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5 Lessons to Extract From the Biggest Failures in Your Life

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Failures in life are one of the most unpleasant, yet unavoidable experiences that we tend to experience in any phase of life. We try to avoid failures as much possible. No matter how well we are prepared for the finals, upcoming job interview or business presentation, we might slip to some extent that we wished we hadn’t. The point is, failures constitute a major part of our life which is unavoidable, and the real deal is what we try to get out of it.

Here are 5 lessons you can learn from the biggest failures in your life:

1. Failure strengthens your character

Residing in the comfort zone is the easiest thing to do in life. There are no concerns, challenges, and anything that bothers you at all, hence, nothing that could put you off with the true hardships in life. On the downside, you become stagnant in your progress and character development in life.

On the other hand, character development is done when you step out of your comfort zone. We shape ourselves through the trials and hardships experienced on daily basis. Confrontation with your failures is one of the most important tests for character development. The failure will challenge your determination and motivation to cut through it and emerge victorious. Agreeably, it takes courage to succeed in the quest to overcome the failures.

People find it easy to fall down when times are tough, only those who stay persistent in the life’s obstacles are duly rewarded. The point to understand is that we will truly appreciate the beauty and significance of life, only when we have witnessed the dark times.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

2. Failure is the wisest teacher

Success isn’t the best of teachers, as it tempts the students to believe that this is the limit or they cannot lose. Consequently, people tend to become complacent and start taking things for granted. While the complacency makes us more reactive and less proactive in the effort to acquire happiness.

On the other side, failure has a number of important lessons in store for all of us. In fact, our frustrations and shortcoming teach us more about being “successful” than the “success” itself.

Failure is an option that is inevitable in life, and shouldn’t be ignored foolishly. The entire point of understanding and embracing failure is to learn from it and prevent yourself from committing the same mistakes all over again in the future.

3. Failure showcases areas of improvement

We tend to pass through few golden phases in life where everything we do turns out to be successful, unfortunately, making us believe that these “good times” are going to follow ever after. This is the time where failures in life prove to come as the biggest “reality checks” and force you to bring your feet back on the ground realizing what real-life struggles actually are.

The biggest of all, failure helps you locate the areas in your life that requires some dire fixing. For example, if you are not performing up to the mark at your current workplace, there might be a number of reasons to blame. However, this also indicates that you need to improve your communication and people management skills, acquire more technical expertise, or set your priorities accordingly. Simply speaking, you must not have enough dedication on board.

Students and professionals from all industries and walks in life should understand that failure is a temporary detour from your main course, and not an apocalyptic dead-end. Most of the time, failures show us that something is not happening right. Therefore, rather than whining over your failures and attempting to forget it, we should learn from them and work on our areas of improvement for a better learning experience and future.

“It’s failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.” – Ellen DeGeneres

4. Failure encourages you to start again

Fortunately, the human brain and will is strong enough to get us back up after the most recent failure in our life. As the saying often goes, “we always have a choice”, any defeat is not a one-stop end, but you always get second and third chances to prove yourself. Life always gives us multiple opportunities in different forms to get back and continue with our purpose in life. You can start all over again, only this time with more vigilance and smartness than before.

5. Failure tempts you to experience your utmost potential

Living up to your complete potential means extending your boundaries and crossing the limitations set by your mental and physical barriers, in short, turning the impossible into possible. This is where failures elevate us in life. In order to live up to your full potential, one must pass through multiple layers of failures till he or she accomplishes the goal set. Embracing failure means you are acquiring the relevant touchpoints on your journey to success.

Understanding and acknowledging the occurrence of failures means you are willing to take constructive risks in life, one of those powerful abilities that drives the person forward towards his or her complete potential.

How do you recover from failure? Comment below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Lara Hawkins is a professional psychologist and specializes in conducting seminars and workshops on character development, motivation in life, emotional intelligence, and other related topics. Besides her core job and experience in handling clients from all industries and geographical boundaries, Lara also runs an accomplished best assignment company catering both students and professionals in a variety of academic disciplines.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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