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3 Steps To Help You Stop Chasing The Wrong Dream



3 Steps To Help You Stop Chasing The Wrong Dream

From a young age, others dream for us. Usually it’s well-meaning parents calling out future potential. Then teachers, coaches, pastors, and others in authority, cast their hopes for us. It becomes harder and harder to tell the difference between others dreams for us and our own dreams. Their dreams become ours.

The problem with others dreams is that to see our dreams come to reality they must come from within. It must be authentically you and no one else. If we do actually achieve others dreams, it is empty and stale because it is not our true dream but a counterfeit. Others have predicted and decided our future and we have wasted years of our life.

When you are chasing someone else’s dreams disguised as our own, you don’t have time to dig, search and find your unique dream. It becomes a distraction from the life you truly desire. Most of the time we have a small feeling it’s not a true dream but we keep on pressing in the same direction. We have been led astray and don’t fully know the extent.

If you think you may have been chasing the wrong dream or need more clarity follow these 3 steps to dig out your dream:


1. Be alone with yourself

We must be alone with ourselves to turn off all of the voices except the one that is internal. In this busy society we must be intentional to make this happen. Technology is unrelenting and a constant distraction. The noise makes it impossible to see the bread crumbs of your passion, talents, and abilities. The other reason alone time is important is because we often bring others in too early in the process of evaluating our dreams. Alone time must be a constant to help refocus and reevaluate.

“We all have two choices; We can make a living or we can design a life.” – Jim Rohn

2. Write it down

Writing down and putting on paper our dreams, is a necessity. When a dream is written it reminds us of what is non-negotiable. There will be aspects of your dream that you will need to let go or change but there must be things that you won’t budge on no matter what. Writing helps us to distill the difference. Writing also serves as a place to go for hope. We will get discouraged along the journey and we will need to put fuel in our tank. Fuel comes to us be reconnecting with our vision. Put your dream in writing so that you will have an anchor to come back to.


3. Feedback

Feedback is a crucial step but a few words of caution. First, we shouldn’t get feedback too early in the process. Make sure that you are firm in where you stand. Second, be cautious of who gives you feedback and who you listen to. Many times we are excited about our dreams and share them with the wrong people. Find others that have been where you want to go and get their feedback. Find out what it takes to get there. They will prepare you for roadblocks, hurdles, and challenges along your journey. They will help you tweak your dream but remember certain parts of your dream must be concrete.

“This one step – choosing a goal and sticking to it – changes everything.” – Scott Reed

As you realign and recalibrate your preferred future, you will find a new found energy and passion. The road is long but it is worth it. Stay true to you and that inner cry. Skill can be learned, but the inner fire is what you want to cultivate. Be blessed on your journey.

Are you chasing your dreams or someone else’s? Please leave your comments below!

Zechariah Newman builds businesses, runs marathons, and lives life with my wonderful family in southern Oregon. You can see my writing in places like Entrepreneur Magazine, Fast Company, Mind Body Green, and the Good Men Project. My goal is to help you build your business while keeping a balanced and fulfilled life. You can visit his website: and follow him on his Facebook:



  1. mehdyy

    Sep 9, 2015 at 7:46 am

    Thank You posting this article, i love the clarity of it!

  2. James

    Sep 6, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    I’ve worked at my job for 5 years now. I joined when it was a “micro” business and now we’re at a tipping point of becoming a medium size company. Working for a small business is not for everyone but the main reason I stuck it through the thick and thin the past few years is I believed my dreams and vision were in line with the owners. I have “grown” in the company, but as we continue to grow, I realize that our vision for each other and the company are not the same.

    I really have been building someone else’s dream and have made their vision of me in the company to be my own dreams. This article has reinforced what I have been thinking and feeling the last few months and helped me realize I need to break out of this pattern and direction to a place that is not for me.


    • zechariah

      Sep 6, 2015 at 11:29 pm

      That’s a hard reality but I am glad you figured it out James! Focus on the adventure ahead and not the past and it will be an unforgettable ride!

  3. Usman Mahmood

    Sep 6, 2015 at 8:53 am

    Great points…I like the point about being alone with yourself. This has truly helped me focus really well. A lot of peope want to dictate how you should live your dream and make assumptions for you. I stay away from all the negativity and naysayers. Have belief in yourself that you chase your dream to find new meaning; a path of discovery and not for other people. WORK HARD in SILENCE, LET SUCCESS MAKE THE NOISE.

    • Zechariah

      Sep 6, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      Usman so true! Silence and solitude are the foundation to our true dream. Thanks for commenting.

  4. Lawrence Berry

    Sep 5, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Being a lone with yourself is a great way to find out who you really are what you want out of life. It can be hard to be yourself in a world that is constantly criticizing the way people are, if they are different than the social paradigm. Society shapes so many people;’s dreams and they don’t even realize it until they are 40 years old and depressed.

    • Zechariah

      Sep 5, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      Totally agree Lawrence. I woke up early but I was chasing someone else’s dream for my life. Couldn’t figure it out until I was alone in the wilderness for a week.

  5. Zechariah

    Sep 5, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Sorry you hated the article Mike. I actually agree with everything else you said… For me I chased a false dream effected by others for years. My true dream took a while to uncover and that dream I never gave up on. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Have a great day pursuing your dream!

  6. Marquita Herald

    Sep 5, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    Great advice, and I’m glad to see that you included a cautionary note about seeking feedback. I worked as a life and small business coach for over a decade and so many people allow themselves to be influenced by what others think they should be doing with their lives instead of doing the work to find their own path.

    • Zechariah

      Sep 5, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      Thanks Marquita! I hope people don’t miss that caution. It stopped me from chasing what I really wanted for a long time. Have a great weekend!

  7. mark

    Sep 4, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    I hate it!
    When people will only provide “Lip Service” to themselves and to follow through on their dreams.

    If you really want it bad enough!
    There is nothing that will stop you!

    Peopleare way more than willing!
    To get a tattoo!
    Then to go after their dreams!

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