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8 Reasons You Should Be Happy When You Fail

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8 Reasons You Should Be Happy When You Fail

Have you failed at something lately?  If you have, great job.  There isn’t anyone on this planet who can truthfully say they haven’t failed at something at some point in their life.

Failing is a natural part of the growing, maturing and development process of the human race.  We fail because we are growing, we are exploring and we want solutions to life’s problems. We were meant to be curious, and curiosity will eventually lead us to success, but failure is a part of it all.

Unfortunately, we were taught that our failures were a sign weakness, bad luck and bad attempts at trying to improve our lives. The very same mistakes that are a sign of our ongoing attempt at living have been used to discourage and undermine our efforts to become better people.

Whenever we fail, we are tempted to fall apart, get down on ourselves and feel like our lives are over.  We question our intelligence and reason for doing what we did in the first place.

“Failure is an event, not a person.” – Zig Ziglar

Since we all make mistakes, you must remember that the mistake is never the issue it’s the way you choose to deal with your emotions when you do.  You will feel bad when you fail, and that is normal but giving up on your dreams is never the right thing to do.

Below are 8 steps that will help to free you from the fear of making mistakes or assist you in forgiving yourself! Share this video if it resonates with you!

1. If you are not making mistakes, you aren’t trying

To improve and succeed at any task, you must be willing to take the risk and taking risk means you might fail.  It is only natural for you to feel bad when you do, but you must remember, that is a sign you are making an attempt to find solutions to life’s problems.  Do not dwell on those mistakes but use them as a learning tool.  Learn the lessons and move on.  If you learn the lessons from your mistakes, you won’t make them again, and you will become stronger, wiser and more experienced.

 

2. Everybody makes mistakes

As human beings, we are bound to mess up, and that does not exclude anyone.  There are no road maps for dealing with life.  We live our lives by trial and error, so we will make mistakes. Even if someone else has done the job before, to take it to another level you run the risk of making a mistake.  Do not be deterred by that, but view it as an indication you are on to something and something special. Look at what you have done and work harder, but do not give up. You will eventually succeed if you do not quit.

Winston Churchill
 

3. Your failures are signs you are improving

When you find that you are making mistakes doing the right thing, do not become disheartened, it could mean you are on the right track.  Be encouraged and motivated knowing that your mistakes are helping you to become better at what you are doing.  You will also become stronger and more knowledgeable.  Work hard to make sure your mistakes are better every time.

 

4. Your failure means you are very courageous

It takes courage to make an attempt at something you have no idea will work or not.  You are investing your time, energy and money into something you have no idea what the results will be.  Even though you might have failed, the fact that you gave it everything you’ve got says a lot about who you are as a person.  Being courageous doesn’t mean you won’t be afraid, it only means even though you are scared to death you are courageous enough to make an attempt.

 

5. Your failures make you much stronger

After you have failed a few times, you would have become so much more resilient.  When you have failed it is normal to be discouraged, frustrated and even angry but if you choose to get over your disappointment and anger, you will realize how much stronger you are.  You will also be more determined to succeed and to prove to yourself and others that you can indeed succeed.

“Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.” – Robert T. Kiyosaki

6. Your failures help you to grow

When you have failed and have gotten over your disappointment, you are much more likely to dig deeper within you for strength you didn’t even know you had.  You will realize what you are truly made of and how resilient you are.  To become stronger and to grow you have to be stretched, and failure will help you to find within you the strength to continue.  Failure helps you move away from what is comfortable.

Many of us understand that sometimes things happen for a reason, and even though when we have failed the reasons aren’t necessarily clear at the time we know it does.  People who are open, will understand that their failure offers several other opportunities for them.  The saying when one door closes many more open is so true.  You must be willing to see the opportunities and go after them.  Failure is just one door closing with many more opening because of it.  Failure is never the end of your dream but the beginning of something bigger and better.

 

7. Your failures provide an opportunity for you to learn new things

Look at some of the most important people in history and see how they view failure. Thomas Edison said he didn’t fail he only found thousands of ways to solve the problem.  He was saying he was learning several other ways to solve the same problem.  This is the mentality you should develop.  Failure is not the end but an opportunity to learn something new and to try another method to solve the problem.

 

8. Your failure provides you with other solutions you never saw coming

If you never try you will never know if your ideas will work or not.  If you do not try, you will never know that you would have failed either, but it is better to have failed than to have regrets that you didn’t at least try.  Sometimes you are attempting to achieve something but the result is something totally different but even greater. Sometimes your failures turn out to be your best success story.

