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10 Ways to Avoid Being a Yes Man

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Stop being a Yes Man
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Do you stop what you are doing to assist a coworker with advice or a problem? Do you answer your phone on the first ring…every time? Does your schedule look like a tangled web of events that all blend into one giant mess? Do you always feel tired and can comfortably say you are “burning your candle from both ends?

If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you are the epitome of a yes man. Last time I checked, “yes man” is not in suffix category on an application; therefore, it’s not a term that should define you.

Essentially, a “yes man” is a people-pleaser. You tend to always put others’ needs before you own, at your own expense. It’s not a glamorous job. Unfortunately, becoming a people-pleaser is actually a dangerous path, as it can affect your physical, mental and social well-being.

We have probably said yes more than enough times and it has caused us stress. However, if you feel that you are saying “yes” without even blinking an eye like Jim Carrey, maybe it’s time to reevaluate how you view your options.

Say no. Easier said than done, right? If you want to change how you live your life, start by making your own decisions.

Below are 10 great ways to start you on the path to your own success and happiness.

 

The Power of “No”: 10 Ways to Avoid Being a Yes Man

 

1. The Power of Choice

Many people struggle with addiction. Believe it or not, saying yes to everything is also an addiction. Often times, our guilt, fear and anxiety rule our minds when we say no. It’s like going through a sort of withdrawal. You crave the need to please everyone, no matter the cost.

Much like coping with an alcohol addiction, the first step is recognizing that you have a problem. In this case, recognize that you have a choice. You can say “yes” or “no.” Instead of feeling trapped, consider other options and weigh what is best for your well-being.

 

2. Know Your Priorities

Put yourself first. This may seem like a selfish notion, but in actuality, you are practicing living a healthy lifestyle. Consider what the most important thing for you to focus your energy on and give it all you’ve got.

Make a list of tasks or schedule some downtime and follow-through with your plan. You’ll feel more satisfied and rejuvenated.

 

3. Think Before You Answer

Most questions or favors asked of you do not require immediate attention. If they do, see if the timing is appropriate for you and determine if you need to be directly involved. It’s okay to tell your friend or colleague that you need some time to think about it. You’ll grant yourself the chance to step away from the immediacy and pressure and have time to evaluate the pros and cons of your decision.

 

4. Embrace a Mantra

Develop a saying that you repeat over and over to yourself. It can remind you to say no or consider your priorities first. Make sure that your message is positive and only propels you forward. Envision your mantra multiple times every day, and before you know it, this practice will become a good habit.

 

5. Don’t Fall on the Defense

You don’t need to provide an excuse or reason to defend your decision. More often than not, your reason is your own business.

Like a mother telling their child, “because I said so,” is answer enough. You were given free will. Embrace it.

 

paulo coelho saying yes picture quote

 

6. Never Apologize

This isn’t a “get out of jail free” card. If you were at fault, of course you need to apologize. However, this goes for the yes men that say sorry for every decision they make. Don’t feel the need to feel guilt about your decision. This will only promote anxiety and unwanted stress.

 

7. Develop an Assertive Tone

Going along with never saying you’re sorry (unless there’s reason), be confident with your choices. Remind yourself that you have a good head on your shoulders and you will weigh your decisions and logically sort through what is best for you. Once you decide, go confident in your answer and remain firm. No backsliding.

 

8. See the Good in Saying “No”

Don’t always see saying “no” as letting down another person. See it as an opportunity to do something to make you happy and focus on your wants and needs. You will start to notice your schedule will slowly clear up.

 

9. Don’t Be Afraid of the Aftermath 

Never dwell on what people think about your decision. Chances are they’ve moved on before you have. Fixating on your answer will cause you to stress and worry too much. Let it go.

 

10. You are Only Human 

At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone. So, instead of trying to be a superhero, try to assess your priorities and put yourself first.

 

Feature Image originally appeared on: AceShowBiz

Savannah loves writing a variety of topics, from social media to health and wellness to travel! She is a lover of reading, creating and sharing the most interesting content.

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5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Wan Muhammad Zulfikri Wan Yusoff

    May 3, 2014 at 10:59 am

    “At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone.”

