3 Must-Haves For Increasing Your Self-Esteem

3 Must-Haves For Increasing Your Self-Esteem

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must haves for success
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Why are your successes never enough to outweigh the failure you fear and take so personally?

This fear has planted roots in your psyche and eroded your self-esteem. It cripples your thinking and overshadows everything you do.

What you and most people don’t understand is that success is personal.

Unless you make it personal, you’ll be stuck forever in the tracks your fear has laid down.

When I finally realized the biggest barrier to my success was me, I honestly didn’t know what to do.

For too many years, my success had depended on getting recognized for my contributions as I helped other people become successful. It took me a while to realize that my unquenchable need for their approval had screwed up my self-esteem.

Too bad I didn’t realize that before starting my own business.

Learning to Get Out of Your Own Way

It wasn’t just the business failure though – I had failed myself. Going to work for someone else again would have been another kind of failure.

I had to figure out how to move forward differently.

To do that, I had to accept failure as the great information provider it is, instead of a personal reflection of me.

In doing that I came to understand the personal nature of success.

The 3 Must-Haves I Discovered That Will Up Your Self-Esteem and Drive Your Success

Because success is personal – you must get personal with yourself.

In building up my self-esteem, I had to rethink how I looked at myself. That’s what you’ll need to do too.

These exercises will have you becoming less outwardly focused, and more self-aware, in a good, non-obsessive way.

They are the necessary steps for changing your motivation from fear to one that will have you manifesting a success that is uniquely yours.

Must-Have #1: Good Control Over Your Inner Critic

No one is harder on you than you. One of the biggest barriers to your success is all the negative self-talk your inner critic inflicts on you.

It affects not only how you think about yourself (self-esteem), but also how you think about what you do (self-worth.)

Too much negativity and your inner critic harps on all your real or imagined failings. You need to get that ongoing barrage of abuse under control.

Controlling Your Inner Critic

How do you do it?

Ridicule.

Seriously, when your inner critic starts dumping on you:

  1. Turn it into a figure of fun.
  2. Laugh at it! Laugh at what it says about you.
  3. Imagine how ridiculous it looks, and take that look to the extreme.

I see my inner critic as a bulldog – with a bright pink ruff around its neck. Just picturing it shrinking down and sitting in one of those fancy little teacups makes me laugh.

Why does this work?

By taking control of your interactions with your inner critic, you’re stepping out of the role of being its victim. Taking control is a positive step that ups your self-esteem.

The more you interrupt your inner critic’s patterns of negativity, the easier it is to change what you think about yourself.

“To dream by night is to escape your life. To dream by day is to make it happen.” – Stephen Richards

 

Must-Have #2: Willingness to Embrace Your Weaknesses

Criticizing yourself for having weaknesses, over-compensating for them, or blaming them for your failures actually gets in the way of your success.

This must-have is about looking at them and yourself with compassion. Just believing you deserve such kindness is a great boost to your self-esteem.

Embracing Your Weaknesses

So what do you do?

Switch from a criticizing mindset to one that looks for improvements. Accept both your strengths and weaknesses.

This is how you start:

  1. Identify where you can make small changes that have a positive impact.
  2. Start by going for easy wins.
  3. Get the changes locked-in, and move onto the next ones.

When you disparage parts of yourself, you create internal conflicts and end up focusing on fixing the wrong things.

Why does this work?

There are three primary reasons why this works:

  1. Small changes add up and create larger impacts.
  2. One success builds on another.
  3. Doing positive things for yourself adds to your feelings of self-worth, and ups your self-esteem.

When I did this, I saw where I could make changes to my business model. The result? More opportunities for success, and more trust in myself.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Ryun

 

Must-Have #3: An Old-Fashioned “Fly By The Seat of Your Pants” Attitude

The first planes were essentially physical extensions of the pilots. The actions the fliers took were limited, purposeful and focused on achieving the desired outcome.

There’s nothing like life or death situations for giving purpose and meaning to what you do.

What you need to have is the same attitude as the old-fashioned pilots. Don’t make a move that doesn’t have the express purpose of getting you one step closer to success.

Getting This Focused Attitude

How do you get it?

Start by answering this question: What do you value and how do you want to be manifesting, feeling, and expressing those values to the world?

Then expand your answer by completing these 3 steps:

  1. Identify your self-chosen ideals, the ones that resonate with you.
  2. Translate them to specific value statements for all areas of your life: family, health, financial, spiritual, community, etc.
  3. Determine what you want to manifest and express to the world about your values.

Taking this advice that comes from Jack Canfield helped me consolidate the changes I was making, and increased my focus.  Doing this work helps you build the foundation of your success.

the rock
 

Why does this work?

It’s about connecting the dots between your thinking, feelings, and beliefs. When you’re done, you have an integrated picture of who you are and clarity on what you value.

This is where success gets personal.

This is where you clearly define what success means to you.

This is where you get your ongoing motivation for manifesting your success.

How The 3 Must-Haves Work Together To Up Your Self-Esteem and Drive Your Success

It takes a healthy self-esteem to put yourself out there in a way that is uniquely personal to you.

A mindset that looks for improvements helps you handle setbacks and failures, in a positive way.

The right attitude keeps the focus on what you value and how you express those values. It’s what pulls all the pieces together and gets everything you do pointing in the same direction.

When that happens, you know what advice to follow, what programs to use, and what steps to implement.

“The mind is a powerful thing. It can take you through walls.” – Denis Avey

This Is Your Personal Brand of Success

It’s all about you and how you’re expressing and manifesting what you want in your life.

