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5 Reasons Your Relationship Is Keeping You Mediocre

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Relationships are challenging. It’s frustrating and disheartening when a relationship is operating below its potential. It can take the wind out of your sails and affect the tone of your day. You come home and you can tell she’s in a mood already. You wonder if you should ignore it or confront her about it.

With everything you have going on, the last thing you need is a problematic relationship. It’s distracting and it’s eating into the limited time and energy you could be spending on your side-hustle/world-domination project.

You ask yourself, “How can I get her to understand this is only temporary? How can I get us back on the same sheet of music?” The simple answer is by acting like it is temporary; by acting like it’s an investment in extraordinary. Fortunately, there’s only one way to do that; by not being ordinary.

If there’s one thing that’s true it’s that ordinary guys make explanations and excuses. Extraordinary guys make a difference. The way you handle her moods tells her volumes about which side of that line you are on. If you want a relationship that fits into a self-actualized life, start being extraordinary.

Here are 5 ways you’re being ordinary:

1. You use her for validation  

It’s natural for you to want validation, want her to fawn over you, and to treat you with awe and respect. But do you want it for doing nothing? Instead, do something amazing; try changing the world or changing somebody’s life. You’ll find you care a lot less about the applause once you do that.

2. You expect fairness  

She’s not fair, she misunderstands me. It’s supposed to be 50/50 right?”, you say. This sounds about as sexy as a household cleaning product commercial. Stop wanting fair and start wanting to light your life on fire. Start wanting extraordinary. Make her want to spontaneously combust because of how you make her feel. That’s an end zone worth driving for.

3. You want it to be safe and easy

Remember when you fell in love? Remember telling her you loved her for the first time? Remember the lump in your throat and the racing heartbeat? You need to understand that real love isn’t safe, it’s a risk. If the relationship is to be extraordinary, it will not be easy and will challenge you at every turn.

You know this from your job or running your own business. Rather than risk chasing a dream, most of your colleagues would stay in a job that was secure and paid decent even if they hated it. Most people pick mediocre and safe over extraordinary and risky. Which one are you going to choose?

“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

4. You over-share  

How many times has this happened to you? You walk in and your partner asks “How was your day, honey? The floodgates open immediately. You bore her to tears about that new diet or new workout you’re starting and how hard it’s going to be. Or you go on and on about the problems you had in your day without showing interest in her day.

A little sharing goes a long way in relationships. Keep a little mystery and make her a little curious about what’s going on inside your head. Give her the bare minimum information about your day and instead be interested more in hers.

5. You’ve forgotten who you are

Here’s how to tell your identity is slipping: You get defensive and feel misunderstood; you feel like people don’t get you. Now, I don’t know you but maybe you’re totally intact. Maybe you are making a difference in your life that is completely in line with your identity; with who you want to be most.

Maybe you are creating meaning in your life and climbing Maslow’s pyramid every day. Sadly, I’m betting you’re not. I’m guessing you sold out a long time ago. Sold out to the money the promotion, the toys. Your wife’s affection or even just keeping her in a good mood took the place of the search for meaning. It’s time to get it back.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

An exercise you must do to change your relationship

Imagine this, you come home to the same scene you always do. Your wife is sitting there with the same look and moodiness, ready to pounce on you for leaving your socks on the floor as always. But something’s different this time. This scene just doesn’t feel the same as normal.

At first you can’t place what it is, but then it hits you. It’s you that is different. The heaviness is gone and the burden has been lifted. For some reason, you find her mood endearing. You are strangely excited by the idea of engaging with her and the risk doesn’t scare you.

Instead, you feel confident and grounded in knowing who you are and the meaning you want to make in this situation, in your relationship and in your life. So if you’re ready to start being extraordinary here’s your assignment:

Step one: Share this article with five guys you know who are settling for ordinary in their relationships.

Step two: Spend the next five days keeping track of every time you fall into an ordinary guy pattern from above. Keep a journal and every night before bed brainstorm ways you could have handled those situations differently. Once you’ve done that, then come back here and tell me what happened.

What problems did you figure out you had in your relationship and how did you fix them? Leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Joseph Freynik helps the successful man who doesn’t want his marriage to become another casualty of chasing his dream. You can learn to speak her language, actually win fights, be her hero again and stay out of the doghouse for good. Home should be a place of peace, romance and inspiration. Start today: get the free quick start guide: Basic Romantic Fighting Tactics.

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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time. (more…)

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The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

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When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

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​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

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Life

Practicing Self-Devotion: 3 Ways Towards a More Mindful and Compassionate You

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I can still hear the voices of my older relatives and my elementary school teachers telling me “be disciplined”, “keep at it”, to give time and energy towards what we want. As a young, impressionable child, I believed all those things because well, they made sense. They worked. And honestly, I felt like it’s the only way to flourish. (more…)

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