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3 Steps To Help You Stop Chasing The Wrong Dream

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3 Steps To Help You Stop Chasing The Wrong Dream

From a young age, others dream for us. Usually it’s well-meaning parents calling out future potential. Then teachers, coaches, pastors, and others in authority, cast their hopes for us. It becomes harder and harder to tell the difference between others dreams for us and our own dreams. Their dreams become ours.

The problem with others dreams is that to see our dreams come to reality they must come from within. It must be authentically you and no one else. If we do actually achieve others dreams, it is empty and stale because it is not our true dream but a counterfeit. Others have predicted and decided our future and we have wasted years of our life.

When you are chasing someone else’s dreams disguised as our own, you don’t have time to dig, search and find your unique dream. It becomes a distraction from the life you truly desire. Most of the time we have a small feeling it’s not a true dream but we keep on pressing in the same direction. We have been led astray and don’t fully know the extent.

If you think you may have been chasing the wrong dream or need more clarity follow these 3 steps to dig out your dream:

 

1. Be alone with yourself

We must be alone with ourselves to turn off all of the voices except the one that is internal. In this busy society we must be intentional to make this happen. Technology is unrelenting and a constant distraction. The noise makes it impossible to see the bread crumbs of your passion, talents, and abilities. The other reason alone time is important is because we often bring others in too early in the process of evaluating our dreams. Alone time must be a constant to help refocus and reevaluate.

“We all have two choices; We can make a living or we can design a life.” – Jim Rohn

2. Write it down

Writing down and putting on paper our dreams, is a necessity. When a dream is written it reminds us of what is non-negotiable. There will be aspects of your dream that you will need to let go or change but there must be things that you won’t budge on no matter what. Writing helps us to distill the difference. Writing also serves as a place to go for hope. We will get discouraged along the journey and we will need to put fuel in our tank. Fuel comes to us be reconnecting with our vision. Put your dream in writing so that you will have an anchor to come back to.

 

3. Feedback

Feedback is a crucial step but a few words of caution. First, we shouldn’t get feedback too early in the process. Make sure that you are firm in where you stand. Second, be cautious of who gives you feedback and who you listen to. Many times we are excited about our dreams and share them with the wrong people. Find others that have been where you want to go and get their feedback. Find out what it takes to get there. They will prepare you for roadblocks, hurdles, and challenges along your journey. They will help you tweak your dream but remember certain parts of your dream must be concrete.

“This one step – choosing a goal and sticking to it – changes everything.” – Scott Reed

As you realign and recalibrate your preferred future, you will find a new found energy and passion. The road is long but it is worth it. Stay true to you and that inner cry. Skill can be learned, but the inner fire is what you want to cultivate. Be blessed on your journey.

Are you chasing your dreams or someone else’s? Please leave your comments below!

Zechariah Newman builds businesses, runs marathons, and lives life with my wonderful family in southern Oregon. You can see my writing in places like Entrepreneur Magazine, Fast Company, Mind Body Green, and the Good Men Project. My goal is to help you build your business while keeping a balanced and fulfilled life. You can visit his website: zechariahnewman.com and follow him on his Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ZechariahNewman

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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