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How A Broken Heart Can Make You Believe In A Higher Purpose

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Achieving A Higher Purpose In Life

Have you ever had your heart smashed into pieces? We all have. Sadly for me, recently, it was my turn to remember what it’s like to have a broken heart. I experienced the end of a long-term relationship with a very special girl.

Reflecting back on the situation, I realised that there had to be a reason for this to happen; there had to be a higher purpose for me. While it’s too soon to fully understand the situation, I am choosing to take the positive road.

It’s easy to get caught up in the emotion and the sadness. In the end, sadness is a choice that we can choose to make. I have decided not to act out the way most people go through breakups and try to put an entirely different spin on it.

What if the only two people that understand the pain are the person I was in the relationship with and me? What if we could both help each other through the pain because we are the only two people on the planet, at this point in time, who are in the exact same situation?

I decided this was the best way to deal with the situation. The best panacea to the pain was to focus my energy on the other person’s to distract myself from my own pain. Time heals everything.

Below are eight benefits I got from my broken heart that can help you in your life.

 

1. You’ll realise that your purpose can consume you

The purpose that you have dedicated your life to can consume you. What I learned from my recent breakup is that your purpose is supposed to consume you and if anything gets’s in the way, then it’s a sign to keep going.

What I do here on Addicted2Success has become an obsession. I don’t do it for me; I do it for all of you that spend your time using the advice I am giving you for free, to transform your life, and in turn, inspire others.

So let me lay it all on the line. One of the primary reasons I ended my recent relationship was so that I could keep serving all of you. That’s right! I don’t give an “F” about followers, or money or any of that stuff. I’m here alive, raw and ready to serve all of you. No matter the struggle I will just keep showing up. Showing up is 90% of success.

Determination And PurposeI will never stop serving all of you until I take my last breathe. Through the blood, sweat, tears, and heartache, I will keep doing what I am doing. This is not some joke to me. It’s all I’ve got, and it’s all I have to give.

If you have had your heart broken you will see, if you look deep enough, that your purpose had something to do with it. See, if the person you’re with doesn’t understand your purpose, then the universe will help you to end the relationship so that you can get back on track.

When you find someone who is willing to support your purpose so that it can consume you, then that’s the person you should marry and live every single day with.

 

2. A chapter has come to a close in the book of life

Every part of your life is a chapter in the book that is you. When you have your heart broken, it’s just another chapter coming to a close that is meant to happen. No good books have a consistent story of happy experiences.

The best books (and the best lives) are the ones that have the struggles, the sadness, and most of all, the heartbreaks.

I felt the dark clouds assembling over the last few months. Then, the thunder came crashing down a week ago to tell me that I was on the wrong path and that things had to change. Now it’s time for the sun to shine brightly and help me to get to the next phase of life.

I knew a change was coming, and what we have to realise is that a change like a breakup can be the start of something phenomenal.

When one chapter passes, all it means is that a new one is going to begin, and it’s likely to be more positive than the last. What’s the next chapter for me? No idea. All I know for sure is that new chapters create amazing people who go out there and change the world.

New chapters are what all of us need to take things to the next level. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know why everything happens. What I do know is that I can give meaning to any outcome both positive and negative, and you have the power to do the same.

 

3. Your purpose will become clearer

The advantage of a broken heart is that it can decode your purpose further. When you have nobody next to you each day, you will have more time in the silence to be with your thoughts and work out what you were put on this planet for.

Your purpose is the answer to your entire life, and it’s bloody hard to figure out no matter how smart you are, and no matter how many university degrees you have. If what I do on Addicted2Success is part of the reason for my broken heart then could it be a sign that my purpose is becoming clearer?

 

4. You will react differently to everything

After you have had your heart broken, everything will be different. You won’t see, hear or feel anything the same way again – this is a good thing. Songs will start to sound different even if you have heard them a hundred times before. Movies will suddenly have a different meaning to you than before.

I witnessed this last point first hand. During this difficult time, I went back and watched “The Pursuit Of Happyness.” It was as if I was watching an entirely different movie. It was as if I was the man looking after that little boy and going through a low point in life.

The benefit of having you heart broken is that it raises your emotions. You suddenly become much more aware of how you’re feeling. This gives you the opportunity to change your reactions to things that happen in your life.

 

5. The phrase “nothing lasts forever” becomes a reality

Rather than look back on all the sad memories from your relationship, you’re better of realising that nothing lasts forever. Breakups have the power to show you that no matter what, nothing lasts forever. Everything on Earth grows and then dies at some point.

You’re better off enjoying the good parts of your life while they’re happening, rather than trying to live in this false world where everything stays the same and where you live with the same person for eternity.

Wake up every morning and be grateful for the person you’re with. Looking back, I wish I was more grateful for what I had at different times in my life. I can’t change the past but what I can do is create the future and practice gratitude daily.

 

6. No one has all the answers including me

It’s easy to put people that we follow on social media on some imaginary pedestal. Somehow, people think I have all the answers and that I’m perfect. This couldn’t be further from the truth, and my recent breakup is proof of that.

I have every little bit of imperfection that everyone else has. I am no smarter or no dumber than the next person. As easy as it can be to think that people that write for websites like Addicted2Success have some crazy superpower, we don’t. We’re normal just like you.

There is no influential or motivational person who hasn’t experienced a breakup or divorce (even Tony Robbins has been married multiple times).

 

7. You will realise that money doesn’t fix real problems

Think about this point very carefully. Even the largest amount of money in the world can’t help heal your broken heart. Only you can fix the damage and pick up the pieces. The greatest resource you have is your mind, and so you should help expand it every day.

You can throw as much money as you want at another person but that will never make them love you. The only thing that will make someone love you is the skill of giving everything you have, even when you’ve got nothing left.