    Sums it all up. Nice post btw.

  2. Ndyebo Makeleni

    May 3, 2014 at 5:32 am

    Wow! That’s true

  3. George Zhoya

    Apr 28, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    yo yo yo l like your article…being a people pleaser will always leave your with anxiety. l have been there before but now lm more than a confident person. Thanks for sharing with us this article you the best dont stop writing!

  4. Steve Spring

    Apr 28, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Great article Savannah. I think that we can all relate to most of your points. I think that knowing your priorities is the first step in saying know effectively. If we know where we are headed, we can make better choices on when to say no. I really liked your point about seeing the good in saying no. I will keep that in mind the next time someone asks me to do something that is not a good fit with my priorities.

    Thanks again Savannah!

  5. Everyday Power

    Apr 28, 2014 at 9:23 am

    “When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself!” YES! YES ! AND YES!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

Change Your Life Forever With These 30 Strategies

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change your life

There are strategies which bring together all happy and successful people who can also use them to improve the quality of your life. Usually when you want to change your life, you don’t know where to start and you risk losing the motivation because you don’t know the best strategies to apply. To change your life forever you have to change yourself. If you want to achieve extraordinary results, you must become an extraordinary person.

Here are 30 ways you can change your life today:

1. Face your fears, first the smallest, then the greatest.

2. Transform gratitude into a daily and constant mood. This will allow you to change your life.

3. Be conscious in every moment of what you think, feel, desire and do. Be Present. Do the exercises of “Remembering yourself” all year round.

4. Engage in realizing your dreams, creating a monthly plan with daily actions to accomplish them.

5. Decide what person you want to become, create a purpose that will guide your life and your days.

6. Practice observing thoughts, without identifying yourself with them.

7. Make your power supply healthier.

8. Read more books and take part in several courses and seminars.

9. Always out of the ordinary, do not imitate the mass.

10. Make gentle gestures to people you don’t know.

11. Imagine yourself while you have realized your dreams.

12. Take more time to be alone and get to know you better.

13. Live with the awareness that nothing is yours, everything is a gift.

14. Stop complaining; stop complaining; stop complaining.

15. Help others with the example.

16. Smile and laugh more often, even without reason.

17. Stay for a longer time in contact with nature.

18. Think, talk and act as the person you want to become.

19. Be punctual and if you make a mistake, please apologize.

20. Say thank you for each gift, learn to receive.

21. Change a habit or recurring reaction.

22. Take responsibility for the successes and failures you achieve, never point your finger at someone else.

23. Admire and bless more often.

24. Strive to perceive perfection and beauty in everything that happens to you.

25. Inwardly love your enemies, even if you don’t talk to them externally.

26. Learn a musical instrument or a new language.

27. Keep promises made.

28. During a difficult period ask yourself “What can I learn from this situation”?

29. Do more often what is right and less what is convenient for you.

30. Change your way of thinking.

If you want to change your life forever, you must act as if you were already the person you want to become. Take action as if you were already sure of yourself, and see what beliefs are held by successful people, great leaders, the best in your industry and those who get great results.

Listening to them, spend time with them, try to understand what they think, how they see each other, and what they think about their activity. Read the books of those who get the same results that you want to achieve, listen to their interviews, read their autobiographies, and find out what their mental attitude is.

All successful people have similar beliefs

I’ll tell you a secret: There is no greater psychological strength than the need we have to remain consistent with our own identity; to remain consistent with who we believe we are. What does that mean? Simple, that everything that anything I put after the words “I am:…” becomes reality.

If you think you are shy, you will do everything you can to act accordingly. If you believe you are extroverted, you will give everything to act accordingly. Listen and pay attention to what you add after the words “I am…”. If you don’t believe you can achieve your goals beyond the objective difficulties, you won’t be able to do it anyway: you will be the first cause of your failure.

Which one of these 30 strategies will you implement in your life today? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

Lost Your Mojo? Focus on These 3 Areas to Get Back in the Game

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get back in the game

It’s time for some good news! You’re only ever lacking in three areas and guess what? You can turn those 3 things around relatively easily and quickly!

