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3 Strategies to Help You Find Your Calling in Life



how to find your calling
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Have you ever felt stuck in life? As in, you have no idea what you want to do in the future, what direction to take, what will make you feel so passionate about anything that “you won’t have to work a day in your life.?” It’s not a great feeling. Well, you are not alone. According to a Gallup poll done a few years back among U.S. teenagers, the fear of being a failure and not succeeding in life was at number four. More specifically, the dread was about “making mistakes that will mess up my life,” “not measuring up,” “not leaving a mark. It’s a fear we all carry around in ourselves.

But then, there are the stories of the self-made entrepreneurs. Those few lucky ones who have found their life’s purpose and have “made it” by following their passion. While this is all really inspiring, one can’t help but wonder how do we exactly go about finding out what our true vocation in life is? How do we become part of this lucky pack? Is “follow your passion” enough to make us fulfilled? What about profitable? That is, what is the secret concoction, or our true vocation, that will make us content, be worthwhile and rewarding financially—all at the same time?

Here are three approaches you can undertake to help yourself find your genuine calling in life:

1. Build Self-knowledge

This first strategy may be very intuitive and straight-forward, but surprisingly, many may find it challenging. Because you need to really slow down, look inward and reflect consciously on your strengths and goals and what makes you come alive. Not the easiest thing to do with our go-go-go lifestyles.

Self-knowledge is imperative to success, though. Daniel Coleman, the New York Times best-selling author and psychologist, considers self-awareness to be the first ingredient of “emotional intelligence,” –the soft skill which makes up 90% of the difference between successful leaders and the rest.

Psychologists tell us that building self-awareness can be achieved through meditation, paying attention to our behavior (how we react to certain triggers) or by seeking feedback from others. That is, wise men tell us, if you want to become a better draft of yourself, make self-reflection a daily habit. You may find a whole new universe within you you never knew existed.

“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.” – Daniel Goleman

2. Recognize that passion doesn’t always equal your life’s calling

Recently, we hear more and more the persistent buzz that “follow your passion” is not a sustainable thing to pursue. Not entirely by itself. From scientists and gurus to executives, it transpires that passion is important, but it should not be followed with a blind oblivion. At least not solely, especially when we start out with a new venture or a job even. We still need to make a living.

So, what’ s the Goldilocks solution here? One way to find a (money-making) vocation is to “pay attention to those things that you devote most time to…and double your investment there,” as self-made billionaire Mark Cuban advises. There may be many things we are passionate about, but it doesn’t mean we can excel at them. Passion doesn’t always equal profitability.

According to some recent research, a good way to excel is to follow the R-Square, combine passion with purpose. This means that we can link the things we enjoy doing like socializing or learning to a broader picture of helping others, of improving, of doing something bigger than ourselves. That is, “side hustles” can turn out to become your life’s legacy in the end but do your homework first before you decide to take the plunge.

3. Keep Looking

We all know the famed maxim: It’s ok to fail. What’s important is to get up and keep trying. Yet, many are stuck in the same rut, the same job for the past 10 years, the same habits, environment, circle of people. They keep complaining they hate their work, life, everything really, yet they don’t do much beyond this—be it our of fear, comfort or pure procrastination. “Playing it safe” is a sheltered way of life indeed.

But chances are that the changes you crave are very unlikely to happen if you always follow the same routine. A better strategy is to figure out what you are good at, what makes you excited and go after it. The best part? It doesn’t have to be a radical overnight transformation. Strive for 1% better than yesterday which, by the principle of compounding, comes up to 3800% improvement in one year! It’s called the Kaizen effect and it can work magic for self-improvement.

The grass may not be greener on the other side, but you don’t always know for sure now, do you? It may as well be bright emerald, or, as Robin Sharma put it so eloquently: “Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.”

“Losers quit when they fail. Winners fail until they succeed.” – Robert T. Kiyosaki

Fortune favors the bold. In the end, passion and profit don’t have to be viewed as binary outcomes. It’s very attainable for everyone to do what they love and prosper. But firstly, you must discover what it is that you love, which of these things can feed both of your bank account and your need for purpose and take the first step.

It’s not easy. It may even feel like you are not moving at all or going backwards at times. But remember, while the quest for your own P-square—passion and purpose—is by no means an effortless undertaking, it’s still movement, evolution, progress, growth. Better than stagnation. And when you still have doubts if you should even try, think about the rut—is this how you envisage the rest of your life to be?

Evelyn Marinoff is a writer and an aspiring author. She holds a degree in Finance and Marketing,  works in client consulting, and spends her free time reading, writing and researching ideas in psychology, leadership, well-being and self-improvement. On her website, she writes tips and pieces on self-enhancement and confidence. You can also find her on Twitter at @Evelyn_Marinoff.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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