Life
The 3 Biggest Fears Stopping Progress and Change
With the current state of our society, the violence, the hate being promoted and the unrest of the world and it’s relationships with one another, one could say that we should all be worried. One could say that, but for some that wouldn’t be the case.
You see businesses are being created virtually every minute, millions are being generated almost overnight by many, and the economy, while always volatile, is being reported very positively. What I’m seeing here is that for some it’s not going to be FEAR that rules but activity; however, for most that simply isn’t the case.
Based on the current state of affairs that the majority of human beings face in the world today one could argue that many have either settled on their current situation or have given up on their hopes and dreams.
When I see so many reactions and in some cases, overreactions, I see a much deeper answer than that of the one we get thrown from the nightly news, online headlines, and/or social media posts.
Check out the three main fears that I see as ruling the human condition and the actions or, lack there of, in so many people:
1. Fear Of Rejection
This is where people would rather “Go with the flow” to feel accepted than rather be an individual and risk doing that by themselves. I call this the Friendship Chameleon syndrome. So many people would rather fold their own sense of self to that of someone else and give full authority to someone else to speak for them and carry their persona because they simply don’t want to feel like they were rejected by that individual and or group.
“To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.” – Bertrand Russell
2. Fear of Loss
There is a very popular show that aired on A&E called “Hoarders”, where it chronicled the journey of people who held on to everything because they felt it helped them identify with their own self and/or it reminded them of happier times or people that have left them or their circle.
We do the same thing today with our jobs, our incomes, our relationships, and/or our networks. Instead of getting rid of the things that are no longer of value, bringing value, or solving our problems, we would rather pile them up, justify the “trash” and deal with it. This is because what we are really fearing is losing what we’ve always known to be reality instead of taking on a new challenge meant solely for us as the individual.
3. Fear of Failure
The most common of the big three, the fear of failure has frozen even the smartest and strongest of individuals. This is the cause of so many “stand still” or neutral feelings in our lives and businesses. So many people continue to manage their lives and businesses because it’s safe rather than raise our level of activity and go for broke to scale and create more income for ourselves or businesses due to the sense of failure if we don’t reach our ultimate goals.
What everyone needs to understand is that we will get rejected, we will lose something, and we will fail. It’s going to happen and recognizing it early will help but, more importantly, let’s revert back to that old saying of “we can only control those things we can control.”
“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.” – Sun Tzu
We can control our Fear of Rejection by building deeper networks and pipelines. We can control the Fear of Loss by dumping the things we don’t need or don’t want from our lives and businesses RIGHT NOW. We can control the Fear of Failure by creating so much activity in our lives and businesses that we no longer have the time or energy to even notice or focus on those times we fail.
The key to controlling ALL of these big 3 killers of progress of change is to simply go out and create opportunities, testimonials, and resumes of PROGRESS and CHANGE.
Which one of the three is your biggest fear and why? Please leave your thoughts below!
You wake up early, grind, produce, and orient yourself to the best you can be every day. What if, just for today, you paused for a moment to honor how far you’ve come? How might it serve you and how you serve others if you just gave yourself praise for all the adversity you have met with open arms?
It can be distorting at times to take a level-headed assessment of how far we have come while on our journey to success and personal mastery. There is a renewed personal vitality and nourishment that occurs when we slow down and sit with personal praise for a moment.
With that, consider this the letter from the Robin to your Batman. This is your permission slip to realize fully that no matter where you’re at, that all your time and talents have gotten you this far, and that is something to celebrate!
When it comes to carving our higher selves out of the blood, sweat, and tears in applying courage towards our dreams, there is tremendous value in developing an intimate relationship with all the ways in which our mindset, values, behaviors, and perspective have shifted over time.
Here are the signs that you’re already the master of your own destiny:
1. You have moved past the tendency of judging others
Your baseline state is observing the nuances of a situation or interaction without projecting your thoughts, emotions, or insecurities onto others. The flexibility that is born from this skill of self-knowledge and emotional awareness is the bedrock and proof for how far you’ve come.
2. Relationships in your life are changing
You’re attracting relationships into your life that reflect your higher self and dropping those that no longer serve your best interests. If people start to fall out of your life, you no longer feel guilty or sad – you simply come to terms with this inevitable fact of personal evolution.
Everyone walks their own path here, and just because they no longer resonate with you, does not make them a bad person. It just means they too need to find others who share their vibration.
“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley
3. You have become increasingly in tune with the emotional component of social skills
You think less, and you feel more. Humans are moved by emotion, so the more you become emotionally aware you are the more you can actualize your impact.
Ultimately, you understand the interconnectedness of being open to more of what is going on around you with how others are feeling and the emotions going on in yourself, so your leadership has become more inclusive and effective.
4. You believe you can inspire the world just by being who you authentically are
Sure, you have days of confusion and setbacks, and you still feel a form of relaxation when you’re tethered to the deep knowing that the more you share from a place of authenticity you give others permission to do the same. This belief opens the door to more intuitive listening to your gut. It also means you’re less attached to outcomes, which comes with it the sort of freedom only few people ever really experience.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe
5. You are kind to yourself by honoring your integrity
This means not giving yourself a break to bail out on your word you give to yourself and others, and you do so from a place of compassion. You understand the difference between setting standards and your word to align with perfectionism compared to that which serves your dignity and the dignity of those around you.
