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The Beginner’s Guide to Mastering Self-Discipline

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If you’d like to learn how to master self-discipline so you can have the patience for long-term success, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.


There is a lot of motivational content going around on the internet intended to enable people to get off their butts and do some work. We have YouTube videos, blogs, podcasts, and more! Ironically, the jolt of energy given by all of this content lasts for a day or so until the person finds themselves looking for another dose of inspiration.

The concept of motivation has always been presented as the recipe for success. The passion that makes you wake up in the morning and check off your to-do list. But let’s be real, we as humans are inconsistent beings. You cannot expect emotional beings like us to feel the same level of enthusiasm every single day. That being said, if you wait around for motivation to come to your rescue, you will be waiting for a long time. 

The single most important ingredient for success is self discipline. Now we all know what it is. Self-discipline is a regulatory action imposed on the self, by the self, and for the self. Here we are accountable to ourselves for our actions. Mastering self-discipline or self-control can be new for many people, which makes the art a little out of reach. 

We have been conditioned to be answerable to an external authority since our childhood, either to a teacher, parent, or behaving under certain external norms. However, when no one is watching us, we would like to get comfortable on our couch and live to our heart’s pleasures. 

One of the major challenges I faced after the completion of grad school was having the liberty to live life on my terms. I was free to do whatever I wanted with my life. I could take a break and sit at home, get a job, travel, have a change of career, or opt for any other way of living. There were no due dates, deadlines, or submissions. This freedom was both enthralling and frightening. I would be the sole claimer of what I make of myself.  

Now you see, it is easier to control other people but self-discipline is a whole other story. You either become too lenient with yourself or extremely self-critical. Either you fall in the traps of procrastination or perfection. Self-discipline is neither of those things. Self-discipline is an amalgamation of the firmness of an authority with the support and love for self.

“I could only achieve success in my life through self-discipline, and I applied it until my wish and my will became one.” – Nikola Tesla

Here is the beginner’s guide to mastering self-discipline and walking the path of success:

1. Follow the 4S Rule (Start Small, Start Slow)

I have seen so many people plunge their willpower to death by setting their initial goals over-ambitiously. Just like learning any other skill, the art of self-discipline requires slow, deliberate, and repeated actions. Setting unrealistic goals at the initial stage is a recipe for failure. And remember, smaller successes at the starting point is of utmost importance to set up the tone of self-discipline.

2. Create both long-term and short term goals

This leads us to the know-how of realistic goal setting. Keeping a long-term goal and subsequently dividing up smaller goals leading up to it does the trick. Just make sure your daily goals are realistic, easily measurable, and take you in the direction of achieving the final goal.

3. What distracts you?

I know what you must be thinking, but yes, your Netflix subscription or that Xbox probably needs to go for a while or it might need to understand your avoidance towards it. 

Understanding your triggers and cutting down the time you spend on it, if not removing it completely, is crucial. These triggers can be anything, such as video games, media entertainment, social media, music, networking, or even as innocent as books.

4. Take out time to celebrate your success

It can be extremely easy to neglect or underestimate smaller victories simply because the bigger goal is yet to be reached. However, enjoying and celebrating the smaller accomplishments will not only strengthen your willpower but will work as an affirmation to your success. These achievements are there to remind you of your competence and fuel you to keep moving forward.

5. 5-minute rule to beat procrastination

There is a technique in cognitive behavioral therapy, wherein you perform a chore for 5-minutes and then if you do not feel like continuing it, you can put a stop to it. Now, it is usually observed that once you start working on a task, more often than not, you will continue doing it even after 5 minutes. The lesson here is to remember that the key to completing a task is simply starting it.

6. The obstacle is the path

This is one of my daily affirmations whenever I confront difficulties in my work. It is only acceptable that you start questioning everything when faced with a hurdle. A gentle shift in perception will make you see the obstacle is not something to fear, but it is a growth opportunity in disguise to increase your XPs.

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost 

7. Be your own cheerleader

There is a learning curve to every skill and the graph of success is certainly a messy one with too many ups and downs. You don’t want to be an over-critical boss to yourself. Instead, become your greatest supporter. After all, self-discipline is self-service.

8. Imperfection is the key

What I want you to do is complete the task. Trapping yourself in the loop of perfectionism will lead to stagnation. Additionally, allow yourself to have break days where you rest and do activities apart from your work.

Self-discipline, once learned, ironically, is the greatest form of freedom you will experience. There is no better time than right now. Have faith in yourself, and just START. 

What’s one new thing you’ve started this year? Share it with us below!

Divyanshi Garg is pursuing her Ph.D. in Psychology on Mindfulness. She is also a published researcher, high school psychology teacher, and a freelance writer. Her articles majorly reflect her inclination towards spirituality and self-improvement combined with her observation of human behavior. She writes mostly about her experiences and lessons learned in the area of relationships, self-improvement, happiness, and psychology. She is looking to start her podcast soon. You can read more of her work on http://www.divyanshigarg.com/ and https://medium.com/@DivyanshiGarg

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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