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How A 45 Year Old Co-worker Inspired Me To Date Again

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Wow, it sucks to go through another breakup, especially as it’s been less than a year since the last one! I thought I would never date again until a 45-year-old co-worker said this to me:

“If at 45 I can go on Tinder being massively overweight, and not the best to look at, and have lots of guys wanting to date me, then so can you.”

This co-worker had been single for over a decade. She smoked heavily and swore never to date again. That was until her slightly quirky family decided to create a dating profile for her on Tinder.

She met many men on Tinder. There was:

– Tony Soprano with his gambling addiction
– There was chef with his quirkiness
– There was “Tradie” with his 30-year-old model body and six pack
– There was “bikie” who attempted a forced kiss in the middle of a dark car park

All of this got me thinking: “If a 45-year-old who claims that they are not much to look at can have success in dating, then why can’t a young buck like me sort this stuff out?”

Seeing my co-worker’s success inspired me. I vowed to set myself a goal to get this area of my life sorted out. The only problem is I become like an assassin when there’s a goal I want to achieve.

I became obsessed with this whole dating game.

I had no idea what a dating app was.

I had never sent texts to girls that I had never met in person before.

I was terrified of the potential rejection.

What did I do? I just did it anyway and you can do the same.

The myth is that dating isn’t challenging for all of us. It is. We are all afraid to date after a major breakup because we fear that we might someday die lonely.

 

For the next 5 months, I became obsessed with this dating goal.

I figured if I were going to reach this goal of finding someone through online dating, I would have to put in the work to shorten the time it takes. Many of my friends have been single for more than 5 years and I decided that was not going to happen to me.

I signed up for dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony and Happn.
I went on coffee dates before work.
I went on coffee dates during lunchtime.
I went on coffee dates after work.

 

And then I made sure I was in the zone.

No matter the day or time I was doing something to push my dating game further.

I bought new clothes.
I bought new shoes.
I bought new aftershave.

Not to impress the girls, but to make sure I was feeling good before each date. I wanted to put in the maximum effort I could so that if I failed, I knew that I had given it everything I could.

 

The start was full of fear.

The first date was horrible. It was a friend of a friend that had been crowdsourced via Facebook for me. I wasn’t ready and she was not really my type. She was into pole dancing and collecting these crystals that apparently heal you or something like that. It was sooooo not me.

I rolled up to the date one hour early to ensure I didn’t miss getting car parking. I waited around until 8 pm for her. She messaged at 8 pm and said she was leaving home now and would be late. I thought to myself, “Clearly this whole dating thing is going to be hard, especially given I am obsessed with productivity and don’t like having my time wasted.”

“Instead of being pissed off, I committed not to tell myself negative stories. I became committed to not getting upset easily like most people do in life”

She finally arrived and I felt quite sick for some bizarre reason. I ordered the drinks and then she paid without me getting a chance to stop her because she felt bad for being late. This was already a mini failure as letting the girl pay on the first date is usually seen as a very bad idea.

At the end of the date, I stupidly asked for a second date and she said yes. I never ended up getting the second date and thank god for that. It did hurt my ego a little.

 

I then went on more than 50 dates with 50 different women.

This might seem like freaking madness but I believe that to be successful at any goal you need to get really good at your chosen task. On the first date, I sucked big time at dating. After a few dates though, I became really good at it. I figured out quickly what I wanted which I had never done before.

The fear started to dissipate and before long I was completely comfortable. I’d check the apps throughout the day to get fresh leads, meet them, narrow down the list, and then attempt to close them by asking for a second date.

My process was a lot like managing a sales pipeline through a piece of software like Salesforce. It was methodical, intentional, unwavering and organized chaos.

 

You can date anyone if you believe you can. You can do anything.

The reason I had failed relationships in the past was that I never thought carefully about what I wanted. I somehow thought I wasn’t good enough. Because of this belief, I limited the parameters of my dating apps only to include girls who were no more than two years younger.

I secretly wanted a younger girlfriend but never thought they would go for me. I thought I was too old and that they wouldn’t be able to relate to me. I didn’t swipe right on the good-looking profile pictures because I thought they would never go for an average looking guy like me.

Somewhere along the way when I wasn’t succeeding at my goal, I revaluated what I was doing. I realized I was selling myself short.

I started swiping on stunners.
I opened the age range right up.

To my own disbelief, I was stunned.

Amazing looking models wanted to go on dates with me. Girls that were near geniuses wanted to go on dates with me. Girls who were a lot younger than me were throwing themselves at me. It turns out that I was limiting my chances, not the real world.

The lesson here is to be careful what you filter out. You may be filtering out exactly what you want.

 

My friends thought I was mad.

They told me it could take 5 years. They told me I may never find someone and I needed to potentially accept this concept. I told myself this was BS. I knew that if I kept trying and didn’t let all of the fear and failure defeat me, I’d be triumphant. I visualized the day I would get my goal.

“Being obsessed with a goal looks like madness to the average Joe; the truth is that it’s how you get stuff done and get what you want in life”

 

Watching Netflix and saying The universe will make it happen doesn’t work.

There’s a lot of this “Law Of Attraction,” praise a statue mumbo jumbo that’s floating around nowadays. People say that it will happen when it’s meant to happen. This mindset will destroy your goal and any chance of being successful at dating.

