Success Advice
5 Kick Butt Ways to Be More Assertive
Assertive men and women shape the world. Actions are rewarded. Thoughts and potential without assertive action lead to a heart filled with regret, and a life half-heartedly lived.
If you’re going to succeed in life, you need to be assertive. Whether success, to you, means happiness, financial freedom, or billions in assets, if you’re not assertive, you’ll not only leave a lot of your potential unfulfilled, but you’ll fail to take the risks needed in life to accomplish whatever it is that you want to accomplish.
Luckily, assertive is a learned action. It’s learned through practice. If you want to become more assertive, taking control of your life in the process, follow the steps in this article and claim the greatness that is yours for the taking.
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
5 Ways To Be More Assertive
1. Be quick to decide
Practice being assertive by being quick to decide in your everyday decisions. Know what you want to order at the cafe and the restaurant. If your spouse asks Where do you want to eat tonight? answer quickly, assertively, and be happy with that answer.
As you’re able to decide more quickly with regards to the small decisions in your life, you’ll see that carry over to the bigger decisions. Decide quickly and with a purpose behind your decisions.
2. Have a clear vision of what you want
Every year I write down my ideal day. I’m ruthlessly detailed down to the smells I smell, the thoughts in my mind as I wake up, and the bed I wake up in – even the dream girl I wake up next to.
You have to know what your “ideals” are in every aspect of your life. This is your deepest, most meaningful desire and want. This is what will make you truly happy. This ideal day, if it could be lived everyday for the rest of your life, will let you live a life completely without regret.
Having a clear vision of what your soul wants is important. This may be a fast car, or it may not be. Get deep, down, and honest with yourself. What we truly want in life gets lost in what our friends want, or what we think we want.
Finding clarity will help you act more assertively.
3. Have a clear vision of what you expect
Don’t merely set goals, set expectations. Expectations are far more powerful than goals that can be seen as pipe dreams and lofty wishes. What you expect of yourself is who you are. If you fail to adhere to your expectations, you fail to be the person you’re trying to be.
Do you expect yourself to write 5 articles a day, close 5 clients, or do one thing you’re scared to death of doing?
Your expectations should line up with your ideal day. There is, however, a catch. Don’t expect things that you can accomplish with ease. Expect bigger, more audacious accomplishments. Be the person you want to become, don’t wait for life to give you permission.
If you expect greater things from yourself, you’ll have more confidence to be more assertive and to take bold actions towards your goals.
4. Actively face your fears
Fear and assertiveness oppose each other. You can’t be timid and afraid and assertive. The two simply don’t mesh.
Identify what your comfort zone is.
Success – and life – exists outside of your comfort zone, but few are actually able to recognize their comfort zone because they’ve lived within it their entire lives. Write down everything that is your comfort zone.
What makes you feel safe?
Is it only taking on small projects that you know you can accomplish? Is it only calling on small clients that you know you can close? Is your comfort zone a geographical location, do you need to travel alone to break free of your comfort zone?
Write it down, then write down everything that opposes your comfort zone; your fears. These are what you should follow in life. Your fears, those things just out of your grasp, just beyond where your comforts lie, is where you’ll find life, and success.
The more fears you face, the more courage you’ll possess. Courage and assertiveness do mesh. They complement one another. As you become more courageous (because of practiced action), the more assertive you’ll become even with those things in life that scare you to death.
5. Act
“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
Far too many deliberate when they should act. Thoughtful people are praised far too greatly in our society, when it’s those who act quickly that achieve the greatest things.
People don’t follow titles, they follow courage.
Have the courage to take action when you want to continue to plan and avoid the actions you want to take. It’s in action that we become more assertive. It’s in becoming more assertive that we find success, meaning, and happiness in life.
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Tony Robbins
In 2014 I started writing posts on LinkedIn. They all sucked. Most of them were re-shares of other people’s content.
My ideas about business back then were naive, stupid and mostly ego driven. That was the very issue with everything I was doing on LinkedIn.
It was all about me because that’s what everyone was preaching. I was listening to everyone else instead of listening to my gut feeling.
I changed all of that in 2016.
It resulted in me gaining millions of views on LinkedIn.
Here’s what I did, one step at a time:
Step 1: Try to help one person.
I too wanted to help millions of people on day one. It’s not going to happen. Quit reading the picture quotes that always tell you to “Have a huge impact” or “Think Big.” It’s total BS in the context of social media and getting started.
Instead, write that post with one person in mind. What’s one question you could answer and who would benefit the most from that answer.
That’s what I asked myself.
When I coached a graduate at work, I’d write solutions for them in the form of LinkedIn posts.
When I was asked for my opinions on digital marketing by the Head Of Social Media, I’d write the answer in the form of a LinkedIn post.
“I started out only ever wanting to help one person at a time”
What ended up happening was that those answers applied to more than just the person I’d written it to. That’s how you beat the mental block of doing your first post or trying to help one person.
Step 2: Shoot videos that are not your best.
Be raw, authentic and real.
That’s why I shoot videos with average lighting or dark circles around my eyes or in my pyjamas or without my hair combed. That’s who I am in my rawest form. All the perfect lighting, rehearsed scripts and lack of bloopers translate to one thing:
“You don’t look real to people.”
I’ve probably just pissed off every YouTube famous person in the world with that advice.
All the perfectly written posts, brilliantly shot videos and stunning photos are making us see something that doesn’t resemble reality. Eventually, we become numb to the perfection and switch off from what’s actually important which is:
How can you help all of us?
Okay, I said it again. Just want to make sure you didn’t forget my point.
Step 3: Share posts that have no benefit to you whatsoever.
Someone needs a job? Help them.
Someone needs to raise money for their business? Help them.