This subtle wisdom in perspective can mean all the difference in creating your empire through burning out and maintaining peak performance over time, while truly enjoying the ride.
6. You prioritize self-care and personal recovery
Gone are the days of working hard and playing hard. Whether you experienced burnout in the past or have witnessed it in others, you are meticulous in your self-care strategies.
You’ve come to internalize the risks of working hard to build the life you want only to miss enjoying it because you succumbed to being plugged in around the clock.
You must prioritize all the following:
- Meditation
- Staying hydrated
- Getting a good night’s sleep
- Eating healthy in accordance to your body type and what it needs to stay optimized
- Intimate connection with those you care about
- Journaling to organize your thoughts
- Creating healthy boundaries and saying no when appropriate
You deserve to be acknowledged, wherever you are on your journey. Don’t let the spell of personal improvement cloud your sense of personal mastery in the now.
Your destiny is relying on you to appreciate who you are at the core and share yourself with the world authentically. On some level, you can do that fully, right now. May this be an inspiration to press pause more often and honor yourself, in the name of falling in love with the process.
How do you spend your time relaxing in order to recharge yourself? Let us know what you do in the comments below!
As a practitioner and coach of NLP, I regularly experience people reaching out to me to work through a problem. While these issues range anywhere from a relational vendetta to a self-discovery impasse, roughly 90 percent of these hang-ups are centered around ineffective communication.
Now, I in no way claim to be an expert in this department. In fact, the more I dissect what I know to be true about communication, the more I realize I’m aloof to most of it. However, amongst the sea of pain and heartache, some common themes arose from the language and perceptions being opted for. These patterns clearly weren’t doing anyone any favors in the arenas of connection and influence and moreover, created a vague feeling of —and I use this term loosely — helplessness.
This isn’t exactly a surprise, as sharing and receiving ideas isn’t exactly our strong suit. Social issues, divorces, and violence can all be traced back to some type of breakdown in communication. Much of the world succumbs to a baseline of ineffective dialogue and we need an effective solution.
After just about every meaningful relationship in my life bit the dust, I woke up to a few painstakingly common denominators that were consistently tarnishing the effect I was having on people. Have a peek behind the curtain.
Here are four critical communication distinctions that will make an immediate impact with the people in your life:
1. Resist the urge to say “you”
Because of our overwhelming desire to be right — and therefore protected — we love sharing where the other person failed to meet our expectations. It’s common practice to pepper the phrases “you did this” or “you said that” throughout our explanation, as we want to reinforce how the other person made us feel.
This gets us absolutely nowhere and transforms the pre-existing chain-link fence into castle walls. By renouncing the use of “you”, the person’s nerves are calmed as the spotlight has been taken off of them—dissipating the feeling of being put on trial. The entire experience is now under consideration and they can sense you’ll be a little more objective in your drawing of conclusions.
“Communication- the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.” – Paul J. Meyer
2. Use “what” instead of “why”
Questions can be the most powerful gateway to understanding what’s happening in another person’s world. However, we often jump the gun when it comes to dealing with communication breakdowns.
“Why” possesses far too much depth as an inquiry, often careening someone off an emotional cliff. It pierces the conscious mind and it typically elicits a sharp comment or cutting remark in response, capping a lid on the potential for forward momentum in the conversation. Most people would prefer walking into the ocean, as opposed to being dropped into shark-infested waters.
“What” is much more of a surface-level inquisition. It treads lightly and doesn’t require the other person to dig as deep in their explanation. “Why” confronts the individual, while “what” confronts the situation.
3. Resist over-identifying with what’s being said
Expecting someone else to base their every move around your feelings is a recipe for disaster. No one has a complete picture of reality but our continual sole reliance on our own subjective view robs us of being quality contributors to others — most notably, in our closest relationships.
It’s the difference between the spouse who yells and screams at their partner for coming home late versus the one that greets their partner with genuine concern and worry for their well-being. One is a focus on the short-term (the emotions that arose from the situation), while the other is a response to the long-term and what’s most important (the health of the individual).
Taking the “all things considered” approach will do you far more good than simply concerning yourself with your own feelings. After all, they aren’t always valid. Stop yourself from the knee-jerk reactions whenever curveballs get thrown your way and instead, take a look at the score, the inning, how many outs, and the men on base— then you can take a swing.
“Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open, and Two-way.” – Dan Oswald
4. Understand that how you perceive the conversation is entirely one-dimensional
Words, tone, and body language can play serious tricks on us sometimes. Consider that it’s impossible to know the truth within a conversation, as the “truth” is contingent upon whose point of view you’re basing it off of.
When communication reaches a stopping point, it’s usually a result of neither party being willing to waver on their indifferences. Attachment and pride get in the way in many areas of life and communication is no exception. To truly understand another person and appreciate where they’re coming from, you must give up your point of view.
It allows you to be a clear space for their ideas and input—free from judgment or cynicism. You can literally create freedom for another human being simply by opting to remain stoic and allow them to try on their own opinion, instead of having to force it down someone else’s combative throat.
