Connect with us

Life

3 Steps To Help You Stop Chasing The Wrong Dream

Published

on

3 Steps To Help You Stop Chasing The Wrong Dream

From a young age, others dream for us. Usually it’s well-meaning parents calling out future potential. Then teachers, coaches, pastors, and others in authority, cast their hopes for us. It becomes harder and harder to tell the difference between others dreams for us and our own dreams. Their dreams become ours.

The problem with others dreams is that to see our dreams come to reality they must come from within. It must be authentically you and no one else. If we do actually achieve others dreams, it is empty and stale because it is not our true dream but a counterfeit. Others have predicted and decided our future and we have wasted years of our life.

When you are chasing someone else’s dreams disguised as our own, you don’t have time to dig, search and find your unique dream. It becomes a distraction from the life you truly desire. Most of the time we have a small feeling it’s not a true dream but we keep on pressing in the same direction. We have been led astray and don’t fully know the extent.

If you think you may have been chasing the wrong dream or need more clarity follow these 3 steps to dig out your dream:

 

1. Be alone with yourself

We must be alone with ourselves to turn off all of the voices except the one that is internal. In this busy society we must be intentional to make this happen. Technology is unrelenting and a constant distraction. The noise makes it impossible to see the bread crumbs of your passion, talents, and abilities. The other reason alone time is important is because we often bring others in too early in the process of evaluating our dreams. Alone time must be a constant to help refocus and reevaluate.

“We all have two choices; We can make a living or we can design a life.” – Jim Rohn

2. Write it down

Writing down and putting on paper our dreams, is a necessity. When a dream is written it reminds us of what is non-negotiable. There will be aspects of your dream that you will need to let go or change but there must be things that you won’t budge on no matter what. Writing helps us to distill the difference. Writing also serves as a place to go for hope. We will get discouraged along the journey and we will need to put fuel in our tank. Fuel comes to us be reconnecting with our vision. Put your dream in writing so that you will have an anchor to come back to.

 

3. Feedback

Feedback is a crucial step but a few words of caution. First, we shouldn’t get feedback too early in the process. Make sure that you are firm in where you stand. Second, be cautious of who gives you feedback and who you listen to. Many times we are excited about our dreams and share them with the wrong people. Find others that have been where you want to go and get their feedback. Find out what it takes to get there. They will prepare you for roadblocks, hurdles, and challenges along your journey. They will help you tweak your dream but remember certain parts of your dream must be concrete.

“This one step – choosing a goal and sticking to it – changes everything.” – Scott Reed

As you realign and recalibrate your preferred future, you will find a new found energy and passion. The road is long but it is worth it. Stay true to you and that inner cry. Skill can be learned, but the inner fire is what you want to cultivate. Be blessed on your journey.

Are you chasing your dreams or someone else’s? Please leave your comments below!

Zechariah Newman builds businesses, runs marathons, and lives life with my wonderful family in southern Oregon. You can see my writing in places like Entrepreneur Magazine, Fast Company, Mind Body Green, and the Good Men Project. My goal is to help you build your business while keeping a balanced and fulfilled life. You can visit his website: zechariahnewman.com and follow him on his Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ZechariahNewman

Advertisement
11 Comments

11 Comments

  1. mehdyy

    Sep 9, 2015 at 7:46 am

    Thank You posting this article, i love the clarity of it!

  2. James

    Sep 6, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    I’ve worked at my job for 5 years now. I joined when it was a “micro” business and now we’re at a tipping point of becoming a medium size company. Working for a small business is not for everyone but the main reason I stuck it through the thick and thin the past few years is I believed my dreams and vision were in line with the owners. I have “grown” in the company, but as we continue to grow, I realize that our vision for each other and the company are not the same.

    I really have been building someone else’s dream and have made their vision of me in the company to be my own dreams. This article has reinforced what I have been thinking and feeling the last few months and helped me realize I need to break out of this pattern and direction to a place that is not for me.

    Thanks.

