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4 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Your Limits and Tackle Negative Thinking



negative thinking

We can at times feel overwhelmed by the barriers in front of us.  Whether those challenges come from our own faults and oversights, or from the resistance of others, they present a huge frustration, not easily overborne. The only element that we can control, is our outlook. It is necessary to shift our mindset in order to work through frustration and accomplish our goals. 

The following are four ways to help you counteract negative thinking:

1. Be present

Too often we get off-track by focusing on the next step or what we should have done at the prior step.  Save tomorrows worries for tomorrow, and focus on completing the task before you, so that you might inch closer to your goals.  

It may help to gamify your life by looking at successive steps as levels to be completed in an overall objective or mission.  You don’t beat yourself up for not slaying the dragon two attempts ago–you use your knowledge of the location and previous position of barriers to help fortify you at the next turn.  

You can focus on presence by asking yourself what you are resolved to do today. Breathing and meditating are aids to focus your mind on what currently exists. You can meditate and reflect to center yourself, and focus on what’s happening now.

Asking yourself about today, limits your focus to the present, so that you don’t waste time fretting about the past or preoccupying yourself about a future for which you know nothing.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” – Mother Teresa

2. Stop focusing on conditional statements

Seneca, Stoic and Roman statesman said, “Expecting is the greatest impediment to living. In anticipation of tomorrow, it loses today.” If you are focusing on what you are missing, what other people are doing, or how much success you would have if X would happen, it is for naught.  You are placing the focus on how certain conditions would make your life great, instead of what you can do.  While it’s good to have goals, this is not the same thing. 

Focus on what you can control. By focusing on conditions that don’t exist and won’t materialize magically, you are effectively daydreaming instead of actually taking the steps to accomplish what you want. When you examine what is within your reach, you can effectively guide yourself forward.

A good way to wake yourself from the reverie of conditional thinking, is to ask, “can I control this?” If so, do what you need to–effectively and without haste. If you cannot control something, then take action on the items within your reach, and forget about everything beyond it.

3. Recognize opportunities when they present themselves as challenges

Thomas Edison said “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” This is not to say that we are averse to hard work, but that our minds miss opportunity because we equate it with obstacle.

When an obstacle arises, sometimes our immediate reaction is to recede within ourselves because we cannot come up with a plan to immediately get past it. We might hesitate, and the longer we take to analyze or look at the challenge, the bigger it becomes.

Instead of evaluating our best methods or direct approaches to the challenge, we allow overwhelm to set in, and we create a greater distance between our problem and our ability to solve it. When this happens, we can first, call it an opportunity instead of a challenge, problem or obstacle.

We can then ask ourselves what scares us about this opportunity. Once we have identified our perceived challenges (usually our notions about our own shortcomings), we can find ways to communicate those challenges and search for help.

For example, if you have a question about your ability to pursue your new fitness goals, you might ask a friend who did something similar what they did to take advantage of that opportunity. You might also find an online community of people who are faced with the same set of circumstances, and discover a host of potential approaches you had not previously considered.

If all else fails, you can research your specific circumstances and seek answers from the gatekeepers. If the response is not one you want to hear, you can use that for insight into future approaches (in other words–don’t give up because it might be as simple as shifting your attitude or approach).

If it doesn’t work out, in the end, you have an experience that has helped fortify and prepare you for other opportunities. Howard Marks, co-founder of Oaktree Capital, and author of The Most Important Thing, echoes this sentiment when he said “Experience is what you got when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

“In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact.” – Les Brown

4. Doggedly pursue your goals

Once you have identified and outlined your goals, you must unhesitatingly place your focus on pursuing them. When you get rejected, remind yourself that it builds your resilience. When you do not receive a response at all, focus on improving from your last effort. When you have no idea why it isn’t working, evaluate whether your goal truly aligns with what you want from your life, and if it does, continue your relentless pursuit.

Do not be discouraged by a no today, because tomorrow, or 435 tomorrow’s later might await the yes you need in order to proceed with fulfilling your commitment to your life’s work. This is easier said than done. In that vein create a daily reminder for yourself, that encourages you to continue pursuit of your efforts.

What other ways do you stop yourself from obsessing over your limits? Leave your thoughts below!

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Dekera Greene Rodriguez is a writer, lawyer, wife and mom. She writes at, is a contributor at The Huffington Post, and her work has been featured in Thought Catalog and The Good Men Project. You can find her on Twitter @dekerag.

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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