Connect with us

Success Advice

3 Don’ts That Crush Your Ability to Succeed

Published

on

don't succeed
Joel Brown

Imagine trying to be successful without being able to communicate effectively with other people. Whether it’s success in your personal or professional life, one thing should be clear, you need to know how to communicate with other humans to succeed. You can overcome a lot of obstacles on your road to success but one you cannot just bypass, crawl over, or avoid is communication. It’s a skill you need to learn.

The trouble is, there are three “Don’ts” that crush our ability to succeed. I first discovered these three no’s while attending an ACA meeting. ACA is an organization that teaches people how to deal with growing up in dysfunctional families. I was encouraged by a mentor to attend even though I was sure dysfunction didn’t apply to me and my upbringing.

One such dysfunction is that we never learn how to relate or communicate with people in a constructive and powerful way. The thing is, we don’t even realize we aren’t good communicators. Why? Because we’re playing by a set of rules we adopted while living in a house of dysfunction.

And this lack of ability to communicate powerfully becomes a huge stumbling block on our road to success — and even in our ability to find happiness. The question is, “What, specifically, happens in these homes that stifles our learning to communicate?” The answer is that there are three no’s, either spoken or unspoken, that crush the spirit of communication in our homes. Sometimes these don’ts are subtle, sometimes they are very clear and very loud. Either way, they become our “truth” about how we should show up in the world.

Here are the 3 Don’ts that crush our ability to succeed:

1. Don’t Talk

Imagine you’re 8 or 10 years old and your dad comes home from work after a tough day at the office. You’ve got questions about why a hippopotamus has such a fat face. So, you start explaining and setting up your question when your dad looks at you with that look. That “don’t talk to me right now look”.

It doesn’t take too many attempts for you to come to believe that what annoys people is talking to them. As a result, you don’t talk unless someone talks to your first. Even then, we keep answers short.

In other homes, it may be much more direct. I have a coaching client who was told by his father “Do not speak unless spoken to.” You can’t get much more clear than that. Finally, “don’t talk” may mean don’t talk about anything important or too personal.

The bottom line is “Don’t Talk” crushes any hope of effective communication. Next time you’re visiting the folks at home, or visiting siblings, see if you can spot the “don’t talk” rule in effect.

“Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.”

2. Don’t Trust

If you live in a world where most people are not to be trusted, it’s going to be very difficult to communicate openly and honestly with people, especially people with whom you want to have a working relationship.

In my home, there were always “bad guys” out in the world. Maybe it was my dad’s boss, or the government, or that suspicious neighbor down the street. My guess is there were “bad guys” in your house too. And we all know we don’t trust bad guys.

The trouble is, we were never given specifics about what makes a bad guy bad. We just picked up that there are a lot of bad people out there. After all, when you live in a house for 18-20 years you’re going to store away a lot of conversations about bad guys.

The other way we learn “don’t trust” is through broken promises. For instance, when our mom, dad, brother, sister, grandparents, or other people we look up to promises to invest time with us and then something happens and they don’t… again… then, our excitement turns to sadness.  We quickly learn “don’t trust” because, well, trusting hurts and never works out.

3. Don’t Feel

This third don’t is often the result of the other two. It’s a coping mechanism. If we’re not to talk and if we’re not to trust, then the natural next step is “don’t feel.” As I said, this tends to be a result of wanting to talk, being shut down, and experiencing pain.

It’s a result of trusting, our trust being betrayed, and us experiencing the pain. Repeat that cycle a few times and we learn it’s probably best if we simply “don’t feel” from the start. As you think back to your home growing up, you’ll probably begin to see one, two, or all three of these “don’ts” were present in your home.

What’s tough to understand is that most of these rules were also rules in our parents’ homes. It’s a learned behavior. Unfortunately, many of our parents didn’t have access to articles like this one or to sites like Addicted2success where they could notice and unlearn these subtle but deadly rules.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

So, next time you notice that little voice in your head saying, “don’t talk”, “don’t trust”, or “don’t feel”, question where it comes from and then ask if not talking, not trusting or not feeling is going to improve or crush your ability to succeed in that moment. If it’s crush, then speak up, trust, and feel into the power and opportunity of the moment.

What No’s do you have trouble with the most? Comment below!

Sean McCool is an award-winning copywriter, business consultant, and coach to the highly committed. Sean's clients say he offers them a perspective that allows them the ability to see possibility unlike anything they've seen before. From that place of possibility, his clients are able to take bold new action and create a new future for themselves and their customers and clients. You can connect with Sean through his website www.SeanMcCool.com or follow him on Facebook.

Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Explode Your Social Media

Want More Views? Master These 6 YouTube Growth Tactics

Getting a strong start or feeling stagnant are two completely different problems, but they both need momentum, viewer engagement, and growth to fix them.

Published

on

YouTube growth strategies
Image Credit: Midjourney

Strategic planning combined with unwavering dedication allows you to rise above the chaos of YouTube—luck won’t get you anywhere.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Change Your Mindset

The Leadership Skill Nobody Talks About (But Changes Everything)

Curiosity often takes a back seat to certainty and gets labeled as a soft skill, which makes it sound obvious and easy

Published

on

leadership through curiosity
Image Credit: Midjourney

Most of us, when faced with challenges, instinctively seek certainty and answers. In turn, our ego steps in and prompts us to defend our views, double down, or perhaps disengage.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Success Advice

Breaking the Bias: How Females Can Thrive In The Workplace in 2025

The good news is that some steps can also be taken by female business leaders who are looking to voice and fight these issues, take charge of their careers, and grow their business or influence in the industry.

Published

on

Overcoming gender bias in the workplace
Image Credit: Midjourney

Over the past 100-odd years, women have played a critical role in the ever-changing labor force.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Success Advice

Success Isn’t Sexy: 5 Daily Habits That Actually Work

You’ll need to master the unsexy routines that build momentum in the background

Published

on

unsexy habits that lead to success
Image Credit: Midjourney

There’s a gritty, unfiltered side of success that rarely makes it to our timelines or TED Talks. It’s not drenched in neon lights, wrapped in viral quotes, or toasted with champagne selfies. It’s quiet. It’s routine. And honestly? It’s often boring. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending