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5 Simple but Important Ways You Can Defeat Perfectionism

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man working perfectionist
Image Credit | Joel Brown

Most of us have at least one role model in our lives. Someone who inspires us to be better, follow after their footsteps and who wants us to reach heights greater than they did. Thoughts like “I want to make them proud” become synonymous to “I don’t want to disappoint them”.

But then you come up short or fail. And it breaks your heart. Not theirs, but YOURS. You punish yourself for apparently not trying “enough”. You consider your actions “unacceptable” and you feel like you’ve disappointed not only yourself, but everyone around you as well.

Setting high standards is not completely a bad thing; in fact, it is actually a good motivation technique. Refrain from taking on more tasks than you think you can handle though. Before you know it, you’re drowning in work that could’ve been finished long ago just because you don’t feel like it’s commendable enough. You constantly find yourself taking a step forward only to take two steps back.  

All these, plus the refusal to accept any standard short of excellence, categorize us as a perfectionist. Instead of helping you become better, extreme perfectionism eventually ruins you. It brings nothing but unending stress, sleepless nights and a perpetual feeling of unworthiness.

Here are five ways to gradually help you prevail over perfectionism:

1. Find alternative ways to get things done

On days where you just “don’t feel like” doing what you usually do, mix up your routines. There is more than one way to accomplish something, so try to enjoy the spontaneity. Allow yourself to get help, rather than trying to accomplish everything on your own like you usually do. Letting others help you may even result in finishing the job faster, leaving more time for revisions and any fixing that has to be done.

2. Break big goals into smaller ones

First, start off by creating realistic timelines and schedules. Give yourself enough time to finish a task without having to cram. The more you cram, the more you tend to panic, and panic does not go well with perfectionism. Setting a reasonable deadline based on your abilities will not only allow you to work peacefully, but give you reassurance that it is indeed possible to reach your goal.

Not all goals and dreams are a one-shot wonder. Often times, we focus so much on the big picture or the end result that we overlook the steps it takes to get there. We have to care about what happens in between and what it takes to get there, or else we just end up distraught.  

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.” – Bruce Lee

3. Leave a little room for disappointment and mistakes

Mistakes and improvement always go hand in hand. Do not be so hard on yourself and try to forgive yourself for your shortcomings instead of wallowing in self-pity. Use your slip-ups as step-ups.

No matter how much consolation and reassurance you receive from your peers about a job well done, if you choose not to believe them, you will never be satisfied – or be able to move on.  Reflect on your failures, but don’t resent yourself for it.

4. Reward yourself

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead of thinking, “I failed”, substitute it with one or two good things that DIDN’T go wrong. Rather than thinking of all the other ways something could’ve gone wrong, focus on the positive things that went well and congratulate yourself for it. That alone is a reward in itself. Buy yourself flowers if you feel like it. Treat yourself to your favorite dessert. Any success, big or small, is worth celebrating.

“Every project has challenges, and every project has its rewards.” – Stephen Schwartz

5. Realize that not everything is a pass or fail situation

Get started even if you don’t see the end result. Although we are expected to do the best we can, our abilities will only take us so far. Sometimes, amongst the black and white, the gray area is all that matters most. Take these “but let me… one last time” or “Wait! This isn’t good enough…” lines out of your vocabulary.  

We have to learn how to surrender to the moments, situations, changes and flaws and allow them to happen the way they’re supposed to happen.  Focus more on doing a job right than doing it perfectly. And realize that being average is okay, too.

How have you been able to manage your perfectionism? Leave your thoughts below!
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Life

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Find True Happiness

Comparison is the thief of joy; it robs us of our happiness, self-esteem, and peace of mind

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How to stop comparing yourself to others
Image Credit: Midjourney

In today’s hyperconnected world, it’s easier than ever to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. Social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn constantly bombard us with curated highlights of other people’s lives, making it seem like everyone else is happier, more successful, and more fulfilled than we are. (more…)

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Life

Harness the ‘Battery Effect’ to Transform Life’s Tensions into Your Greatest Strength

Recharge your life batteries by shifting your mindset today

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Battery effect in life
Image Credit: Midjourney

I believe our life capacity is determined by the skillsets we develop on this spinning rock we call Earth. By “life capacity,” I mean our ability to embrace and sustain joy. (more…)

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Life

Doing This for 30 Minutes a Day Can Unlock Your Full Potential

Taking just 30 minutes a day to learn something new improved my life

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30 minutes of daily learning
Image Credit: Midjourney

Between the demands of work, life, and the never-ending cycle of bills, we often put our development, learning, and self-improvement at the bottom of our daily to-do lists. (more…)

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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