It’s easy to get caught up thinking, that you’re miles behind, that you can’t find your flow or mojo or that you’re just lazy and unmotivated. The good news is you are only a few decisions, actions and days away from finding your mojo again!

Here are 3 things you need to look at when you’re feeling down and out:

1. Energy levels

The first place to look when you lose your mojo is your energy levels. What are you eating & drinking? Are you eating lean, green and light? If you aren’t already, cut your intake down and focus on hydrating your body with water and eating fresh organic food. Being light on your feet and energizing your body is most important.

Also, take a look at your exercise regime. Are you exercising for energy or are you burning your body out at the gym? Make sure you are getting good consistent rest every night and don’t forget to spend some time alone in nature connecting with your inner most self.

“You just got to wake up with a smile and love every minute of building your dream.” – Joe Duncan

2. Production levels

The second place to look is your production levels or more so, your lack of production! Are you producing enough work or activity to get the results you want? That’s usually the real cause of most of your problems; a lack of work, effort and momentum. In many cases a lack of production stems from a lack of energy – but hey, we’re working on that right?

3. Confidence levels

The third place to look when you’re floundering is your confidence levels. But don’t panic, we all lose our confidence from time to time. When you lose your confidence and your sense of certainty, everything else will be impacted, especially your performance.

The best way to get your confidence back is to go back to basics for a few days and try and build some momentum and get your flow back. You lose your confidence when you lose your self belief, so do the simple things you know you can do well, then you’ll start to believe in your ability again!

“You won’t always get it right, but that doesn’t mean you’re never going to get it right.” – Joe Duncan

It’s time to get your mojo back and get back in the game. Remember next time when you get stuck you only have to make adjustments in these three areas and most likely they will only be small tweaks and changes that need to be implemented. 

Click here if you are having trouble finding your flow, lost motivation and need some help to get back on your feet!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Life

How Never Giving Up Can Lead You From Pain and Suffering to Ease and Joy

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never give up

I struggled with many aspects of life early on such as growing up in challenging circumstances and getting bullied at school. I read my first self-development book at 13 and attended many courses and workshops, but nothing I encountered made the difference for me. It was only once I found a set of energetic processes and tools which I now use in my life and my work that I was able to turn things around.

Today, I get to write for you about my experiences, run a thriving mentoring and healing practice and travel to attend classes and events.

Here are some of the things I’ve done/learned along the way:

1. I took responsibility for my actions

I believe we attract all our experiences in order to learn from them. It is tough when we go through things we don’t know how to handle and experience pain, fear and anxiety as a result.  

This leaves us many emotions to release and a skill gap to bridge, which if done right, allows us to develop a level of confidence about how to turn experience into awareness and integrate our learning into wisdom for future ease and higher outcomes.

For me, learning to let go was hard (we are not taught this and I kept feeling like I had to hold onto things to protect myself). After a while, I came to the decision that “It’s not what’s happened to me, it’s how I deal with it that matters”.

Choosing from this space was empowering and allowed me to move from regret and develop a sense of purpose from my experiences.

2. I jumped off the cliff without a parachute and became inspired and trusting on the way down

I had gotten to the point where if I stayed where I was, I would die. I didn’t know how my life would look or who I would become in the process of changing, yet I knew if I was going to survive I had to become a radically different version of me.

Once I made that decision, I found the tools I was looking for that were relatable, fun and powerful. I began to change my thoughts, feelings and emotions and way of viewing the world.

After a while, instead of using personal development to escape the pain of my life, I became addicted to pursuing the highest version of myself and curious how much change and transformation I could create. I was having fun!

I began to ask what was possible for me I’d never imagined and realized that who I actually am is completely different from who I had thought I wanted to become. I discovered my soul purpose was connected to my inner work and my years of struggle and transformation meant that I had something valuable to offer others.

“What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.” – Mandy Hale

3. I had the unshakeable belief something else was possible

As growth, healing, and expansion became my highest goal, the details filled themselves in. The right people and things showed up to trigger my growth and to support me which helped me be less fearful, and more able to give and receive love from others.