You will fail and continue to fail as long as you are prepared to attempt something foreign to you but do not give up.  Use your failures as stepping stone to your goals as the normal course of life and they should never be seen as a misfortune.

Use your failures as opportunities for further growth.

 

When you have hit a bad patch dig deeper, and you will eventually succeed if you do not give up.

Rose Costas is a big believer in the power of facing your challenges head on and then boldly wear your scars to show others that they too can be triumphant.  She is an accountant by profession with a new found passion for blogging and a future author and best seller. You can received her amazing free Ebook  “34 Ways to Build Your Confidence Today”.

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22 Comments

22 Comments

  1. storm

    Jun 1, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    I am not scared of failure but I’m afraid of that someone won’t accept my mistake

  2. Kim

    Oct 12, 2015 at 1:46 am

    Very nicely written and VERY timely indeed! I am having rough time convincing myself to stay on my PhD program. You helped to put things into the right perspective! Thank you!

    • Rose Costas

      Nov 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      Kim congratulation on reaching that level never keep your eyes of the reason you wanted to pursue a PHD in the first place. It could be you are the first in your family. It could be that you were told as a child you would never amount to anything. What ever the reason make a note of it and keep it where you can see it daily to remind you of why you are on this journey.

  3. riezal

    Oct 11, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    thanks for the great post,
    up and down emotion.. its normal
    .
    the important part is, how we managed it 🙂
    .
    yeah sometimes its bring me tears…
    every male like me must admit it .. lol

    • Rose Costas

      Nov 1, 2015 at 8:59 pm

      You are absolutely right Riezal. Life is about ups and downs but how we choose to handle those set backs is what sets us apart.

  4. Victor

    Aug 20, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Thank you very much, for this wonderful post.I truly learnt a lot from this… THANK YOU ROSE COSTAS

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 31, 2015 at 7:03 am

      Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond. I am glad I was able to share with you something positive and helpful. Keep working hard Victor.

  5. Allison Felix

    Aug 20, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Rosa I enjoyed reading your article, I look at failure in a different light now, and plan on instilling this concept in my nine year old son, to help him in his
    growth personally and in school. Thank you

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 31, 2015 at 7:06 am

      Thanks you for reading the article and I am very glad you are able to see failure from a different perspective. That was the intention. I am glad that you think it wise to instill this into your young son. now he won’t go through what you have been through and will see his life as a success at an earlier age. Wonderful Allison

  6. Eljean

    Aug 10, 2015 at 3:24 am

    What a great post. Every person who are chasing success should read this. Failure is a learning opportunity.

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 31, 2015 at 7:08 am

      Thank you Elijean for your kind words. Failure is indeed a learning opportunity and a sign you are doing things to get a head. Never give up because you will indeed see your rewards if you faint not.

  7. Camilla Hallstrom

    Jun 27, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Great take on motivation after failure, Rose! It’s so easy to get stuck and think that no one else fails, ever. It’s a learning curve and eventually, you’ll make it.

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 30, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Camilla you are so correct. Most people are either ashamed or too proud to tell others that before they succeeded in their endeavors they failed a few times. People who are truly honest will accept that they fell a few times before they eventually made it. Thanks for your comment.

  8. ettian

    Jun 26, 2015 at 4:48 am

    It is really motivating and I also believe failing is a transportation to your destination

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 26, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      Ettian you are absolutely right. Everything happens for a reason but unfortunately sometimes we are so caught up on what went wrong and not the opportunities waiting for us to explore.

  9. Gideon

    Jun 22, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    I love this post. It’s a great one. I just have to share this with my friends on social media. Thanks Rose

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 23, 2015 at 7:30 am

      Thank you very much Gedeon. I am glad you enjoyed reading it and I hope your friends do too.

  10. Rose Costas

    Jun 22, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Thanks Lawrence for your comment. It is never easy to see failure as anything positive but in order to succeed and to truly appreciate our efforts we have to accept failure. Success is sweet but how would you know how sweet it is unless you have tasted the bitter taste of failing first.

  11. ken johnson

    Jun 19, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    I absolutely adore Rosa Costa and her messages, she is so in touch with her emotions and gives us the pleasure of her insight. I have read numerous messages by her and am constantly amazed by her maturity and her wisdom. She is truly a blessing to me and to most of us. THANK YOU ROSA

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 22, 2015 at 8:11 am

      Thanks Ken for that very kind message. My greatest desire is to use my experiences good and bad to assist others in their journey through life.

