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3 Ways You Can Evolve Into Your Bigger and Braver Self

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personal growth
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Look at your dog, he or she is the cutest animal ever, always happy, that plays with his squeaky toys, and cries when you come back home. Now, think about a wild wolf. A playful mate for puppies, but ready to transform into a lethal predator. With a look capable of petrifying any other living being who sees it pass by, wolves are intimidating, fierce, and tough as hell.

Not the description of an animal that you can pet near the fireplace, right? This comparison is useful because it gives the opportunity to think about the reason for the substantial difference between a domestic and a wild animal.

Why is that useful to us?

While our dog spends his life playing and sleeping on soft, warm pillows with his belly full, the wolf can be often found starving while trudging in the snow and squinting against the wind, battling the cold, right in the middle of a days-long hunt.

Those experiences forge the mind and the body of the animal. The same thing is also valid for humans. If we live an extremely comfortable life we become the domestic dog, otherwise, if we are exposed to hard situations throughout our lives, we become the wild wolf.

Comfort feels really good in the moment, but it’s terrible in the long term because it doesn’t prepare us to face the difficulties that life inevitably will throw at us. Discomfort forces us to face issues that once seemed too much to bear, and face them with more confidence because we’ve become aware of our ability to endure hard times.

It’s crucial to intentionally choose to withstand daily, minor adversities, without waiting to be caught unprepared by the unplanned ones, because, by doing so, we’re forced to evolve and become more resilient.

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” – Walt Disney

Below are three habits that can help you transform into the biggest and bravest wolf:

1. Exercise

Exercise, if done correctly, is a great way to make yourself tougher. Push through the fatigue and finish that high-intensity session, or get that last rep in. This isn’t about injuring yourself, it’s about becoming aware of where your limits are.

The retired Navy SEAL David Goggins has conceptualized the 40% rule, in which he states that once your mind tells you “you’re done”, you’re really only 40% done. So when you feel that you can’t do that last set of burpees, shake it off, put your hands on the ground, and do it.

2. Have a cold shower

The hot water handle is right there, and it would be easy to turn it and have a nice warm shower, but don’t do it. Stay strong! The feeling of ice cold water running down your spine isn’t a pleasurable sensation, but it’s only that, a sensation, it won’t kill you.

Start with ten seconds and then, slowly, increase the time you spend under the cold water. The cold shower also increases alertness, speeds muscle recovery, relieves depression, and improves circulation.

3. Read stoic philosophy

Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and courage as a means of overcoming destructive emotions and the hardships that life will inevitably throw at us. Reading some books of the most well-known stoic philosophers turns out to be extremely useful to learn how to strengthen our minds.

Can it be done wrong? Of course! We can sustain a lot more struggles than what we think, but there is a limit to the amount of suffering that we can tolerate, and above that, it becomes detrimental.

To avoid this situation, we should operate on that thin edge. We have to discover it with experience, but after we’ve realized where that point is, we need to push ourselves there.

Consider it similar to what happens when we lift weights. Strength improves when you lift enough weight. When you lift too little, you don’t gain anything, and if you lift too much, you risk injuries.

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” – Jim Rohn

And what happens when life strikes?

Naturally, when life hits, it isn’t in our power to decide how strong the punch will be. We simply have to stay strong and keep moving forward through the pain and the struggles.

However, resisting the storm is easier if we’ve toughened our will and trained our bodies during the quiet times. So, consider implementing some form of daily challenge, and use it as preparation for the difficult times that will come.

While the dog, under the rain and the blowing wind, trembles from the cold and shakes from the fear, the wolf puts his head down and continues to walk, knowing to be strong enough to endure, until the sun rises again.

How do you persevere when times are tough? Let us know some of your tips below!

I'm Simone Ferrando, an Italian writer, and blogger. I'm passionate about researching, studying, writing, and practicing, all the methods that human beings can use to develop and improve themselves while trying to maintain the balance between a natural way of living and a modern lifestyle. When I'm not writing or reading, you can find me practicing handstands or backflips (with mediocre results), or lifting hay bales in my farm.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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