Someone can only love you when you love yourself and what you do for others. Love and your life’s purpose is all you’ve got. There is nothing else, and the world is not complex when you understand this fact. Stop chasing money and start following your purpose, and giving love at the same time.

 

8. You will see the parts of yourself you need to work on

A romantic relationship is really just a true reflection of you. All the flaws that you deem the other person to have, and everything that goes wrong in a relationship, says more about you than anything else.

In my own situation, I realised I can be selfish, overly productive to the point of madness, and completely and utterly obsessed, and addicted to success (hence the reason I’m probably on this site in the first place).

The strange thing about the obsession of success is that high achievers seem to all suffer from this problem. Two modern day self-help phenomenon’s – Lewis Howe’s and Tim Ferriss – are both single. When one part of your life is very successful, the chances are, another part of your life suffers.

Having your heart broken gives you the opportunity to reassess who you are and the areas of your life that still need work. It’s not about the other person it’s about you.

 

***Final Thought***

Through the darkest times in your life, there is always a little bit of sunshine that pokes through the cracks. As I write this article, through all the pain, Addicted2Success reveals the first photos of the school that Pencils Of Promise is building with the $50k USD that the Addicted2Success community raised at the end of last year. Acts of kindness like this are what real love is all about.

How has a broken heart affected your life? Did anything positive come out of it? Let me know in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook. I would really love to hear from you all.

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared hundreds of thousands of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around success, personal development, motivation, and entrepreneurship. During the day Tim works with the most iconic tech companies in the world, as an adviser, to assist them in expanding into Australia. By night, Tim coaches his students on the principles of personal development and the fundamentals of entrepreneurship. You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net or through his Facebook.

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. Tyler

    Jun 23, 2016 at 1:14 am

    Great Article!
    Went through the rough patch myself of a broken heart. Long-term relationship that both of us knew was toxic, and it had an effect on all aspects of my life. I lost friends, family, any sort of motivation, and it caused me to lose a job. After losing the job, I ended the relationship, even though it was one of the hardest things that I have ever done, moved into a CHEAP apartment to save money, and spent 3 months living my dream of traveling through Europe. A few weeks into my trip, as a happy and easy-going person, I met someone new, realized what I was missing out on in a relationship, proposed within 8 weeks of knowing her, and have been happily married living on the other side of the planet for almost 2 years!

    Life throws lots at you, and the biggest thing that I have learned from my experiences is that while life may be tough now, keep at it, and do what makes you happy, things are going to get better.

    Positive attitudes in any situation are KEY!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 23, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      Thanks Tyler for the kind words. Your story sounds a lot harder than mine that’s for sure. I love that you never gave up and used travel as a way to rediscover where your life was heading. Glad everything is alright now and appreciate you sharing your thoughts with all of us.

      Cheers mate

  2. Thea Dunlap

    Jun 22, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Wow this post really caught my eye. What a better way to channel that broken heart in to something positive. Thanks for sharing this.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 22, 2016 at 4:19 am

      No problem Thea thank you for your thoughts.

  3. Toño

    Jun 22, 2016 at 2:08 am

    Another portion of raw wisdom I can totally benefit from having at my breakfast.

    Yep, many of us suffered from broken heart moments and I am with you here. The girl I was with in a long-term relationship, broke my heart twice (hence th elesson if you break up it most likely means you should not return to that person, but I learned that hard way), leaving me with nothing but pain inside. It was one of the most difficult period of my time as I lost my job, friends, money, relationship and more importantly, my sanity. But it was one of the most beautiful and important moment in my life as well, as I was provided with the opportunity to start from scratch and change everything. Only later on I realized how lucky I was to end those relationship and be bale to grow as a person. Before I was drowning into swamp and universe took care of me and helped. It took me time to let it go, forget and eventually forgive that girl, but it will come to you too, Tim. It certainly will.

    Now I like your aproach towards sadness, that this is only but choice we can make. It’s all about our focus and how we can switch it. It gives you more attention and require a lot more awareness to not simply reflect on what happens in your daily life, but to consciously create your life. Nothing lasts forever is the great truth, and as I discovered (or re-learned) this with my deleted files, your life gives you the chance to have this lesson as well.

    I am now practice appreciation more and more, looking for mythoughts and feelings to get caught into trap, and you know, the struggles are the most helpful ally here and a good reminder. You spoke about how you can see things different now and how some things become clearer and this is exactly what I realized yesterday as well! Once I quit the pitty party regarding my deleted docs I felt re-charged, emotionally and got some extra energy to run my day. It sounds nearly ridiculous but this little struggle inspired me to keep going and have my mood up! Reading your article now I can sense you may experience similar phenomenon or at least near to it.

    You may not appear the superhero in the usual meaning of this term, but you are super human, Tim, strong and ever changing and ever growing being who seek the opportunity to be the greatest version of himself every single day. I was thinking how can I cheer you up and help with something, but you don’t even need this, and in your dark times you are even stronger than usual and always here to land us a hand (or two) and inspire the world once again, no matter what. You got this, my man. Just keep going and don’t you ever give up.

    Whatever happened, happened for a reason. Accept it and let it go. Life is beautiful and you’re unique being. Enjoy the journey. You will get to destination one day.

    Peace and blessings, my friend. Stay strong and healthy. Much love to you!~
    Appreciate your desire to share this experience, thank you so very much!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 22, 2016 at 2:41 am

      Toño I have never been called super human so thank you so much. I had a tear in my eye as I read your very kind note. I love the fact that you go out of your way to share your experiences and you don’t leave anything out. You have really motivated me today my friend and I am very grateful for that. Lets catch up soon and thanks again 🙂

  4. Charlene Rhinehart

    Jun 21, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    Wow! The title of this article immediately caught my attention and I had to push everything aside in order to give this my full attention. It’s like you were taking the words right out of my head. First, I want to thank you for having the COURAGE to share such a heart-breaking feeling that impacts everyone. Thank you for turning the table and adding a positive, purpose-driven perspective.