  12. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 19, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    I absolutely agree that when fail at something, you must sit back and analyze your failure because in that, you learn more about how to succeed the next time and you ultimately grow as an individual. This was a great post. Many people do look at failure as a bad thing, but when you look at failure as something that you need to do in order to succeed, you gain a certain type of resiliency to failure. They say to fail until you succeed!

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 23, 2015 at 7:31 am

      Thanks Lawrence for your comment. It is never easy to see failure as anything positive but in order to succeed and to truly appreciate our efforts we have to accept failure. Success is sweet but how would you know how sweet it is unless you have tasted the bitter taste of failing first.

      Reply

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Motivation

5 Bulletproof Ways Leaders Can Motivate Their Teams

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We all dream of a perfect, self-motivated team that is constantly putting their best foot forward and embracing each challenge they are given. In reality, as much as you’d like to encourage and motivate even more active contribution from your team members, it is often easier said than done.

Using external motivators, such as promotions or raises, is rarely a permanent solution for motivating your employees to do the very best for the company. Motivation simply cannot be forced on anyone but has to come from within, which is why it’s extremely important to understand the unique sources of employee motivation. There are, however, some solid ways for leaders to self-motivate and encourage active participation in a team.

Here are five bulletproof ways to help your employees find motivation and stay motivated:

1. Communicate purpose

Communicating purpose is the first step towards enhancing motivation and engagement within a team. Like Simon Sinek advises in his best-selling book, if you want your team to act with purpose, you should start with why. If your team isn’t aware of why they are doing what they’re supposed to do, they’re less likely to find their work meaningful and less likely to care.

This, however, doesn’t mean that you’re forced to have a motivational speech. In my opinion, motivational rants are like throwing boiled spaghetti on the wall – it’s not going to stick for long. Instead, to create a fulfilling and motivating work-environment, engage and encourage your team members to participate in clarifying your vision. Be open about where you’re heading and what’s your driving force.

Leaders who aim for providing direction and clarity, are the ones who are really able to take their businesses to the next level as well as to help their team members to pursue both their professional and personal hopes and dreams.

“The very essence of leadership is that you have to have a vision. It’s got to be a vision you articulate clearly and forcefully on every occasion. You can’t blow an uncertain trumpet.” – Reverend Theodore Hesburgh

2. Set clear goals

One of the most common de-motivating factors in a workplace is lack of focus. If you find your team constantly busy, but don’t quite know with what, it might be a sign of confusion due to unclear goals. Also, if your team is constantly underperforming, you might want to revisit your goals.

Without specific and transparent goals, your team may have a difficult time to know what to prioritize. This easily results in uncertainty, decreased motivation and a constant debate of whether they’re working enough or not.

Clear goals can help your team avoid unnecessary stress and make smarter decisions. To retrieve motivation, start by revisiting your goals to make sure they are ambitious enough to be meaningful. However, don’t make the mistake of stretching your workers too much outside of their comfort zone but aim for finding a good balance between these two.

A solid starting point is to define your “common grand goal” towards which you work as a team. When you have defined that, it’s much easier to start planning your journey there by setting smaller individual goals.

3. Encourage ownership

Sometimes, employees may feel they don’t have enough power to make decisions. This might be a sign of too strict processes or the fact that you’re micromanaging your employees.

To encourage your team to take ownership, set clear expectations and standards but give them enough freedom to come up with their own ideas. Enhance trust by asking for feedback to show that you really value their opinion.

Also, make sure your team members are aware of how their contribution links to the big picture. When your team feels that what they’re doing is important and they’re contributing to something with real value, they’re more likely to take ownership and be proud of their work.

4. Hold your team accountable

Accountability is one of the most overlooked aspects by leaders who want to create an effective and motivated team environment. In general, people are motivated by positive feedback and exceeding expectations. According to a study, nearly 78% of employees are highly engaged when they experience strong recognition, which is why positive feedback is encouraged.

However, there should also be consequences when things don’t go as planned. Accountability becomes sustainable with constant reinforcement, which is why continuity is the key. Holding your team accountable shows that you care and helps your team to maintain quality.

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result.” – Bob Proctor

5. Support self-development and provide opportunities for growth

One of the best ways to motivate your team is to encourage each individual to become better by finding ways to support their professional growth and encouraging personal leadership. In practice, this can mean for example training sessions, book clubs, mentoring or other tactics that support personal leadership.