“Your goal will happen when you put in the work and make it happen”

The dating gods are not going to ride in on a rainbow unicorn and give you some drop-dead gorgeous person who’s got a perfectly tanned body, and an amazing ass, with an incredible personality.

Get to work and stop allowing wet dreams to ruin your life.

Sitting on the couch numbing your brain with Netflix doesn’t work either.

 

Don’t let desperation overcome you.

One of the girls I met decided to go for someone else. I was shortlisted and lost. She then messaged me to tell me that after a couple of days, her new man forced her head down to the bed and wouldn’t let her leave the room.

She asked me what she should do. Naturally, I told her to leave this horrible man as violence is never acceptable. This girl came across as desperate with every interaction I had with her. She also showed me that she would make other bad decisions and then blame the world.

All of this was due to desperation. Don’t let your need of finding someone allow you to make dumb decisions. You’ll regret it later.

 

Never be anyone’s Plan B.

This same girl then came back to me later after she dumped this violent man and tried to go on another date with me. I’ve learned over the years that it’s never a good idea to be someone’s Plan B. If you weren’t good enough from the start, then you never will be. I told this girl no and moved on.

 

What I didn’t do!

Use the apps as a way to randomly sleep with as many girls as possible. In the short term this will stroke your ego; in the long term, you’ll feel like garbage. Dating is not designed to boost your ego and is far better when you concentrate on your long-term happiness.

I also didn’t attempt to date multiple girls at the same time. This doesn’t work and you’ll get found out. Lying destroys all of your hopes and dreams except you never find out that it’s the true cause. Lying gets disguised in other people’s opinions about why you failed.

You will fail if you lie or become a whore.

 

The problem with online dating.

You start to believe there’s always someone better. You never settle for any prospect that comes your way. The slightest thing that annoys you about the other person can make you think you should keep looking through more profiles.

One girl told me that everything about me was good but she couldn’t deal with the fact I’m vegetarian. Being this trivial is stupid.

Every person you want to date has flaws including you.
You’ll learn to love their flaws in the long-term.
Having a shopping list of wants is great way to be disappointed and remain single.

 

How to avoid all the pitfalls of online dating and failing at any goal.

Be relentless.
Keep trying.
Believe in yourself.
Don’t settle for second best.
Don’t look for perfect – it doesn’t exist.
Be a really nice person and treat others nicely.
Don’t try and sleep with them too quickly – you’ll trick yourself into falling for them afterward.

 

So here’s what happened….

I got what I wanted. I found an intelligent, beautiful, elegant little gem. She’s funny, interesting, clever, successful and has good values.

It took some time and lot’s of dates but I got there. People look at me still like I got lucky although I don’t believe in luck. I gave it everything I could and it was an emotional rollercoaster. I showed the best of me and tried to be the best human being I could.

I practiced being kind, compassionate and humble. With forced intent and continued practice, I got my goal. You can do the same.

Before I go, I want to point out that I don’t tell this very personal story I’d rather not share to make myself look good, so don’t bother leaving comments to this effect. I tell you this very personal story to inspire you to greatness and learn from my foolish mistakes.

Don’t let this negative dating world beat you down. Fight back!

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared hundreds of thousands of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around success, personal development, motivation, and entrepreneurship. During the day Tim works with the most iconic tech companies in the world, as an adviser, to assist them in expanding into Australia. By night, Tim coaches his students on the principles of personal development and the fundamentals of entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net or through his Facebook.

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Motivation

Whenever I Am Fearful Of What People Think, I Do This.

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I’ve had some days recently where I’ve been plagued with that question “What will people think?”

“If I say that, will people hate it and could it ruin my career?”
‘If I say the truth and people dislike it, could that ruin an upcoming opportunity?”
‘If they don’t like it, will I ever get another chance?

Whenever I find myself becoming fearful of people’s opinions, I do this:

 

I compare their opinion to my mortality.

This is the main hack so let’s start with this. Whenever I find myself worrying about what people think and how it may affect my success, I remember that in the scheme of things I am only on this Earth for a short amount of time.

Anything that I say will likely be forgotten pretty quickly. People are so caught up in all the troubles of their own life that they don’t have space in their mind to remember all of my flaws and silly moments. So if people are highly unlikely to remember, then who cares what people think?

Comparing opinions to your own mortality is a fantastic way to get a reality check. This way of thinking always gets me out of my head. Death is a good motivator that will make you take action and not get caught up in your head trying to win a war against opinions.

 

I’d rather try for greatness than never know because of fear.

Being paralyzed by people’s opinions stops you from ever reaching your full potential. You end up second-guessing yourself and not taking certain actions out of fear for what people may think. You can’t enter their mind and steal their thoughts (not yet, anyway) so you’ll never know for sure.

Maybe people love what you said. Maybe what you hypothesize they’re thinking is wrong. So the truth is you’ll never know for sure.

“What I do know for sure is that greatness is within all of us and it can only be unleashed when you stop giving an F”

Greatness is achieved when you say what you think, you take vulnerable actions, you’re authentic and most of all, you don’t hold back. People’s opinions are holding you back and they don’t matter. What matters is your opinion of yourself.

 

What matters is you tried.