Share posts that help other people and that are ideas you believe in.Helping other people on LinkedIn is how you ultimately get closer to your own goals. Those same people you help will become your advocates.
When someone tries to bully you, these people you helped will step in without you asking them to.
If your account get’s hacked, these people you helped will tell you.
If you lose a loved one or go through a disaster in your career, these people will be the first ones to reach out.
“Ultimately, you get stronger on LinkedIn by helping others to be stronger and doing things that have no benefit to you”
Step 4: Commit career suicide.
You probably can’t believe I said that. Why the heck would anyone tell you to do this? It’s simple: career suicide in the modern business world is about being vulnerable and showing your emotions.
It’s about sharing the moment before you give a presentation when you’re scared out of your mind.
It’s about sharing how you got rejected for tons of jobs right in front of the very people who could hire you or even work at the company you’d love to work for.
It’s about completely rethinking everything you’ve ever done and doing something totally different.
It’s about not trying to replicate everybody else’s success thus making you like everybody else.
Step 5: Ignore what the LinkedIn algorithm is doing.
Don’t try and game the algorithm.
You’re not smarter than AI or the machine that is LinkedIn. Quit trying to do that. Forget the viral videos; forget the latest trend of short posts; forget trying to be funny with memes.
The only trick to the Linkedin feed is to be yourself and help a few people in the meantime.
Chasing algorithms only leads to inaction, copying, not being yourself, boredom and all the crap you don’t want.
Step 6: Don’t re-share your posts on social media.
It distracts you. It makes you focus on too many platforms. You’re only one person and probably have enough on your plate with your career.
Pick one social media platform and post on there.
Re-sharing is overrated. Content posted on one platform often won’t make sense on another platform. You don’t need to be on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc, to please the social media gods. You just need one platform where you help people.
Step 7: Forget about a personal brand.
I’ve never seen anybody be inspired by someones ‘personal brand.’
Stop using that phrase. Just stop now for the love of god!
No one goes on LinkedIn (or any other platform) to hear about your personal brand and how you make yourself look good. It’s meaningless x 1000.
Give up creating a personal brand.
Leave your ego behind.
Don’t worry about vanity metrics.
Help people. Be good to people. Support causes you believe in. Help people, help people and then help some more people.
“Find out the problems people are dealing with and then share your solutions to them in the form of stories”
Remove your ego from the equation.
Step 8: Ignore the analytics and data that impacts what you post.
These are a distraction. Who cares how many shares or views you got.
I’ll say it again: All that matters is did you help one person?
Do that. Repeat. Do it again. That’s the millions of views equation. Views are a reflection of how many people you’re helping.
Analytics can’t tell you how to help people — only you can do that using your brain and your intuition. There are so many random factors in analytics that will distract you from the truth.
Maybe you posted at the right time.
Maybe someone with a gazillion followers liked your post.
Maybe your post was re-shared by a publication.
It really doesn’t matter what the analytics say; it matters whether you helped someone other than yourself.
Step 9: Don’t post pictures of you hanging out with cool people.
It doesn’t matter where you went for dinner or what event you went to. How are you helping people? What can you teach me?
Selfies only tell the story of one’s self and the ego that goes with it. That’s not interesting to most people.
Step 10: Don’t have a mentor or coach.
Go on Linkedin and scratch your itch. Forget about having a strategy or listening to people who have done well on the platform.
You’ll figure out Linkedin when you figure out yourself.
1. Who are you?
2. Who are you becoming?
3. How do you help people?
4. What have you overcome?
5. What have you learned?
6. What do you know that nobody else knows?
7. What inspires you?
There the questions you need to answer and following others in the hope that you can chase somebody else’s success on LinkedIn is pointless.
Step 11: Give up chasing trends.
Trends don’t last.
Trends are a distraction away from how you can help people.
Trying to be like everybody else and chasing trends is how I got lost on the platform. I started trying to be somebody else because the trend said to do X.
The real me is quirky, a bit crazy, stupid at times, outspoken and a mixture of introvert and extrovert. Turns out that was more interesting to people than being a trendsetter and saying what I thought people wanted to hear. There are enough people doing that already.
Trends are ridiculous. Make something that lasts.
Step 12: Make your one sentence headline about how you can help.
Not “Growth Expert.”
Not “Strategic Advisor.”
Not “Award Winning.”
Describe in the one sentence LinkedIn gives you to write your headline, to talk about how you help people. Link that to something you’re freaking obsessed with. Mines inspiring the world through entrepreneurship and personal development.
That’s how I help people and that’s what I love like my puppy dog that died in 2005. What do you love and how can you help?
Always remember it’s not about you.
If you’ve spent anytime online you’ve no doubt come across people like this: “Hi there, I’m Timothy Moneybags and I made a million dollars from my best-selling novel after I quit my job and pursued my dream of becoming a writer!”
While many of these stories are true and can definitely be motivational, this idea that quitting your job is synonymous with finding creative success is just not true. Plenty of people have quit their jobs to become writers and ended up not making a dime, we just don’t hear their stories because they’re probably too embarrassed to share them.
Similarly, stories of people who keep their day jobs, pursue their dreams and find their own personal success don’t seem to be heard as often either for a different reason: It’s not as sexy as someone dropping everything to venture into the unknown.
While it might not sell as well in a Facebook Ad, there are plenty of practical reasons why you should keep your day job if you’re planning on pursuing a creative venture that could replace your income.
Here are 4 reasons why you shouldn’t quit your day job for your creative ventures:
1. Steady Income Means Less Stress
It can be insanely stressful knowing that your creative venture will be 100% responsible for feeding yourself and your family. In a lot of ways, this stress can drain the enjoyment you normally had with your project due to it having to make you money at all costs. Eventually, you’ll find your motivation to try something new becomes stagnant as your fear of disrupting the stability that you’ve built yourself pulls you back to what’s familiar.