    These words stood out, “See, if the person you’re with doesn’t understand your purpose, then the universe will help you to end the relationship so that you can get back on track…When you find someone who is willing to support your purpose so that it can consume you, then that’s the person you should marry and live every single day with. A change like a break-up can be the start of something phenomenal.” This post just filled me up! Thank you again for sharing, Tim!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 21, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Thank you Charlene for your continuous kind words and wisdom. Glad you enjoyed the post.

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Life

2 Shifts In Thinking That Can Change Your Life Forever

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mindset shift

During the first two years of building my previous company, my income was less than that of a McDonald’s employee. I was regularly discouraged by family members to “get a real job” and “pursue a different direction”.

Fortunately, I ignored this advice. It wasn’t until my company’s third year that we exploded in revenue and grossed millions of dollars in sales. So… what kept me going? Two major shifts in my thinking. Both of which come from Darren Hardy’s books (publisher of SUCCESS Magazine) The Entrepreneur Roller Coaster and The Compound Effect.

Thought shift #1: Imagine a hand-pumped water well, which uses a lever and a pipe to extract water from beneath the ground using suction.

To successfully bring the water to the surface, you have to pump the lever consistently. If you only pump the lever for a few minutes and stop, you won’t see any water. On the contrary, if you continue to pump the lever, you’ll eventually begin to see small drops of water.

Unfortunately, despite realizing some progress, this is the point where most wantrepreneurs give-up and exclaim: “Only a few drops of water!? You’ve got to be kidding me! Why did I put in so much hard work for so long for this tiny amount of progress?

But as Darren explains, wise people persist. The wise person who persists by continuing to pump the water lever , in spite of only seeing a few drops of water , eventually break through and get a steady stream of water (results).

“Don’t follow your dreams. Chase them down with aggressive pursuit.” – Darren Hardy

Don’t be the person who starts a business, works hard for a few months (aggressively pumping the water lever) and quits after seeing little-to-no progress (small drops of water). Don’t be the blogger who writes a few posts and quits after only two people read your amazing content.

Don’t be the unhealthy person who gives up on their weight-loss program after not seeing immediate results by the end of five workouts. The bottom line is this: You must persist and remain consistent. It takes time for meaningful progress to materialize. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Thought Shift #2: The “Life, Growth, and Achievement Pendulum.”

The second major thought shift that changed the trajectory of my life forever is the concept of the Life, Growth, and Achievement Pendulum.

Here’s how it works:

On one side of the life pendulum, you have failure, rejection, defeat, pain, and sadness. And on the other side of the life pendulum, you have success, victory, joy, and happiness. With this pendulum, you can’t directly control the positive side.

“The difference between average people and achieving people is their reception and response to failure” – John C. Maxwell

But what you can fully control is the pushing of the pendulum to the side of failure, rejection, sadness, and all the other painful things that are required to be endured for success to be achieved. Only pushing the pendulum to the side of great pain is what will yield great success.

No wonder why average people (who only allow their life pendulum to swing a small distance into the side of pain) experience the equivalent small degree of success! Extraordinary success requires extraordinary pain.

Just like exercising at the gym, big muscles aren’t built by enduring small levels of pain. There isn’t a single bodybuilder on planet earth who didn’t first go through massive amounts of pain to build their physique. Not one!

What are your plans for integrating these concepts in your life? Let me know in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

What I Do When I Have To Make Lots Of Big Decisions.

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I have to make lots of big decisions right now.

I’m suffering decision fatigue.

There’s an element of fear at play as much as I pretend there isn’t.

Most of the time my decision-making ability is at a very high level. Like anything, sometimes it slips (especially when I drink coffee because it makes me anxious). The key is to understand that you can’t always be amazing at making the right decisions.

 

There will be wrong decisions.

You’ll make dumb ass decisions sometimes and then wonder “How the F did I do that?” You won’t always know. The secret to success, if you haven’t learned it by now, is to stop being perfect. Doing is the key because everything else requires thinking.

 

Thinking becomes overthinking.

That’s why I have been able to have a crazy year of blowing my goals out of the water.

I’ve used the 5-Second Rule and focused on making quick decisions that use my instincts and allow me to follow my heart. My brain is just too used to overthinking and going into its default mode – being fearful.

 

How do we deal with the fear?

You make sure you tell yourself that fear is always going to be present. Then, you use fear to push you forward. Something I do is this:

I tell myself that nerves, fear and anxiety are all just signs that I’m breaking my comfort zone. Knowing the power of breaking my comfort zone is rewarding and so I do a victory lap.

Whenever you experience these three sensations, do a victory lap because you are going to the next level of life. You’re doing what so few are prepared to do.

 

Caution: making decisions is addictive.

When you get to a point where I’m at now and you’re able to make fast decisions, it becomes addictive. You figure out that you can do pretty much anything when you cut out overthinking. With every decision comes more growth.

I’ve found that continuous growth is recommended and it turns out I’m not the only one. Many of my friends have become success addicts and tripled their value in less than a year.

“Once we know we can be unstoppable, all of the right doors open up”

Opportunities that were previously hidden now become so clear like a deer in the headlights of your car. A sense of clarity takes over and you know what you must do.

 

So what do we do when we have to make a big decision?

1. You put on your big boy/girl pants and accept what you’re currently feeling.
2. You think about the decision and make the choice that feels right at the time.
3. You ignore how hard or easy the decision is and concentrate on reaching an end outcome.