Take a few self-development tactics as a part of your goal-setting process by aligning individual KPIs with your company goals. To get the best possible outcome, this should be done systematically.  

Another way to provide opportunities for growth while linking this with work is to launch a Growth Model, where you first define different areas of improvement. Start by evaluating where your team stands at the moment in each of the areas and plan the following steps according to your findings.

Choose one focus area at a time as well as clear action points and a timeline to improve that specific area. Make it tangible by keeping track of the progress – this helps motivating your employees as they can instantly see their level of improvement. If you want to take motivating your team to the next level, find out what their personal and career-related goals are and try to think of ways you can help them to pursue these goals.

How do you keep your team motivated? Comment below!

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Motivation

You Snooze, You Lose! 4 Hacks to Get Out of Bed When That Alarm Goes Off

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Did you know that more than 57% of Americans hit the snooze button? That adds up to 3.5 months of our lives just snoozing! Why would we waste time snoozing when the intention is to actually get up to get things done? Is it laziness, a lack of discipline, motivation, or commitment? It doesn’t actually matter.

The fact is, you can’t be as productive as you want when you are getting out of bed late!  That is the obvious part. The not so obvious part is how to actually get of bed, when every part of you is screaming to sleep a bit longer. Let’s create a bit of pain first, because I’m assuming you actually don’t see the downsides to snoozing, or you are being ignorant and ignorance will never get you the results you want.

Sabotaging Success

Did you know that every time you set yourself an intention to wake up early and you don’t follow through with it, you dramatically lower your confidence and belief in yourself? Your word to yourself start to mean less and less. You can say to yourself, I will do this, but you know you probably won’t.

Nothing will sabotage your success more than losing faith in your own word. You need confidence to get results in life! Are you somebody who follows through with their word or not? You either are or you aren’t.

The second consequence, is that you are losing income and awesome results you could be having sooner. Why choose the easier things now and have a harder life later on, when you can choose the harder things now and have an easier life later on?  Don’t settle in life, this will never ever fulfill you.

4 Hacks to get out of bed when that alarm goes off:

1. Don’t negotiate with your brain 

If you start negotiating with your brain, you will always lose. So don’t go there, don’t even start that conversation in your mind! If you have decided to get out of bed, then do it, follow through with your word. Why change your mind in the morning? 

The ‘pleasure seeking’ part of your brain is always on automatic and it’s so strong, your ‘pre-fontal’ cortex doesn’t have much chance of winning this battle when you are half asleep in bed. Once you are out of bed, habit stack. It’s the 5 second rule – you are up already – don’t you dare go back.  Do exactly what you would do habitually. Do you go straight for the shower or do you get a glass of lemon juice? Know what you are going to do already to take any thinking out of it!

“Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it.” – Richard Whately

2. Look at your identity 

You behave according to what you believe. You believe what you repeat. Look at your own language, what do you say to yourself about getting up? Do you say things like; “It’s so hard to get out of bed in the morning” or “I’ve never been a morning person.” What you say becomes your reality of yourself and either motivates or demotivates you.

What you want to be saying to yourself is: “Just get out of bed. It’s easy, just get up. I can do this because I want to, I decide and control my actions. I am in control.” I can almost guarantee, if you struggle to get up when your alarm goes off, there is a part of your identity that believes this is who you are. If you change how you talk to yourself, about who you are, and tell yourself you can do anything, because you said so, your actions will be completely different.

3. Leaping out of bed

Unless I have a very compelling reason, I know it would be hard to get out of bed. We need to use our minds to motivate us into action, and the best way to do this, is to get excited the day before. Write down at least 5 reasons on a piece of paper; list why you want to leap out of bed tomorrow. This can take 2 minutes! The next morning, when your alarm goes off, look at that piece of paper, immediately so you know what awaits you and get up.

4. Use accountability and peer pressure

Create a game with your friends, family members, coach, colleagues, or business partner, I don’t care who it is, as long as you know that person will hold you accountable. Have fun with it, take a picture fully dressed and showered and send to your accountability partner, or call a ‘penalty’ if you don’t, like taking your friend out for dinner or spouse every time you sleep in. Get creative and use your support system.  The point is, it doesn’t matter what system you set up, how crazy it might seem, what matters is if it works!

Remember, you don’t need to make big changes from the outset, if you feel like an hour or 30 minute change is too much, start with 5 minutes earlier each day or 10 minutes earlier each week. You must be getting enough sleep and not over sleeping either. You have one life and if you are a business owner, I know you are missing out on results and lowering your confidence indirectly too.

