Life
Success Doesn’t Lead to Happiness. Here’s Why:

“If I work as hard as I can and become successful, then I will be happy.” That is the prevalent belief in our society these days. The classic equation adults tell us growing up, success = happiness. If you become successful, then you will be happy. It’s as if none of us deserve to be happy unless we are successful.
This false belief has led people to work years and years to reach “success” only for the sad reality to set in, success doesn’t equal happiness. This carrot and stick approach to happiness results in fleeting, scarce happiness. It adds pressure, stress, and negativity to all the aspects of our life. And in fact, striving for success first actually impedes success.
When I was building my first company, I always said, “I’ll be happy when…” I was pushing off happiness for the attainment of success. I didn’t think I was allowed to be happy. “Why would I be happy if I am not where I want to be?”
“For untold generations, we have been led to believe that happiness orbited around success. That if we work hard enough, we will be successful, and only if we are successful will we become happy. The opposite is true.” – Shawn Achor
This line of thinking eventually led to me burning out, and my business almost collapsing. It was at my lowest point that I started to question this belief. I started to search for another way, because what I was doing wasn’t sustainable. I was letting myself and my team down.
What I found surprised me, and forced me to change my beliefs. I found that the correct equation is the opposite. Happiness isn’t this “nice” thing to have AFTER you are successful. Science has actually proven that happiness precedes success; it fuels success!
In his best selling book, “The Happiness Advantage”, Psychologist & Harvard Professor Shawn Achor, showed through research and science how society’s formula for success is broken. His team found that when someone is happy, or in a positive state of mind, their intelligence rises, their creativity improves, and their business results increase as well!
Achor’s team found that sales teams were 37% better when positive, Doctors were 19% more accurate at diagnoses, and humans in general were 31% more productive!
Once I flipped the equation, and my mindset, I started to focus on my happiness in the now. I started to journal on things I was grateful for, I started to “play” more, I started to meditate and take care of myself.
Not only did this shift make me a lot happier (and healthier), it was the start of my business turning around. Using this mindset, I could face the difficult times with positivity and fortitude. I learned to be happy in the face of difficulty. And the result was me scaling my company to $6 million in 2 years.
“Happiness leads to success in nearly every domain, including work, health, friendship, sociability, creativity and energy.” – Shawn Achor
Mahatma Gandhi worked almost his entire life to free his people from oppression, first in South Africa then India. This was not easy and took decades to accomplish. He dedicated his entire life to the cause and was even incarcerated because of it. Even through this hardship, Gandhi was happy and fulfilled the entire time. In his autobiography, he even mentioned that if he did not accomplish this major goal, he would still be happy.
One could imagine how easy it would have been for him to be miserable and resentful during his journey. Instead, he was peaceful and happy. He maintained this positivity and eventually succeeded in his goal. He changed the course of the world and he used the correct equation to do it.
You can strive for success. You can work hard for success. Just don’t think that success will lead to happiness. There are a lot of depressed millionaires. Focus on being happy in the now. Be proud of where you are and who you are.
You can be happy now and still strive for more. Remember, this will actually make you more successful, it will make you perform better in all aspects of life and you will enjoy the ride so much more. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Go be happy.
Life
The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance
Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see? (more…)
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
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