And your critics probably didn’t. By not being held back by opinions you end up trying things that you’d normally not do. Here are some of my own examples:

  • I went to a high interval training workout class. Normally I wouldn’t because I’m currently unfit, but because I don’t care what people think, I did it anyway and loved it.
  • I entered a public speaking competition and won against very tough competition. Normally I wouldn’t but I told myself that I can say cool stuff too.
  • I took a long plane trip overseas. Normally I wouldn’t because I have a fear of flying but because I’ve now flown enough times, flying is actually fun.
  • I started this whole blogging thing. Normally I wouldn’t of because I used to hate writing and found it dead boring. I thought people would think what I had to say was dumb. Then I discovered my passion for blogging and now it’s what I’m known for by millions of people

How much success are you leaving on the table by being shackled down with the opinions of others? Just do what you love and if people hate it then screw them. They’re obviously not your target audience or don’t get your unique talent. Giving it a go will show you more than doing nothing.

 

I think about not living my dream life.

If people’s horrible opinions of you are weighing you down, then try this reverse hack: Think about what would happen if you didn’t live your dream.

Whenever I second guess myself about giving a talk, I think about what would happen if I never discovered this whole inspiring others gift that I had secretly hidden inside of me.

When you weigh up in your head the difference between people’s thoughts of you, and living your dream life, you’ll find your mind always pushing towards the later. Use this super-sized hack to destroy your fear of opinions.

 

I remind myself of what the great’s do.

If fear of public reticule is holding me back, I think in my mind about what the greats would do. Would Steve Jobs let someone tell him that his phone needs more buttons?

“Would Martin Luther King let someone tell him that black people’s rights don’t matter and to stay at home today by the warm fire? Not in a million, trillion years”

So if the greats wouldn’t allow opinions to stop them in their tracks, why the heck would you?

 

I think of what I’m doing in comparison to the world.

An excellent way to put your actions and the opinions about them into perspective is to compare what you’re doing with the world. If you say something stupid in front of your co-workers, in the scheme of things, does that one event change the rest of the world?

Does your little mistake really matter compared with the billions of other mistakes that are happening at the same moment? Probably not.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Motivation

Want To Be The Greatest? Publish Positivity.

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Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be the greatest in whatever field I entered. Now I am in the top tier of bloggers on the Internet.

 

So your question surely is: “How can I do the same?”

For starters, forget who I am and what I have and haven’t done. It’s not about me; it’s about you. It all starts with you and I’m going to give you the secret.

 

The secret is: Publish positivity.

Whether that’s publishing an email and sending it off, publishing a video online, publishing a blog post, publishing a picture on Instagram.

The key is always to publish something that’s positive.

 

It’s helped me and it can help you.

Everything I have ever published on the Internet since I started this blogging journey is positive. It’s content that is designed to take your life to the next level.

I aim to send chills down your spine.
I aim to get you to think differently.
Most of all, I aim to get you to take positive action.

 

Before all of the positivity, it started with negativity.

The thing is it didn’t start this way. My journey started with a whole lot of negativity and yours is probably similar. That’s the best place to start anything from. With so much negativity, there’s only one place to go – UP!

I always thought that success was only for those born rich. My days were spent finding reasons why something couldn’t be done. I complained all day long about everything I wanted but couldn’t get. I was tired, lonely, frustrated and pissed off at the world. We’ve all been there.

Then someone inspired me by publishing positivity. Now I want to return that favor.

I want everyone to be able to become inspired and then make the same decision as me to publish positivity from now on. Enough is enough.

 

There’s already too much negativity.

I’m fed up with every traditional media outlet talking about nothing other than negativity. Consistent negativity only produces more negativity. There’s no point harping on about what’s wrong and how everything is so challenging to fix. Nothing worth doing is easy.

“If you’re trying to achieve a goal, then you have to publish positivity to stand out and influence all of us”

 

People want to be inspired.

The common theme with everything I have achieved is that I’ve figured out the one hack: People just want to be inspired. It’s really that simple. To be the greatest, you must inspire people.

We all love inspiration because it’s what we’re all lacking. Tell stories and inspire people. That’s how you become the best in the world at anything. We all have a story to tell that can inspire people. Reach inside, and pull out those stories for all of us to hear.

You’ve overcome some obstacle.
You’ve had a difficult time.
You’ve experienced death.
You’ve lost something.

The inspiration we can all learn from you is inside of you already. Use these tools to inspire us all because we all want it. We all need it.

 

You’ll become positive at the same time.

The best part about publishing positivity is that it makes you more positive at the same time. Each day, I’m searching for something positive to share with you all. This makes me so focused on being positive that I’ve forgotten about the negative world that many experience daily.

You get more of what you focus on.

“Publish positivity and you’ll steer clear of the negative nonsense that’s subconsciously holding you back from being the greatest”

 

Positivity compounds.

Yes, that’s right! As you publish positivity, the effect compounds. You start with being just a little bit positive and once you get a few years in, all the wisdom that people like Nelson Mandela had is at your disposal. Positivity builds the greatness that world champions like Nelson Mandela had.

If you want to do something extraordinary with your life (we all do deep down), then you must start with publishing positivity. Find something to talk about and do it with every ounce of passion in your body. Allow yourself to light up and become a beacon of positivity for anyone that can benefit from your advice.

 

Where does this all lead?

Publishing positivity can lead almost anywhere. I never had any clue when I began. I always thought I’d just do it for a bit and then see what happens. Little did I know that publishing positivity can get you access to people, places, opportunities, careers and feelings I never even knew.