It’s what I’m doing in mine. Finally, for the first time in my life, I’m living and expressing what I value through the work I’ve chosen to do.

Having control over your life and your success in this way is enormously empowering – and more than worth all the effort.

Start at the beginning. Do all the exercises. Take a good look at what you value and how you want to express it.

That’s the success you want.

That’s the success you’ll create.

That’s the success you’ll drive right through the roof.

Here’s to your success!

 

22 COMMENTS

  1. I’m the same as the majority, the inner critic, I like the idea of giving a physical appearance that I can laugh at. But the best part I will take from this post is failure is a great information provider, i need to get over the mindset that failure is bad!

    You say, in your post, that “Finally, for the first time in my life, I’m living and expressing what I value through the work I’ve chosen to do.” How long did it take working for yourself for you to come to this realisation?

    • Hi Chris!

      When I left corporate America, I left at the high-point of my working life, and left with a LOT of expectations of what I could do in my own business. I was on my second business failure, a start-up with another person. It ended badly, and that at the 2-1/2 years mark. Then it took another 6 months of a lot of internal work to get where I honestly felt I was living and expressing my values.

      And, I’ll be frank, I’m still refining them. Each action I decide to take because it’s what feels right, teaches me something new about myself, or opens my eyes to something I hadn’t noticed about myself, or brings me one step closer to understanding myself better.

      May your journey be all that you need it to be to find the happiness and contentment you desire.

      Quinn

  2. Love the inner critic idea, Quinn. I usually try positive affirmations and positive readings, but sometimes it doesn’t help. I’m going to try this too as it’s always nice to have a number of things in one’s arsenal. 🙂 Thanks!

    • Hi Kim,

      Totally agree about more tools in your arsenal being a good thing! It used to be I could just say to myself, “This too shall pass,” whenever I found myself being annoyed with someone, but that eventually wore thin. Now I just imagine the person in a teacup. LOL!

  3. I would extend farther on the inner critic, that its really a lack of balance and love, a falling out with your inner child, who’s retaliating from years of abuse and neglect. I find the more inner child work I do, guided meditations addressing my inner child, apologizing for moments of abuse…the more loving my inner critic is and the more driven and creative I become. Just my two cents 🙂

    • Hi Brad,

      I find your comment very interesting as I also do a lot of inner child work . . . and I hadn’t thought of a possible connection between the two, but am going to consider that.

      Thanks for your comments!

    • Hi Laurie,

      I love talking to mine while it sits in its teacup. Everything it barks at me comes out in a high, squeaky voice!

      Have you ever wondered what yours would look like sitting in a thimble?

      Best wishes!

      Quinn

    • Thanks Nicki!

      I figure that since our inner critics do all they can to shame us, turn-about is fair play!

      Best of luck with yours!

      Quinn

  4. Fantastic post, Quinn! Way to go to show not only what holds us back, but also how to get over those obstacles. The “fly by the seat of your pants” attitude is something we definitely need to consciously cultivate. Especially in this age, where it’s easy to get distracted.
    Ok, enough time has been wasted reading stuff online. Off to do some real work! 🙂

    • Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting Ann!

      Remember the Dreamworks movie Train Your Dragon? Dragons were killers too . . . but if a kid can train a dragon, then you’ve got all it takes to train your inner critic!

      Best wishes!

      Quinn

  5. Great tips Quinn. Number 2 resonates with me right now – but making sure I add the ‘with compassion’! Otherwise it’s just another way of being too hard on myself 😉

    • Hi Ellen, I’m glad something resonated with you!

      Here’s my not so secret mantra for being nice to myself: May I be filled with loving kindness; May I be held in loving kindness; May I realize loving kindness as my essence.

      May it work for you too!

      Quinn

  6. Quinn, you’ve nailed it! All about taking self-control. We have the power!

    I laughed out loud when you said you saw your inner critic as a bulldog with a bright pink ruff around its neck!

    I’d like to work on mine.

    You’ve reminded me how personal success is as well as how anything we do in business is a reflection of our personalities and personal branding. It’s all about having the right approach and attitude, as you suggest.

    I particularly like your process for embracing our weaknesses. I would go further to say this isn’t something that happens over night but over time. In that respect, Jim Ryun’s quote is perfect.

    Thanks for the wisdom, laughter and reality check, Quinn.

    This is one of the posts that needs to be bookmarked for ongoing future reference and referral!

    • Thanks Rob!

      I’m glad you like the Jim Ryun quote . . . and give full credit to the folks at A2S for having put it in! And they did a terrific job with the pictures too!

      As we’re all a work in progress, it’s good we can have some fun along the way too!

      Cheers!
      Quinn

  7. Hi Quinn,

    Couldn’t agree more with you about ‘getting out of your way’! For so long, I’ve been waiting for some external factor to improve, so that my life would be finally on track. But since I’ve taken full responsibility for my own actions, I’m experiencing small wins almost every day. It’s hard, but I’d rather swallow some bitter pills now and then, than give power to the inner monster that keeps nagging away in the background…

    Great advice!
    Thanks

    • Hi Andrea,

      I hear you about the monster! Good idea to keep track of any wins, but especially the small ones as they do add up. I had a dream last night about voting – for myself and against myself. Made me think I should get some poker chips, a couple of jars and get a visual on which way my votes are going through the day.

      Keep up the good work!

    • Thanks Helen! I’m glad you found value in tips. The one that resonated with you is key for me too!

      Best wishes!

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