“Life is getting up an hour early to live an hour more.”

You can have the best intentions to get up earlier every day, but if you let that snooze button control you, you will never follow through with your intentions or get your results! It is the small changes that can give us the biggest results. Try one these hacks to finally get out of that bed in the morning and finally take back your time! Don’t allow it to be more powerful than you.

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Motivation

Why It’s a Great Thing for Adversity to Push You to Your Breaking Point

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If you are not finding challenges that knock you flat on your back then you are missing out. A darker side of success that some have touched on is that you need to fail more. In addition to this, we should consider finding the challenges that punch us in the mouth and knock us unconscious.

The easiest place to be in life is one of comfort and knowing what tomorrow will bring. This brings little growth and requires very little effort because it’s safe. However, if we look at our role models who have done great things, then we will surely see that they have failed spectacularly.

Michael Jordan locked himself in his room and cried after he didn’t make his varsity basketball team as a sophomore. Walt Disney’s second business that failed miserably was called Laugh-O-Gram. JK Rowling was rejected by 12 literary publishers before she found any success.

Most likely you can think of some challenges that you rose up to beat in your own life. I would venture to say that the most difficult challenges that meant the most to you knocked you on your back right before you conquered them.

“Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache, carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or greater Benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

These obstacles are there for a reason. They are an important part of the puzzle for you. So if you find yourself in a place where you feel stuck or overwhelmed by a burden that seems insurmountable then this is a very good thing.

Life gives you everything you need

Life will give us everything we need, including the message that you have to get back up and go back at it with more determination, more will, and more fight than what you had before. Sometimes the moment we are down and out is the moment we have to regroup, reorganize, and come up with a new strategy to overcome those impending obstacles.

The reason the challenge knocks us down is because we need it. Just like an ocean wave knocks down an inexperienced surfer, it’s just a sign that the young surfer has to grow and become better.

Just like a surfer, the same is true for you and wherever you are at now. You have faced many things in your life which force you to become stronger for what is now in front of you.

However, what is most important in all this is having a challenge that can move you. For the surfer, the thrill of riding that perfect wave is worth the cost of getting beaten down by ocean waves again and again. For the man creating a business and putting his heart and soul into it, the reward of being a success and changing lives is worth battling each and everyday to get his enterprise up and off the ground.

For the woman who runs a marathon, the thrill of running across the finish line and having that experience was worth all the training and the grueling exhaustion she had to endure so that she could get to that point.

These experiences are the ones that can move you, but if your goal can have such a positive affect on you, then it can also have a dramatically negative affect as well. This is why you need challenges that can break you.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” – J. K. Rowling

Why you need failure

The surfer is devastated after breaking his arm and having to spend time away from his passion, but after his recovery he is reinvigorated. The business fails and the man is crushed, but he comes back stronger and more experienced with another business. The runner fails at finishing her marathon, but trains harder and comes back even better.

For this reason, failure is only feedback and something to be used as a positive for getting to where you want to go. If you get knocked down you might just need to rest and try again. Or it could mean that you should go get some help and try again.

Remember, failure isn’t final and success within failure is having the opportunity to try again.

You should only be alarmed when you have failed challenges that aren’t breaking you. This means that you are playing it safe and need something more compelling to propel you forward.

If the challenge breaks you then you know it means something to you. Even more importantly, you have the opportunity to go again, harder and even more determined.

How do you handle failure? Let us know in the comments below!

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Motivation

What To Tell Yourself During A Tough Time.

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We all go through tough times.

A few examples of mine are:

  • Multiple consecutive breakups
  • Walking away from a business that could have made me a lot of money
  • Having my career come to a grinding halt
  • Dealing with mental illness

The list is very long and I’m sure yours is similar. It’s not about the tough times we go through though because they are guaranteed and you already knew that before you clicked this article.

What matters during tough times is what you tell yourself.

This is what I say to myself during tough times — well there’s actually four things I say to myself depending on the tough time I’m facing:


“This will pass”

No event in your life lasts forever. Today may be a really tough day, but that won’t last forever. We delude ourselves at times by saying in our head “I’m always going to be like this.”

“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Here we go again.”

These negative phrases tell our brain that things are never going to get better. When we say these phrases to ourselves enough, we start to believe them. During a difficult period in your life, in that moment, things will suck.

The way to get out of your head is to see the truth: this will pass. In one day, one month, or one year this tough situation will have passed and you’ll be onto the next part of your life.