If you keep your day job, then you won’t have to worry if your branching out causes your project to fall flat on its face because your bills are already covered. While it’s obviously possible to build something on the side that does sustain you, the idea that you have to quit your job right away, stress out to the point of losing sleep, and then hopefully find success is silly.
You can still work your day job and work on your creative projects at the same time, and keeping a steady source of income will help free you up to explore your passions even if they don’t make you any money.
“There is no downside to a side hustle. There are only benefits to building more than one source of income. A side hustle is the new job security.” – Forbes
2. You Have More Time Than You Think to Hustle
This notion that there isn’t enough time during the day to work on your side project is just not a great excuse. Just ask Gary Vaynerchuk, who systematically has his entire day planned down to the minute. If this man is able to fit an insane amount of time doing what he loves into his schedule every day, you can fit, at minimum, a few minutes in your day to work on your passion.
While, practically speaking, you would have a lot of time in your day if you did quit your job, just look at how you spend the free time that you currently have. Are you pursuing your passion or are you watching Netflix? If you’re like me, you’re probably spending too much time staring at a screen rather than hustling.
If you begin monitoring what you do during your free time, you’ll quickly realize that you do, in fact, have time throughout the week to work on your passion. Over time, you’ll see the time you put into your projects will stack up and you’ll be glad you spent those few hours out of the week working versus watching the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
3. You Have a Backup if Things Don’t Work Out
Let’s be frank: your creative venture could completely fail to make you a dime. The question is, will you still have a way to pay the bills if this happens? As mentioned already, having a steady source of income means less stress for you and a safety net in case your passion doesn’t “stick” in the marketplace of ideas.
Your day job, no matter how boring it may be, provides you with necessary stability that a creative venture might not have right away. So, don’t give in to the romantic notion of quitting your job to “pursue your dreams” if you don’t have that stability quite yet unless you’re willing to take this unnecessary risk.
Be practical, and ensure that your bills have a way to be paid and your family has a person at the helm of their future that is both prepared and stable.
“Quitting a job doesn’t jump-start a dream because dreams take planning, purpose and progress to succeed. That stuff has to happen before you quit your day job.”
4. You’re Free to Experiment Without Worrying About Monetization
As Hugh MacLeod puts it in his book “Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity”, passion projects should be looked at as a separate thing from your 9-to-5 job. The reason being is there isn’t pressure to perform a certain way in order to make money. Instead, the creative person is free to explore different avenues without fear of their project not putting food on the table.
One could argue that this is also why a lot of musical artists come out with songs that sound almost identical to the last song they made. Since the last song sold very well, and they want to continue making a profit off of their art, they’ll take a sort of “conveyor belt” approach to their music and not deviate from the formula that works for them.
While there are definitely fantastic songs produced this way, there’s a kind of commercialism that stains the once hungry and experimental artist before they began profiting off their art, and one could argue that their art suffers because of it.
If one keeps their income generator separate from the creative venture they enjoy, they’ll find the venture to be more satisfying to the soul rather than their bank account.
The best approach, in my mind, is to take a “come what may” approach with your creative ventures when it comes to making money. If you earn anything from it, that’s great! However, don’t let money be the main focus or your artistic expression could be compromised.
What is the incentive for attaining your full potential and realizing your goals? Why do some people seem to achieve more than others despite having the same time and resources availed to them? The devil is in the details, and this is especially true when it comes to accomplishing your goals or not.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in the same spot for weeks, months or years now and are not accomplishing much; it might be time for you to assess yourself with the following ten truths.
1. You Lack Self-Confidence
One of the biggest reasons why people fail is because they don’t believe in themselves. Belief is actually a trained function, therefore the deeper you condemn yourself to the rut of self-doubt, the harder it is to come out of it. Our past has a lot to do with how we view our own abilities.
Maybe you just landed a new job or transferred to a new school and are now meeting new people who seem much smarter or more accomplished than yourself. It is often said that battles are won long before they are ever fought, and a lack of self-confidence will cause a reverse effect in accomplishing your goals. Don’t doubt yourself and miss a crucial opportunity in the process.
2. You Always Make the Same Mistakes
This is simply about accountability. If, say you were fired from your dream job because of always showing up late and happened to land another job where soon after you began you made the same mistake, you just dig your own grave. The thorough self-assessment is a crucial part of achieving your goals. You won’t get to the gym and achieve success if you are always oversleeping, or overeating. The same applies to any other dream that you may possess, so work hard and do anything that is possible.
3. You’re Averse to Taking Risks
Risk taking isn’t just limited to those who are looking to go into business or for savvy entrepreneurs. It directly applies to every aspect of our daily lives. How many of us keep that 9 to 5 job that we hate only because we are afraid of taking a plunge and following our passions?
There are a million reasons why you shouldn’t take that risk, after all, bills have to be paid, and there’s a 401k to contribute to, right? But there’s one greater reason why you should take that risk: your dreams lie in wait. Start that business, go on that trip or try out that relationship. You never know what tomorrow might bring, so do not hesitate and take risks.
“Most people fail in life not because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit.” – Les Brown
4. Unwilling to Let Go of Productivity Killers
One of the ridiculous reasons (but true) why people can’t have what they want is the fact that they can’t let go of habits that take up valuable time. Facebook posts, Insta selfies and a whole lot of Netflix-&-Chill might make the whole day down the drain. A global study conducted by B2X also reports that Millennials are spending more than 25% of their day on smartphones, thoroughly diminishing their productivity and bearing a hindrance on them achieving their goals. So, put aside all of the unneeded and pointless activities – it takes too much time!