Right now I’m faced with some monster decisions. I’ve made certain promises that I must keep. I need to look at my career roadmap as well and there’s a lot of uncertainty in this area of my life. At the same time, I also need to nurture my side hustles more and monetize some of them.

For the curious bunch out there, you need to have multiple sources of income and ideally at least one passive income source. This one idea will change your life and give you more time and freedom to take breaks. It sounds easy in practice but it’s actually challenging.

We all want to turn our passions into passive income and sometimes when we haven’t been down this path, we’re uncertain even though Google can tell us 101 ways to make money.

“It’s like we have the strategies but we’re too caught up in our head to pick one and launch it finally”

Recently, I’ve also had to make big decisions about my priorities. I’ve become a slave to too many tasks and I need to cull a few things. Using the decision-making process above, I’ve narrowed my life down to family, my girlfriend, blogging, public speaking and my career. Everything else I’ve decided to ignore for right now.

Getting to this final list of priorities has required me to make lots of decisions. Some big and some small. I’m glad I have made those decisions though because otherwise, I’d end up being busy like so many people I know.

“Busy often occurs when you hold off making the decision you know you must”

 

Making decisions sets you free.

Until you make those big decisions, you become a prisoner of your own life. That prison cell exists in your mind and you find yourself trying to ignore the decision you must make. The hardest part I’ve found is concentrating on making the decision and what can go wrong.

I constantly find myself saying “What happens if I can’t go back to how things were?”

The truth is that how things were is boring. You can’t progress from this place. Nothing stays the same and you have to make the big decisions to enter a world you never thought was possible. This new world will make you feel phenomenal though once you make the big decisions.

These big decisions will set you free and you’ll feel a sense of achievement.

 

Bad news: the big decisions never stop.

That’s why you have to make big decisions and turn this skill into an art form. Exercise your decision-making ability. Know that no matter what happens, everything is going to work out for the best. Big decisions must be made and you can make them.

My next round of big decisions is right in front of me. I have to focus on my career for a bit and I have zero idea what that looks like.

“All I can do is trek into the abyss and make one big decision at a time”

 

***Parting Advice***

Consciously you know that there are big decisions that have to be made. Instead of avoiding them or putting them off, start following the above process and get clarity on what you want. Unless you make big decisions, you’ll always feel like you’re being held back.

You can do big things in this world.
You can be extraordinary.
It all starts with one big decision at a time.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

4 Ways You Can Make A Habit Last

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habits

Wouldn’t you love it if your brain could run on autopilot? Did you know that habits are the brain’s own productivity drivers? In order to boost efficiency, the brain is constantly striving to transform tasks into habits. The brain works hard to process new information so that you understand how to perform a task before turning it into a habit.

Just imagine if you could program your system to do chores, exercise, and eat healthy in a minute! Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. But don’t despair! With just a small amount of discipline, you can create a new habit and stick to it.

Here are a few tips that will make it easier for you to stick to new habits that can potentially improve your health, work, and life in general:

1. Commit To Doing It For 30 Days Straight

If you want a habit to last, the first thing to do is make it last for a month at least. Because, to make a habit, all you need is three to four weeks’ time – and you are set. Once you make it through the initial conditioning phase, the rest will be easy. A month can be considered a good amount of time to settle and get used to a habit.

The time slot is just enough to commit to a change. If you want to make your diet more healthy, you should first commit to cutting down on junk and eating more healthy foods for a month. Once you consistently stick to a habit on a daily basis, it will be imprinted into your brain. They say it only takes 21 days to get addicted to something, so make the most of it.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” – Will Durant

2. Start Simple And Gradually Improve

When you try to inculcate a habit, don’t go all out at once. It is difficult to condition your mind to adopt a habit in a single day. Even if you manage to do it, it won’t last long. It is common to get over motivated and take on too much at once. But, if you start slow and gradually incorporate it, then the transition will be more steady. That way your brain won’t be able to forget the task.

For example, if you are planning to put in more time at work, then it’s not easy to put in too many hours at once. Start small and build it up gradually – then it will be easier to stick to. Don’t expect to see immediate improvements and don’t get disappointed; all good things take time. When you gradually ease your body into a routine, then chances are you will successfully get your body used to it.

3. Find Inspiration Or Something That Triggers

For a habit to last, you could use a push mentally. Something that motivates you to keep going. Maybe you have a friend or colleague who has a habit that inspired you to get started. Observe how they kept going and keep that in mind every time you think about giving up. Find other ways that will help you make the habit last a month until you get habituated to it.

For instance, if you want to exercise, then look at someone who has managed to drop those kilos with dedication. Spend more time with those people who have the habits you want to mirror. This can trigger you to work on yourself until you get what you want. Even learning new habits with friends can improve the experience and ensure that you stick to them.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Ryun

4. Set Goals And Know The Benefits

You should always channel your habits towards long term goals that motivate you. Being aware of the consequences and the benefits work in a great way to give you the push you need. Be familiar with the benefits of the change you are making. Like how your body will react to a healthy diet and regular exercise. Read books and research on how you can improve the quality of life with just these few changes.

That way you can be sure that your habits last forever. If your energy and motivation are not enough, you stand the risk of giving up too soon. Setting targets will only help you put in more effort towards achieving it. Withhold judgment until at least a month, and that will give you enough time to notice the change it has brought about in your life.

Forming a habit and making it last is quite a challenge. There is a lot of science behind the process of habit formation. It’s all about how you channel your mind into that particular cycle of habit. These are a few ways in which you can transform your life. Everything is a result of your habits. And it is in your hands how you want to improve yourself by forming new habits. With a proper plan and framework, you can make and stick to good habits.

How do you maintain your habits? Comment below!