    • zechariah

      Sep 6, 2015 at 11:29 pm

      That’s a hard reality but I am glad you figured it out James! Focus on the adventure ahead and not the past and it will be an unforgettable ride!

  3. Usman Mahmood

    Sep 6, 2015 at 8:53 am

    Great points…I like the point about being alone with yourself. This has truly helped me focus really well. A lot of peope want to dictate how you should live your dream and make assumptions for you. I stay away from all the negativity and naysayers. Have belief in yourself that you chase your dream to find new meaning; a path of discovery and not for other people. WORK HARD in SILENCE, LET SUCCESS MAKE THE NOISE.

    • Zechariah

      Sep 6, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      Usman so true! Silence and solitude are the foundation to our true dream. Thanks for commenting.

  4. Lawrence Berry

    Sep 5, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Being a lone with yourself is a great way to find out who you really are what you want out of life. It can be hard to be yourself in a world that is constantly criticizing the way people are, if they are different than the social paradigm. Society shapes so many people;’s dreams and they don’t even realize it until they are 40 years old and depressed.

    • Zechariah

      Sep 5, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      Totally agree Lawrence. I woke up early but I was chasing someone else’s dream for my life. Couldn’t figure it out until I was alone in the wilderness for a week.

  5. Zechariah

    Sep 5, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Sorry you hated the article Mike. I actually agree with everything else you said… For me I chased a false dream effected by others for years. My true dream took a while to uncover and that dream I never gave up on. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Have a great day pursuing your dream!

  6. Marquita Herald

    Sep 5, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    Great advice, and I’m glad to see that you included a cautionary note about seeking feedback. I worked as a life and small business coach for over a decade and so many people allow themselves to be influenced by what others think they should be doing with their lives instead of doing the work to find their own path.

    • Zechariah

      Sep 5, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      Thanks Marquita! I hope people don’t miss that caution. It stopped me from chasing what I really wanted for a long time. Have a great weekend!

  7. mark

    Sep 4, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    I hate it!
    When people will only provide “Lip Service” to themselves and to follow through on their dreams.

    If you really want it bad enough!
    There is nothing that will stop you!

    Peopleare way more than willing!
    To get a tattoo!
    Then to go after their dreams!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

How to Write a Personal Destiny Statement in 3 Steps

Published

on

personal destiny statement
Image Credit: Unsplash

We all have a God-given destiny to fulfill that we were each born with. I personally believe it is buried deep down within us. The number one secret to success is to let it emerge out of you and release it to the world. What is my destiny you may ask? It is the thing you would regret not doing before leaving Planet Earth. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Don’t Want To Feel Like A Failure Anymore? Stop Doing These 6 Things

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? All those great and accomplished people telling you that FAILURE is a necessity on your way to success. Yeah, that’s easy for them to say; they’re already ‘on the other side’! You on the other hand, are still struggling all day everyday to get your business lifted off the ground and are really not that sure if you’re indeed going to make it.

There’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you don’t have the stuff to make it all happen. Not now and not ever. You feel like a failure…it’s holding you back and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well you could do yourself a favor and start dealing with it by doing the following things:

1. Stop Denying You Feel Like A Failure

Telling yourself things are going great when they’re not is one of the biggest, though most useless, coping mechanisms human beings deploy in rough times. Common denial signals among entrepreneurs: trying to regain more control by working even more hours and on the other side compensating this by letting go of all this control by partying and drinking way too hard.

What you’re doing is denying yourself the opportunity to actually feel what’s going on and acknowledge the problem; that both you and your business are in a bad place. Without acknowledging it, it’ll be pretty difficult to actually STOP feeling it. And remember, just because you feel like a failure, this does not mean that you indeed ARE a failure!

2. Stop Making It Bigger Than it Really Is

This is one of those other ‘fun’ things human beings do; we blow things way out of proportion in our heads! In business, when you lose that big client you’ve been working on for weeks, it feels like it’s the end of the world. You start doubting yourself, your strategy, your entire business model right up to the point where you barely sleep because you’re working on pivoting the whole thing.

