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If Your Life Isn’t How You Want It, Here Are 4 Start Anytime Resolutions to Experience a Better Life

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Life has never felt different for anyone just because they want life to feel different. There’s usually this feeling that we’re not experiencing our best life or we’re not where we want to be that causes us to feel like life isn’t fair to us, because it seems like everyone is doing less than we’re doing but enjoying more than we do.

If you’ve ever wanted to experience things differently from how you’ve been experiencing them, then you just need to do things differently from how you’ve been doing them. Because what you currently have is as a result of the amount of knowledge that you have.

So here are the 4 things which you’re currently doing that when you do differently, will bring about that amazing life:

1. Replace Chasing People With Finding Yourself

I want to be in a relationship with A, I want to be like B, I want to have fun and travel like C.” Although it isn’t a bad thing to want better, you need to be reminded that all these things you’re trying to do are putting you on someone’s path, which isn’t making you the engineer of your own trail.

So instead of trying so hard to fit into people’s criteria, or chase people whom you want, it’d be best to start finding yourself. Most times, the people who end up saying money doesn’t bring happiness are those people who chase making money because others were chasing money.

If there isn’t a strong why, or a deep reason why you want to become that person or get that thing, quit it because it could not bring you the best experience or the happiness which you want.

In order to find yourself, take time to completely analyze yourself. Define your own tune, dance according to your rhythm, and sing with that voice which you have. There’s beauty in the struggle. When you focus on creating your own path, you’ll surely become better, and then people will be more attracted to you because originality is what attracts people.

2. Replace Not Being Real With Yourself, With Facing The Truth

There are thousands of things which we’ve said we’d do better, that if we think about now, would have made us somebody better than we are. Procrastinating is too easy. It’s easy to give in, but giving in isn’t what brings results. Taking the extra step or doing that which you don’t want to do is what always brings about success.

When the situation presents itself that you have to procrastinate, tell yourself “I’m going to procrastinate doing this because it’s not important”. If your conscience lets you go scot-free, then you have the right to ignore that thing. But if it doesn’t, it only means that thing is very important and it will help you live a better life, so by not doing it, we’re hurting ourselves.

Most of the time, we procrastinate just because we have to watch that new episode and then leave more important things which might bring us a reward. By procrastinating because we have to watch that new episode, we’re unconsciously telling ourselves that the new episode is more important than our goals or that thing which we have to do.

3. Replace Yes With No When It Doesn’t Suit

This is usually a tough one. Especially when you have to say NO to your loved ones. It generally makes us feel like we’re not empathic or we’re boring people. But on the contrary, most times when we agree to do what the other person is requesting, we often don’t enjoy the process because we know we’ve left something more important to do.

So here’s a way out, when it begins to feel awkward to say no, remind yourself that you’re not saying no because you’re a bitter person, rather, you’re saying no because you have something of greater value to do.

And here’s a less offensive reason to give when you say no. Instead of saying “No, I have something more important to do,” say, “I already have something that’s running out of time that I have to do” even if it’s you just working on your goals.

4. Replace Sleeping With Worry For Sleeping With The Future Vision

This might prove difficult when, let’s say you didn’t get the money you needed to do something the next morning. But as you already know, it’s bedtime meaning worrying at that time won’t bring a solution because it’s too late.

So when you replace worrying with the vision of the future, where you’re already enjoying that thing, an idea of what to do next might come to you. Even if an idea doesn’t come, just sleeping with happiness will allow you to have a good night’s rest and also keep your body in a more relaxed state compared to when you’re constantly fussing about the problem at hand.

Remember, you’re not starting anything new that will require you to do much, rather, you’re replacing what you don’t like for something that will make you feel happier and joyful.

Mauris Othuke is a business consultant and copywriter for relationship and personal development coaches. He is an author at several publications who focuses on creating content that helps readers experience a turnaround in their personal lives or relationships. His aim is to give the readers so much value that they won’t have to think twice about coming back to always read his content or employ your coaching services. He spends his spare time giving men tips on how to understand women on Instagram. Learn more here https://linktr.ee/mauris.o.

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Life

5 Simple Hacks to Help You Develop the Habit That Will Transform Your Life

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It’s excruciating when we know what’s killing us but we can’t do anything about it because as you know, it is not easy to pull the brake on a high way. According to Napoleon Hill, “remember this always – the best (and one might say the only) way in which old habits may be removed is to form new habits to counteract and replace the undesirable ones”. (more…)

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Why Do We Have An Unconscious Bias and How Can We Manage It?

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When I hear someone using my name once in a while throughout the conversation we are having, I cannot stop myself thinking “this person must have read Dale Carnegie’s books or must have been influenced by someone who read them…” Have you just recalled a similar moment and it felt nice?

As Dale Carnegie famously said, “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and the most important sound in any language”. Why did Dale Carnegie highlight the importance of an individual’s name to that person in his “How to Win Friends and Influence People” book published in 1936?

Each and every one of us wants to feel special and unique. I guess he recommends using the person’s name in the conversation because that is one of the easiest ways to grab that person’s attention so that we can enhance the chances of getting our point across. However, I am more interested in this from the other side; hearing our names directly addresses our individuality, our need or desire to feel special and unique.  

Let’s park this one for now and we will come back. 

Categorization is essential to our survival

There is countless scientific research telling us about how our brains recognize similarities and put things into categories, which has been crucial to our survival in evolution and still helps us with a lot of things from learning new things to coping with the continuous influx of massive amounts of information through our senses. 

The continuous influx of information is mostly handled by our subconscious mind rather than conscious. It is estimated that our brains receive about 11 million bits of information every second through our senses, of which only 40-50 bits can be processed by our conscious mind. We process more information than we are aware of. The magic here is the subconscious mind.

An example is when you are at a very loud party where you hear a lot of words flying around without you recognizing each one of them, then suddenly, you immediately catch it when you hear your name. Your subconscious had been processing all of those words, without your awareness, but informed your conscious mind when your name was out there because it was relevant to you.

In order to most effectively process this much information and inform the conscious mind with only the relevant ones, our subconscious employs categorization as one of its strategies.

When our ancestors encountered some deadly predators in the African savanna, their subconscious prompted their conscious mind to immediately fight or flight by categorizing the information gathered through their senses into “predator / life threat / take action”. Most probably we are not descendants of the ones that were frozen rather than fighting or flighting! 

Although it is a completely different situation, the same strategy applied in remembering lists. Let’s look at the below two lists.

  1. lion, eagle, shark, leopard, hawk, whale, panther, falcon and dolphin 
  2. lion, leopard, panther, eagle, hawk, falcon, shark, whale and dolphin

The second list is easy to remember because it is reordered into relevant groups even though the content of the both lists are identical.

Subconsciousness is the magic and categorization is one of its key strategies. It is essential to our survival, learning new skills and processing information as well as bringing back the information we had processed and stored. 

This amazing skill has its drawbacks

As a result of our brains’ categorization strategy, we also categorize people, especially if we don’t know them as well as our closest ones.

Imagine I am sitting at the table next to yours while you are having your favorite coffee and working on your computer or reading your novel at your neighborhood coffee shop. I stand up, very calmly grab your bag, and start walking away. Your reaction might be quite different depending on my outfit. It could be much more vocal and harsh if I have a dirty T-Shirt and a pair of torn jeans on. However, if I have some navy colored, 3-piece suit and well-pressed white button up shirt on, you might even say something like “Excuse me, you might have picked up my bag by mistake”. (There is an experiment done by social psychologists which reported similar results)

Similarly, I would not be surprised to hear that my co-worker’s spouse is very skilled and knowledgeable in English grammar and literature because he is an English teacher. However, I would not expect it from my co-worker herself because she is an outstanding chemical engineer.  

This is defined as unconscious bias or stereotyping, as a result of our subconscious brain’s categorization strategy. The outfit I have at the coffee shop impacts your response to my action, because it puts me into a different category in your mind depending on my outfit. My co-worker’s and her spouse’s backgrounds make me put them into different categories, which might mislead me sometimes.

Just like we categorize things, it is very natural that we categorize people.  

The key question here for me is; how do we truly treat people as individuals so that they feel unique, just like as they would want, while we know that our brains categorize people

We can overcome unconscious bias 

Leonard Mlodinow, in his enlightening book “Subliminal”, suggests that “if we are aware of our bias and motivated to overcome it, we can.” That doesn’t mean that we need to fight our brain’s categorization strategy. We just need to employ our conscious mind more when we are working or dealing with individuals. 

Our unconscious bias might tell us scientists are bunch of technical nerds who cannot understand abstract concepts that marketers are talking about or it might say that marketers are some daydreamers who need to be grounded by scientists to the real world all the time. I am an engineer and I love thinking in abstract terms and I worked with quite a lot of marketers who thought primarily in factual and concrete terms. 

Spending some effort to learn more about individuals will help overcome unconscious bias. Gathering more information and qualities about them will make it easier for us to treat them as individuals rather than a member of the category we put them in our minds. 

The moral of the story here is to recognize the fact that our brains do categorize, and it is essential; but also, to recognize that every individual wants to feel unique. When we appreciate these two and keep reminding them to ourselves, we are one step closer to figuring out our own way to overcome unconscious bias and treat people more like individuals. 

What was the most interesting part of this article for you? Share your thoughts below!

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Life

The Problem Is Not Actually the Problem: Here’s Why

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With my understanding of the Three Principles, which is deepening month-by-month, I’m becoming more curious about whether the ‘problem’ that we think we have, is really a problem. Not for one second am I dismissing a persons’ experience; I’m human after all and I encounter challenges and what I think are ‘problems’ just like the next person. (more…)

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Life

5 Things You Can Do to Fend off Boredom and Stay Focused

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Curiosity is human nature and it’s only natural that humans will lose interest in a topic after a while. This has been a topic that has been extensively explored among children, teenagers and adults by a psychologist with similar results being reported from each of the categories. Human’s minds are therefore prone to boredom, making it important for each professional to spend some time to understand the factors that drive boredom and strategies the individuals needs to use to overcome boredom and focus on their profession and development. (more…)

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