Publishing positivity has made every single goal I’ve ever wanted come to life.
Publishing positivity has allowed me to remove my toxic friends and replace them with my heroes.

The possibilities for you when you publish positivity are the same. You’ll get to experience things that you never thought was possible,

It all starts with publishing positivity and being positive.

Don’t hold yourself back any longer. Get started and publish positivity.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Motivation

Endorphins Are The Key To The Good Life.

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Endorphins And The Good Life. Basketball Motivation

When I was 25 years old, I became a gym junkie. I went four times a week and trained hard with a personal trainer. During that time of my life, I was chasing the physical appearance benefits of going to the gym and training.

I remember feeling really good after every workout. Whenever I felt stressed or upset, going to the gym helped me.

 

Then my life crashed: I stopped.

About two years in, everything in my life went horribly wrong. I ended up leaving a business and starting all over again. I sold everything I had and so I could no longer justify paying a personal trainer. I stopped going to the gym not long after too.

 

Here’s the harsh truth.

Since that day when I quit the gym all those years ago, I’ve never felt the same. The rush that you get from putting your body under pressure and sweating profusely can’t be matched. A few weeks ago, I began reading this book that included a chapter on physical training.

The benefits were highlighted to me again. You’ll increase your endorphin levels triggering a positive response in your body; you’ll increase cardiac volume; you’ll increase insulin sensitivity and that will put you in a better mental state. Oh, and it makes you smarter too.

Endorphins make you smarter by improving blood flow to the brain and boosting growth hormones that produce new nerve cells. They even help release brain chemicals like dopamine, glutamine and serotonin. Serotonin is the chemical that makes you happy.

So obviously going to the gym and having these endorphin things are good for you. Imagine what newfound energy this will bring to your passions in life.

 

What caused me to go back to the gym?

I’d been feeling low on energy despite my healthy diet and I was getting a few headaches. This was literally killing my dreams because I didn’t have the energy I needed to write inspirational content.

 

I came home from the gym and felt on fire!

After my first session back at the gym, I came home and felt on fire. I wrote five blog posts in a matter of hours – they were some of my best work. My mental state was changed and the low energy I was experiencing went away.

 

The food I ate began to change.

When you increase the endorphin levels in your body, I found, that I no longer wanted to eat junk food. I’ve seen the same change in my friends who have gone this route as well. Training at the gym makes you want to refuel and recharge with proper food.

All of a sudden a big greasy pizza just doesn’t feel appealing anymore. You start to crave fruit, vegetables, tofu, seafood and anything that will nourish you and help you train again the next day.

I know this sounds nuts and I promise you it’s true!

 

It’s not just the endorphins.

The endorphin rush is not the only benefit I got from the gym. There were added side benefits that I didn’t even think of.

It’s the discipline you get.
It’s the goals you set.
It’s the changes you see.
It’s the people you meet at the gym.

 

What starts to happen is that you become focused on being just that little bit better each day. Instead of staying the same and not growing in any way, your mindset changes.

“You look for ways to improve your life and the gym becomes the catalyst for it”

It’s only after some deep, meditative thought that I came to this conclusion. Lucky I read that book hey?

 

And wait, there’s more.

I started to smile more. With my mental state changing for the better, I no longer found myself disappointed or pissed off for not having the energy I craved, to live my life.

With all of this extra thinking space, I found myself smiling more. Looking after yourself feels good. If nothing else, it gives you something to be happy about.

 

Anger and stress decreased.

During the first week of gym training, I had a few negative situations I was dealing with at work.

They were really annoying me and I found myself being angry.

This anger led to stress that I hadn’t experienced for a while.

“The gym became an outlet for me to get out of my own head because I was forced to concentrate on the pain and focus needed to do the exercises I had committed to”

Combining the gym with a bit of meditation also helped too.

 

Don’t forget that three letter word (you thought I was going to say Tim but I mean sex baby!)

So far I’ve only spoken about the gym – don’t forget sex as well. Sex releases endorphins. If you want more endorphins, then have more sex!

Now you have two sources of endorphins to play with (pardon the pun).

 

***Final thought***

I know what you’re thinking – because I am Gandhi (joking) – “Tim I already knew all of this. Of course going to the gym is good for you.”

That’s the issue right there. We know lots of stuff and most of the time we still don’t take action on what is good for us. The best way to take action on tasks like going to the gym is to hear someone else’s story.

Stories will inspire you to take action, not knowledge.

Now you’ve heard my story, it’s time to take action. Drag your ass to the gym and start exercising. Don’t forget to sexercise as well (insert wink emoji here)!

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Motivation

Starting The Morning By Making Your Bed Is Stupid – Do This Instead

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Making Your Bed

Ever heard that you should start your morning by completing one small task like making your bed?

This is stupid advice. Don’t follow it.

If you feel like you have achieved something by making your bed, then you’re way off.

Making your bed is a stupid little task that doesn’t make you feel good at all. If you find satisfaction in doing something so small, and you think that’s a good start, it’s not.

“You must do something meaningful to start the day if you want to change the world”

 

Start the morning with something big.

Yup, that’s what I said you little rascal. Do something that matters. For me, that’s writing blog posts like this one, instead of doing chicken little tasks that don’t serve anybody – like making your bed. I recommend starting the day with an epic achievement.

