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3 Non-Negotiables When Allowing Others Into Your Inner Circle

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inner circle
Image Credit: Twenty20.com

If there were one big piece of advice that could change your life dramatically it would be to keep your inner circle top notch. We have all heard the saying, “Whom you hang around is who you become,” along with, “You are the average of the five people you hang around the most.” Then the question remains; “How do we pick our inner circle?” What is the process for choosing the people you want to spend the most time with?

Here are three key principles to consider when allowing others into your inner circle:

1. Loyalty

I would have to say that loyalty is a huge key factor for your inner circle. Loyalty and trust is paramount to your life overall as a matter of fact. The thing about loyalty is that it can’t be taught or bought, it is something that comes from within yourself and others.

A couple questions I ponder are “Is this a person I know I can count on? Is this a person who can be trusted to keep conversations between us? Is this a person I can count on to come to the inner circle if they have problems or do they go outside of that sacred understanding and trust?”

While there are a plenty of questions you can reflect on when determining someone’s loyalty to the inner circle, sometimes you just have to give him or her the benefit of the doubt and not judge anyone too hastily.

Life is too short to judge others when we are not perfect either. Eventually the lack of loyalty and trust ALWAYS gets exposed.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

2. Communication

Communication is crucial to the success of your inner circle. Without good, effective, and transparent communication, your inner circle will be torn apart and there will be a lack of growth. Your inner circle must be comfortable enough and trust each other enough to be open with one another. As a business coach within my mentor’s mastermind group, I have learned the importance of effective and open communication.

How can you really expect your team to grow or yourself to grow if there isn’t transparency? How can you expect you and your inner circle to grow if nobody is helping each other out? Isn’t that the goal of the inner circle; to grow and take over the world together? So if you have a strong desire to keep your inner circle on point, encourage and implement transparent and open communication.

3. Vision

I will always remember what my mentor once told me, “Without vision, the people will perish.” While this quote may come from a religious origin, we can all agree that it is true, right? Without vision, how do you expect your inner circle to grow? How do you expect to grow? To give a very blunt truth, if there is lack of vision, there is no direction or actions to even grow.

Then you must ask yourself, “Do I really want to be around others who do not have a vision for their life?” A great way to help your team grow their vision and ambition is through personal development. It could be reading books, contribution to others, and listening to audios. When you and your team work on their personal growth, you are guaranteed to see production and increase results.

“It is better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington

All in all ladies and gentleman, bottom line is growth. I have to admit that I have had a couple experiences where the people within my inner circle were not up to par and didn’t align with the rest of the team’s values. However, once I met my mentor, I learned from him how to build inner circles and how to vet out those that don’t align with your values.

So I encourage you all to always remember your inner circle is paramount when it comes to the growth of your business and life overall. While there may be many quality characteristics to have in your inner circle, I encourage you to always remember that your team is not a inner circle without loyalty, effective and transparent communication, and a vision for growth.

What are some qualities you look for in a friend? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Jeff Rollon is a real estate professional, author, speaker, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. While he loves building businesses and working with his mastermind group, his true passion is maximizing life experiences, human potential, and bringing value to relationships and lives. To connect with Jeff, head over to his Facebook page.

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The 3 Types of Confidence You Need to Know and Understand

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3 Simple Hacks That Can Recharge Your Willpower and Help You Perform Better at Work

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How many times did you wake up feeling like you could conquer the world? You set ambitious goals for the day, you put on your best attire and walked out the door with a big smile on your face but eventually, life took over. Traffic, emails, work, family, and everything else you have around slowly but steadily started to drain your energy and made you feel exhausted.

You run out of battery, and the only solution that seemed viable was to rely on more caffeine. When that stopped working, all the temptations around you started to look much more appealing, and that sense of drive and commitment you had before slowly faded away. This is you running out of willpower.

Willpower: what is it? Why is it limited?

The American Psychology Association describes willpower as “the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.” In the book “The Willpower Instinct”, Dr. Kelly McGonigal, explains how every person’s willpower is limited, and slowly depletes throughout the day. The more “willpower challenges” you face, the quicker your reserve drains. Dr. McGonigal divided the different types of willpower challenges you might encounter in three categories:

  • I will: We face this type of challenge whenever we should do something, but we simply don’t feel like getting it done right now.
  • I won’t: We face this challenge when we try to resist temptation, or we try to keep cool in stressful situations.
  • I want: This is a particular type of challenge where we keep track of our long term goals, dreams, and desires. In this instance, we feel like we should take action right now to come one step closer to the goal. 

It’s easy to recognize it when you face a willpower challenge because you literally “feel it in your body.” Imagine being really hungry and walking in front of a bakery. The sight and the smell of pastries quickly triggers an “I won’t” type of challenge, and it takes a severe amount of effort and energy to walk away.

Every time you manage to win one of those challenges, a little bit of your willpower reserve gets used. The more challenges you face daily, the harder it will be to stay true to your goals.

Can you train or recharge your willpower?

A growing body of research suggests that willpower should be considered a muscle. To strengthen it, you should exercise it regularly, but you should not overwork it. Therefore, we shouldn’t try to “be good” at all times. Instead, we should learn how to relax and recharge our willpower.

The general advice on how to improve willpower involves sleep, proper nutrition, and regular exercise. This broad and general recommendation is often not downright applicable by most, because it consists of changing various daily habits. Luckily, three very effective hacks have been discovered, that have an immediate effect on our willpower and take just a few minutes to apply.

Here are the 3 ways to refill your willpower reserves:

1. Focused breathing

Breathing, when done correctly, can stimulate the release of calming hormones while reducing the release of stress hormones like cortisol and catecholamines. To make this effective, you should deeply and slowly inhale through the nose for at least five seconds. Fill your belly with air first, then your chest, and when there’s no more space for air, still try to do tiny inhalations through the nose.

You should feel a pulling sensation around your neck and trapezius muscles. Once your lungs are full, try to hold the breath for five seconds, then slowly exhale through the mouth for at least five seconds. If you repeat this process ten to twenty times, you should feel dramatically more relaxed. Use this method several times a day, especially when you’re experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety.

2. Reward yourself when you accomplish a micro goal

According to a recent study, frequent instant rewards can boost motivation, and therefore, willpower. Creating your own reward system can help you to accomplish your to-do list, and also resist temptations. Since every individual has different tastes, you should come up with creative ideas about the small and frequent rewards you will give yourself upon winning any willpower challenge.

You can see this hack in practice in Apps like the popular Duolinguo, where after completing each lesson you get presented with a chance to open a treasure chest. This rewarding system seems to keep the users much more likely to keep learning new lessons.

3. Taking cold showers

Your body has an autonomic response to cold water. Getting into a cold shower is a difficult (but minor) willpower challenge on its own. As I previously mentioned, winning a willpower challenge strengthens your willpower muscle. Having a morning cold shower, on top of having multiple health benefits, will set you up for a positive winning streak of further challenges.

High performance is the sum of many small habits. Successful people don’t have an unlimited reserve of willpower, but they do have a set of daily rituals that made them succeed. These three hacks are some of the most effective techniques to develop willpower, but some of them may not fit every individual. You should try to find the perfect mix of daily practices that best fits your lifestyle and likes, so that you can strengthen your willpower muscle and perform better at work.

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