5. It’s Just Not as Easy as You Thought
Starting is the most important part, but constantly grinding and working on it is even more important to become successful. We often see the glitz on media with stories of overnight successes and folks who hit the jackpot with their ideas. What we don’t see is the pain, sweat, tears and rejection that took up the biggest chunk of the grind.
If it were that easy, it would be worthless. Along the way, you are bound to feel tired, uninspired, depressed, on the verge of giving up even. However, try to find ways of keeping motivated by learning a new skill, meditating, reading etc. Failure is a critical part of succeeding, and you have to embrace it and learn from it.
6. You’re Not Surrounded with Ambitious People
The people around us have a huge impact on how we utilize our time, how we think and the kind of goals we set for ourselves. Tom Mendoza, a brand contributor on Forbes, tackles this subject well by talking about the key qualities of the company he keeps and how it helps him grow. That old musing about being the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with couldn’t be truer.
7. Folks Who Don’t Reach Their Goals Because They Failed Before
This is probably the biggest reason why people don’t accomplish their goals. According to Fundera, about 20% of businesses fail in the first year. Does this mean the other 80% don’t face the same obstacles or they have a magic formula for victory? No, it just means that they managed to get themselves together and try again. The reason people can’t have everything they want is because they want everything `here and now`, but they don’t realize that failure is imminent and is the only sure road to the victory.
8. You Lack Vision and Never Take Action
Biagio Sciacca tackles the subject of a visionary mindset quite well in his blog article on how the boundaries of manifestation are limited by our own perception. He emphasizes with a personal story how everything that we see and interact with starts with a single idea in mind. A vision is not just a vague wish or some random fairy-tale hope, it is the fuel that drives your passion and every meticulous piece of work that you put in. Goal setting provides the big picture perspective on what and why you are doing something.
“Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.” – Vince Lombardi
9. Thinking They Lack Enough Time to Achieve Their Goals
A good number of folks don’t believe they can accomplish their dreams with the time they have left. If you’ve watched “The First Grader” you’ll get all the motivation you need. The story of an 84-year-old who goes back to school to attain a life-long desire to be learned is enough to make you think twice about giving up on your own ambitions. So it is never too late to do something you like, give yourself a try.
10. You Will Succeed Only If You Do It This Way
Living by others’ limitations and the boundaries they set for you is one sure way to box yourself in from your goals. You’ll only get more tired, frustrated and demotivated in the long run. People impose their limitations on you because they don’t want you to succeed or because they have fears about their own abilities and personal failures to deal with. Achieving your goals means silencing those critical voices and having faith in your own way of doing it. Your biggest motivation should be to do it for the people who want to see you fail.
In most of the cases, people shield themselves from success. So, don’t let anything hold you back from any goal you’ve ever set for yourself and always try your best.
Many of you are running around like mad trying to manage your time. You’re reading productivity hacks, taking cold showers and waking up at 5 am.
You’re doing all of this because you want more time to do what you love.
Let me hit you in the face with one technique that has allowed me to win back time, so I can do what I love.
Stop replying to everyone…
You get emails asking you to do stuff.
You get asked to do an intro.
You get asked to speak at an event for free about your area of expertise.
Here’s the problem:
YOU KEEP RESPONDING TO EVERY REQUEST OF YOUR TIME.
What’s the answer?
The answer is really simple like everything I write. Are you ready?
Stop replying to everyone.
I learned this technique the hard way. When I was looking to interview entrepreneurs in 2014 about their story and share it in the form of a blog post, I didn’t get many replies.
I’d email very successful people who have achieved the impossible and get nothing.
Radio silence.
Donuts.
Why don’t your idols respond to requests for their time?
There’s many reasons.
- They have too many requests and could never humanly answer every single one.
- They have limited time and can’t fit everybody into their schedule.
The second reason is the most important. Your idols don’t respond because that’s their way of saying no.
No response is the best response.
By responding to every request of your time, you go down the rabbit hole of endless back and forth conversations.
Let me illustrate this point with a short story.
A US startup approached me on LinkedIn and asked me to advise them on their social media strategy. They offered me equity in return for my expertise.
The product was not something that aligned with who I am, and I was heading off to Europe on holidays and had no time to draft a proper reply.
I sent no response to their request.
They messaged me a second time.
I sent no response to their request.
Then, I got sucked into responding. I felt my moral compass telling me to reply and tell them no. On top of that, the startup had a very well known person in the social media industry join them. FOMO kicked in.
I replied and that’s where everything went wrong.
Once I replied to the request I got daily reminders and emails with pitch decks trying to convince me why they were the one startup who could beat Instagram. The claims of how much traction they had got more and more ridiculous.
“Eventually, a simple request of my time turned into a daily debate”
They wouldn’t leave me alone. I began to regret my stupidity for responding in the first place.
If a request of your time doesn’t resonate with you, and you don’t feel like saying “Fuck Yes” when presented with an opportunity, say NO.
Don’t be tempted by a request of your time.
Say no.
Not replying is what works.
People generally give up after one email or direct message asking for your time. I’ve tested this theory a lot and it has almost always turned out to be true.
As soon as you reply, you become like a lawyer in the High Court trying to defend someone who is accused of murder. Your time is yours. You only get one life.
“You don’t need to justify yourself, your time, or your goals to anybody”
YOU HEAR ME? NOBODY!
The way you win back time and make room for what’s important to you is to fight the temptation to reply to every request that comes your way.
Quit giving away your time like free balloons at a car expo.
You end up making up lies.
The problem with replying to every request of your time is you can end up making up lies to get out of doing something. Or you may end up exaggerating or putting forward excuses that aren’t entirely true.
