare yourself, don’t go into this foolishly. Have enough money saved and have the emotional buy in from others involved.

There you have it. Answer that question and move toward the fulfilment of your dreams. Is it really that simple? Yes. Is it really that easy? That is up to you.

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Biagio Sciacca, known to his friends as Bill, was a lifelong resident of Pittston, PA. He is the owner of Intelligent Motivation, Inc. a global consulting and training firm specializing in management and leadership training as well as psychological assessment for hiring and staff development. He is the author of several books relating to goal setting, and his third book, Provocative Leadership, is publishing soon. Now residing in Tamarindo, Costa Rica, he divides his time between his international coaching and training clients, writing his next book and wandering aimlessly on the beach. Feel free to contact Bill at bill@intelligentmotivationinc.com or schedule a call with him by going to www.intelligentmotivationinc.com and clicking on the “set up a call” tab.

Advertisement
1 Comment

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Published

on

Image Credit: Canva

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

on

Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
Continue Reading

Trending