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4 Ways Stepping Back Can Move You Forward

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Take a step back

The world demands that we work at a breakneck pace and anything less is a failure, or worse yet, a sign of laziness.  The problem with this train of thought is that if you keep zooming along trying to keep up with everyone and everything, you will eventually mire yourself in the minutia of your life and business and lose sight of the big picture.  

When this happens, and you finally can’t hear your own inner voice anymore, it means you need to step back.  This means going into a self-styled hermit mode where you can be alone to figure out why you’re doing what you’re doing.  

These four benefits of alone time can help you refocus so you can come back to the world recharged and ready to perform at your best:

1. Being Alone Forces You to “Be” Not “Do”

Being alone, even for only a few hours, preferably in a quiet place, gives your mind and body the opportunity to settle down.  But as you’re trying to do this you may instead experience some pretty outrageous feelings of anxiety, guilt, and fear.  

These are all side effects of stepping away from the relentless pace of society and are also a wake-up call that you truly need to allow yourself this time away to just be instead of remaining caught up in the endless cycle of doing.  Being allows you to regroup mentally, physically, and emotionally, and is crucial in helping you understand how you’re spending your life.  

Is all your busyness moving you closer to what you want?  Does your work fill you with deep meaning, mild despair, or apathy?  Giving yourself permission to just be allows you to take stock of what’s really going on and can help you figure out if you’re spending your energy on the things that are important or not.

2. Being Alone Helps You Face Your Fears

In our super speedy world, it’s easy to avoid facing fears.  You’ll tell yourself that if you just keep moving, just keep “doing,” you’ll be able to outrun them.  Time alone helps you face your fears without distractions or having to endure the judgment of others.  Instead of becoming overwhelmed or discouraged when faced with fears, think of them as ways to learn.  

Write down each fear without trying to figure out how to conquer it and don’t share your list with anyone.  Sit with your fears and acknowledge them.  What do they have to teach you?  Don’t beat yourself up for being afraid, but try instead to look at what you can learn about yourself, others, and your situation.  

Which fears are the result of unreasonable expectations you’ve placed on yourself?  Which fears have you adopted from others that no longer apply to you?  Shifting to a mindset of working with, not against, your fears will eventually help you learn the lessons they have to teach you.

“I’m learning a lot about myself being alone, and doing what I’m doing.” – Chantal Kreviazuk

3. Being Alone Allows You to Reflect

Taking a break and spending some time alone gets you out of the details and up to a thirty thousand foot level so you can see the big picture of your life.  Much like a business strategy review, a much-needed pause is your chance to assess your personal and professional lives and figure out if you need to make big changes, little tweaks, or something in between.  

What are your biggest successes?  What new passions do you want to pursue?  What big decision do you need to make that will impact you now and in the long run?  Others may tell you that reflection time is a selfish luxury, but in truth, it’s reflecting on your life as a whole and making the needed adjustments that will keep you energized and balanced over the long haul.

4. Being Alone Lights the Way Forward

By staying in the constant rat race of doing and never taking time away to simply be, you not only run the risk of burnout but also of losing touch with your passion.  It’s so easy to get lost in the details and before long, years may pass, and you may wake up and realize you don’t feel as though you have anything to show for your time and effort.  

Stepping back recharges your inner light; it allows you to appreciate where you’ve been, refocus, and provides clues as to what you want to learn as you continue your journey.  Taking time away allows you to weigh your options on how to get to where you want to go, and more importantly, why you want to get there.

“Take a step back today and look at all the beautiful things you have.”

Taking time away from your usual routine to make progress may seem counterintuitive.  You may feel like you can’t do it, and if you do, you’ll be judged harshly.  The question you must ask yourself is this: are you willing to risk the judgment of others in order to discover breakthroughs about yourself and your business?  

If your success depends on looking at alone time as an opportunity instead of a punishment, and an essential part of being a healthy person instead of a luxury, isn’t it time you took some time away without guilt or excuses to focus on your success?

How has alone time helped you in your life? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Brooke Davis is a Certified Wellness Inventory coach and writer. She is the founder of Roots of Abundance, an online personal development company, where she helps mid-career women manage chronic stress, overwhelm, and burnout. Learn more about Brooke at www.rootsofabundance.com or on Instagram at @rootsofabundanceco.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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