Sit down and write something you are proud of.
Go and train for that sport you love.
Prepare that presentation that is going to change your company.
Wake up and do public speaking first thing.

Now that last one is one I do every fortnight. I wake up at 4 am and go to Toastmasters at 7 am to start the day with a speech. It sets up my entire week and gives me energy. Try it for yourself.

 

Your mind is fresh in the morning – don’t waste it.

As the day moves on, your energy levels get lower (especially if you have a poor diet). This is why starting your day by wasting your valuable energy making your bed is total nonsense!

Don’t make your bed, use your energy for something that will make you fulfilled.
Start the day with something that will make you damn proud of yourself.

When I publish a freshly written article on Adccited2Success at 5 am, I feel on fire. I get to work ready to steamroll over anyone who wants to take me off my purpose. I feel like a lion ready to pounce on its prey and fight any enemy that presents itself.

 

Your bed can wait.

You know what? Your bed can wait. It doesn’t need to be made right this second. You can do hard labor when you get home and you’re tired from the day. Making your bed requires no thinking so don’t waste your mind on it.

“Low energy states are the best time to make your bed, iron your clothes and cook meals”

 

Achieving goals builds momentum.

The reason why I don’t want you to start your day achieving rubbish goals is that it gives you no momentum. Doing something difficult in the morning sets your day up to tackle even more challenging obstacles.

I’d rather you did the big stuff first and then worried about the small stuff like how your rainbow colored doona on your bed looks. Who you trying to impress with your bed anyway?

 

Some days will suck.

Okay, so I’ve made it sound like every day you are going to live like a commando or even GI Joe. Don’t worry I’m not that silly or crazy. There are days that you will suck. You’ll wake up and achieve nothing. You’ll do dumb stuff like make your bed instead of doing something a bit more difficult.

It’s okay. You can’t be Rambo every single day or hour. What I want you to think about here is to spend the majority of your week in a peak state that involves attempting meaningful goals in the morning. Miss a day here and there. Take the weekend off.

Relax, because you can’t always be on like a pit bull ready to attack.

“If you take yourself too seriously, then you’ll start to lose the plot. Your ego will become out of control and you’ll think you are unstoppable and do something dumb like taking a selfie on the side of a skyscraper where you could fall to your death. Don’t laugh; this is now a thing!”

Everything in moderation. You also need balance. Don’t mistake balance, though, for being lazy and doing half-assed stuff like making your bed.

 

Mornings have defined me.

I get dozens of emails asking how I find time to write and do all the crazy things I talk about.

My response is always the morning. Doing big stuff in the morning has allowed me to get a head start on life. I will not accept mediocrity and even when it hurts, I do my best to remember why I put myself through these challenges, day after day.

There’s something about progress that is addictive and it’s a big part of the success formula. The first thing you do shouldn’t be:

– Make coffee
– Drink lemon water
– Look at your phone
– Check your social media followers.

The first thing you should do is bite a chunk off one of your big audacious goals that forms part of your life’s purpose. Now feel free to substitute the word purpose for vision, goals, meaning of your life – I don’t care amigo.

 

Again, do the big stuff.

Let’s rinse and repeat, so you’re clear. Don’t wake up and do little, tiny, meaningless goals like making your bed and wasting the best hours of the day. Wake up and do something that will give you a sense of fulfillment.

Hope we’re clear now. Time to go do the big stuff. The really big stuff!

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Success Advice

Is Fear of Failure Keeping You Stuck in a Lifeless Job? Here Are 5 Things to Do

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stuck in a job you hate

Are you stuck in a job that doesn’t fulfill you and you can’t seem to find a way out? Chances are that your fear of failure is holding you back. You constantly dream of change, but the dream is quickly replaced by worse case scenarios or self-doubt: What if you don’t find a better job? What if you don’t stand out in a competitive market? What will others think if it doesn’t work out?

At the end of this line of reasoning is the conviction that you’re not the only one who’s not satisfied, and that’s just how life goes. After all, bills won’t pay themselves, right? So you keep toiling away, increasing your level of self-dissatisfaction while quietly hoping that things will somehow improve on their own.

Fear becomes the self-imposed obstacle that prevents you from taking the steps that are necessary for the change(s) you long for. I can recall numerous times in my life where I gave in to my fears and compromised with my goals and desires to play it safe. I was stuck and my dream life and career felt so out of reach. The voice of my inner critic showed up every time I attempted change, to convince me I wasn’t ready and I didn’t have enough to shift.

So how do we overcome the fear of failure, so we can propel change? By removing the notion that change is a threat. Our ego thrives on fear. Its sole purpose is to keep us safe and protect us from taking risks. When we perceive a threat we activate the part of our brain called “amygdala” and we go into fight, flight or freeze mode.

Our simple survival mechanism limits our potential by overemphasizing the fear of failure. Fight or Flight takes hold, but growth does not. We survive, but we don’t thrive, and therein lies the problem. We crave meaningful work that doesn’t drain us, but fulfills us and makes us happy. So how do we take the leap? (more…)

Vanya Lazarova is a certified professional coach, specializing in helping people create their life's work by starting with purpose and authenticity. She loves writing, reading, psychology, philosophy, arts and all forms of self- expression. She co-founded a personal development podcast called "The Coaching Journal", where she offers thought provoking concepts to empower people intentionally design the life they want to have. You can find more about Vanya and the work she does on her website www.LiveAuthentic.net and at her podcast The Coaching Journal.