Nothing lasts forever unless you allow your mind to trap you in the moment and believe a lie which is that this moment won’t pass. It will. You will come out the other side.


I’ll be stronger having dealt with this situation

When you reframe your tough times into strength building exercises, they take a whole new meaning.

All of a sudden, your current situation that may be wearing you down becomes like reps at the gym. The reps are a struggle and it hurts, but if you keep moving forward, you end up with mental toughness and strength.

“Exchange your tough times for mental toughness”

See this challenging situation for what it is. It’s the chance to come out the other end stronger.

Stack your tough times up like gold medals.

Have you dealt with cancer? Good, then you won’t take your health for granted ever again.

Have you lost a loved one? Then you’ll never take the rest of your family for granted and care for them more than you did before.

Did you lose your job? Amazing! Now you can work somewhere else and discover more of your hidden talents!

Without tough times, you won’t have the strategies you need to deal with the impossible. Your heroes are your heroes because they’ve used their tough times to become stronger.

Failure and rejection are the building blocks to whatever your definition of success is. Tough times make you hungryand that’s a good thing.


Keep taking baby steps forward

Tough times can feel like quicksand sometimes.

If you don’t keep moving forward though, you’ll eventually sink into the quicksand. The best thing you can do during the toughest of challenges is take baby steps.

When I battled severe anxiety, I took baby steps such as these:

  • Walked 15 minutes a day
  • Drank an extra glass of water each day to hydrate my body
  • Read one book a month on anxiety
  • Exposed myself to one small fear each day. It started with going two levels in a lift (something I couldn’t do before). Then I’d go three levels the next day and so on.

That last dot point is critical. Overcoming tough times requires you to take baby steps in the form of being uncomfortable. When you’re growing each day, you don’t have time to be too concerned about a particular tough time.

My battle with anxiety eventually led me to flying long distances (another thing I couldn’t do before) and then speaking on stages in front of a lot of people.

As you can see, the first few steps — like going two floors in a lift — are quite small. Then the steps get bigger and bigger until what used to seem impossible becomes a piece of cake.

Take baby steps.


“It only takes one person”

Tough times often require someone to believe in you. From my experience, you only need one person.

One person to believe in your idea.
One person to love you.
One person who has gone through the same tough times as you.

This one person exists. You have to go out there and find them. That one person for me was a team leader when I was working in a call center. He believed in me enough to take me aside and coach me one on one.

He believed I was going to go on and change the world through personal development. He was right and I did!

Don’t give up. Your one person exists as well.

<<<>>>

These four things are what I tell myself during a tough time. One of these phrases will always be the right one depending on the circumstance.

Believe that there is a way out and you’ll find one. It’s during the tough times that you’ll develop the skills and experience to help others.

What I’ve learned is that to get through the tough times, one of the best hacks is to focus on helping others. When you’re focusing on how you can serve, your own selfish problems become insignificant.

Seek out people who have even bigger problems than you do and listen to them. See if you can help them.

That’s how you deal with the tough times.

Tell yourself the truth. You deserve to hear it.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Positivity & Self-Ownership: Your #1 Factor for Success

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Leaving a reliable 9-5 job and risking a steady, biweekly paycheck to live out a dream and pursue a totally different lifestyle can be terrifying. However, there is no reason to fear, aspiring entrepreneur! (more…)

Cory Young is the founder of BCC Interactive, a Philadelphia digital marketing agency with expertise in expanding businesses through search engine marketing. Cory has 10+ years experience crafting successful customized digital marketing strategies for Fortune 500 companies and small businesses alike.

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22 Comments

22 Comments

  1. storm

    Jun 1, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    I am not scared of failure but I’m afraid of that someone won’t accept my mistake

  2. Kim

    Oct 12, 2015 at 1:46 am

    Very nicely written and VERY timely indeed! I am having rough time convincing myself to stay on my PhD program. You helped to put things into the right perspective! Thank you!

    • Rose Costas

      Nov 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      Kim congratulation on reaching that level never keep your eyes of the reason you wanted to pursue a PHD in the first place. It could be you are the first in your family. It could be that you were told as a child you would never amount to anything. What ever the reason make a note of it and keep it where you can see it daily to remind you of why you are on this journey.

  3. riezal

    Oct 11, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    thanks for the great post,
    up and down emotion.. its normal
    .
    the important part is, how we managed it 🙂
    .
    yeah sometimes its bring me tears…
    every male like me must admit it .. lol

    • Rose Costas

      Nov 1, 2015 at 8:59 pm

      You are absolutely right Riezal. Life is about ups and downs but how we choose to handle those set backs is what sets us apart.

