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5 Important Skills That Online Dating Teaches You for Your Career

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Love it or hate it, online dating is here to stay…until the next upgrade. Despite some painful aspects, it can be the perfect training ground to prepare for a job search and teach you valuable work skills. If you’ve ever been on and gone on a date through one of the many sites, you know what I’m talking about. Dates often feel like an interview with question upon question about your life and background.

When you leave, you wonder, did I answer correctly? Am I the best candidate? Will I make it to the next round? And, no, there is no rose. So what’s a guy or gal to do? You learn and evaluate the situations in order to not make the same mistakes again.

In this article, we’ll look at some very concrete skills you take away from this often challenging process. Even if you don’t find the love of your life, you will still see just how great you really are, and how lucky anyone would be to spend time with you.

Here are the top five skills that online dating teaches you that you can use for your job search, career and life:

1. Writing

It’s where it all begins…a simple profile and sending a few messages. Aside from your photo, which sometimes is all people ever view, what you write and how you phrase it may be all that stands between you and finding “the one.” While you likely won’t be graded for grammar and typos, you will be judged on how well you are able to communicate and engage your audience.

Online, aside from a few great photos, content is queen. Like your resume and cover letter, your profile is all you really have to initially distinguish yourself before the decision is made whether or not to meet.

2. Selling

No!, not that kind of selling…well, not exactly.  While you do have to sell yourself within this process, it’s more about selling your brand and lifestyle.

As with most aspects of selling, you need to know your product (you) and your avatar (target audience). Bluntly put, do you have what they want and equally important, can they afford the purchase, e.g. are they the one for you? As in online dating, choosing a place to work is about ensuring it’s a good match for both.

“The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself.” – Napoleon Hill

3. Marketing

Good photos, the right clothes, and exciting Instagram shots are what can make or break a fantastic picture. Similar to selling or a job interview, the way you appear and demonstrate your credibility as a candidate, impacts whether or not you will get another interview or date. Wearing the right dress, suit, shoes, etc and understanding how to package yourself is critical.

First appearances are everything. Just as interviewers tend to select people like them, dates often look for their types or certain qualities that appeal to them. Knowing how to present yourself in the best possible way may make all the difference between one-time and a lifetime.

4. Strategy

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy being the best candidate for the job or role as future life partner. You have to carefully think about the position and ask yourself, “Am I really the best person for the job?” or “Do I even want to be spending my valuable time with this person or company?” If you decide you do, then think about how best you can achieve this goal.

With companies, like potential dates, it’s about understanding what they’re looking for and positioning your candidacy in a way that will resonate with them. Given the ubiquity of online dating and job sites, it’s easy to apply and use. If you decide you really like this person or job, then you need to figure out what you need to do (or not do) to make your candidacy stand out.

5. Dealing with Rejection/Failure

The reality is that not everyone is for everyone. Like a recruiter looking for a job candidate, potential dates have certain criteria in mind, and whether they write it in their profile, put it in a job description, or have an unrecognized bias, they’ve likely already decided what they want before you even entered the room. In the end, it’s just whether or not you match what they’re looking for.

Inevitably, all you can really do is a brief assessment and learn. The bottom line is, there’s nothing you can do once it’s over. What happens next is completely out of your control or may never have been in your control. Rejection hurts and while it hopefully never stops feeling uncomfortable, it will get easier.

“Remember your dreams and fight for them. You must know what you want from life. There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho

In the end, though we can learn from the process, finding the right person is far different than finding the right job. We put far more of our hearts into the search for love and sadly, far less of our heads.

While we tend to search tirelessly for work, usually creating concrete strategies and defined lists of what we’ll accept, we rarely do that for our potential partners. Conversely, perhaps it’s time to put a bit more of our hearts into the job search process. In the end, the two inevitably impact each other, so maybe it’s finally time to look more holistically at both.

Has maneuvering the world of online dating helped you in your career? Let us know in the comments below!

Andrea J. Miller is a healthcare expert, having worked nationally and internationally with organizations like the CDC, World Health Organization, New York City Department of Health, UN Refugee Agency and UN Programme for HIV/AIDS. She became a passionate wellness and health tech advocate after personal health crises, as a patient and caregiver, led her to seek more natural, holistic alternatives. Her personal experiences drive her work as a management consultant, helping healthcare organizations and start-ups optimize patient outcomes and customer experience.

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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