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Motivation

Whenever I Am Fearful Of What People Think, I Do This.

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I’ve had some days recently where I’ve been plagued with that question “What will people think?”

“If I say that, will people hate it and could it ruin my career?”
‘If I say the truth and people dislike it, could that ruin an upcoming opportunity?”
‘If they don’t like it, will I ever get another chance?

Whenever I find myself becoming fearful of people’s opinions, I do this:

 

I compare their opinion to my mortality.

This is the main hack so let’s start with this. Whenever I find myself worrying about what people think and how it may affect my success, I remember that in the scheme of things I am only on this Earth for a short amount of time.

Anything that I say will likely be forgotten pretty quickly. People are so caught up in all the troubles of their own life that they don’t have space in their mind to remember all of my flaws and silly moments. So if people are highly unlikely to remember, then who cares what people think?

Comparing opinions to your own mortality is a fantastic way to get a reality check. This way of thinking always gets me out of my head. Death is a good motivator that will make you take action and not get caught up in your head trying to win a war against opinions.

 

I’d rather try for greatness than never know because of fear.

Being paralyzed by people’s opinions stops you from ever reaching your full potential. You end up second-guessing yourself and not taking certain actions out of fear for what people may think. You can’t enter their mind and steal their thoughts (not yet, anyway) so you’ll never know for sure.

Maybe people love what you said. Maybe what you hypothesize they’re thinking is wrong. So the truth is you’ll never know for sure.

“What I do know for sure is that greatness is within all of us and it can only be unleashed when you stop giving an F”

Greatness is achieved when you say what you think, you take vulnerable actions, you’re authentic and most of all, you don’t hold back. People’s opinions are holding you back and they don’t matter. What matters is your opinion of yourself.

 

What matters is you tried.

And your critics probably didn’t. By not being held back by opinions you end up trying things that you’d normally not do. Here are some of my own examples:

  • I went to a high interval training workout class. Normally I wouldn’t because I’m currently unfit, but because I don’t care what people think, I did it anyway and loved it.
  • I entered a public speaking competition and won against very tough competition. Normally I wouldn’t but I told myself that I can say cool stuff too.
  • I took a long plane trip overseas. Normally I wouldn’t because I have a fear of flying but because I’ve now flown enough times, flying is actually fun.
  • I started this whole blogging thing. Normally I wouldn’t of because I used to hate writing and found it dead boring. I thought people would think what I had to say was dumb. Then I discovered my passion for blogging and now it’s what I’m known for by millions of people

How much success are you leaving on the table by being shackled down with the opinions of others? Just do what you love and if people hate it then screw them. They’re obviously not your target audience or don’t get your unique talent. Giving it a go will show you more than doing nothing.

 

I think about not living my dream life.

If people’s horrible opinions of you are weighing you down, then try this reverse hack: Think about what would happen if you didn’t live your dream.

Whenever I second guess myself about giving a talk, I think about what would happen if I never discovered this whole inspiring others gift that I had secretly hidden inside of me.

When you weigh up in your head the difference between people’s thoughts of you, and living your dream life, you’ll find your mind always pushing towards the later. Use this super-sized hack to destroy your fear of opinions.

 

I remind myself of what the great’s do.

If fear of public reticule is holding me back, I think in my mind about what the greats would do. Would Steve Jobs let someone tell him that his phone needs more buttons?

“Would Martin Luther King let someone tell him that black people’s rights don’t matter and to stay at home today by the warm fire? Not in a million, trillion years”

So if the greats wouldn’t allow opinions to stop them in their tracks, why the heck would you?

 

I think of what I’m doing in comparison to the world.

An excellent way to put your actions and the opinions about them into perspective is to compare what you’re doing with the world. If you say something stupid in front of your co-workers, in the scheme of things, does that one event change the rest of the world?

Does your little mistake really matter compared with the billions of other mistakes that are happening at the same moment? Probably not.

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Motivation

Want To Be The Greatest? Publish Positivity.

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Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be the greatest in whatever field I entered. Now I am in the top tier of bloggers on the Internet.

 

So your question surely is: “How can I do the same?”

For starters, forget who I am and what I have and haven’t done. It’s not about me; it’s about you. It all starts with you and I’m going to give you the secret.

 

The secret is: Publish positivity.

Whether that’s publishing an email and sending it off, publishing a video online, publishing a blog post, publishing a picture on Instagram.

The key is always to publish something that’s positive.

 

It’s helped me and it can help you.

Everything I have ever published on the Internet since I started this blogging journey is positive. It’s content that is designed to take your life to the next level.

I aim to send chills down your spine.
I aim to get you to think differently.
Most of all, I aim to get you to take positive action.

 

Before all of the positivity, it started with negativity.

The thing is it didn’t start this way. My journey started with a whole lot of negativity and yours is probably similar. That’s the best place to start anything from. With so much negativity, there’s only one place to go – UP!

I always thought that success was only for those born rich. My days were spent finding reasons why something couldn’t be done. I complained all day long about everything I wanted but couldn’t get. I was tired, lonely, frustrated and pissed off at the world. We’ve all been there.

Then someone inspired me by publishing positivity. Now I want to return that favor.

I want everyone to be able to become inspired and then make the same decision as me to publish positivity from now on. Enough is enough.

 

There’s already too much negativity.