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Life

Negative Self-Talk: 3 Effective Ways to Get Rid of Those Thoughts

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negative self talk

Who else suffers from negative self-talk and wants to liberate themselves? I used to have a  terrible opinion about my skills, my abilities, and myself in general. It is difficult and distressing to live this way. I mean, who feels good talking down about themselves all day? Nobody! Not only does it make you mentally sick, it is also holding you back from your dreams and successes.

I lived this destructive way for decades. Fortunately, I realized that I was wasting my life, if I didn’t get that BS out of my head. I was sick of it, and decided to find a way to stop my negative self-talk. My ultimate goal was to accept myself.

Here are three simple ways that have made the difference for me and gave me a sense of freedom:

1. Disconnect

The next time you catch yourself talking about yourself negatively, stop. Take your thoughts and put them into a story. Tell yourself the story in the third person, and use a different name than yours. This way you can disconnect yourself from the negative thoughts.

Here is an example what such a story could look like:

“Once upon a time, there was a woman named Pia. Her dream was to become a successful entrepreneur. It is not easy and Pia encountered some challenges. Pia talked down about herself and thought that she would never become a successful entrepreneur. She told herself that she is not good enough and does not have the right qualities. Pia met a friend to talk about her struggles. Fortunately, her friend pointed out that she had just hit a short-term challenge that is related to one specific situation, but does not relate to her skills and qualities. Pia’s friend told her that she could grow with this challenge. That changed Pia’s view of her own situation. She was happy and wanted to continue her journey straight away.”

By telling yourself a story, you take another perspective of the situation. From an external view, everything seems to be less difficult, because it is disconnected from yourself. This is the reason why we can give good advice to others, but struggle in similar situations when it directly affects ourselves. So, step out of yourself and take the view of a third person by telling yourself a story about your limiting thoughts.

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett

2. Contribute

The challenge with negative self-talk is either to reframe our thoughts (e.g. seeing them from another perspective by telling a story) or to get out of our own heads. The latter does work when we can manage to focus on something else other than our challenge. I’ve learned that contributing to another person’s life really gets me out of my head, because I’m busy thinking about them.

There are two main benefits by serving beyond our own needs and doing something good for others:

  • We get out of our heads through focusing on another person’s needs.
  • We feel good because we know we are doing something great.

“The secret of living is giving!” – Anthony Robbins

Soon, this becomes a healthy habit. The focus shifts from ourselves to how we can contribute to others and the negative self-talk disappears. In fact, the self-talk changes from being negative to positive, simply because internally we know that we are doing the right thing by helping someone.

Try it out this week or month by volunteering at an event. Google local events. Volunteers are always welcome.

3. Compete

In general, it is not recommended to compare yourself with others. In this case, I’m telling you to do it! But the “others” are your former selves. See how much you have grown from where you were then to where you are today. Often, we overlook the progress we have already made. Without seeing progress, we tend to get discouraged and talk ourselves down; this is where negative self-talk starts.

Now, you can play against yourself. Compete with your former self regularly by practicing, for example, self-regulation. That means, instill healthy habits like exercising, eating healthy food, and getting up early, or habits that are beneficial to your specific situation. By strengthening your self-discipline, you’ll automatically feel better. And, you can tell your former self that you are better! That turns the negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

Eliminate the BS

Now you have three possible ways to either reframe your negative thoughts or to get out of your head completely. Experiment with them and have fun! Be a creative story-teller, a love-giving individual, or a successful competitor with several gold medals.

What relief would it be to get rid of the BS you tell yourself? What opportunities would come up, when you stop talking yourself down? Comment below

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7 Steps to Building Real Relationships With Influencers

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building relationships with influencers

They say your net worth is equivalent to the five closest people in your network. This is also true for your level of influence, where your “net influence” is equivalent to the five closest people in your network. So how do you build a network of influential people and start becoming an influencer yourself? (more…)

I’m Sina Fak. I believe the greatest businesses in the world are creating something more than just a product or service. My mission is to understand the motivations behind human decision and work with people and organizations who are out to make the world a better place.  You can learn more about me on my website and connect with me on LinkedIn.

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. Tyler

    Jun 23, 2016 at 1:14 am

    Great Article!
    Went through the rough patch myself of a broken heart. Long-term relationship that both of us knew was toxic, and it had an effect on all aspects of my life. I lost friends, family, any sort of motivation, and it caused me to lose a job. After losing the job, I ended the relationship, even though it was one of the hardest things that I have ever done, moved into a CHEAP apartment to save money, and spent 3 months living my dream of traveling through Europe. A few weeks into my trip, as a happy and easy-going person, I met someone new, realized what I was missing out on in a relationship, proposed within 8 weeks of knowing her, and have been happily married living on the other side of the planet for almost 2 years!

    Life throws lots at you, and the biggest thing that I have learned from my experiences is that while life may be tough now, keep at it, and do what makes you happy, things are going to get better.

    Positive attitudes in any situation are KEY!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 23, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      Thanks Tyler for the kind words. Your story sounds a lot harder than mine that’s for sure. I love that you never gave up and used travel as a way to rediscover where your life was heading. Glad everything is alright now and appreciate you sharing your thoughts with all of us.

      Cheers mate

  2. Thea Dunlap

    Jun 22, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Wow this post really caught my eye. What a better way to channel that broken heart in to something positive. Thanks for sharing this.

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 22, 2016 at 4:19 am

      No problem Thea thank you for your thoughts.

  3. Toño

    Jun 22, 2016 at 2:08 am

    Another portion of raw wisdom I can totally benefit from having at my breakfast.

