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Success Doesn’t Lead to Happiness. Here’s Why:

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how to be happy
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If I work as hard as I can and become successful, then I will be happy.” That is the prevalent belief in our society these days. The classic equation adults tell us growing up, success = happiness. If you become successful, then you will be happy. It’s as if none of us deserve to be happy unless we are successful.

This false belief has led people to work years and years to reach “success” only for the sad reality to set in, success doesn’t equal happiness. This carrot and stick approach to happiness results in fleeting, scarce happiness. It adds pressure, stress, and negativity to all the aspects of our life. And in fact, striving for success first actually impedes success.

When I was building my first company, I always said, “I’ll be happy when…” I was pushing off happiness for the attainment of success. I didn’t think I was allowed to be happy. “Why would I be happy if I am not where I want to be?”

“For untold generations, we have been led to believe that happiness orbited around success. That if we work hard enough, we will be successful, and only if we are successful will we become happy. The opposite is true.” – Shawn Achor

This line of thinking eventually led to me burning out, and my business almost collapsing. It was at my lowest point that I started to question this belief. I started to search for another way, because what I was doing wasn’t sustainable. I was letting myself and my team down.

What I found surprised me, and forced me to change my beliefs. I found that the correct equation is the opposite. Happiness isn’t this “nice” thing to have AFTER you are successful. Science has actually proven that happiness precedes success; it fuels success!

In his best selling book, “The Happiness Advantage”, Psychologist & Harvard Professor Shawn Achor, showed through research and science how society’s formula for success is broken. His team found that when someone is happy, or in a positive state of mind, their intelligence rises, their creativity improves, and their business results increase as well!

Achor’s team found that sales teams were 37% better when positive, Doctors were 19% more accurate at diagnoses, and humans in general were 31% more productive!

Once I flipped the equation, and my mindset, I started to focus on my happiness in the now. I started to journal on things I was grateful for, I started to “play” more, I started to meditate and take care of myself.

Not only did this shift make me a lot happier (and healthier), it was the start of my business turning around. Using this mindset, I could face the difficult times with positivity and fortitude. I learned to be happy in the face of difficulty. And the result was me scaling my company to $6 million in 2 years.

“Happiness leads to success in nearly every domain, including work, health, friendship, sociability, creativity and energy.” – Shawn Achor

Mahatma Gandhi worked almost his entire life to free his people from oppression, first in South Africa then India. This was not easy and took decades to accomplish. He dedicated his entire life to the cause and was even incarcerated because of it. Even through this hardship, Gandhi was happy and fulfilled the entire time. In his autobiography, he even mentioned that if he did not accomplish this major goal, he would still be happy.

One could imagine how easy it would have been for him to be miserable and resentful during his journey. Instead, he was peaceful and happy. He maintained this positivity and eventually succeeded in his goal. He changed the course of the world and he used the correct equation to do it.

You can strive for success. You can work hard for success. Just don’t think that success will lead to happiness. There are a lot of depressed millionaires. Focus on being happy in the now. Be proud of where you are and who you are.

You can be happy now and still strive for more. Remember, this will actually make you more successful, it will make you perform better in all aspects of life and you will enjoy the ride so much more. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Go be happy.

Christian Chasmer empowers entrepreneurs to live their best life so that they can impact the world. At 26 years old, this young entrepreneur has already built two successful companies. Starting in college, he built a franchise from $0 to $1.2 million in annual revenue. He then co-founded the real estate development company, CC Solutions, and grew it to $6 million in revenue in under 2 years. He’s also the author of the #1 best selling book Lose the Limits: Break your limiting beliefs, become a more productive you, achieve everything you want in life. The secret to his success lies in the systems he uses for both his personal life and his businesses.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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