I lost layers of accumulated emotional garbage and started to connect with my power and purpose. I stopped telling my victim story (except to inspire others) and I began to trust myself and have faith in life again to have my back.

4. I made heaps of mistakes and instead of feeling bad about it, I felt determined, courageous and free

This part was tough. There were setbacks, embarrassments, discouragements and challenges but I wasn’t going to give in and quit.  

I had to suck at some things in order to get better. Creating a new life from scratch is a great way to lose ego. There were a few hurdles where I would get super upset, yet giving up was never an option.

There’s no point in being upset so I sucked it up and moved on. This takes courage and feels totally weird at first, but it is so worth it.

5. I became a new version of me

In the course of recreating myself, I began to develop new attributes. I was so focusing on changing, I didn’t notice what was different about me at first.

Every few months I would write my goals and it wasn’t until I would check them that I began to realize how much I’d accomplished in the process of changing me.

This became clearer whenever I would run across someone who I once looked up to because their life suddenly looked smaller than I remembered. While they had been comfortable and barely moving, I had plodded past them like the proverbial tortoise. As I stay on this trajectory, the benefits and changes multiply exponentially over time.

“Every day, you reinvent yourself. You’re always in motion. But you decide every day: forward or backward.” – James Altucher

6. I became open to new ideas and concepts

In the process of being cracked wide open by life, I became curious, accepting and interested in different ideas, concepts and techniques.

Things like manifesting, consciousness, spirituality and other ‘strange’ ideas became my friends.  After years of trying to create change via psychological means, effort, willpower and implementing traditional tools of personal development, I found my wheelhouse in the different.

Today I am grateful for my early adversity and my own persistence and determination. Without them, who I am today would have remained undiscovered and I wouldn’t get to do the cool stuff I do with other people. I am grateful for the amazing tools and information around today, which can make the journey so much easier.

What helps you keep moving when you feel like giving up? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

As Bad As Smoking? 3 Reasons to Occasionally Unplug From Technology

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take a break from technology

A popular meme reads: “I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…” It’s kind of funny in an alarming way since many people would consider walking barefoot across flaming hot coals before parting with their smartphones for a few weeks.

As useful as things like the Internet and mobile devices are, taking time to occasionally unplug is a good habit. Even if for no other reason than to develop your willpower and avoid being too heavily addicted to your wireless toy.

Consider the following three reasons for periodically unplugging from technology and taking a minute to smell the roses:

1. Face-To-Face Interaction

As useful as social media is for things like marketing, maintaining contact with old friends and sending messages across the world in the blink of an eye, there’s no substitute for a friendly meeting and a firm handshake.

There are few things in life that have more potential to increase our happiness than building good relationships with the people around us. Taking the effort to postpone the reading and answering of your latest text message in order to listen and offer attention to the person in front of you can be a great way to improve relationships and show people you care.

If you want a more practical and success-driven reason, then consider the fact that developing a healthy network is one of the most powerful ways to successfully grow your business or career. Spending a business lunch or golf game glued to your touchscreen is a lousy way to build that network.

2. Creative Thinking

Creativity is another powerful asset in your effort to expand your success, solve your problems and increase your happiness. Getting in the habit of frequent, diligent reading (an activity often performed with mobile devices) is essential in developing your creative capacity. In addition, investing alone time to occasionally take a step back to think, review options and consider possible solutions towards life’s struggles is a great quality.

Making a habit of doing so can be beneficial for planning your career, planning an exciting night out on the town with your spouse, planning how to discipline your teenager and plenty more.

“Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart.” – Mencius

3. Health Concerns

The health risks caused by electromagnetic frequencies (EMFs) are numerous and not to be ignored. Health damaging EMFs are emitted by various types of electronic devices including cellphones, tablets and laptops among others. Although pretending these dangers don’t exist may seem convenient, there’s nothing convenient about dealing with the consequences. Some have even suggested that cell phones may eventually prove to be as cancerous as cigarettes. Don’t believe me?

In the book ‘The Non-Tinfoil Guide To EMFs’, Nicolas Pineault writes, “A $25M study performed by the US National Toxicology Program (NTP) studied the effects of exposing rats and mice to an amount of cellphone radiation equivalent to what a human would get by talking for 30 minutes a day, for 36 years.