    Yep, many of us suffered from broken heart moments and I am with you here. The girl I was with in a long-term relationship, broke my heart twice (hence th elesson if you break up it most likely means you should not return to that person, but I learned that hard way), leaving me with nothing but pain inside. It was one of the most difficult period of my time as I lost my job, friends, money, relationship and more importantly, my sanity. But it was one of the most beautiful and important moment in my life as well, as I was provided with the opportunity to start from scratch and change everything. Only later on I realized how lucky I was to end those relationship and be bale to grow as a person. Before I was drowning into swamp and universe took care of me and helped. It took me time to let it go, forget and eventually forgive that girl, but it will come to you too, Tim. It certainly will.

    Now I like your aproach towards sadness, that this is only but choice we can make. It’s all about our focus and how we can switch it. It gives you more attention and require a lot more awareness to not simply reflect on what happens in your daily life, but to consciously create your life. Nothing lasts forever is the great truth, and as I discovered (or re-learned) this with my deleted files, your life gives you the chance to have this lesson as well.

    I am now practice appreciation more and more, looking for mythoughts and feelings to get caught into trap, and you know, the struggles are the most helpful ally here and a good reminder. You spoke about how you can see things different now and how some things become clearer and this is exactly what I realized yesterday as well! Once I quit the pitty party regarding my deleted docs I felt re-charged, emotionally and got some extra energy to run my day. It sounds nearly ridiculous but this little struggle inspired me to keep going and have my mood up! Reading your article now I can sense you may experience similar phenomenon or at least near to it.

    You may not appear the superhero in the usual meaning of this term, but you are super human, Tim, strong and ever changing and ever growing being who seek the opportunity to be the greatest version of himself every single day. I was thinking how can I cheer you up and help with something, but you don’t even need this, and in your dark times you are even stronger than usual and always here to land us a hand (or two) and inspire the world once again, no matter what. You got this, my man. Just keep going and don’t you ever give up.

    Whatever happened, happened for a reason. Accept it and let it go. Life is beautiful and you’re unique being. Enjoy the journey. You will get to destination one day.

    Peace and blessings, my friend. Stay strong and healthy. Much love to you!~
    Appreciate your desire to share this experience, thank you so very much!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 22, 2016 at 2:41 am

      Toño I have never been called super human so thank you so much. I had a tear in my eye as I read your very kind note. I love the fact that you go out of your way to share your experiences and you don’t leave anything out. You have really motivated me today my friend and I am very grateful for that. Lets catch up soon and thanks again 🙂

  4. Charlene Rhinehart

    Jun 21, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    Wow! The title of this article immediately caught my attention and I had to push everything aside in order to give this my full attention. It’s like you were taking the words right out of my head. First, I want to thank you for having the COURAGE to share such a heart-breaking feeling that impacts everyone. Thank you for turning the table and adding a positive, purpose-driven perspective.

    These words stood out, “See, if the person you’re with doesn’t understand your purpose, then the universe will help you to end the relationship so that you can get back on track…When you find someone who is willing to support your purpose so that it can consume you, then that’s the person you should marry and live every single day with. A change like a break-up can be the start of something phenomenal.” This post just filled me up! Thank you again for sharing, Tim!

    • Tim Denning

      Jun 21, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Thank you Charlene for your continuous kind words and wisdom. Glad you enjoyed the post.

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Life

2 Shifts In Thinking That Can Change Your Life Forever

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mindset shift

During the first two years of building my previous company, my income was less than that of a McDonald’s employee. I was regularly discouraged by family members to “get a real job” and “pursue a different direction”.

Fortunately, I ignored this advice. It wasn’t until my company’s third year that we exploded in revenue and grossed millions of dollars in sales. So… what kept me going? Two major shifts in my thinking. Both of which come from Darren Hardy’s books (publisher of SUCCESS Magazine) The Entrepreneur Roller Coaster and The Compound Effect.

Thought shift #1: Imagine a hand-pumped water well, which uses a lever and a pipe to extract water from beneath the ground using suction.

To successfully bring the water to the surface, you have to pump the lever consistently. If you only pump the lever for a few minutes and stop, you won’t see any water. On the contrary, if you continue to pump the lever, you’ll eventually begin to see small drops of water.

Unfortunately, despite realizing some progress, this is the point where most wantrepreneurs give-up and exclaim: “Only a few drops of water!? You’ve got to be kidding me! Why did I put in so much hard work for so long for this tiny amount of progress?

But as Darren explains, wise people persist. The wise person who persists by continuing to pump the water lever , in spite of only seeing a few drops of water , eventually break through and get a steady stream of water (results).

“Don’t follow your dreams. Chase them down with aggressive pursuit.” – Darren Hardy

Don’t be the person who starts a business, works hard for a few months (aggressively pumping the water lever) and quits after seeing little-to-no progress (small drops of water). Don’t be the blogger who writes a few posts and quits after only two people read your amazing content.

Don’t be the unhealthy person who gives up on their weight-loss program after not seeing immediate results by the end of five workouts. The bottom line is this: You must persist and remain consistent. It takes time for meaningful progress to materialize. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Thought Shift #2: The “Life, Growth, and Achievement Pendulum.”

The second major thought shift that changed the trajectory of my life forever is the concept of the Life, Growth, and Achievement Pendulum.

Here’s how it works:

On one side of the life pendulum, you have failure, rejection, defeat, pain, and sadness. And on the other side of the life pendulum, you have success, victory, joy, and happiness. With this pendulum, you can’t directly control the positive side.

“The difference between average people and achieving people is their reception and response to failure” – John C. Maxwell

But what you can fully control is the pushing of the pendulum to the side of failure, rejection, sadness, and all the other painful things that are required to be endured for success to be achieved. Only pushing the pendulum to the side of great pain is what will yield great success.

No wonder why average people (who only allow their life pendulum to swing a small distance into the side of pain) experience the equivalent small degree of success! Extraordinary success requires extraordinary pain.

Just like exercising at the gym, big muscles aren’t built by enduring small levels of pain. There isn’t a single bodybuilder on planet earth who didn’t first go through massive amounts of pain to build their physique. Not one!

What are your plans for integrating these concepts in your life? Let me know in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

What I Do When I Have To Make Lots Of Big Decisions.

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I have to make lots of big decisions right now.

I’m suffering decision fatigue.

There’s an element of fear at play as much as I pretend there isn’t.

Most of the time my decision-making ability is at a very high level. Like anything, sometimes it slips (especially when I drink coffee because it makes me anxious). The key is to understand that you can’t always be amazing at making the right decisions.

 

There will be wrong decisions.

You’ll make dumb ass decisions sometimes and then wonder “How the F did I do that?” You won’t always know. The secret to success, if you haven’t learned it by now, is to stop being perfect. Doing is the key because everything else requires thinking.

 

Thinking becomes overthinking.

That’s why I have been able to have a crazy year of blowing my goals out of the water.

I’ve used the 5-Second Rule and focused on making quick decisions that use my instincts and allow me to follow my heart. My brain is just too used to overthinking and going into its default mode – being fearful.

 

How do we deal with the fear?

You make sure you tell yourself that fear is always going to be present. Then, you use fear to push you forward. Something I do is this:

I tell myself that nerves, fear and anxiety are all just signs that I’m breaking my comfort zone. Knowing the power of breaking my comfort zone is rewarding and so I do a victory lap.

Whenever you experience these three sensations, do a victory lap because you are going to the next level of life. You’re doing what so few are prepared to do.

 

Caution: making decisions is addictive.

When you get to a point where I’m at now and you’re able to make fast decisions, it becomes addictive. You figure out that you can do pretty much anything when you cut out overthinking. With every decision comes more growth.

I’ve found that continuous growth is recommended and it turns out I’m not the only one. Many of my friends have become success addicts and tripled their value in less than a year.

“Once we know we can be unstoppable, all of the right doors open up”

Opportunities that were previously hidden now become so clear like a deer in the headlights of your car. A sense of clarity takes over and you know what you must do.

 

So what do we do when we have to make a big decision?

1. You put on your big boy/girl pants and accept what you’re currently feeling.
2. You think about the decision and make the choice that feels right at the time.
3. You ignore how hard or easy the decision is and concentrate on reaching an end outcome.

Right now I’m faced with some monster decisions. I’ve made certain promises that I must keep. I need to look at my career roadmap as well and there’s a lot of uncertainty in this area of my life. At the same time, I also need to nurture my side hustles more and monetize some of them.

For the curious bunch out there, you need to have multiple sources of income and ideally at least one passive income source. This one idea will change your life and give you more time and freedom to take breaks. It sounds easy in practice but it’s actually challenging.

We all want to turn our passions into passive income and sometimes when we haven’t been down this path, we’re uncertain even though Google can tell us 101 ways to make money.

“It’s like we have the strategies but we’re too caught up in our head to pick one and launch it finally”

Recently, I’ve also had to make big decisions about my priorities. I’ve become a slave to too many tasks and I need to cull a few things. Using the decision-making process above, I’ve narrowed my life down to family, my girlfriend, blogging, public speaking and my career. Everything else I’ve decided to ignore for right now.

Getting to this final list of priorities has required me to make lots of decisions. Some big and some small. I’m glad I have made those decisions though because otherwise, I’d end up being busy like so many people I know.

“Busy often occurs when you hold off making the decision you know you must”

 

Making decisions sets you free.

Until you make those big decisions, you become a prisoner of your own life. That prison cell exists in your mind and you find yourself trying to ignore the decision you must make. The hardest part I’ve found is concentrating on making the decision and what can go wrong.

I constantly find myself saying “What happens if I can’t go back to how things were?”

The truth is that how things were is boring. You can’t progress from this place. Nothing stays the same and you have to make the big decisions to enter a world you never thought was possible. This new world will make you feel phenomenal though once you make the big decisions.

These big decisions will set you free and you’ll feel a sense of achievement.

 

Bad news: the big decisions never stop.

That’s why you have to make big decisions and turn this skill into an art form. Exercise your decision-making ability. Know that no matter what happens, everything is going to work out for the best. Big decisions must be made and you can make them.

My next round of big decisions is right in front of me. I have to focus on my career for a bit and I have zero idea what that looks like.

“All I can do is trek into the abyss and make one big decision at a time”

 

***Parting Advice***

Consciously you know that there are big decisions that have to be made. Instead of avoiding them or putting them off, start following the above process and get clarity on what you want. Unless you make big decisions, you’ll always feel like you’re being held back.

You can do big things in this world.
You can be extraordinary.
It all starts with one big decision at a time.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

4 Ways You Can Make A Habit Last

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habits

Wouldn’t you love it if your brain could run on autopilot? Did you know that habits are the brain’s own productivity drivers? In order to boost efficiency, the brain is constantly striving to transform tasks into habits. The brain works hard to process new information so that you understand how to perform a task before turning it into a habit.

Just imagine if you could program your system to do chores, exercise, and eat healthy in a minute! Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. But don’t despair! With just a small amount of discipline, you can create a new habit and stick to it.

Here are a few tips that will make it easier for you to stick to new habits that can potentially improve your health, work, and life in general:

1. Commit To Doing It For 30 Days Straight

If you want a habit to last, the first thing to do is make it last for a month at least. Because, to make a habit, all you need is three to four weeks’ time – and you are set. Once you make it through the initial conditioning phase, the rest will be easy. A month can be considered a good amount of time to settle and get used to a habit.