I’m fed up with every traditional media outlet talking about nothing other than negativity. Consistent negativity only produces more negativity. There’s no point harping on about what’s wrong and how everything is so challenging to fix. Nothing worth doing is easy.

“If you’re trying to achieve a goal, then you have to publish positivity to stand out and influence all of us”

 

People want to be inspired.

The common theme with everything I have achieved is that I’ve figured out the one hack: People just want to be inspired. It’s really that simple. To be the greatest, you must inspire people.

We all love inspiration because it’s what we’re all lacking. Tell stories and inspire people. That’s how you become the best in the world at anything. We all have a story to tell that can inspire people. Reach inside, and pull out those stories for all of us to hear.

You’ve overcome some obstacle.
You’ve had a difficult time.
You’ve experienced death.
You’ve lost something.

The inspiration we can all learn from you is inside of you already. Use these tools to inspire us all because we all want it. We all need it.

 

You’ll become positive at the same time.

The best part about publishing positivity is that it makes you more positive at the same time. Each day, I’m searching for something positive to share with you all. This makes me so focused on being positive that I’ve forgotten about the negative world that many experience daily.

You get more of what you focus on.

“Publish positivity and you’ll steer clear of the negative nonsense that’s subconsciously holding you back from being the greatest”

 

Positivity compounds.

Yes, that’s right! As you publish positivity, the effect compounds. You start with being just a little bit positive and once you get a few years in, all the wisdom that people like Nelson Mandela had is at your disposal. Positivity builds the greatness that world champions like Nelson Mandela had.

If you want to do something extraordinary with your life (we all do deep down), then you must start with publishing positivity. Find something to talk about and do it with every ounce of passion in your body. Allow yourself to light up and become a beacon of positivity for anyone that can benefit from your advice.

 

Where does this all lead?

Publishing positivity can lead almost anywhere. I never had any clue when I began. I always thought I’d just do it for a bit and then see what happens. Little did I know that publishing positivity can get you access to people, places, opportunities, careers and feelings I never even knew.

Publishing positivity has made every single goal I’ve ever wanted come to life.
Publishing positivity has allowed me to remove my toxic friends and replace them with my heroes.

The possibilities for you when you publish positivity are the same. You’ll get to experience things that you never thought was possible,

It all starts with publishing positivity and being positive.

Don’t hold yourself back any longer. Get started and publish positivity.

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Motivation

Endorphins Are The Key To The Good Life.

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Endorphins And The Good Life. Basketball Motivation

When I was 25 years old, I became a gym junkie. I went four times a week and trained hard with a personal trainer. During that time of my life, I was chasing the physical appearance benefits of going to the gym and training.

I remember feeling really good after every workout. Whenever I felt stressed or upset, going to the gym helped me.

 

Then my life crashed: I stopped.

About two years in, everything in my life went horribly wrong. I ended up leaving a business and starting all over again. I sold everything I had and so I could no longer justify paying a personal trainer. I stopped going to the gym not long after too.

 

Here’s the harsh truth.

Since that day when I quit the gym all those years ago, I’ve never felt the same. The rush that you get from putting your body under pressure and sweating profusely can’t be matched. A few weeks ago, I began reading this book that included a chapter on physical training.

The benefits were highlighted to me again. You’ll increase your endorphin levels triggering a positive response in your body; you’ll increase cardiac volume; you’ll increase insulin sensitivity and that will put you in a better mental state. Oh, and it makes you smarter too.

Endorphins make you smarter by improving blood flow to the brain and boosting growth hormones that produce new nerve cells. They even help release brain chemicals like dopamine, glutamine and serotonin. Serotonin is the chemical that makes you happy.

So obviously going to the gym and having these endorphin things are good for you. Imagine what newfound energy this will bring to your passions in life.

 

What caused me to go back to the gym?

I’d been feeling low on energy despite my healthy diet and I was getting a few headaches. This was literally killing my dreams because I didn’t have the energy I needed to write inspirational content.

 

I came home from the gym and felt on fire!

After my first session back at the gym, I came home and felt on fire. I wrote five blog posts in a matter of hours – they were some of my best work. My mental state was changed and the low energy I was experiencing went away.

 

The food I ate began to change.

When you increase the endorphin levels in your body, I found, that I no longer wanted to eat junk food. I’ve seen the same change in my friends who have gone this route as well. Training at the gym makes you want to refuel and recharge with proper food.

All of a sudden a big greasy pizza just doesn’t feel appealing anymore. You start to crave fruit, vegetables, tofu, seafood and anything that will nourish you and help you train again the next day.

I know this sounds nuts and I promise you it’s true!

 

It’s not just the endorphins.

The endorphin rush is not the only benefit I got from the gym. There were added side benefits that I didn’t even think of.

It’s the discipline you get.
It’s the goals you set.
It’s the changes you see.
It’s the people you meet at the gym.

 

What starts to happen is that you become focused on being just that little bit better each day. Instead of staying the same and not growing in any way, your mindset changes.

“You look for ways to improve your life and the gym becomes the catalyst for it”

It’s only after some deep, meditative thought that I came to this conclusion. Lucky I read that book hey?

 

And wait, there’s more.

I started to smile more. With my mental state changing for the better, I no longer found myself disappointed or pissed off for not having the energy I craved, to live my life.