This causes even more problems for you because if the requester knows people within your network, they may find out you’re not being honest.
Why construct a grand plan that takes more of your time to respond to a request?
It’s easier to say nothing at all.
Silence says it all.
Smart people who ask you for stuff will know that after a week, if you haven’t responded, you’re probably not interested.
Silence is the best response. After all, if someone really wants you to do something they’ll chase you, they’ll follow you up and they may get a mutual connection to intro them to you.
Many pitches and requests are poorly written or incredibly selfish.
Fight back with silence. Don’t reply. Stop replying.
You’re not missing anything.
The temptation to respond can also be caused by the fear that you’re missing out.
Maybe someone is contacting you to fund your idea.
Maybe something you wrote is going to be published in the New York Times.
Maybe the request will lead you to direct a Hollywood Movie.
All of these false ideas are what’s causing you to respond to everybody.You’re worried you could miss the jackpot or your lucky break.
The harsh truth is that these opportunities are earned through hard work.Genuine opportunities that will excite you are clearly articulated and your gut feeling will guide you better than you think.
“You’re not going to miss out on winning an Oscar for a movie you made because you didn’t reply to an email”
Not replying isn’t rude.
We feel we must reply to every request of our time. We have a fear that we will be accused of being rude.
This belief is false also. There’s nothing rude about not replying. We all get lots of emails and messages online and we can’t answer them all. People will understand when you don’t reply. If they don’t understand then that’s a problem with them, not you.
Don’t feel you have to reply out of politeness.
<<<>>>
If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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In 2014 I started writing posts on LinkedIn. They all sucked. Most of them were re-shares of other people’s content.
My ideas about business back then were naive, stupid and mostly ego driven. That was the very issue with everything I was doing on LinkedIn.
It was all about me because that’s what everyone was preaching. I was listening to everyone else instead of listening to my gut feeling.
I changed all of that in 2016.
It resulted in me gaining millions of views on LinkedIn.
Here’s what I did, one step at a time:
Step 1: Try to help one person.
I too wanted to help millions of people on day one. It’s not going to happen. Quit reading the picture quotes that always tell you to “Have a huge impact” or “Think Big.” It’s total BS in the context of social media and getting started.
Instead, write that post with one person in mind. What’s one question you could answer and who would benefit the most from that answer.
That’s what I asked myself.
When I coached a graduate at work, I’d write solutions for them in the form of LinkedIn posts.
When I was asked for my opinions on digital marketing by the Head Of Social Media, I’d write the answer in the form of a LinkedIn post.
“I started out only ever wanting to help one person at a time”
What ended up happening was that those answers applied to more than just the person I’d written it to. That’s how you beat the mental block of doing your first post or trying to help one person.
Step 2: Shoot videos that are not your best.
Be raw, authentic and real.
That’s why I shoot videos with average lighting or dark circles around my eyes or in my pyjamas or without my hair combed. That’s who I am in my rawest form. All the perfect lighting, rehearsed scripts and lack of bloopers translate to one thing:
“You don’t look real to people.”
I’ve probably just pissed off every YouTube famous person in the world with that advice.
All the perfectly written posts, brilliantly shot videos and stunning photos are making us see something that doesn’t resemble reality. Eventually, we become numb to the perfection and switch off from what’s actually important which is:
How can you help all of us?
Okay, I said it again. Just want to make sure you didn’t forget my point.
Step 3: Share posts that have no benefit to you whatsoever.
Someone needs a job? Help them.
Someone needs to raise money for their business? Help them.
Share posts that help other people and that are ideas you believe in.Helping other people on LinkedIn is how you ultimately get closer to your own goals. Those same people you help will become your advocates.
When someone tries to bully you, these people you helped will step in without you asking them to.
If your account get’s hacked, these people you helped will tell you.
If you lose a loved one or go through a disaster in your career, these people will be the first ones to reach out.
“Ultimately, you get stronger on LinkedIn by helping others to be stronger and doing things that have no benefit to you”
Step 4: Commit career suicide.
You probably can’t believe I said that. Why the heck would anyone tell you to do this? It’s simple: career suicide in the modern business world is about being vulnerable and showing your emotions.
It’s about sharing the moment before you give a presentation when you’re scared out of your mind.
It’s about sharing how you got rejected for tons of jobs right in front of the very people who could hire you or even work at the company you’d love to work for.
It’s about completely rethinking everything you’ve ever done and doing something totally different.
It’s about not trying to replicate everybody else’s success thus making you like everybody else.
Step 5: Ignore what the LinkedIn algorithm is doing.
Don’t try and game the algorithm.
You’re not smarter than AI or the machine that is LinkedIn. Quit trying to do that. Forget the viral videos; forget the latest trend of short posts; forget trying to be funny with memes.
The only trick to the Linkedin feed is to be yourself and help a few people in the meantime.
Chasing algorithms only leads to inaction, copying, not being yourself, boredom and all the crap you don’t want.
Step 6: Don’t re-share your posts on social media.
It distracts you. It makes you focus on too many platforms. You’re only one person and probably have enough on your plate with your career.
Pick one social media platform and post on there.
Re-sharing is overrated. Content posted on one platform often won’t make sense on another platform. You don’t need to be on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc, to please the social media gods. You just need one platform where you help people.
Step 7: Forget about a personal brand.
I’ve never seen anybody be inspired by someones ‘personal brand.’
Stop using that phrase. Just stop now for the love of god!
No one goes on LinkedIn (or any other platform) to hear about your personal brand and how you make yourself look good. It’s meaningless x 1000.
Give up creating a personal brand.
Leave your ego behind.
Don’t worry about vanity metrics.
Help people. Be good to people. Support causes you believe in. Help people, help people and then help some more people.
“Find out the problems people are dealing with and then share your solutions to them in the form of stories”
Remove your ego from the equation.
Step 8: Ignore the analytics and data that impacts what you post.
These are a distraction. Who cares how many shares or views you got.
I’ll say it again: All that matters is did you help one person?
Do that. Repeat. Do it again. That’s the millions of views equation. Views are a reflection of how many people you’re helping.
Analytics can’t tell you how to help people — only you can do that using your brain and your intuition. There are so many random factors in analytics that will distract you from the truth.
Maybe you posted at the right time.
Maybe someone with a gazillion followers liked your post.
Maybe your post was re-shared by a publication.
It really doesn’t matter what the analytics say; it matters whether you helped someone other than yourself.
Step 9: Don’t post pictures of you hanging out with cool people.
It doesn’t matter where you went for dinner or what event you went to. How are you helping people? What can you teach me?
Selfies only tell the story of one’s self and the ego that goes with it. That’s not interesting to most people.
Step 10: Don’t have a mentor or coach.
Go on Linkedin and scratch your itch. Forget about having a strategy or listening to people who have done well on the platform.
You’ll figure out Linkedin when you figure out yourself.
1. Who are you?
2. Who are you becoming?
3. How do you help people?
4. What have you overcome?
5. What have you learned?
6. What do you know that nobody else knows?
7. What inspires you?
There the questions you need to answer and following others in the hope that you can chase somebody else’s success on LinkedIn is pointless.
Step 11: Give up chasing trends.
Trends don’t last.
Trends are a distraction away from how you can help people.
Trying to be like everybody else and chasing trends is how I got lost on the platform. I started trying to be somebody else because the trend said to do X.
The real me is quirky, a bit crazy, stupid at times, outspoken and a mixture of introvert and extrovert. Turns out that was more interesting to people than being a trendsetter and saying what I thought people wanted to hear. There are enough people doing that already.
Trends are ridiculous. Make something that lasts.
Step 12: Make your one sentence headline about how you can help.
Not “Growth Expert.”
Not “Strategic Advisor.”
Not “Award Winning.”
Describe in the one sentence LinkedIn gives you to write your headline, to talk about how you help people. Link that to something you’re freaking obsessed with. Mines inspiring the world through entrepreneurship and personal development.
That’s how I help people and that’s what I love like my puppy dog that died in 2005. What do you love and how can you help?
Always remember it’s not about you.
If you’ve spent anytime online you’ve no doubt come across people like this: “Hi there, I’m Timothy Moneybags and I made a million dollars from my best-selling novel after I quit my job and pursued my dream of becoming a writer!”
While many of these stories are true and can definitely be motivational, this idea that quitting your job is synonymous with finding creative success is just not true. Plenty of people have quit their jobs to become writers and ended up not making a dime, we just don’t hear their stories because they’re probably too embarrassed to share them.
Similarly, stories of people who keep their day jobs, pursue their dreams and find their own personal success don’t seem to be heard as often either for a different reason: It’s not as sexy as someone dropping everything to venture into the unknown.
While it might not sell as well in a Facebook Ad, there are plenty of practical reasons why you should keep your day job if you’re planning on pursuing a creative venture that could replace your income.
Here are 4 reasons why you shouldn’t quit your day job for your creative ventures:
1. Steady Income Means Less Stress
It can be insanely stressful knowing that your creative venture will be 100% responsible for feeding yourself and your family. In a lot of ways, this stress can drain the enjoyment you normally had with your project due to it having to make you money at all costs. Eventually, you’ll find your motivation to try something new becomes stagnant as your fear of disrupting the stability that you’ve built yourself pulls you back to what’s familiar.
If you keep your day job, then you won’t have to worry if your branching out causes your project to fall flat on its face because your bills are already covered. While it’s obviously possible to build something on the side that does sustain you, the idea that you have to quit your job right away, stress out to the point of losing sleep, and then hopefully find success is silly.
You can still work your day job and work on your creative projects at the same time, and keeping a steady source of income will help free you up to explore your passions even if they don’t make you any money.
“There is no downside to a side hustle. There are only benefits to building more than one source of income. A side hustle is the new job security.” – Forbes
2. You Have More Time Than You Think to Hustle
This notion that there isn’t enough time during the day to work on your side project is just not a great excuse. Just ask Gary Vaynerchuk, who systematically has his entire day planned down to the minute. If this man is able to fit an insane amount of time doing what he loves into his schedule every day, you can fit, at minimum, a few minutes in your day to work on your passion.
While, practically speaking, you would have a lot of time in your day if you did quit your job, just look at how you spend the free time that you currently have. Are you pursuing your passion or are you watching Netflix? If you’re like me, you’re probably spending too much time staring at a screen rather than hustling.
If you begin monitoring what you do during your free time, you’ll quickly realize that you do, in fact, have time throughout the week to work on your passion. Over time, you’ll see the time you put into your projects will stack up and you’ll be glad you spent those few hours out of the week working versus watching the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
3. You Have a Backup if Things Don’t Work Out
Let’s be frank: your creative venture could completely fail to make you a dime. The question is, will you still have a way to pay the bills if this happens? As mentioned already, having a steady source of income means less stress for you and a safety net in case your passion doesn’t “stick” in the marketplace of ideas.
Your day job, no matter how boring it may be, provides you with necessary stability that a creative venture might not have right away. So, don’t give in to the romantic notion of quitting your job to “pursue your dreams” if you don’t have that stability quite yet unless you’re willing to take this unnecessary risk.
Be practical, and ensure that your bills have a way to be paid and your family has a person at the helm of their future that is both prepared and stable.
“Quitting a job doesn’t jump-start a dream because dreams take planning, purpose and progress to succeed. That stuff has to happen before you quit your day job.”