This doesn’t mean you agree with them or validate what they’re saying. It’s simply a matter of making an impact— people will not move for someone they don’t feel heard by. Giving up your position not only allows room to understand another person, it creates freedom to roam the meadow of new ideas. It shows you that you’re okay despite temporarily being of no position or stance.
Our ego thinks we can’t survive without a strong opinion etched firmly within our psyche. It’s up to you to show yourself that you don’t have to be held hostage to that opinion— for you can let go of it at any moment in lieu of what really makes the difference for people.
What is your first thought when one of your co-workers decides to take a two-week vacation abroad? Sure, now you have to work overtime in their absence, but would it be worth it if they came back better than ever? At a crossroads in my career, I decided to spend two weeks in South America to gain clarity about what I want to do with my life, and as great as this experience was for my personal growth, I underestimated how much this trip would impact my professional life.
Here are the 5 ways it changed my performance and how it can change your performance too:
1. You Learn to Build Relationships from Nothing
As important as your time alone is for your personal development, finding ways to effectively socialize while abroad is probably your greatest challenge. Solo traveling forces you into uncomfortable situations where you must find common ground with people who speak different languages, have different beliefs, and come from different backgrounds.
Traveling alone gets lonely with minimal socialization, and the way you learn to respond to challenging social moments oftentimes is the personal development you seek when choosing to travel alone.
The ability to introduce yourself to new people and build relationships quickly is a skill that translates immensely at work. Whether you are at a company event, meeting a new employee, or building a relationship with a client, your experience socializing abroad gives you a new confidence in your conversations.
2. You Gain Self-Awareness
When traveling alone, it is a gift and a curse that you make every decision for yourself. You very quickly learn more about the things that you enjoy doing and the ways that you like spending your day. Every decision you make offers immediate feedback that further reveals your priorities and preferences, and from that you gain a new sense of self-awareness.
Although self-awareness can be practiced deliberately, a foreign setting brings about organic opportunities to develop self-awareness through cultural and natural introspection.
Self-awareness is hugely valuable at work because it allows you to be more critical of yourself. Being in tune with your skillset makes you a more productive and efficient member of your team.
By identifying your capabilities in different areas, you can focus on your role and add value in the way that is optimized for you. The first step is to understand more about yourself and what you offer, and travel is a great way to hone in on exactly that.
“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” – Marcus Aurelius
3. You Learn How to Take Ownership of Poor Results
When sharing any experience with another person, the blame, guilt, pride or triumph dilutes into the entire group. When traveling alone, however, everything that happens is directed back at you, and you are responsible for every consequence of the decisions you make. You must learn to take ownership of your own mistakes when abroad, and learn to manage negative situations proactively.
In the workplace, accepting fault is especially important because blame is a huge source of conflict, and can greatly affect your office relationships along with your team’s willingness to work with you.
Taking ownership might be a source of immediate animosity, but serves well in the long-term because it builds a foundation that will help you overcome issues that arise in the future.
On a personal development note, when perceiving the error as your own, you assume the role of correcting the system that caused the error and gain experience as an individual while setting the company up for success moving forward.
4. You Learn How to Problem Solve Independently
I’d be remiss to not mention that traveling alone is stressful. You need to navigate public transportation, manage travel itineraries, and book all accommodations, which is not easy to do solo. Nonetheless, this challenge is valuable, because it makes you practice new skills in a high-stakes environment along with growing a sense of autonomy.
Independent problem solving is an irreplaceable skill in business, and being capable of finding an answer to a tough question on your own saves your team from unneeded distractions. Alternatively, when a peer presents you with a difficult and important problem to solve, you now have more faith in your ability to come up with a creative solution.
The skill of solving problems for yourself is an asset at work, and can develop quickly when being alone while abroad.
“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” – Duke Ellington
5. You Learn to Trust Your Own Impressions
As a solo-traveler, you have a lot of time to internalize everything you experience. Although I do suggest everyone keep a journal while they are traveling, your impressions are limited to your own vantage point. With this limited input, you begin to value your own instincts more than you did before.
In your job, trusting your own impressions will increase your productivity at work by accelerating your work-flow. Certain projects require that you just move forward, and instead of second guessing yourself, you will have more confidence that you can handle the task. Time abroad brings a new-found confidence in difficult situations that will manifest in all areas of your life.
Outside of the unmatchable personal exploration you experience while traveling alone, you develop certain traits that prove to be extremely beneficial in a professional setting. By learning to build better relationships, gain self-awareness, take ownership of poor results, solve problems on your own, and trust your own impressions, traveling abroad hands you a polished set of skills that can deployed upon your return.
Where do you want to travel to and why? Let us know where you want to go in the comments below!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
You’re unlikely to change your life dramatically in a short space of time. Two years is a good number. It allows you enough time to experiment, execute and see the results.
In the last two years I’ve gone from not being able to do the following: speak publicly in front of a live audience, gain proper control of my health, control my anger, forgive people who did the wrong thing, find work I love and meet a girl who I could fall in love with.