  4. Victor

    Aug 20, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Thank you very much, for this wonderful post.I truly learnt a lot from this… THANK YOU ROSE COSTAS

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 31, 2015 at 7:03 am

      Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond. I am glad I was able to share with you something positive and helpful. Keep working hard Victor.

  5. Allison Felix

    Aug 20, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Rosa I enjoyed reading your article, I look at failure in a different light now, and plan on instilling this concept in my nine year old son, to help him in his
    growth personally and in school. Thank you

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 31, 2015 at 7:06 am

      Thanks you for reading the article and I am very glad you are able to see failure from a different perspective. That was the intention. I am glad that you think it wise to instill this into your young son. now he won’t go through what you have been through and will see his life as a success at an earlier age. Wonderful Allison

  6. Eljean

    Aug 10, 2015 at 3:24 am

    What a great post. Every person who are chasing success should read this. Failure is a learning opportunity.

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 31, 2015 at 7:08 am

      Thank you Elijean for your kind words. Failure is indeed a learning opportunity and a sign you are doing things to get a head. Never give up because you will indeed see your rewards if you faint not.

  7. Camilla Hallstrom

    Jun 27, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Great take on motivation after failure, Rose! It’s so easy to get stuck and think that no one else fails, ever. It’s a learning curve and eventually, you’ll make it.

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 30, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Camilla you are so correct. Most people are either ashamed or too proud to tell others that before they succeeded in their endeavors they failed a few times. People who are truly honest will accept that they fell a few times before they eventually made it. Thanks for your comment.

  8. ettian

    Jun 26, 2015 at 4:48 am

    It is really motivating and I also believe failing is a transportation to your destination

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 26, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      Ettian you are absolutely right. Everything happens for a reason but unfortunately sometimes we are so caught up on what went wrong and not the opportunities waiting for us to explore.

  9. Gideon

    Jun 22, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    I love this post. It’s a great one. I just have to share this with my friends on social media. Thanks Rose

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 23, 2015 at 7:30 am

      Thank you very much Gedeon. I am glad you enjoyed reading it and I hope your friends do too.

  10. Rose Costas

    Jun 22, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Thanks Lawrence for your comment. It is never easy to see failure as anything positive but in order to succeed and to truly appreciate our efforts we have to accept failure. Success is sweet but how would you know how sweet it is unless you have tasted the bitter taste of failing first.

  11. ken johnson

    Jun 19, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    I absolutely adore Rosa Costa and her messages, she is so in touch with her emotions and gives us the pleasure of her insight. I have read numerous messages by her and am constantly amazed by her maturity and her wisdom. She is truly a blessing to me and to most of us. THANK YOU ROSA

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 22, 2015 at 8:11 am

      Thanks Ken for that very kind message. My greatest desire is to use my experiences good and bad to assist others in their journey through life.

  12. Lawrence Berry

    Jun 19, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    I absolutely agree that when fail at something, you must sit back and analyze your failure because in that, you learn more about how to succeed the next time and you ultimately grow as an individual. This was a great post. Many people do look at failure as a bad thing, but when you look at failure as something that you need to do in order to succeed, you gain a certain type of resiliency to failure. They say to fail until you succeed!

    • Rose Costas

      Jun 23, 2015 at 7:31 am

      Thanks Lawrence for your comment. It is never easy to see failure as anything positive but in order to succeed and to truly appreciate our efforts we have to accept failure. Success is sweet but how would you know how sweet it is unless you have tasted the bitter taste of failing first.

      Reply

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Motivation

5 Bulletproof Ways Leaders Can Motivate Their Teams

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We all dream of a perfect, self-motivated team that is constantly putting their best foot forward and embracing each challenge they are given. In reality, as much as you’d like to encourage and motivate even more active contribution from your team members, it is often easier said than done.

Using external motivators, such as promotions or raises, is rarely a permanent solution for motivating your employees to do the very best for the company. Motivation simply cannot be forced on anyone but has to come from within, which is why it’s extremely important to understand the unique sources of employee motivation. There are, however, some solid ways for leaders to self-motivate and encourage active participation in a team.

Here are five bulletproof ways to help your employees find motivation and stay motivated:

1. Communicate purpose

Communicating purpose is the first step towards enhancing motivation and engagement within a team. Like Simon Sinek advises in his best-selling book, if you want your team to act with purpose, you should start with why. If your team isn’t aware of why they are doing what they’re supposed to do, they’re less likely to find their work meaningful and less likely to care.

