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Why You Need Non-Negotiable Core Values to Succeed in Life and Business

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core values

A few weeks ago, our city was blasted by Arctic air and temperatures plummeted to the -23 Celsius mark. While my family griped about how the extreme cold forced us to cancel planned activities and stay indoors, our neighbour Greg, went for his morning run like he did every morning, rain, shine or freezing.

You see for Greg, exercise – specifically his morning run – is a non-negotiable. As we get busier we sometimes get lost in chaos and lose focus of what is important. By setting and committing to doing those things that add meaning to our lives while helping us move closer to achieving our goals, we establish order and routine.

These non-negotiable tasks could be anything from walking the dog twice a day to volunteering at a local non-profit once a week. Committing to these non-negotiables is easier than you think because a non-negotiable is determined by a core or governing value.

“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money but you cannot get more time.” – Jim Rohn

You see we act on these non-negotiables because they make us feel good. Let me explain: Core values guide your behaviour and decisions. If family is a core value, then you will prioritize time with your family over time playing racquetball with friends for example. These activities are your non-negotiables and they drive both your personal and professional success.

Here are my 3 non-negotiables and their related value:

  • Meditation – I meditate for a minimum of ten minutes every day because meditation not only helps control my anxiety but it also helps me stay focused. My first core value is wellness.
  • Writing – I write every day because it is part of my work but it is also something I enjoy doing. Writing has become a habit and my day doesn’t “feel right” if I haven’t written something regardless of length or substance. My second core value is creativity.
  • Dinner with my family every night – My family is very important to me so while it’s easy as a business owner to come up with excuses as to why I need to “put in another hour or two at the office”, success will become meaningless to me if I lose the love and support of my husband and sons. My third core value is family

So how can you make non-negotiables a natural part of your daily routine?

1. Start out by identifying your core values

We all make decisions based on our core values whether we know it or not. The aim of this exercise is to bring our values to light so that we can consciously decide whether something is worth doing or not. Grab a notebook and pen, settle down in a quiet space, free from distractions and answer these three questions:

  1. What do you most love about your life?
  2. What qualities do you most admire about yourself? (For example, you’re compassionate, creative, hard-working etc)
  3. How would your best friend or partner describe you in 3 words? Go on. Ask them.

2. Make a list of core values

Read through your answers carefully and choose the 5 core values that most resonate with you.  

Here are a few examples of core values: Love, beauty, creativity, community, diligence, empathy, faith, family, friendship, gratitude, health, honesty, impact, self-expression, service, visibility, wellness…

“Price is what you pay, value is what you get.” – Warren Buffett

3. Decide on your non-negotiables

Read through your list of core values and then write out your answer to the below question: What are the things that I absolutely won’t negotiate on and am committed to doing every day regardless of the date, season or conditions? Remember, you don’t want to complicate your life further or add to the busyness.  Try to keep things as simple as possible.

Here is an example:

Let’s say health is a core value but you haven’t been making the best choices thanks to that new burger bar down the road. You may want to start by stopping your daily visits to the burger bar and start making your own healthy meals at home.

If you work full time but hope to turn your side hustle as a wedding photographer into a real business, a great non-negotiable would be to market your side hustle every day on social media. This shouldn’t take longer than a few minutes every day.

As you write out your answer to this question you may also want to create two separate lists, one for PERSONAL non-negotiables and one for PROFESSIONAL non-negotiables. Aim for a maximum of 3 for each list.

Once you have completed these steps, commit to your non-negotiable tasks by making them a daily priority and watch as your life expands with meaning and success.

What are some of your core values? Comment below!

Yolanda McAdam is a social media and online marketing strategist and experienced business coach. She helps small business owners attract a consistent flow of ideal clients and buyers and grow their businesses with the help of social media and BS-free strategies, processes, and tools.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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