“As reported by Microwave News: ‘The exposed rats were found to have higher rates of two types of cancers: glioma, a tumor of the glial cells in the brain, and malignant schwannoma of the heart, a very rare tumor. None of the unexposed control rats developed either type of tumor.’

“The irony is the whole reason John Bucher, the senior manager of the NTP study, wanted his agency to run this study is to prove once and for all that cellphones do not cause cancer.”

Swearing off technology is probably not the most practical solution. (Although if that’s your thing, then rock on.) That said, occasionally taking a break from technology and spending some time in nature might help counteract some of the negative effects.

Bonus: Stress Reduction

With so many people in our culture complaining of excessive stress and/or taking antidepressants, it makes sense to proactively take steps to reduce stress before it builds up so much that you experience a nervous breakdown.

I don’t know about you, but when I get away from the computer or turn off my mobile device for a bit, I can feel the difference. If I’ve been working on my laptop or tablet for too long, then getting away and taking a break offers a noticeable relief. I almost immediately feel calmer.

If you’ve been on your phone/tablet/computer for a while, consider taking a few minutes after you finish reading this article to leave technology behind and catch a breath of fresh air.

“The more ways we have to connect, the more many of us seem desperate to unplug.” – Pico Iyer

Are you ready to build stronger relationships? Are you ready to proactively develop creative solutions? Are you ready to start preserving your health? Are you ready to leave some of that stress behind you? If so, then it’s time to fit a periodical unplug into your schedule. You might be surprised by how much this helps.

How many hours of the day do you use your phone? Are you being productive on it? Let us know in the comments below so we can help one another.

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Life

Change Your Life Forever With These 30 Strategies

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change your life
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There are strategies which bring together all happy and successful people who can also use them to improve the quality of your life. Usually when you want to change your life, you don’t know where to start and you risk losing the motivation because you don’t know the best strategies to apply. To change your life forever you have to change yourself. If you want to achieve extraordinary results, you must become an extraordinary person. (more…)

Danilo Maruca is a mental coach and personal growth expert. It accompanies people in achieving their goals by teaching them how to overcome anxiety and fears, give the best of themselves and get results quickly with mental training. He also manages the website www.drittoallameta.it.

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5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Wan Muhammad Zulfikri Wan Yusoff

    May 3, 2014 at 10:59 am

    “At the end of the day, you can’t please everyone.”

    Sums it all up. Nice post btw.

  2. Ndyebo Makeleni

    May 3, 2014 at 5:32 am

    Wow! That’s true

  3. George Zhoya

    Apr 28, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    yo yo yo l like your article…being a people pleaser will always leave your with anxiety. l have been there before but now lm more than a confident person. Thanks for sharing with us this article you the best dont stop writing!

  4. Steve Spring

    Apr 28, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Great article Savannah. I think that we can all relate to most of your points. I think that knowing your priorities is the first step in saying know effectively. If we know where we are headed, we can make better choices on when to say no. I really liked your point about seeing the good in saying no. I will keep that in mind the next time someone asks me to do something that is not a good fit with my priorities.

    Thanks again Savannah!

  5. Everyday Power

    Apr 28, 2014 at 9:23 am

    “When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourself!” YES! YES ! AND YES!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

Change Your Life Forever With These 30 Strategies

Published

on

change your life

There are strategies which bring together all happy and successful people who can also use them to improve the quality of your life. Usually when you want to change your life, you don’t know where to start and you risk losing the motivation because you don’t know the best strategies to apply. To change your life forever you have to change yourself. If you want to achieve extraordinary results, you must become an extraordinary person.

Here are 30 ways you can change your life today:

1. Face your fears, first the smallest, then the greatest.

2. Transform gratitude into a daily and constant mood. This will allow you to change your life.

3. Be conscious in every moment of what you think, feel, desire and do. Be Present. Do the exercises of “Remembering yourself” all year round.