4. You’re Free to Experiment Without Worrying About Monetization
As Hugh MacLeod puts it in his book “Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity”, passion projects should be looked at as a separate thing from your 9-to-5 job. The reason being is there isn’t pressure to perform a certain way in order to make money. Instead, the creative person is free to explore different avenues without fear of their project not putting food on the table.
One could argue that this is also why a lot of musical artists come out with songs that sound almost identical to the last song they made. Since the last song sold very well, and they want to continue making a profit off of their art, they’ll take a sort of “conveyor belt” approach to their music and not deviate from the formula that works for them.
While there are definitely fantastic songs produced this way, there’s a kind of commercialism that stains the once hungry and experimental artist before they began profiting off their art, and one could argue that their art suffers because of it.
If one keeps their income generator separate from the creative venture they enjoy, they’ll find the venture to be more satisfying to the soul rather than their bank account.
The best approach, in my mind, is to take a “come what may” approach with your creative ventures when it comes to making money. If you earn anything from it, that’s great! However, don’t let money be the main focus or your artistic expression could be compromised.
What is the incentive for attaining your full potential and realizing your goals? Why do some people seem to achieve more than others despite having the same time and resources availed to them? The devil is in the details, and this is especially true when it comes to accomplishing your goals or not.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in the same spot for weeks, months or years now and are not accomplishing much; it might be time for you to assess yourself with the following ten truths.
1. You Lack Self-Confidence
One of the biggest reasons why people fail is because they don’t believe in themselves. Belief is actually a trained function, therefore the deeper you condemn yourself to the rut of self-doubt, the harder it is to come out of it. Our past has a lot to do with how we view our own abilities.
Maybe you just landed a new job or transferred to a new school and are now meeting new people who seem much smarter or more accomplished than yourself. It is often said that battles are won long before they are ever fought, and a lack of self-confidence will cause a reverse effect in accomplishing your goals. Don’t doubt yourself and miss a crucial opportunity in the process.
2. You Always Make the Same Mistakes
This is simply about accountability. If, say you were fired from your dream job because of always showing up late and happened to land another job where soon after you began you made the same mistake, you just dig your own grave. The thorough self-assessment is a crucial part of achieving your goals. You won’t get to the gym and achieve success if you are always oversleeping, or overeating. The same applies to any other dream that you may possess, so work hard and do anything that is possible.
3. You’re Averse to Taking Risks
Risk taking isn’t just limited to those who are looking to go into business or for savvy entrepreneurs. It directly applies to every aspect of our daily lives. How many of us keep that 9 to 5 job that we hate only because we are afraid of taking a plunge and following our passions?
There are a million reasons why you shouldn’t take that risk, after all, bills have to be paid, and there’s a 401k to contribute to, right? But there’s one greater reason why you should take that risk: your dreams lie in wait. Start that business, go on that trip or try out that relationship. You never know what tomorrow might bring, so do not hesitate and take risks.
“Most people fail in life not because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit.” – Les Brown
4. Unwilling to Let Go of Productivity Killers
One of the ridiculous reasons (but true) why people can’t have what they want is the fact that they can’t let go of habits that take up valuable time. Facebook posts, Insta selfies and a whole lot of Netflix-&-Chill might make the whole day down the drain. A global study conducted by B2X also reports that Millennials are spending more than 25% of their day on smartphones, thoroughly diminishing their productivity and bearing a hindrance on them achieving their goals. So, put aside all of the unneeded and pointless activities – it takes too much time!
5. It’s Just Not as Easy as You Thought
Starting is the most important part, but constantly grinding and working on it is even more important to become successful. We often see the glitz on media with stories of overnight successes and folks who hit the jackpot with their ideas. What we don’t see is the pain, sweat, tears and rejection that took up the biggest chunk of the grind.
If it were that easy, it would be worthless. Along the way, you are bound to feel tired, uninspired, depressed, on the verge of giving up even. However, try to find ways of keeping motivated by learning a new skill, meditating, reading etc. Failure is a critical part of succeeding, and you have to embrace it and learn from it.
6. You’re Not Surrounded with Ambitious People
The people around us have a huge impact on how we utilize our time, how we think and the kind of goals we set for ourselves. Tom Mendoza, a brand contributor on Forbes, tackles this subject well by talking about the key qualities of the company he keeps and how it helps him grow. That old musing about being the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with couldn’t be truer.
7. Folks Who Don’t Reach Their Goals Because They Failed Before
This is probably the biggest reason why people don’t accomplish their goals. According to Fundera, about 20% of businesses fail in the first year. Does this mean the other 80% don’t face the same obstacles or they have a magic formula for victory? No, it just means that they managed to get themselves together and try again. The reason people can’t have everything they want is because they want everything `here and now`, but they don’t realize that failure is imminent and is the only sure road to the victory.
8. You Lack Vision and Never Take Action
Biagio Sciacca tackles the subject of a visionary mindset quite well in his blog article on how the boundaries of manifestation are limited by our own perception. He emphasizes with a personal story how everything that we see and interact with starts with a single idea in mind. A vision is not just a vague wish or some random fairy-tale hope, it is the fuel that drives your passion and every meticulous piece of work that you put in. Goal setting provides the big picture perspective on what and why you are doing something.
“Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.” – Vince Lombardi
9. Thinking They Lack Enough Time to Achieve Their Goals
A good number of folks don’t believe they can accomplish their dreams with the time they have left. If you’ve watched “The First Grader” you’ll get all the motivation you need. The story of an 84-year-old who goes back to school to attain a life-long desire to be learned is enough to make you think twice about giving up on your own ambitions. So it is never too late to do something you like, give yourself a try.