The time slot is just enough to commit to a change. If you want to make your diet more healthy, you should first commit to cutting down on junk and eating more healthy foods for a month. Once you consistently stick to a habit on a daily basis, it will be imprinted into your brain. They say it only takes 21 days to get addicted to something, so make the most of it.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” – Will Durant

2. Start Simple And Gradually Improve

When you try to inculcate a habit, don’t go all out at once. It is difficult to condition your mind to adopt a habit in a single day. Even if you manage to do it, it won’t last long. It is common to get over motivated and take on too much at once. But, if you start slow and gradually incorporate it, then the transition will be more steady. That way your brain won’t be able to forget the task.

For example, if you are planning to put in more time at work, then it’s not easy to put in too many hours at once. Start small and build it up gradually – then it will be easier to stick to. Don’t expect to see immediate improvements and don’t get disappointed; all good things take time. When you gradually ease your body into a routine, then chances are you will successfully get your body used to it.

3. Find Inspiration Or Something That Triggers

For a habit to last, you could use a push mentally. Something that motivates you to keep going. Maybe you have a friend or colleague who has a habit that inspired you to get started. Observe how they kept going and keep that in mind every time you think about giving up. Find other ways that will help you make the habit last a month until you get habituated to it.

For instance, if you want to exercise, then look at someone who has managed to drop those kilos with dedication. Spend more time with those people who have the habits you want to mirror. This can trigger you to work on yourself until you get what you want. Even learning new habits with friends can improve the experience and ensure that you stick to them.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Ryun

4. Set Goals And Know The Benefits

You should always channel your habits towards long term goals that motivate you. Being aware of the consequences and the benefits work in a great way to give you the push you need. Be familiar with the benefits of the change you are making. Like how your body will react to a healthy diet and regular exercise. Read books and research on how you can improve the quality of life with just these few changes.

That way you can be sure that your habits last forever. If your energy and motivation are not enough, you stand the risk of giving up too soon. Setting targets will only help you put in more effort towards achieving it. Withhold judgment until at least a month, and that will give you enough time to notice the change it has brought about in your life.

Forming a habit and making it last is quite a challenge. There is a lot of science behind the process of habit formation. It’s all about how you channel your mind into that particular cycle of habit. These are a few ways in which you can transform your life. Everything is a result of your habits. And it is in your hands how you want to improve yourself by forming new habits. With a proper plan and framework, you can make and stick to good habits.

How do you maintain your habits? Comment below!

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Life

Negative Self-Talk: 3 Effective Ways to Get Rid of Those Thoughts

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negative self talk

Who else suffers from negative self-talk and wants to liberate themselves? I used to have a  terrible opinion about my skills, my abilities, and myself in general. It is difficult and distressing to live this way. I mean, who feels good talking down about themselves all day? Nobody! Not only does it make you mentally sick, it is also holding you back from your dreams and successes.

I lived this destructive way for decades. Fortunately, I realized that I was wasting my life, if I didn’t get that BS out of my head. I was sick of it, and decided to find a way to stop my negative self-talk. My ultimate goal was to accept myself.

Here are three simple ways that have made the difference for me and gave me a sense of freedom:

1. Disconnect

The next time you catch yourself talking about yourself negatively, stop. Take your thoughts and put them into a story. Tell yourself the story in the third person, and use a different name than yours. This way you can disconnect yourself from the negative thoughts.

Here is an example what such a story could look like:

“Once upon a time, there was a woman named Pia. Her dream was to become a successful entrepreneur. It is not easy and Pia encountered some challenges. Pia talked down about herself and thought that she would never become a successful entrepreneur. She told herself that she is not good enough and does not have the right qualities. Pia met a friend to talk about her struggles. Fortunately, her friend pointed out that she had just hit a short-term challenge that is related to one specific situation, but does not relate to her skills and qualities. Pia’s friend told her that she could grow with this challenge. That changed Pia’s view of her own situation. She was happy and wanted to continue her journey straight away.”

By telling yourself a story, you take another perspective of the situation. From an external view, everything seems to be less difficult, because it is disconnected from yourself. This is the reason why we can give good advice to others, but struggle in similar situations when it directly affects ourselves. So, step out of yourself and take the view of a third person by telling yourself a story about your limiting thoughts.

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett

2. Contribute

The challenge with negative self-talk is either to reframe our thoughts (e.g. seeing them from another perspective by telling a story) or to get out of our own heads. The latter does work when we can manage to focus on something else other than our challenge. I’ve learned that contributing to another person’s life really gets me out of my head, because I’m busy thinking about them.

There are two main benefits by serving beyond our own needs and doing something good for others:

  • We get out of our heads through focusing on another person’s needs.
  • We feel good because we know we are doing something great.

“The secret of living is giving!” – Anthony Robbins

Soon, this becomes a healthy habit. The focus shifts from ourselves to how we can contribute to others and the negative self-talk disappears. In fact, the self-talk changes from being negative to positive, simply because internally we know that we are doing the right thing by helping someone.

Try it out this week or month by volunteering at an event. Google local events. Volunteers are always welcome.

3. Compete

In general, it is not recommended to compare yourself with others. In this case, I’m telling you to do it! But the “others” are your former selves. See how much you have grown from where you were then to where you are today. Often, we overlook the progress we have already made. Without seeing progress, we tend to get discouraged and talk ourselves down; this is where negative self-talk starts.

Now, you can play against yourself. Compete with your former self regularly by practicing, for example, self-regulation. That means, instill healthy habits like exercising, eating healthy food, and getting up early, or habits that are beneficial to your specific situation. By strengthening your self-discipline, you’ll automatically feel better. And, you can tell your former self that you are better! That turns the negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

Eliminate the BS

Now you have three possible ways to either reframe your negative thoughts or to get out of your head completely. Experiment with them and have fun! Be a creative story-teller, a love-giving individual, or a successful competitor with several gold medals.

What relief would it be to get rid of the BS you tell yourself? What opportunities would come up, when you stop talking yourself down? Comment below

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