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How To Be More Assertive In 6 Basic Steps

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Many of us struggle to find our voices, even at times when we know that we should speak up. Being assertive is linked to your self-confidence, and not doing it could be holding you back both in your personal and your professional life. Follow these steps below to become more assertive and stand your ground.

1. Write down your thoughts

If you are feeling that you need to stand up for yourself, write down what you are thinking. Plan out how you can tell someone what you think. Even if it’s not for a specific conversation, write down what you need to say and how you can phrase it. This exercise is not intended to be read by someone else but rather to help you practice what to say. It could help with your confidence the next time an opportunity to say something comes up.

2. Choose words carefully

Start training yourself to not say certain words that will interrupt you and make you sound (and feel) less assertive. These include um, like, you know, ah, and so on. It’s much better to take a pause, take a breath, and think about what you want to say. Silence is powerful, and can be a better tool for assertiveness than filling that silence with meaningless noise. Practicing this will also make you feel better able to talk without using these words as time goes on.

“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.” – Pearl Strachan Hurd

3. Positively reinforce

When you do stand your ground or speak out, especially if you normally wouldn’t, be sure to reward yourself. Tell yourself about what a great job you have done, or give yourself a treat. Allow yourself a small celebration, even if it is only inside your own head. No matter what the outcome was, reinforce the behaviour in yourself by feeling positive about it.

4. Stand up at home

If you are not assertive in any area of your life, then standing up to your friends and family could be the easiest first step. This will help you to feel more confident before you increase your levels of assertiveness at work. It’s easier to stand up to people we know and like, because they will forgive us even if they think we have spoken out of turn. With more self-confidence, you can tackle the office head-on too.

5. Follow your own rules

If speaking up isn’t possible, think about ways that you can be more assertive through your actions. If you have a colleague that is always trying to involve you in other projects rather than your own work, consider setting a rule that you will only help them when you have finished your daily tasks. If you find that your work runs over into your lunch hour and leaves you with no break, get up from your chair and go for a walk where work can’t find you.

“Make your own rules or be a slave to another man’s.” – William Blake

6. Use body language

Having a slumped posture indicates defeat before you even consider raising your hand. Use body language to convey authority and your voice will be better heard. Straighten your shoulders, stop crossing your arms, keep your head straight, and keep your chin up high. Look people in the eye when you speak to them if you can, and you will find that your words feel stronger when they come from a stronger position.

The most important thing about becoming more assertive is to try. If you never go for step one, you will always struggle to be assertive, and you will never help yourself. Get a backbone and a voice for your own sake – with these steps it comes easier than you might think!

How have you helped yourself become more assertive? Leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Kate Thora is a Senior Content Specialist for Uphours, an online resource with information about businesses worldwide. Whenever not working, she likes to catch up with the latest business trends on her favourite industry blogs.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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