Life

The Art of an Unapologetic Authentic Conversation

Published

2 years ago

Dec 14, 2020

Image Credit: Unsplash

In a world full of filters – both literally and figuratively – the art of an authentic conversation has become endangered. Often times we find ourselves so paralyzed by opposing opinions that we feel the only respectable place to be is in neutral. It begs the question that in a world which appears to be blossoming with elevated vocality by some…are our individual voices getting lost in the mix?

From conversing with peers and team members to communication with family and loved ones, topics such as race, religion, equality and politics to name a few can easily become intense. While there is nothing wrong with opposing opinions – and arguably the confluence of them can breed great outcomes – the word “can” is important to note. How communication is delivered, how information is received and how individuals choose to respond to it all determines whether or not opposing views can co-exist.

“If you want to be a good conversationalist, be a good listener. To be interesting, be interested.” – Dale Carnegie

In a divided world that is craving unity, perhaps the right next step is learning how to have compassionate and authentic conversations. We often here sentences begin with “I’m sorry, but…” followed by someone’s opinion. Whether in a personal or professional setting this literally has us apologizing before we have even finished our sentence. At what point did it become okay to feel bad for having an opinion? While how an opinion is expressed and received can certainly go haywire, simply having one should not be something that comes with shame or keeps us from being able to express our views in a respectful way.

In order to have an unapologetic authentic conversation, consider these key steps:

Seek first to listen. Check your ego at the door and truly hear what the person is sharing – without prepping your reply.
Seek to understand. Instead of making it about being right or wrong, ask questions that can help the person sharing educate you on how they arrived at their opinion or position.
Seek to honor the person’s truth. What is unique and true for each person is unique and true to them. And that is ok – as your unique truth is yours as well.

Creating space to hear someone is an active practice and one that nurtures unity alongside true connection. It also breeds a judgement free zone where opposing views can live in harmony. While there may always be a degree of division between humans, we can all do our part to help minimize the destruction that can come from it. After all, it is often said that the power of one united voice will always be stronger than two divided voices.

Related Topics:authentic conversation conversation how to have better conversations Listen talking the art of listening

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Ken Kladouris is an esteemed wealth advisor and published author who believes you should be living your life, by design. Charting his own course in the wealth management industry, Ken has earned the respect of his peers and the trust of his clientele. Developing his signature tailor-made approach, Ken has been able to successfully assist countless clients in charting their course to financial abundance. This has allowed the men and women Ken is proud to serve the ability to infuse more life into their years here and now – not just in retirement. Ken’s book, “Get There!”, was developed as a tool that helps individuals discover the clarity they need to design their financial future. Learn more by visiting Ken’s website or connecting with him on LinkedIn.

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

2 weeks ago

Jan 25, 2023

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

1. Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.

Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.

Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.

Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.

These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.

This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.

If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.