10. You Will Succeed Only If You Do It This Way
Living by others’ limitations and the boundaries they set for you is one sure way to box yourself in from your goals. You’ll only get more tired, frustrated and demotivated in the long run. People impose their limitations on you because they don’t want you to succeed or because they have fears about their own abilities and personal failures to deal with. Achieving your goals means silencing those critical voices and having faith in your own way of doing it. Your biggest motivation should be to do it for the people who want to see you fail.
In most of the cases, people shield themselves from success. So, don’t let anything hold you back from any goal you’ve ever set for yourself and always try your best.
Many of you are running around like mad trying to manage your time. You’re reading productivity hacks, taking cold showers and waking up at 5 am.
You’re doing all of this because you want more time to do what you love.
Let me hit you in the face with one technique that has allowed me to win back time, so I can do what I love.
Stop replying to everyone…
You get emails asking you to do stuff.
You get asked to do an intro.
You get asked to speak at an event for free about your area of expertise.
Here’s the problem:
YOU KEEP RESPONDING TO EVERY REQUEST OF YOUR TIME.
What’s the answer?
The answer is really simple like everything I write. Are you ready?
Stop replying to everyone.
I learned this technique the hard way. When I was looking to interview entrepreneurs in 2014 about their story and share it in the form of a blog post, I didn’t get many replies.
I’d email very successful people who have achieved the impossible and get nothing.
Radio silence.
Donuts.
Why don’t your idols respond to requests for their time?
There’s many reasons.
- They have too many requests and could never humanly answer every single one.
- They have limited time and can’t fit everybody into their schedule.
The second reason is the most important. Your idols don’t respond because that’s their way of saying no.
No response is the best response.
By responding to every request of your time, you go down the rabbit hole of endless back and forth conversations.
Let me illustrate this point with a short story.
A US startup approached me on LinkedIn and asked me to advise them on their social media strategy. They offered me equity in return for my expertise.
The product was not something that aligned with who I am, and I was heading off to Europe on holidays and had no time to draft a proper reply.
I sent no response to their request.
They messaged me a second time.
I sent no response to their request.
Then, I got sucked into responding. I felt my moral compass telling me to reply and tell them no. On top of that, the startup had a very well known person in the social media industry join them. FOMO kicked in.
I replied and that’s where everything went wrong.
Once I replied to the request I got daily reminders and emails with pitch decks trying to convince me why they were the one startup who could beat Instagram. The claims of how much traction they had got more and more ridiculous.
“Eventually, a simple request of my time turned into a daily debate”
They wouldn’t leave me alone. I began to regret my stupidity for responding in the first place.
If a request of your time doesn’t resonate with you, and you don’t feel like saying “Fuck Yes” when presented with an opportunity, say NO.
Don’t be tempted by a request of your time.
Say no.
Not replying is what works.
People generally give up after one email or direct message asking for your time. I’ve tested this theory a lot and it has almost always turned out to be true.
As soon as you reply, you become like a lawyer in the High Court trying to defend someone who is accused of murder. Your time is yours. You only get one life.
“You don’t need to justify yourself, your time, or your goals to anybody”
YOU HEAR ME? NOBODY!
The way you win back time and make room for what’s important to you is to fight the temptation to reply to every request that comes your way.
Quit giving away your time like free balloons at a car expo.
You end up making up lies.
The problem with replying to every request of your time is you can end up making up lies to get out of doing something. Or you may end up exaggerating or putting forward excuses that aren’t entirely true.
This causes even more problems for you because if the requester knows people within your network, they may find out you’re not being honest.
Why construct a grand plan that takes more of your time to respond to a request?
It’s easier to say nothing at all.
Silence says it all.
Smart people who ask you for stuff will know that after a week, if you haven’t responded, you’re probably not interested.
Silence is the best response. After all, if someone really wants you to do something they’ll chase you, they’ll follow you up and they may get a mutual connection to intro them to you.
Many pitches and requests are poorly written or incredibly selfish.
Fight back with silence. Don’t reply. Stop replying.
You’re not missing anything.
The temptation to respond can also be caused by the fear that you’re missing out.
Maybe someone is contacting you to fund your idea.
Maybe something you wrote is going to be published in the New York Times.
Maybe the request will lead you to direct a Hollywood Movie.
All of these false ideas are what’s causing you to respond to everybody.You’re worried you could miss the jackpot or your lucky break.
The harsh truth is that these opportunities are earned through hard work.Genuine opportunities that will excite you are clearly articulated and your gut feeling will guide you better than you think.
“You’re not going to miss out on winning an Oscar for a movie you made because you didn’t reply to an email”
Not replying isn’t rude.
We feel we must reply to every request of our time. We have a fear that we will be accused of being rude.
This belief is false also. There’s nothing rude about not replying. We all get lots of emails and messages online and we can’t answer them all. People will understand when you don’t reply. If they don’t understand then that’s a problem with them, not you.
Don’t feel you have to reply out of politeness.
<<<>>>
If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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Gordon A.Wright
Oct 17, 2013 at 11:27 am
Thanks , One is never to old to learn or change for success in life.
Jonathan
Sep 22, 2013 at 11:11 pm
This is something I definitely need to work on… Something I will work on!
jestoni
Jul 25, 2013 at 12:24 am
being assertive is being positive..
Paul Pedro
Jul 17, 2013 at 10:16 am
Wow this was powerful! I need to integrate this into my daily routine
Alex
Jul 17, 2013 at 8:10 am
I love this site !!!
Joseph Wallace
Jul 17, 2013 at 7:58 am
YESSSSS!!!! I need This!!!
Eric Lopez
Jul 17, 2013 at 1:42 pm
^ Me too! Thanks author!