4. Engage in realizing your dreams, creating a monthly plan with daily actions to accomplish them.

5. Decide what person you want to become, create a purpose that will guide your life and your days.

6. Practice observing thoughts, without identifying yourself with them.

7. Make your power supply healthier.

8. Read more books and take part in several courses and seminars.

9. Always out of the ordinary, do not imitate the mass.

10. Make gentle gestures to people you don’t know.

11. Imagine yourself while you have realized your dreams.

12. Take more time to be alone and get to know you better.

13. Live with the awareness that nothing is yours, everything is a gift.

14. Stop complaining; stop complaining; stop complaining.

15. Help others with the example.

16. Smile and laugh more often, even without reason.

17. Stay for a longer time in contact with nature.

18. Think, talk and act as the person you want to become.

19. Be punctual and if you make a mistake, please apologize.

20. Say thank you for each gift, learn to receive.

21. Change a habit or recurring reaction.

22. Take responsibility for the successes and failures you achieve, never point your finger at someone else.

23. Admire and bless more often.

24. Strive to perceive perfection and beauty in everything that happens to you.

25. Inwardly love your enemies, even if you don’t talk to them externally.

26. Learn a musical instrument or a new language.

27. Keep promises made.

28. During a difficult period ask yourself “What can I learn from this situation”?

29. Do more often what is right and less what is convenient for you.

30. Change your way of thinking.

If you want to change your life forever, you must act as if you were already the person you want to become. Take action as if you were already sure of yourself, and see what beliefs are held by successful people, great leaders, the best in your industry and those who get great results.

Listening to them, spend time with them, try to understand what they think, how they see each other, and what they think about their activity. Read the books of those who get the same results that you want to achieve, listen to their interviews, read their autobiographies, and find out what their mental attitude is.

All successful people have similar beliefs

I’ll tell you a secret: There is no greater psychological strength than the need we have to remain consistent with our own identity; to remain consistent with who we believe we are. What does that mean? Simple, that everything that anything I put after the words “I am:…” becomes reality.

If you think you are shy, you will do everything you can to act accordingly. If you believe you are extroverted, you will give everything to act accordingly. Listen and pay attention to what you add after the words “I am…”. If you don’t believe you can achieve your goals beyond the objective difficulties, you won’t be able to do it anyway: you will be the first cause of your failure.

Which one of these 30 strategies will you implement in your life today? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Life

Lost Your Mojo? Focus on These 3 Areas to Get Back in the Game

Published

on

get back in the game

It’s time for some good news! You’re only ever lacking in three areas and guess what? You can turn those 3 things around relatively easily and quickly!

It’s easy to get caught up thinking, that you’re miles behind, that you can’t find your flow or mojo or that you’re just lazy and unmotivated. The good news is you are only a few decisions, actions and days away from finding your mojo again!

Here are 3 things you need to look at when you’re feeling down and out:

1. Energy levels

The first place to look when you lose your mojo is your energy levels. What are you eating & drinking? Are you eating lean, green and light? If you aren’t already, cut your intake down and focus on hydrating your body with water and eating fresh organic food. Being light on your feet and energizing your body is most important.

Also, take a look at your exercise regime. Are you exercising for energy or are you burning your body out at the gym? Make sure you are getting good consistent rest every night and don’t forget to spend some time alone in nature connecting with your inner most self.

“You just got to wake up with a smile and love every minute of building your dream.” – Joe Duncan

2. Production levels

The second place to look is your production levels or more so, your lack of production! Are you producing enough work or activity to get the results you want? That’s usually the real cause of most of your problems; a lack of work, effort and momentum. In many cases a lack of production stems from a lack of energy – but hey, we’re working on that right?

3. Confidence levels

The third place to look when you’re floundering is your confidence levels. But don’t panic, we all lose our confidence from time to time. When you lose your confidence and your sense of certainty, everything else will be impacted, especially your performance.

The best way to get your confidence back is to go back to basics for a few days and try and build some momentum and get your flow back. You lose your confidence when you lose your self belief, so do the simple things you know you can do well, then you’ll start to believe in your ability again!

“You won’t always get it right, but that doesn’t mean you’re never going to get it right.” – Joe Duncan

It’s time to get your mojo back and get back in the game. Remember next time when you get stuck you only have to make adjustments in these three areas and most likely they will only be small tweaks and changes that need to be implemented. 