But what if that customer simply didn’t have the money to go for your service anyway? Or what if they just decided to go for someone who is cheaper but who offers less quality? Does that mean there’s something wrong with YOU? Or that this was the ONLY customer out there and that you’re now doomed forever?

Of course not, it simply means that THIS CUSTOMER wasn’t a match. It’s a bit like dating actually…So if you take this into consideration, could it be that you just feel like a failure instead of really not succeeding in that what you want to at this point in time?

3. Stop Thinking You’re The Only One Who Feels Like This

You’re not! With the possible exception of the true sociopaths, that feeling you’re feeling is very normal to EVERYONE. It might not seem like it on the outside – because people don’t like to acknowledge this remember – but I can guarantee you that it’s true. But unlike 99% of the world’s population, YOU’RE not going to let this feeling stop you in your tracks. Are you?

4. Stop Thinking You’re Supposed To Be Superhuman

In fact, it’s very likely that you’re already doing, learning and succeeding at WAY more than most other people are. But for entrepreneurs, somehow, that never seems to be enough. You don’t just want to be successful after a few years of hard work (which is normal). You want to be successful after only a few months. Because you’re special…or at least you think you are…

Well, here’s the truth: you ARE special! But…it’s just not very likely that you’re one of those – very very rare – entrepreneurial superstars that – seemingly – just added some hot water and got instant business success as a result.

5. Stop Being So Incredibly Stubborn

Entrepreneurs are stubborn…almost by default. It’s what makes them push forward in the hardest of times. But…if you’re not doing the right things right you might just be hammering a square peg through a round hole. Which will only add to that frustrated feeling you’re already having. So why not stop being so stubborn for a moment, stop hammering away on that what obviously is not working and ask for help?

No matter who you ask – a business mentor or coach, a befriended entrepreneur – someone with a neutral perspective on you and our business will be very likely to see what’s going on with a lot more clarity than you can and can guide you to a place that will feel a whole lot more comfortable.

6. Stop Being Afraid Of Failure

I know, I know, you’ve heard this a million times before and you wouldn’t be in this pickle if you could do this. Right? I’m right there with ya!

But, if you get really rational about it, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • You might have to get a ‘real’ job for a while and start over on the side;
  • You might not be able to afford your rent anymore…but with Airbnb on the 1 hand and couchsurfing on the other, you should be able to work it out somehow;
  • You’ll have all the more experience to start over a whole lot faster;
  • You’ll be no less respected by anyone because it’s clear you gave it your all;
  • In a few years, when you’re an established and supersuccessful entrepreneur you’ll also have a cool failure story to tell;
  • None of your limbs will fall off;

Now that’s not too bad for a plan B is it? Failure is such a negative word. And the associated feeling is terrible and numbing. But really…how is giving it your all and not succeeding really the same as failing? Shouldn’t the definition of failure not be along the lines of ‘not even trying’ or ‘giving up when it gets hard’?

In other words: stop beating yourself up over this!

There’s really no need to feel like a failure at all because you’re sticking your neck out, you’re trying to make a difference and you’re still moving upward on that treacherous entrepreneurial mountain.

And that…is what success REALLY is.

Those Who Failed Their Way To Success

Quotes To Live By:

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie

“Success is stumbling form failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t let success go to your head and failure to your heart” – Will Smith

Continue Reading

Life

Why You Never Have Enough Time and What You Need to Do About It

Published

on

how to manage your time better
Image Credit: Unsplash

Has this ever happened to you? You had an assignment, and the deadline was far away. You didn’t work on it much, but in the back of your mind, that insistent little voice was always whispering, “I gotta get this assignment done.” (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

6 Unusual Exercises to Effectively Increase Your Creativity Faster Than Ever

Published

on

how to increase your creativity faster
Image Credit: Unsplash

Although a vast majority of people think that creativity is something you are born with, the truth is a bit different. While we cannot deny that you need natural talent to a certain extent, stimulating creative thinking is indeed a matter of practice. If you give this thought a bit of thinking, you can realize pretty quickly that even the most fascinating and creative minds have faced the lack of creativity at some point in their lives. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending