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4 Ways Negativity Positively Impacts Your Life




Reading this headline, you are probably thinking “Another smarty on the internet who is going to tell me the fact that my life sometimes sucks is actually a good thing.” Yep, that’s me so let me fill you in and share with you a concept which totally transformed the way I see negativity.

When I got into the personal development space and created my motivational blog almost 3 years ago, I thought that I should talk about happiness hacks and possibly some unicorns here and there. But I learned very quickly that this was not my journey and I wouldn’t get under your skin unless I deal with real stuff.

I am one of those people who likes to find the light in the dark, who wants to dig deep down into the dirt and come up with the benefit of it. I love taking my emotional pain and making a freaking rainbow out of it just so I can reap its benefits.

Although I love the motivation and powerful inspirational messages we see and hear on a daily basis, I am tired of this “free lunch” mentality. There is no such a thing as we all need to pay a price. If we truly want to make it all the way without major mental injuries, we first need to understand the benefits of pain, hurt, struggle or any negative emotions and see them as blessings.

Here are 4 ways negativity positively impacts your life:

1. Mental stretching

Mental stretching is complete opposite of “free lunch” mentality which I mentioned earlier. Your inner transformation or “mindset upgrade” won’t happen unless there is some pain or challenge involved. The problem is that we are presented this idea of a quick fix and getting everything in a short period of time. When that doesn’t happen, we get discouraged, quit and stop working on ourselves.  

Real, powerful and sustainable growth follows when you decide to face the pain and do something about it. The best way to deal with negative emotions is by asking yourself this simple question: “How can I use it in my favor?” At first, it will piss you off. Then, it will allow you to work with negativity in a powerful way.  

“Reality is created by the mind, we can change our reality by changing our mind.” Plato

2. It keeps your ego grounded

I remember when I sent out my first article to A2S. I was super nervous and totally scared of rejection. To my surprise, the response was positive. This encouraged me to write another one and again they liked it and decided to publish it. So, I didn’t hesitate and sent out the third article.

This time I wasn’t putting all my effort into writing it and it reflected on the outcome. Yep, as you guess, two approved articles made me feel like a superstar and raised my confidence way too high.

In their email, they kindly thanked me for my effort but politely explained that they are going to pass on it at this time. This email sent me right back to the ground and made me realize one of the most important things. In the words of Gary Vaynerchuk, we are never too big.

This rejection, which many of us consider to be a negative experience, gave me a lesson for life and made me understand that we are never too big to learn, to love, to forgive, to be kind and humble at all cost.

3. It makes you understand more

Negativity is probably the best teacher in life. I know, sounds brutal, but think about it this way. Why do some people who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth and given everything in the world  fail to “make it happen?” Why do many of them end up in drugs, living promiscuity lives surrounded by problems and toxic relationships?

On the other hand, you have another group who experiences poverty, a tough life, and unimaginable struggles. They thrive in life and produce one success after another. It seems only as a paradox if we don’t understand the power of negativity. Pain breaks ignorance and gives us a better understanding about life, about people’s feelings and the fact that we all go through it. It’s not just you and I, it’s everyone; we all fight.

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” Sun Tzu

4. Intolerance leads to breakthrough

I bet you’ve had one of those moments when you said, “enough is enough.” It usually happens when something was bothering you or hurting you for too long. It was something you tolerated in spite of a fact that it wasn’t causing you any good.

It happens all the time. We get into the wrong relationships, end up in jobs which drain us and we live it although the dissatisfaction is getting bigger and the pain is getting more intense. All this cultimates in one day simply breaking down.

Suddenly, all those excuses don’t matter anymore. Fear disappears and there is no way that we are going to tolerate this painful lifestyle for one more minute without actually doing something about it. That’s when those positive and giant breakthroughs happen since the current situation becomes intolerable.


Breaking this illusion of a “perfectly positive” life is the first step to own the happiness we seek every day. If we believe The idea of happiness meaning being problem-free brings more pain in the form of disappointment in regards to “how things should be.”

Here is the truth, negativity is the way to positivity. That’s how we get it, that’s how we live it and that’s how we experience it. Do me a favor and look back. Look at your breakthroughs, look at those most powerful moments of your life and your biggest victories. What was the reason that they became your reality?

Do you look for the positive in the most dire of situations? If so, does it help your moral? Let us know your experiences in the comments below!

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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