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The Art of Enlightened Listening: How Mastering the Other Side of the Story Sharing Coin Can Make You a Better Person



how to listen better
Image Credit: Unsplash

I’m a storyteller. I’m on this earth to heal the world with stories, whether through the ones I write and tell or the ones I help other people write and tell. We are story-making and story-telling machines. In fact, science has shown that we’re wired for stories, and we need stories to survive. It’s how we create meaning in the world.

Honestly, though, I prefer “story sharing” over “storytelling.” Storytelling implies a one-way transmission with a passive receiver on the other end. Story sharing requires connection. It says: I want to tell you about my experience. I want to be understood and seen. To share a story—a piece of ourselves and our lives—requires vulnerability. (I envision the sharer standing before the listener, arms outreached, offering a gift.)

As listeners, we can unwittingly trample on that vulnerability and send messages that are detrimental to the sharer’s spirit and to any possible meaningful connection with that person. The greatest gift we can give ourselves and others is to get quiet, listen, and create a space for something new.

This notion of quiet listening is not novel, yet it is difficult to master, as the lack of story listening skills shows up in many ways, such as interrupting, interjecting, and parallel conversing.

1. Interrupting

As kids, we were taught to view interrupting as socially rude, so most of us understand why cutting someone off in conversation is not appropriate. Interrupting oftentimes arises from a sense of entitlement. For example, studies have shown that women are interrupted more than men (and usually by men). 

Granted, there are times when interrupting can be beneficial, however, in the realm of story sharing, doing so truncates the beneficial energetic flow that occurs between two people when they’re involved in a story sharing endeavor. 

How it’s received: Our perception is better, and the story sharer is unimportant.

2. Interjecting

Interjecting comes in the form of advice giving or providing a positive spin, and many people believe they’re doing a good deed by offering solutions or helping the other person “look on the bright side.”

How it’s received: We want to be in a power position or we’re imposing toxic positivity, and either way, the person feels cut off, silenced, and diminished.

3. Parallel Conversing

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an offender of this one. In the moment, I’m listening, enjoying the other person’s story. Then, it reminds me of a story from my life, which compels me to share it right on the heels of theirs. What feels like an attempt to show likeness diminishes the sharer’s experience and makes it about me. I cringe when I catch myself doing this.

How it’s received: We’re one-upping, and it overshadows and negates the sharer.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” – Dalai Lama

What to do instead

The first step to improving our story listening behaviors is to acknowledge our communication habits. Step back, and take an observer’s view of your behavior during conversations. If you notice yourself interrupting, interjecting, or parallel conversing, ask yourself the following questions.

Interrupters: Am I concerned that I might forget my thought or idea, that the conversation will move forward and I’ll miss my opportunity? Am I attempting to prove them wrong? Do I feel a sense of entitlement? Am I attempting to let the sharer know we’re of the same mind, that they’re not alone?

Whether you’re in a meeting or having a conversation with a friend or family member, you can always circle back later in an email, a phone call, or a follow-up conversation.

Interjectors: Why do I feel the need to offer unsolicited advice? Do I assume that everyone experiences life as I do? Do I believe every person’s solution to every problem should resemble mine? Do I feel a sense of superiority over this person? Do I want this person to stop “venting” or “complaining?”

If the person asks for your advice, still resist. Providing advice, opinion, or insight changes the dynamic between us from an equal exchange to a hierarchical exchange wherein one person assumes a higher position. There is nothing wrong with this, but to work and feel best, it needs to be consensual. Instead, ask questions. A simple “I’m sorry that happened. What are you going to do?” can go a long way.

Parallel conversers: How do I want to connect with this person? Why am I not able to allow silence? Why am I not able to give them the spotlight? How will sharing my story enhance our interaction? Is there another way or time I can share my experience?

When someone shares a story with you, whether it’s a problem, a funny scenario, or an exciting experience, stop for a moment, and say, “That was a great story. Thanks for sharing it.” Or, “That sounds… (incredible, scary, exciting). What was that like for you?” Or, “I’m glad you made it through that,” “I’m happy you were able to…” After you’ve acknowledged their experience, you can say, “I had something similar happen to me once. Do you mind if I tell you that story?”

Understand that we’ve all had vastly different experiences—even when growing up in the same family, under the same roof—because we process life differently, depending on our internal chemistry, our wiring, and our age and developmental evolution at the time life-shaping events occurred. 

Turn the mirror onto yourself. Being a good story listener is oftentimes more challenging than being a good story sharer because to be a good story listener, we need to have a certain level of self-awareness and self-love.

When we possess these qualities, we can be at peace with being who and what we are in any given moment. In turn, we’re able to accept others in the same way without feeling the need to impose ourselves, assume a superior status, or control their experience. We can get quiet and listen.

To heal the world with stories, our careful and thoughtful handling of other people’s experiences is crucial. Stories are powerful tools to elicit human connection. 

The way we respond to the stories of others can profoundly impact the way they feel and move in the world, and it can do the same for us. When we make room for other people’s experiences, we create space for acceptance, love, and compassion. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, CEO, solopreneur, friend, sibling, or mentor, learning to simply be a witness to others’ story will help us evolve as individuals and as a species. 

As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart…” When we do this, we can transform the world.

Have you ever told a story and dealt with an interjector, interrupter, or parallel converser? If so, please share your experiences below!

Johnnie Mazzocco is a writer, book coach, and speaker, and the creator of the Writing Through the Body™ method. She also teaches college students about pop culture and academic argumentation at Portland State University and technical writing and communication at Washington State University. Her work has appeared in So to Speakroofbeam, and Narrative Northeast, among others. Her feature length screenplay, Found Objects, was a semi-finalist at the 2011 Moondance Film Festival, and her short stories, “What I Want” and “Music Theory” were finalists at the festival in 2010. When she’s not snowshoeing the beautiful Oregon backcountry, hiking to a waterfall, or dancing, you’ll find Johnnie at home with a book or her most recent Netflix binge, getting comfy with Iris, her feline familiar.

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Success Advice

How to Choose the Best Affiliate Programs for Your Blog

If you follow these steps, you can create an affiliate marketing plan that makes money, fits well with your content, and connects with your readers



how to choose the best affiliate programs for your blog

Picking the right affiliate programs for your blog is really important. It can make a big difference in how much money you can make and how much your readers get out of your blog. With so many choices out there, deciding which ones to go with can be tricky. 

This guide is here to make it easier for you. It will give you clear steps and helpful tips to choose affiliate programs that fit well with what your blog is about, what your readers like, and what you stand for. 

For more articles on this theme, please head over to this blog

Understanding Affiliate Marketing

Before you start picking affiliate programs, it’s important to really understand what affiliate marketing is and how it works. 

Basically, affiliate marketing is when you promote a product or service on your blog, and then you get paid a little bit every time someone buys something or does something because you recommended it. 

It’s great for both the person selling the product and the blogger, because the seller gets more sales with low risk, and the blogger can make money from their blog.

How to Choose the Right Affiliate Programs for Your Blog

1. Assess Your Niche and Audience

The key to doing well in affiliate marketing starts with really knowing what your blog is about and who reads it. Consider the following:

  • Your blog’s content: What topics do you cover? Ensure the products or services you promote are relevant.
  • Your audience’s interests and needs: What solutions are they seeking? Choose affiliate programs that offer products or services that solve their problems or enhance their lives.

2. Research Potential Affiliate Programs

Once you know what your blog is about and what your readers want, start looking for affiliate programs. Choose ones that are well-known for good products, great customer service, and helpful support for affiliates. Resources to find these programs include:

  • Affiliate networks like ShareASale, Commission Junction, and ClickBank.
  • Direct searches for “[Your Niche] affiliate programs” in search engines.
  • Recommendations from other bloggers in your niche.

3. Evaluate the Commission Structure

The commission structure is a critical factor to consider. Look for programs that offer competitive rates that make your efforts worthwhile. Consider:

  • The percentage of commission per sale.
  • Whether the program offers a flat rate per action (e.g., per sign-up).
  • The cookie duration, which affects how long after a click you can earn commissions on sales.

4. Consider the Program’s Reputation and Sureness

Join affiliate programs with a solid reputation for quality and sureness. This not only ensures that you’re promoting good products but also that you’ll be paid on time. You can:

  • Read reviews from other affiliates.
  • Check the program’s history and background.
  • Look for any complaints or issues reported online.

5. Analyze the Support and Resources Offered

A good affiliate program gives you things like ads to use, training on their products, and helpful managers. Having access to these resources can really help you do a better job at promoting their products.

6. Understand the Terms and Conditions

Before signing up, thoroughly review the program’s terms and conditions. Pay close attention to:

  • Payment thresholds and methods.
  • Any restrictions on how you can promote their products.
  • The program’s policy on affiliate marketing on social media platforms.

7. Test the Product or Service

If possible, test the product or service before promoting it. This firsthand experience allows you to offer genuine charge and build trust with your audience.

8. Look for Recurring Commission Opportunities

Some affiliate programs pay you again and again for subscriptions or services that charge fees regularly. These can provide a more stable income compared to one-time sales commissions.

Implementing Your Choice

After choosing the best affiliate programs, the next step is to smoothly include your affiliate marketing in your content plan. This includes:

  • Creating valuable content that naturally incorporates affiliate links.
  • Disclosing your affiliate affairs transparently to maintain trust with your audience.
  • Tracking your results to understand what works best for your audience and adjusting your strategy accordingly.

Picking the best affiliate programs for your blog involves careful planning, research, and making sure they match what your audience likes and needs. 

If you follow these steps, you can create an affiliate marketing plan that makes money, fits well with your content, and connects with your readers. 

The real key to doing well with affiliate marketing isn’t just about the products you talk about, but also how much your audience trusts and values your advice. 

With enough time, patience, and hard work, your blog can grow into a successful space that earns a good amount of affiliate money and helps your readers choose the right products.

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Crafting a landing page that converts is both an art and a science



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If you are in the online marketing world, you know the importance of a high-quality landing page. It’s like a secret sauce that can turn a casual user into a solid lead. I will walk you through ten great tips that have worked wonders for me and could do the same for you in creating landing pages that generate leads. (more…)

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A complete process of creative problem-solving encompasses finding problems, developing creative solutions, and implementing your solutions



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