Two years on, I’ve crushed each of these life goals. I feel like I haven’t just improved my life but that I’ve transformed it.
Here’s how you can do the same and improve your life:
Do one crazy thing.
The crazy thing I did was write down my fears and commit to knocking off at least one of them. The first one I went for was public speaking.
I began practicing in front of small crowds. Last week I spoke in front of eighty of the most senior managers in the company I work for and crushed it.
Tackling one fear became addictive and I ended up knocking over the whole list. The most difficult one was ending a more than ten-year family feud, so I could finally experience peace in my life again.
We all have one crazy thing that we’ve dreamed about and never taken action on. Dare to dream a little.
Find that one crazy thing and take one action towards overcoming the barriers that have stopped you in the past. Don’t let those excuses stop you anymore.
You need one event to trigger that transformation and then for the next two years you’ll have the momentum to get started on the rest of the suggestions I’m going to make below.
Prevent yourself from overthinking.
This guy sent me a note on LinkedIn. He had a dream of becoming a writer and he hadn’t executed for more than five years.
He sent me an article he wanted to post and asked if I could proofread it, provide feedback and then give him permission to publish it.
I was brutal with my response because I wanted him to win.
I told him “Stop overthinking and forget about asking for my permission.”
He ended up publishing his first article and not overthinking any longer. Before long, he’d published more articles in a few weeks, than he’d ever published in his entire life.
He’s well on his way to improving his life and doing what he loves because he stopped overthinking.
Many of you reading this article have the same sort of goals and have also been held back because of the following reasons:
1. You’re waiting for permission
2. You’re seeking perfection
3. You’re waiting for the right moment
4. You’re too busy with planning instead of executing
Screw all these excuses and just hit publish. Or just go for your goal. Or just make the investment. Or just attend the event.
Whatever your goal is, don’t allow yourself to think about it any longer.
Improving your life starts with executing — not thinking for years about it.
Look for quick wins.
The art of improving your life comes down a lot to how you feel. When you feel like your life is improving, you find this inner motivation that comes out of nowhere.
The way to get this boost in energy and thinking is to find some quick wins.
During my two-year journey, I threw out more than 50% of my belongings. It didn’t take me long to do, but it provided a tremendous quick win that I could build from.
Think carefully about one quick win you could execute on and then start taking one action daily towards achieving it. The smallest thing like making your bed every day will start you on a path of improving your life.
Consume less. Invest in yourself.
I mentioned before about getting rid of half my possessions. What I didn’t tell you is that I collected more than $20k from the sale of these useless items.
I then invested that money back into improving my life. I attended a couple of seminars; I put some of the money into a European holiday; I used some of the money to help others.
Many of you are consuming and buying things you don’t need. This leaves very little resources left to invest in yourself and your ability to grow and evolve.
“Change your spending habits from consuming products and over to investing in the growth of your goals. For you to improve, you must invest”
Find a way to share your thoughts.
Whatever your goal is in life, improving your life is best done by sharing your thoughts. I’ve chosen online channels to do this.
Over the last two years, I’ve shared my ideas and strategies with the world through Medium, Quora and LinkedIn.
By sharing my thoughts, people who think in a similar way have been attracted into my life. This has led me to consult for many companies that I previously could only have dreamt of working with.
Finding people like you who want the same things as you, and who you can collaborate with, first starts with sharing your thoughts.
The sharing of your thoughts is like a magnet that pulls in everything you’ve always needed and wanted in your life — the people, the ideas, the resources, the opportunities.
Build a diversified foundation of income.
For me, that looks like paid blogging, affiliate income, paid speaking gigs, consulting, a broad range of investments that compound year on year and 1 on 1 coaching.
Money is not the key to everything like many people think, but it will make the dramatic improvement your seeking even bigger.
Having diversified income means the following:
- The risk of you losing your full-time job is much less painful
- You’ll have money to invest in education and personal growth
- When the next recession comes, you’ll be prepared
- The ability for you to change directions in your career becomes easier
- Diversified income usually leads to passive income (making money while you sleep)
Passive income is my favorite. Going back a few years now, I invested heavily into reading more than twenty books on investing.
I implemented the strategies and now I make some of my income while I sleep. Passive income requires a bit of effort up front, but it’s worth the time.
Read some life-changing books.
None of my two-year change would have been possible if I didn’t fill my big head with new ideas. My previous thinking about the concept of success was flawed.
“My previous vision for success focused heavily on taking from the world rather than giving back”
Below are four books I read that led to the dramatic change in my life:
Tribe Of Mentors
Rich Dad Poor Dad
Think And Grow Rich
Crushing It
Become really good at saying no.
A dramatic change in your life requires empty space to think and reflect. You’ll never get this time unless you get really good at saying no.
The more success you have in life, the more inbound requests you’ll get for your time. People will often want you to support their goals rather than offering you opportunities to support your goals.
Normally the first feeling you have when someone asks for your time is the correct one. Learn how to say no and always do so respectfully.
Do the right thing no matter what.
Incredible honesty and transparency in everything I’ve done over the last two years has helped me build up a team of allies who’ve taken my life much further than I could have ever expected — especially in the space of two years.
