We all want to be cookie cutter good citizens that pay our tax’s, get married young, have two perfect kids, drive a perfect car, say the right thing at the right time, be able to make people laugh, and make lots of money so we can buy useless crap that we don’t need.
This dream is a joke and all of you reading this know it. My eyes have been opened recently as to how you can break out of the mold and be you. The gentlemen I have to thank for this is the well-known blogger Mark Manson.
Frankly I had never heard of Charles Manson’s brother until a few weeks ago, but despite his family’s bad name, I was willing to listen to what the guy had to say (he’s not Charles Manson’s brother by the way I’m only trying to liven things up a bit with some drama).
Now the guys’ got a potty mouth like you’ve never heard before and that’s partly why this article has the F-word in its title which is very unlike me. I guess I wanted to try out this not giving a F thing for myself, and I have to admit, the guy’s got me hooked just a little bit.
Usually, I would talk about why Mark Manson is the greatest thing since sliced bread but today I’m not going to bother doing that. What I am going to do is highlight how is attitude and the way he communicates is influencing millions of people to learn from him how they can succeed.
So today’s lesson is all about the 6 ways you can influence people through not giving a F#@& like Mark Manson:
1. Break out of your shell
What Mark does so well is speak his mind and be real. The internet has become flooded with written articles and video’s that all look the same. The language is polished, the grammar is impeccable, the photos are amazing, etc.
Mark sticks his middle finger up at all of that and posts imperfect photos, writes sentences that are so bloody long there is no way they can be grammatically correct, speaks his mind and raises controversial topics, talks about himself in the third person, and a host of obnoxious antics.
He doesn’t do all of this because he’s a horrible person; he does it because he is trying to influence people to change their life, and change requires a different approach. By breaking out of his shell and going against the grain, he is speaking a language that under 35’s understand and that’s important to note.
For you to duplicate his results, you need to do the same and break open the turtle shell that’s been stuck to your back since you were a kid and your mommy strapped it onto you. Show the world who you are and speak in a voice that’s comfortable. That’s how you will inspire people.
2. Be confident
As I read more and more of Mark’s work, I began to see his confidence shine through.
“I’ve realised that you are never going to inspire or motivate someone to change their life unless you truly believe that you’re the person to make them change”
If the next president of the United States Of America got up and said: “I think I can protect you all and make this country prosper, but I’m just not sure because you know, I haven’t done this before, and it’s kind of like my first time – you know?”
Would you vote for this person? Absolutely no way in the world and neither would I. What I’ve learned from Mark is that confidence, without ego, plus vulnerability, is a cake that is worth baking if you want to inspire people.
Confidence is where it all starts and that can only come from you believing that you have something worth sharing. Mark gives dating advice on his blog and to be honest; it could be easy to wonder how he has any skills in this area what so ever.
It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. He believes that there is an audience for his advice (and there is), and so he delivers as much value as he can, in a confident writing tone, in the hope that he can genuinely help others. What’s wrong with that?
Nothing at all, as long as the intent comes from the art of giving and not out of some form of selfishness to win the popularity contest that is social media.
3. Take action when you have no idea
The whole point of not giving an F is to take action despite of the fear and uncertainty you might have. Mark has these same feelings, and so do I, and so do you; the difference between those that influence and those that do not, is that the influencers take action.
What I mean by this is that Mark has consistently written the best blog posts he can for the last five years. He’s the first to admit that quitting his job and going out on his own was probably a bold move. But, he used his own advice and didn’t give a F.
What we can all learn from this approach is that we don’t need to know what the road to success looks like. The path is uneven, filled with dog poo, it has giant trucks heading right for you that shouldn’t even be on the path, there are snakes hiding in the bush’s as you walk, and there is so much bloody fog that you can only see a few meters ahead of you.
That’s what the path to success looks like boys and girls. All we need to do, and what Mark demonstrates through his work, is that we just need to start walking on the path, and adjust our approach as the obstacles come out of nowhere and nearly blow our eyes out of our sockets.
Forget trying to wait until everything is right and stop giving a F. Start something, anything, and then pivot as you need to like any Uber-like startup would. This way of being is what inspires people to do the same.
“When people can see that you are just as blind, deaf, dumb, and imperfect as them, they start to rally around you and seek your advice so they can be inspired” – Tim Denning
4. Be okay with your individuality
I’m the first to admit that I’m a bit quirky. I mean, what’s not to love; I eat mostly veggies, watch 100% documentaries about success and motivational topics, sip caffeine free tea, wear clothes that stand out, attend events that may look like a cult, and I try to always have a big, stupid smile on my face.
Compared to the rest of the world I probably look like some self-help guru obsessed, vegan loving, Side Show Bob dressing, overly positive, psychopath dressed in a slim-fitting, overpriced suit.
Guess what? That’s probably who I mostly am, and that’s okay. Just like it’s okay that you are who you are. Mark teaches us through his blogging that the more individual we are, the more people will respond to our message.
By being you and revealing all of your faults, you become relatable and someone that people admire. You cannot inspire anyone unless you find out who you are and be okay with sharing the whole package – scratches, damage and all.
5. Don’t take life too seriously
Especially in the world of personal development, it’s easy to become obsessed with a life that is way too serious. A life where you have to be up early every single day, work until you pass out, and be constantly growing at 300% every day.
This is not true personal development, and Mark shows us why we need to not take life too seriously. Yes, you need to be focused and know what your goals are, but there is no way you can be awesome 24/7.
What I love about Mark’s work is that he makes me laugh and below all of his humor is a genuine message to try and get you to look at life differently. When you change the lens that you are using to view the world, you start to see things that you haven’t seen before.
All of the public speaking books I have read say that adding humor to what you do will help to solidify your message and get people to pay attention. This doesn’t mean that you need to become the Jim Carey of coming up with jokes; it just means that you should attempt to see the humor in things. Most of all, you should attempt to see the humor in yourself once in a while.
6. Lose the fixed mindset and learn to be wrong
Through all of the blog posts I have read of Mark’s, I’ve noticed that he changes his opinion or interpretation of events frequently. This is because rather than having a fixed mindset, he has a growth mindset.
With a growth mindset, we can learn to adapt and understand that no idea stays true forever. The Earth and our success are changing every single day. To inspire people you need to be constantly changing what you can teach and having new messages to spread.
Otherwise, you become washed up, out of date, and irrelevant. People that think they know everything really piss me off, and I’m sure they do the same to you. That’s why sometimes I have to take a chill pill, take my own advice, and not take everything so seriously.
A lot of what personal development teaches us is that we can’t inspire others unless we change ourselves first. The only way we can change ourselves is by becoming open to everything that we come into contact with.
There are so many old models of the world that people continue to live by for no good reason. Mark regularly pokes fun at these models in his work and encourages people to learn to be wrong. It’s okay if you always thought that diet soda was healthy and then you figured out it wasn’t.
Don’t forget, I’m the guy that drank too much, went to too many nightclubs, and ate the highest sugar foods known to humankind. It’s okay to be wrong ladies and gentlemen. We’re never going to be right 100% of the time, and if we were, then I’d give you a Nobel Prize, and tell you to retire (not going to happen by the way).
It’s time we get over our ego and ourselves and adopt a growth mindset. We can do anything we put our minds to and nothing is impossible.
How are you going to change you and influence the world? Let me know on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook.
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