Click here if you are having trouble finding your flow, lost motivation and need some help to get back on your feet!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Continue Reading

Life

How Never Giving Up Can Lead You From Pain and Suffering to Ease and Joy

Published

on

never give up

I struggled with many aspects of life early on such as growing up in challenging circumstances and getting bullied at school. I read my first self-development book at 13 and attended many courses and workshops, but nothing I encountered made the difference for me. It was only once I found a set of energetic processes and tools which I now use in my life and my work that I was able to turn things around.

Today, I get to write for you about my experiences, run a thriving mentoring and healing practice and travel to attend classes and events.

Here are some of the things I’ve done/learned along the way:

1. I took responsibility for my actions

I believe we attract all our experiences in order to learn from them. It is tough when we go through things we don’t know how to handle and experience pain, fear and anxiety as a result.  

This leaves us many emotions to release and a skill gap to bridge, which if done right, allows us to develop a level of confidence about how to turn experience into awareness and integrate our learning into wisdom for future ease and higher outcomes.

For me, learning to let go was hard (we are not taught this and I kept feeling like I had to hold onto things to protect myself). After a while, I came to the decision that “It’s not what’s happened to me, it’s how I deal with it that matters”.

Choosing from this space was empowering and allowed me to move from regret and develop a sense of purpose from my experiences.

2. I jumped off the cliff without a parachute and became inspired and trusting on the way down

I had gotten to the point where if I stayed where I was, I would die. I didn’t know how my life would look or who I would become in the process of changing, yet I knew if I was going to survive I had to become a radically different version of me.

Once I made that decision, I found the tools I was looking for that were relatable, fun and powerful. I began to change my thoughts, feelings and emotions and way of viewing the world.

After a while, instead of using personal development to escape the pain of my life, I became addicted to pursuing the highest version of myself and curious how much change and transformation I could create. I was having fun!

I began to ask what was possible for me I’d never imagined and realized that who I actually am is completely different from who I had thought I wanted to become. I discovered my soul purpose was connected to my inner work and my years of struggle and transformation meant that I had something valuable to offer others.

“What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.” – Mandy Hale

3. I had the unshakeable belief something else was possible

As growth, healing, and expansion became my highest goal, the details filled themselves in. The right people and things showed up to trigger my growth and to support me which helped me be less fearful, and more able to give and receive love from others.

I lost layers of accumulated emotional garbage and started to connect with my power and purpose. I stopped telling my victim story (except to inspire others) and I began to trust myself and have faith in life again to have my back.

4. I made heaps of mistakes and instead of feeling bad about it, I felt determined, courageous and free

This part was tough. There were setbacks, embarrassments, discouragements and challenges but I wasn’t going to give in and quit.  

I had to suck at some things in order to get better. Creating a new life from scratch is a great way to lose ego. There were a few hurdles where I would get super upset, yet giving up was never an option.

There’s no point in being upset so I sucked it up and moved on. This takes courage and feels totally weird at first, but it is so worth it.

5. I became a new version of me

In the course of recreating myself, I began to develop new attributes. I was so focusing on changing, I didn’t notice what was different about me at first.

Every few months I would write my goals and it wasn’t until I would check them that I began to realize how much I’d accomplished in the process of changing me.

This became clearer whenever I would run across someone who I once looked up to because their life suddenly looked smaller than I remembered. While they had been comfortable and barely moving, I had plodded past them like the proverbial tortoise. As I stay on this trajectory, the benefits and changes multiply exponentially over time.

“Every day, you reinvent yourself. You’re always in motion. But you decide every day: forward or backward.” – James Altucher

6. I became open to new ideas and concepts

In the process of being cracked wide open by life, I became curious, accepting and interested in different ideas, concepts and techniques.

Things like manifesting, consciousness, spirituality and other ‘strange’ ideas became my friends.  After years of trying to create change via psychological means, effort, willpower and implementing traditional tools of personal development, I found my wheelhouse in the different.

Today I am grateful for my early adversity and my own persistence and determination. Without them, who I am today would have remained undiscovered and I wouldn’t get to do the cool stuff I do with other people. I am grateful for the amazing tools and information around today, which can make the journey so much easier.