Doing the right thing will often mean that you could lose out in the short-term. That’s perfectly okay.
I’m aiming to set you up for long-term success and that means that how you act needs to be ethical.
“Dishonest people are quickly forgotten when there’s an incredible opportunity that is available”
By being overly transparent in business, I was able to build a list of customers who provided me with all the referrals I ever needed to grow my business.
I didn’t have to spend money on paid ads, PR or lead generation. Doing the right thing is always the right thing.
Stop saying yes to dumb stuff.
- Gambling with your money
- Get rich quick schemes
- Material possessions you don’t need
- Requests of your time that you regret shortly after
Final thought.
Dramatically improving your life is possible when you commit to being disciplined, go outside of what feels comfortable and serve people other than yourself.
Personal transformation is how you build momentum for everything in your life. It’s the foundation for your own definition of success.
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If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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The 4 D’s to Guaranteed Success From Maglite Founder Anthony Maglica
I caught an inspiring story online recently about an incredible gentleman with a unstoppable work ethic. His name is Anthony (Tony) Maglica and he’s the inventor of the famous Maglite, i.e. a flashlight that revolutionized the industry. With it’s variable-focus beam light, varying sizes to fit the job and an array of accessories, the Maglite has been at the top of the heap for a long time. And widely preferred by law enforcement. Talk about servicing a large, niche market! (more…)
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Nice post by the admin of this great blog.. i am really a fan of this blog and i love all i see here.
going through the activities of this blog inspires me to work harder on my blog!-
Okwudili thank you for taking the time to read this article and I look forward to continuing to provide you the content you are looking for to inspire and motivate you to do great things.
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You wake up early, grind, produce, and orient yourself to the best you can be every day. What if, just for today, you paused for a moment to honor how far you’ve come? How might it serve you and how you serve others if you just gave yourself praise for all the adversity you have met with open arms?
It can be distorting at times to take a level-headed assessment of how far we have come while on our journey to success and personal mastery. There is a renewed personal vitality and nourishment that occurs when we slow down and sit with personal praise for a moment.
With that, consider this the letter from the Robin to your Batman. This is your permission slip to realize fully that no matter where you’re at, that all your time and talents have gotten you this far, and that is something to celebrate!
When it comes to carving our higher selves out of the blood, sweat, and tears in applying courage towards our dreams, there is tremendous value in developing an intimate relationship with all the ways in which our mindset, values, behaviors, and perspective have shifted over time.
Here are the signs that you’re already the master of your own destiny:
1. You have moved past the tendency of judging others
Your baseline state is observing the nuances of a situation or interaction without projecting your thoughts, emotions, or insecurities onto others. The flexibility that is born from this skill of self-knowledge and emotional awareness is the bedrock and proof for how far you’ve come.
2. Relationships in your life are changing
You’re attracting relationships into your life that reflect your higher self and dropping those that no longer serve your best interests. If people start to fall out of your life, you no longer feel guilty or sad – you simply come to terms with this inevitable fact of personal evolution.
Everyone walks their own path here, and just because they no longer resonate with you, does not make them a bad person. It just means they too need to find others who share their vibration.
“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley
3. You have become increasingly in tune with the emotional component of social skills
You think less, and you feel more. Humans are moved by emotion, so the more you become emotionally aware you are the more you can actualize your impact.
Ultimately, you understand the interconnectedness of being open to more of what is going on around you with how others are feeling and the emotions going on in yourself, so your leadership has become more inclusive and effective.
4. You believe you can inspire the world just by being who you authentically are
Sure, you have days of confusion and setbacks, and you still feel a form of relaxation when you’re tethered to the deep knowing that the more you share from a place of authenticity you give others permission to do the same. This belief opens the door to more intuitive listening to your gut. It also means you’re less attached to outcomes, which comes with it the sort of freedom only few people ever really experience.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe
5. You are kind to yourself by honoring your integrity
This means not giving yourself a break to bail out on your word you give to yourself and others, and you do so from a place of compassion. You understand the difference between setting standards and your word to align with perfectionism compared to that which serves your dignity and the dignity of those around you.
This subtle wisdom in perspective can mean all the difference in creating your empire through burning out and maintaining peak performance over time, while truly enjoying the ride.
6. You prioritize self-care and personal recovery
Gone are the days of working hard and playing hard. Whether you experienced burnout in the past or have witnessed it in others, you are meticulous in your self-care strategies.
You’ve come to internalize the risks of working hard to build the life you want only to miss enjoying it because you succumbed to being plugged in around the clock.
You must prioritize all the following:
- Meditation
- Staying hydrated
- Getting a good night’s sleep
- Eating healthy in accordance to your body type and what it needs to stay optimized
- Intimate connection with those you care about
- Journaling to organize your thoughts
- Creating healthy boundaries and saying no when appropriate
You deserve to be acknowledged, wherever you are on your journey. Don’t let the spell of personal improvement cloud your sense of personal mastery in the now.
Your destiny is relying on you to appreciate who you are at the core and share yourself with the world authentically. On some level, you can do that fully, right now. May this be an inspiration to press pause more often and honor yourself, in the name of falling in love with the process.
