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The Easiest Life Hack That Will Improve All Your Relationships Instantly

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Have you ever thought about your love language? And have you ever noticed how much your love language is reflected in your business, and in the way you communicate with the world around you? Do you know the love language of your partner? And do they speak yours? 

Let’s take a step back, review the five love languages, and what they actually mean:

  • Words of Affirmation: You feel loved when someone tells you how beautiful you look today. And you think you express love to someone doing the same thing in return, in complimenting them or saying anything nice to them.
  • Acts of Service: You feel loved when someone does something for you, e.g. your wife cooks a meal for you. In return, you feel you are giving love if you do any sort of act of service to someone. For example, you bring out the rubbish or pick up your lover from work. 
  • Receiving Gifts: You feel loved when someone gifts you a present and vice versa. Gifts make you feel really appreciated, and the size of the gift usually doesn’t matter.
  • Quality Time: You feel loved and you think you are giving love in spending quality time with people. This could be a simple visit to the cinema, to the restaurant or simply a stroll along the beach while having a quality conversation. It doesn’t have to be a luxury holiday, even though that would be awesome.
  • Physical Touch: You feel loved when someone touches you in any way and you most likely love to hug people and keep touching them randomly while you are interacting with each other. Physical touch being your love language doesn’t mean you want to have sex with a lot of people, it simply means your body responds to that sensation of being touched and wanting to touch. 

“If you believe business is built on relationships, make building them your business.” – Scott Stratten

Every person has at least one love language, most of us have two, some others have three. Figuring out your own love language should be pretty easy, right? Think about it for a minute, when do you feel most loved and appreciated and when not at all?

And what about the love language of your friend, partner or employee? How can you find out those and how will this improve your relationship with any of those people? The answer is easy.

Here’s how to figure out the love language of another.

Pick one person out of your circle right now and think about which of the above-listed activities they do the most. Investigate their personality for a few minutes. You’re likely to see a pattern of behavior which they keep doing over and over again. If they are complimenting you or other people around themselves all the time then their love language is words of affirmation. They are expressing out to the world what they understand as love and are on a subconscious level looking to get this in return. 

If your girlfriend keeps buying gifts for you or she will never miss out on buying flowers or a small souvenir for her mother when you visit her family house, it’s clear what her love language is.

Now comes the exciting part. Once you have figured out the love language of the people around you, you can start speaking it. Even if gifts don’t mean anything to you, but you have now understood that this is your wife’s number one love language, bring home more gifts and you will see your relationship change drastically.

If your employee’s love language is quality time, take them out for lunch and have some really high-quality conversations with them. If your mother’s love language is acts of service, do the shopping more often for her and so on.

Now since you understand the entire concept of love languages and how to handle them, you also don’t need to feel offended anymore when someone around you doesn’t speak the same love language as you do. This will change your entire perspective on people’s behavior and how you see your relationships. 

“If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.” – Gary Chapman

I will leave you with a challenging question: Do you think your business expresses your love language in any way? Yes? No? 

If it doesn’t, maybe it would be a good idea to stop and reflect back on how happy you are in your business. Maybe you are in the right place already, but hey, if it doesn’t feel aligned, there is nothing wrong with re-inventing yourself and your business path. 

What’s your love language? Share it with us below!

Tina Dahmen helps coaches and purpose-driven entrepreneurs to gain more influence in their space. She helps influencers to scale their online presence through creating digital products so they can serve more people, make more money and have more free time in their lives.She is also the founder of The Biz Heroes. The Biz Heroes is a quirky community for entrepreneurs who are ready to develop themselves and their business in a fun way. Members of this community are always up for taking on a new challenge in order to level up their life & business.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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