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How to Pick Up the Pieces of 2020 and Courageously Create a Life You Love

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Everyday, as a coach, I have the honor of supporting high achieving women through their own personal reinventions. These times of transition arise from failed marriages, feeling stuck in unfulfilling jobs, being overworked, recovering from an illness, moving into a new decade in life or sometimes just wanting something new. I think we all can agree that regardless of what 2020 gifted you, a reinvention for us all is in due order.

So, how do you pick up the pieces after a year that brought both sickness and health, joy and  pain, and everything in between? This is what I am going to support you in doing today.

I know how it feels to be emotionally exhausted and visionless. In fact, at various points in my life I have felt downright overwhelmed and lost – but because of the power of self reflection, self discovery and empowered action, I have been able to pick back up the pieces and manifest a vision that embodied life fulfillment and helped me to make a mark on this world that I am both proud  of and enjoy.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw

So, for the women reading today, who feel like you are spinning and not gaining ground, I want you to know, that it is time for you to regain control and create a life that you want to live. This new year requires it. Your success requires it. You deserve it.

A woman who has a vision in place that integrates all that she is with all that she does and begins to live a life on purpose – is a woman who is free. So I have 5 steps to support you in picking up the pieces of 2020 and stepping into 2021 like a Queen.

1. Create a life plan that guides your life

Most of us are flying through life by the seat of our pants. Our work, relationships, personal and spiritual lives are almost like singular buckets – which can cause a lot of stress. We start to wander through life aimlessly hoping that at some point things will come together. When you have a life plan that is grounded in a concrete vision for your life – and you have a blueprint where you can clearly see how all of the pieces strategically come together to support your purpose – you experience a sense of ease, enlightenment and fulfillment.

2. Get present and improving your life plan daily

This does not mean that you are writing feverishly every day working on a thesis document that guides your life, but it means that you are giving yourself the space to learn more about yourself each and every day. The power of presence is priceless – so jump into that meditation series every morning, set aside time for prayer, or mash two potatoes with one fork and do yoga to make progress on your body and mind goals at one time. A present mind is a clear mind.

3. Incorporate radical self care to keep you fueled

You have to fill your cup, before you have enough reserves to fill the cups of those around you. When we are in lack, we make decisions that represent how we feel about ourselves. Self-care helps you to put your body, mind and heart back in balance and gives you time and space to be poured into.

“Create your day in advance by thinking the way you want it to go, and you will create your life intentionally.” – Rhonda Byrne

4. Establish habits that support you in becoming your best self

What rituals, routines and habits do you currently hold? Do they help move you towards creating a life that you enjoy? Do they support the goals that you have for your life? We are what we consistently do. So if you have a goal of feeling healthier in your body, step up the water habit, put in place a walking schedule, start small and align your daily habits with the direction you want to see your life moving in.

5. Make room for community

This season of isolation has elevated our common desire to share our light with others. Even the most introverted have craved being around people, laughter and good conversation. When our lives are overflowing with love and fulfillment, we cannot help but share the good news with others. So make space for people who are aligned to your vision and create a life you love in community with them. When the tide rises all boats rise. Let’s all rise up together.

Holding an Ivy League doctorate with a concentration in Entrepreneurial Leadership, Dr. Satterwhite is on a mission to help more Women CEO's experience joyful success as they make their mark. Dr. Satterwhite stumbled into social entrepreneurship as a young 25-year-old CEO and founder of a multi-million dollar school and has been coaching leaders of million and billion-dollar agencies since. She believes that women particularly experience significant challenges in the start-up world and need dedicated support. At her company today, She Heals The World, Dr. Satterwhite trains and certifies business coaches worldwide in order to help more "everyday" entrepreneurs have access to community and high-quality coaching as they build their dream.

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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