How do you spend your time relaxing in order to recharge yourself? Let us know what you do in the comments below!
As a practitioner and coach of NLP, I regularly experience people reaching out to me to work through a problem. While these issues range anywhere from a relational vendetta to a self-discovery impasse, roughly 90 percent of these hang-ups are centered around ineffective communication.
Now, I in no way claim to be an expert in this department. In fact, the more I dissect what I know to be true about communication, the more I realize I’m aloof to most of it. However, amongst the sea of pain and heartache, some common themes arose from the language and perceptions being opted for. These patterns clearly weren’t doing anyone any favors in the arenas of connection and influence and moreover, created a vague feeling of —and I use this term loosely — helplessness.
This isn’t exactly a surprise, as sharing and receiving ideas isn’t exactly our strong suit. Social issues, divorces, and violence can all be traced back to some type of breakdown in communication. Much of the world succumbs to a baseline of ineffective dialogue and we need an effective solution.
After just about every meaningful relationship in my life bit the dust, I woke up to a few painstakingly common denominators that were consistently tarnishing the effect I was having on people. Have a peek behind the curtain.
Here are four critical communication distinctions that will make an immediate impact with the people in your life:
1. Resist the urge to say “you”
Because of our overwhelming desire to be right — and therefore protected — we love sharing where the other person failed to meet our expectations. It’s common practice to pepper the phrases “you did this” or “you said that” throughout our explanation, as we want to reinforce how the other person made us feel.
This gets us absolutely nowhere and transforms the pre-existing chain-link fence into castle walls. By renouncing the use of “you”, the person’s nerves are calmed as the spotlight has been taken off of them—dissipating the feeling of being put on trial. The entire experience is now under consideration and they can sense you’ll be a little more objective in your drawing of conclusions.
“Communication- the human connection – is the key to personal and career success.” – Paul J. Meyer
2. Use “what” instead of “why”
Questions can be the most powerful gateway to understanding what’s happening in another person’s world. However, we often jump the gun when it comes to dealing with communication breakdowns.
“Why” possesses far too much depth as an inquiry, often careening someone off an emotional cliff. It pierces the conscious mind and it typically elicits a sharp comment or cutting remark in response, capping a lid on the potential for forward momentum in the conversation. Most people would prefer walking into the ocean, as opposed to being dropped into shark-infested waters.
“What” is much more of a surface-level inquisition. It treads lightly and doesn’t require the other person to dig as deep in their explanation. “Why” confronts the individual, while “what” confronts the situation.
3. Resist over-identifying with what’s being said
Expecting someone else to base their every move around your feelings is a recipe for disaster. No one has a complete picture of reality but our continual sole reliance on our own subjective view robs us of being quality contributors to others — most notably, in our closest relationships.
It’s the difference between the spouse who yells and screams at their partner for coming home late versus the one that greets their partner with genuine concern and worry for their well-being. One is a focus on the short-term (the emotions that arose from the situation), while the other is a response to the long-term and what’s most important (the health of the individual).
Taking the “all things considered” approach will do you far more good than simply concerning yourself with your own feelings. After all, they aren’t always valid. Stop yourself from the knee-jerk reactions whenever curveballs get thrown your way and instead, take a look at the score, the inning, how many outs, and the men on base— then you can take a swing.
“Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open, and Two-way.” – Dan Oswald
4. Understand that how you perceive the conversation is entirely one-dimensional
Words, tone, and body language can play serious tricks on us sometimes. Consider that it’s impossible to know the truth within a conversation, as the “truth” is contingent upon whose point of view you’re basing it off of.
When communication reaches a stopping point, it’s usually a result of neither party being willing to waver on their indifferences. Attachment and pride get in the way in many areas of life and communication is no exception. To truly understand another person and appreciate where they’re coming from, you must give up your point of view.
It allows you to be a clear space for their ideas and input—free from judgment or cynicism. You can literally create freedom for another human being simply by opting to remain stoic and allow them to try on their own opinion, instead of having to force it down someone else’s combative throat.
This doesn’t mean you agree with them or validate what they’re saying. It’s simply a matter of making an impact— people will not move for someone they don’t feel heard by. Giving up your position not only allows room to understand another person, it creates freedom to roam the meadow of new ideas. It shows you that you’re okay despite temporarily being of no position or stance.
Our ego thinks we can’t survive without a strong opinion etched firmly within our psyche. It’s up to you to show yourself that you don’t have to be held hostage to that opinion— for you can let go of it at any moment in lieu of what really makes the difference for people.
What is your first thought when one of your co-workers decides to take a two-week vacation abroad? Sure, now you have to work overtime in their absence, but would it be worth it if they came back better than ever? At a crossroads in my career, I decided to spend two weeks in South America to gain clarity about what I want to do with my life, and as great as this experience was for my personal growth, I underestimated how much this trip would impact my professional life.
Here are the 5 ways it changed my performance and how it can change your performance too:
1. You Learn to Build Relationships from Nothing
As important as your time alone is for your personal development, finding ways to effectively socialize while abroad is probably your greatest challenge. Solo traveling forces you into uncomfortable situations where you must find common ground with people who speak different languages, have different beliefs, and come from different backgrounds.