With all of this extra thinking space, I found myself smiling more. Looking after yourself feels good. If nothing else, it gives you something to be happy about.

 

Anger and stress decreased.

During the first week of gym training, I had a few negative situations I was dealing with at work.

They were really annoying me and I found myself being angry.

This anger led to stress that I hadn’t experienced for a while.

“The gym became an outlet for me to get out of my own head because I was forced to concentrate on the pain and focus needed to do the exercises I had committed to”

Combining the gym with a bit of meditation also helped too.

 

Don’t forget that three letter word (you thought I was going to say Tim but I mean sex baby!)

So far I’ve only spoken about the gym – don’t forget sex as well. Sex releases endorphins. If you want more endorphins, then have more sex!

Now you have two sources of endorphins to play with (pardon the pun).

 

***Final thought***

I know what you’re thinking – because I am Gandhi (joking) – “Tim I already knew all of this. Of course going to the gym is good for you.”

That’s the issue right there. We know lots of stuff and most of the time we still don’t take action on what is good for us. The best way to take action on tasks like going to the gym is to hear someone else’s story.

Stories will inspire you to take action, not knowledge.

Now you’ve heard my story, it’s time to take action. Drag your ass to the gym and start exercising. Don’t forget to sexercise as well (insert wink emoji here)!

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Motivation

Starting The Morning By Making Your Bed Is Stupid – Do This Instead

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Making Your Bed

Ever heard that you should start your morning by completing one small task like making your bed?

This is stupid advice. Don’t follow it.

If you feel like you have achieved something by making your bed, then you’re way off.

Making your bed is a stupid little task that doesn’t make you feel good at all. If you find satisfaction in doing something so small, and you think that’s a good start, it’s not.

“You must do something meaningful to start the day if you want to change the world”

 

Start the morning with something big.

Yup, that’s what I said you little rascal. Do something that matters. For me, that’s writing blog posts like this one, instead of doing chicken little tasks that don’t serve anybody – like making your bed. I recommend starting the day with an epic achievement.

Sit down and write something you are proud of.
Go and train for that sport you love.
Prepare that presentation that is going to change your company.
Wake up and do public speaking first thing.

Now that last one is one I do every fortnight. I wake up at 4 am and go to Toastmasters at 7 am to start the day with a speech. It sets up my entire week and gives me energy. Try it for yourself.

 

Your mind is fresh in the morning – don’t waste it.

As the day moves on, your energy levels get lower (especially if you have a poor diet). This is why starting your day by wasting your valuable energy making your bed is total nonsense!

Don’t make your bed, use your energy for something that will make you fulfilled.
Start the day with something that will make you damn proud of yourself.

When I publish a freshly written article on Adccited2Success at 5 am, I feel on fire. I get to work ready to steamroll over anyone who wants to take me off my purpose. I feel like a lion ready to pounce on its prey and fight any enemy that presents itself.

 

Your bed can wait.

You know what? Your bed can wait. It doesn’t need to be made right this second. You can do hard labor when you get home and you’re tired from the day. Making your bed requires no thinking so don’t waste your mind on it.

“Low energy states are the best time to make your bed, iron your clothes and cook meals”

 

Achieving goals builds momentum.

The reason why I don’t want you to start your day achieving rubbish goals is that it gives you no momentum. Doing something difficult in the morning sets your day up to tackle even more challenging obstacles.

I’d rather you did the big stuff first and then worried about the small stuff like how your rainbow colored doona on your bed looks. Who you trying to impress with your bed anyway?

 

Some days will suck.

Okay, so I’ve made it sound like every day you are going to live like a commando or even GI Joe. Don’t worry I’m not that silly or crazy. There are days that you will suck. You’ll wake up and achieve nothing. You’ll do dumb stuff like make your bed instead of doing something a bit more difficult.

It’s okay. You can’t be Rambo every single day or hour. What I want you to think about here is to spend the majority of your week in a peak state that involves attempting meaningful goals in the morning. Miss a day here and there. Take the weekend off.

Relax, because you can’t always be on like a pit bull ready to attack.

“If you take yourself too seriously, then you’ll start to lose the plot. Your ego will become out of control and you’ll think you are unstoppable and do something dumb like taking a selfie on the side of a skyscraper where you could fall to your death. Don’t laugh; this is now a thing!”

Everything in moderation. You also need balance. Don’t mistake balance, though, for being lazy and doing half-assed stuff like making your bed.

 

Mornings have defined me.

I get dozens of emails asking how I find time to write and do all the crazy things I talk about.

My response is always the morning. Doing big stuff in the morning has allowed me to get a head start on life. I will not accept mediocrity and even when it hurts, I do my best to remember why I put myself through these challenges, day after day.

There’s something about progress that is addictive and it’s a big part of the success formula. The first thing you do shouldn’t be:

– Make coffee
– Drink lemon water
– Look at your phone
– Check your social media followers.

The first thing you should do is bite a chunk off one of your big audacious goals that forms part of your life’s purpose. Now feel free to substitute the word purpose for vision, goals, meaning of your life – I don’t care amigo.

 

Again, do the big stuff.

Let’s rinse and repeat, so you’re clear. Don’t wake up and do little, tiny, meaningless goals like making your bed and wasting the best hours of the day. Wake up and do something that will give you a sense of fulfillment.

Hope we’re clear now. Time to go do the big stuff. The really big stuff!

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