What helps you keep moving when you feel like giving up? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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As Bad As Smoking? 3 Reasons to Occasionally Unplug From Technology

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take a break from technology

A popular meme reads: “I’m having people over to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…” It’s kind of funny in an alarming way since many people would consider walking barefoot across flaming hot coals before parting with their smartphones for a few weeks.

As useful as things like the Internet and mobile devices are, taking time to occasionally unplug is a good habit. Even if for no other reason than to develop your willpower and avoid being too heavily addicted to your wireless toy.

Consider the following three reasons for periodically unplugging from technology and taking a minute to smell the roses:

1. Face-To-Face Interaction

As useful as social media is for things like marketing, maintaining contact with old friends and sending messages across the world in the blink of an eye, there’s no substitute for a friendly meeting and a firm handshake.

There are few things in life that have more potential to increase our happiness than building good relationships with the people around us. Taking the effort to postpone the reading and answering of your latest text message in order to listen and offer attention to the person in front of you can be a great way to improve relationships and show people you care.

If you want a more practical and success-driven reason, then consider the fact that developing a healthy network is one of the most powerful ways to successfully grow your business or career. Spending a business lunch or golf game glued to your touchscreen is a lousy way to build that network.

2. Creative Thinking

Creativity is another powerful asset in your effort to expand your success, solve your problems and increase your happiness. Getting in the habit of frequent, diligent reading (an activity often performed with mobile devices) is essential in developing your creative capacity. In addition, investing alone time to occasionally take a step back to think, review options and consider possible solutions towards life’s struggles is a great quality.

Making a habit of doing so can be beneficial for planning your career, planning an exciting night out on the town with your spouse, planning how to discipline your teenager and plenty more.

“Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart.” – Mencius

3. Health Concerns

The health risks caused by electromagnetic frequencies (EMFs) are numerous and not to be ignored. Health damaging EMFs are emitted by various types of electronic devices including cellphones, tablets and laptops among others. Although pretending these dangers don’t exist may seem convenient, there’s nothing convenient about dealing with the consequences. Some have even suggested that cell phones may eventually prove to be as cancerous as cigarettes. Don’t believe me?

In the book ‘The Non-Tinfoil Guide To EMFs’, Nicolas Pineault writes, “A $25M study performed by the US National Toxicology Program (NTP) studied the effects of exposing rats and mice to an amount of cellphone radiation equivalent to what a human would get by talking for 30 minutes a day, for 36 years.

“As reported by Microwave News: ‘The exposed rats were found to have higher rates of two types of cancers: glioma, a tumor of the glial cells in the brain, and malignant schwannoma of the heart, a very rare tumor. None of the unexposed control rats developed either type of tumor.’

“The irony is the whole reason John Bucher, the senior manager of the NTP study, wanted his agency to run this study is to prove once and for all that cellphones do not cause cancer.”

Swearing off technology is probably not the most practical solution. (Although if that’s your thing, then rock on.) That said, occasionally taking a break from technology and spending some time in nature might help counteract some of the negative effects.

Bonus: Stress Reduction

With so many people in our culture complaining of excessive stress and/or taking antidepressants, it makes sense to proactively take steps to reduce stress before it builds up so much that you experience a nervous breakdown.

I don’t know about you, but when I get away from the computer or turn off my mobile device for a bit, I can feel the difference. If I’ve been working on my laptop or tablet for too long, then getting away and taking a break offers a noticeable relief. I almost immediately feel calmer.

If you’ve been on your phone/tablet/computer for a while, consider taking a few minutes after you finish reading this article to leave technology behind and catch a breath of fresh air.

“The more ways we have to connect, the more many of us seem desperate to unplug.” – Pico Iyer

Are you ready to build stronger relationships? Are you ready to proactively develop creative solutions? Are you ready to start preserving your health? Are you ready to leave some of that stress behind you? If so, then it’s time to fit a periodical unplug into your schedule. You might be surprised by how much this helps.

How many hours of the day do you use your phone? Are you being productive on it? Let us know in the comments below so we can help one another.

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