Traveling alone gets lonely with minimal socialization, and the way you learn to respond to challenging social moments oftentimes is the personal development you seek when choosing to travel alone.
The ability to introduce yourself to new people and build relationships quickly is a skill that translates immensely at work. Whether you are at a company event, meeting a new employee, or building a relationship with a client, your experience socializing abroad gives you a new confidence in your conversations.
2. You Gain Self-Awareness
When traveling alone, it is a gift and a curse that you make every decision for yourself. You very quickly learn more about the things that you enjoy doing and the ways that you like spending your day. Every decision you make offers immediate feedback that further reveals your priorities and preferences, and from that you gain a new sense of self-awareness.
Although self-awareness can be practiced deliberately, a foreign setting brings about organic opportunities to develop self-awareness through cultural and natural introspection.
Self-awareness is hugely valuable at work because it allows you to be more critical of yourself. Being in tune with your skillset makes you a more productive and efficient member of your team.
By identifying your capabilities in different areas, you can focus on your role and add value in the way that is optimized for you. The first step is to understand more about yourself and what you offer, and travel is a great way to hone in on exactly that.
“Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” – Marcus Aurelius
3. You Learn How to Take Ownership of Poor Results
When sharing any experience with another person, the blame, guilt, pride or triumph dilutes into the entire group. When traveling alone, however, everything that happens is directed back at you, and you are responsible for every consequence of the decisions you make. You must learn to take ownership of your own mistakes when abroad, and learn to manage negative situations proactively.
In the workplace, accepting fault is especially important because blame is a huge source of conflict, and can greatly affect your office relationships along with your team’s willingness to work with you.
Taking ownership might be a source of immediate animosity, but serves well in the long-term because it builds a foundation that will help you overcome issues that arise in the future.
On a personal development note, when perceiving the error as your own, you assume the role of correcting the system that caused the error and gain experience as an individual while setting the company up for success moving forward.
4. You Learn How to Problem Solve Independently
I’d be remiss to not mention that traveling alone is stressful. You need to navigate public transportation, manage travel itineraries, and book all accommodations, which is not easy to do solo. Nonetheless, this challenge is valuable, because it makes you practice new skills in a high-stakes environment along with growing a sense of autonomy.
Independent problem solving is an irreplaceable skill in business, and being capable of finding an answer to a tough question on your own saves your team from unneeded distractions. Alternatively, when a peer presents you with a difficult and important problem to solve, you now have more faith in your ability to come up with a creative solution.
The skill of solving problems for yourself is an asset at work, and can develop quickly when being alone while abroad.
“A problem is a chance for you to do your best.” – Duke Ellington
5. You Learn to Trust Your Own Impressions
As a solo-traveler, you have a lot of time to internalize everything you experience. Although I do suggest everyone keep a journal while they are traveling, your impressions are limited to your own vantage point. With this limited input, you begin to value your own instincts more than you did before.
In your job, trusting your own impressions will increase your productivity at work by accelerating your work-flow. Certain projects require that you just move forward, and instead of second guessing yourself, you will have more confidence that you can handle the task. Time abroad brings a new-found confidence in difficult situations that will manifest in all areas of your life.
Outside of the unmatchable personal exploration you experience while traveling alone, you develop certain traits that prove to be extremely beneficial in a professional setting. By learning to build better relationships, gain self-awareness, take ownership of poor results, solve problems on your own, and trust your own impressions, traveling abroad hands you a polished set of skills that can deployed upon your return.
Where do you want to travel to and why? Let us know where you want to go in the comments below!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
You’re unlikely to change your life dramatically in a short space of time. Two years is a good number. It allows you enough time to experiment, execute and see the results.
In the last two years I’ve gone from not being able to do the following: speak publicly in front of a live audience, gain proper control of my health, control my anger, forgive people who did the wrong thing, find work I love and meet a girl who I could fall in love with.
Two years on, I’ve crushed each of these life goals. I feel like I haven’t just improved my life but that I’ve transformed it.
Here’s how you can do the same and improve your life:
Do one crazy thing.
The crazy thing I did was write down my fears and commit to knocking off at least one of them. The first one I went for was public speaking.
I began practicing in front of small crowds. Last week I spoke in front of eighty of the most senior managers in the company I work for and crushed it.
Tackling one fear became addictive and I ended up knocking over the whole list. The most difficult one was ending a more than ten-year family feud, so I could finally experience peace in my life again.
We all have one crazy thing that we’ve dreamed about and never taken action on. Dare to dream a little.
Find that one crazy thing and take one action towards overcoming the barriers that have stopped you in the past. Don’t let those excuses stop you anymore.
You need one event to trigger that transformation and then for the next two years you’ll have the momentum to get started on the rest of the suggestions I’m going to make below.
Prevent yourself from overthinking.
This guy sent me a note on LinkedIn. He had a dream of becoming a writer and he hadn’t executed for more than five years.
He sent me an article he wanted to post and asked if I could proofread it, provide feedback and then give him permission to publish it.
I was brutal with my response because I wanted him to win.
I told him “Stop overthinking and forget about asking for my permission.”
