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3 Non-Negotiables When Allowing Others Into Your Inner Circle



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If there were one big piece of advice that could change your life dramatically it would be to keep your inner circle top notch. We have all heard the saying, “Whom you hang around is who you become,” along with, “You are the average of the five people you hang around the most.” Then the question remains; “How do we pick our inner circle?” What is the process for choosing the people you want to spend the most time with?

Here are three key principles to consider when allowing others into your inner circle:

1. Loyalty

I would have to say that loyalty is a huge key factor for your inner circle. Loyalty and trust is paramount to your life overall as a matter of fact. The thing about loyalty is that it can’t be taught or bought, it is something that comes from within yourself and others.

A couple questions I ponder are “Is this a person I know I can count on? Is this a person who can be trusted to keep conversations between us? Is this a person I can count on to come to the inner circle if they have problems or do they go outside of that sacred understanding and trust?”

While there are a plenty of questions you can reflect on when determining someone’s loyalty to the inner circle, sometimes you just have to give him or her the benefit of the doubt and not judge anyone too hastily.

Life is too short to judge others when we are not perfect either. Eventually the lack of loyalty and trust ALWAYS gets exposed.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

2. Communication

Communication is crucial to the success of your inner circle. Without good, effective, and transparent communication, your inner circle will be torn apart and there will be a lack of growth. Your inner circle must be comfortable enough and trust each other enough to be open with one another. As a business coach within my mentor’s mastermind group, I have learned the importance of effective and open communication.

How can you really expect your team to grow or yourself to grow if there isn’t transparency? How can you expect you and your inner circle to grow if nobody is helping each other out? Isn’t that the goal of the inner circle; to grow and take over the world together? So if you have a strong desire to keep your inner circle on point, encourage and implement transparent and open communication.

3. Vision

I will always remember what my mentor once told me, “Without vision, the people will perish.” While this quote may come from a religious origin, we can all agree that it is true, right? Without vision, how do you expect your inner circle to grow? How do you expect to grow? To give a very blunt truth, if there is lack of vision, there is no direction or actions to even grow.

Then you must ask yourself, “Do I really want to be around others who do not have a vision for their life?” A great way to help your team grow their vision and ambition is through personal development. It could be reading books, contribution to others, and listening to audios. When you and your team work on their personal growth, you are guaranteed to see production and increase results.

“It is better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington

All in all ladies and gentleman, bottom line is growth. I have to admit that I have had a couple experiences where the people within my inner circle were not up to par and didn’t align with the rest of the team’s values. However, once I met my mentor, I learned from him how to build inner circles and how to vet out those that don’t align with your values.

So I encourage you all to always remember your inner circle is paramount when it comes to the growth of your business and life overall. While there may be many quality characteristics to have in your inner circle, I encourage you to always remember that your team is not a inner circle without loyalty, effective and transparent communication, and a vision for growth.

What are some qualities you look for in a friend? Let us know in the comments below!

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Jeff Rollon is a real estate professional, author, speaker, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. While he loves building businesses and working with his mastermind group, his true passion is maximizing life experiences, human potential, and bringing value to relationships and lives. To connect with Jeff, head over to his Facebook page.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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