He ended up publishing his first article and not overthinking any longer. Before long, he’d published more articles in a few weeks, than he’d ever published in his entire life.
He’s well on his way to improving his life and doing what he loves because he stopped overthinking.
Many of you reading this article have the same sort of goals and have also been held back because of the following reasons:
1. You’re waiting for permission
2. You’re seeking perfection
3. You’re waiting for the right moment
4. You’re too busy with planning instead of executing
Screw all these excuses and just hit publish. Or just go for your goal. Or just make the investment. Or just attend the event.
Whatever your goal is, don’t allow yourself to think about it any longer.
Improving your life starts with executing — not thinking for years about it.
Look for quick wins.
The art of improving your life comes down a lot to how you feel. When you feel like your life is improving, you find this inner motivation that comes out of nowhere.
The way to get this boost in energy and thinking is to find some quick wins.
During my two-year journey, I threw out more than 50% of my belongings. It didn’t take me long to do, but it provided a tremendous quick win that I could build from.
Think carefully about one quick win you could execute on and then start taking one action daily towards achieving it. The smallest thing like making your bed every day will start you on a path of improving your life.
Consume less. Invest in yourself.
I mentioned before about getting rid of half my possessions. What I didn’t tell you is that I collected more than $20k from the sale of these useless items.
I then invested that money back into improving my life. I attended a couple of seminars; I put some of the money into a European holiday; I used some of the money to help others.
Many of you are consuming and buying things you don’t need. This leaves very little resources left to invest in yourself and your ability to grow and evolve.
“Change your spending habits from consuming products and over to investing in the growth of your goals. For you to improve, you must invest”
Find a way to share your thoughts.
Whatever your goal is in life, improving your life is best done by sharing your thoughts. I’ve chosen online channels to do this.
Over the last two years, I’ve shared my ideas and strategies with the world through Medium, Quora and LinkedIn.
By sharing my thoughts, people who think in a similar way have been attracted into my life. This has led me to consult for many companies that I previously could only have dreamt of working with.
Finding people like you who want the same things as you, and who you can collaborate with, first starts with sharing your thoughts.
The sharing of your thoughts is like a magnet that pulls in everything you’ve always needed and wanted in your life — the people, the ideas, the resources, the opportunities.
Build a diversified foundation of income.
For me, that looks like paid blogging, affiliate income, paid speaking gigs, consulting, a broad range of investments that compound year on year and 1 on 1 coaching.
Money is not the key to everything like many people think, but it will make the dramatic improvement your seeking even bigger.
Having diversified income means the following:
- The risk of you losing your full-time job is much less painful
- You’ll have money to invest in education and personal growth
- When the next recession comes, you’ll be prepared
- The ability for you to change directions in your career becomes easier
- Diversified income usually leads to passive income (making money while you sleep)
Passive income is my favorite. Going back a few years now, I invested heavily into reading more than twenty books on investing.
I implemented the strategies and now I make some of my income while I sleep. Passive income requires a bit of effort up front, but it’s worth the time.
Read some life-changing books.
None of my two-year change would have been possible if I didn’t fill my big head with new ideas. My previous thinking about the concept of success was flawed.
“My previous vision for success focused heavily on taking from the world rather than giving back”
Below are four books I read that led to the dramatic change in my life:
Tribe Of Mentors
Rich Dad Poor Dad
Think And Grow Rich
Crushing It
Become really good at saying no.
A dramatic change in your life requires empty space to think and reflect. You’ll never get this time unless you get really good at saying no.
The more success you have in life, the more inbound requests you’ll get for your time. People will often want you to support their goals rather than offering you opportunities to support your goals.
Normally the first feeling you have when someone asks for your time is the correct one. Learn how to say no and always do so respectfully.
Do the right thing no matter what.
Incredible honesty and transparency in everything I’ve done over the last two years has helped me build up a team of allies who’ve taken my life much further than I could have ever expected — especially in the space of two years.
Doing the right thing will often mean that you could lose out in the short-term. That’s perfectly okay.
I’m aiming to set you up for long-term success and that means that how you act needs to be ethical.
“Dishonest people are quickly forgotten when there’s an incredible opportunity that is available”
By being overly transparent in business, I was able to build a list of customers who provided me with all the referrals I ever needed to grow my business.
I didn’t have to spend money on paid ads, PR or lead generation. Doing the right thing is always the right thing.
Stop saying yes to dumb stuff.
- Gambling with your money
- Get rich quick schemes
- Material possessions you don’t need
- Requests of your time that you regret shortly after
Final thought.
Dramatically improving your life is possible when you commit to being disciplined, go outside of what feels comfortable and serve people other than yourself.
Personal transformation is how you build momentum for everything in your life. It’s the foundation for your own definition of success.
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okwudili ikenna
Dec 21, 2016 at 8:16 am
Nice post by the admin of this great blog.. i am really a fan of this blog and i love all i see here.
going through the activities of this blog inspires me to work harder on my blog!
Matt Crane
Dec 29, 2016 at 4:40 pm
Okwudili thank you for taking the time to read this article and I look forward to continuing to provide you the content you are looking for to inspire and motivate you to do great things.