This, however, doesn’t mean that you’re forced to have a motivational speech. In my opinion, motivational rants are like throwing boiled spaghetti on the wall – it’s not going to stick for long. Instead, to create a fulfilling and motivating work-environment, engage and encourage your team members to participate in clarifying your vision. Be open about where you’re heading and what’s your driving force.

Leaders who aim for providing direction and clarity, are the ones who are really able to take their businesses to the next level as well as to help their team members to pursue both their professional and personal hopes and dreams.

“The very essence of leadership is that you have to have a vision. It’s got to be a vision you articulate clearly and forcefully on every occasion. You can’t blow an uncertain trumpet.” – Reverend Theodore Hesburgh

2. Set clear goals

One of the most common de-motivating factors in a workplace is lack of focus. If you find your team constantly busy, but don’t quite know with what, it might be a sign of confusion due to unclear goals. Also, if your team is constantly underperforming, you might want to revisit your goals.

Without specific and transparent goals, your team may have a difficult time to know what to prioritize. This easily results in uncertainty, decreased motivation and a constant debate of whether they’re working enough or not.

Clear goals can help your team avoid unnecessary stress and make smarter decisions. To retrieve motivation, start by revisiting your goals to make sure they are ambitious enough to be meaningful. However, don’t make the mistake of stretching your workers too much outside of their comfort zone but aim for finding a good balance between these two.

A solid starting point is to define your “common grand goal” towards which you work as a team. When you have defined that, it’s much easier to start planning your journey there by setting smaller individual goals.

3. Encourage ownership

Sometimes, employees may feel they don’t have enough power to make decisions. This might be a sign of too strict processes or the fact that you’re micromanaging your employees.

To encourage your team to take ownership, set clear expectations and standards but give them enough freedom to come up with their own ideas. Enhance trust by asking for feedback to show that you really value their opinion.

Also, make sure your team members are aware of how their contribution links to the big picture. When your team feels that what they’re doing is important and they’re contributing to something with real value, they’re more likely to take ownership and be proud of their work.

4. Hold your team accountable

Accountability is one of the most overlooked aspects by leaders who want to create an effective and motivated team environment. In general, people are motivated by positive feedback and exceeding expectations. According to a study, nearly 78% of employees are highly engaged when they experience strong recognition, which is why positive feedback is encouraged.

However, there should also be consequences when things don’t go as planned. Accountability becomes sustainable with constant reinforcement, which is why continuity is the key. Holding your team accountable shows that you care and helps your team to maintain quality.

“Accountability is the glue that ties commitment to the result.” – Bob Proctor

5. Support self-development and provide opportunities for growth

One of the best ways to motivate your team is to encourage each individual to become better by finding ways to support their professional growth and encouraging personal leadership. In practice, this can mean for example training sessions, book clubs, mentoring or other tactics that support personal leadership.

Take a few self-development tactics as a part of your goal-setting process by aligning individual KPIs with your company goals. To get the best possible outcome, this should be done systematically.  

Another way to provide opportunities for growth while linking this with work is to launch a Growth Model, where you first define different areas of improvement. Start by evaluating where your team stands at the moment in each of the areas and plan the following steps according to your findings.

Choose one focus area at a time as well as clear action points and a timeline to improve that specific area. Make it tangible by keeping track of the progress – this helps motivating your employees as they can instantly see their level of improvement. If you want to take motivating your team to the next level, find out what their personal and career-related goals are and try to think of ways you can help them to pursue these goals.

How do you keep your team motivated? Comment below!

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Motivation

You Snooze, You Lose! 4 Hacks to Get Out of Bed When That Alarm Goes Off

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Did you know that more than 57% of Americans hit the snooze button? That adds up to 3.5 months of our lives just snoozing! Why would we waste time snoozing when the intention is to actually get up to get things done? Is it laziness, a lack of discipline, motivation, or commitment? It doesn’t actually matter.

The fact is, you can’t be as productive as you want when you are getting out of bed late!  That is the obvious part. The not so obvious part is how to actually get of bed, when every part of you is screaming to sleep a bit longer. Let’s create a bit of pain first, because I’m assuming you actually don’t see the downsides to snoozing, or you are being ignorant and ignorance will never get you the results you want.

Sabotaging Success

Did you know that every time you set yourself an intention to wake up early and you don’t follow through with it, you dramatically lower your confidence and belief in yourself? Your word to yourself start to mean less and less. You can say to yourself, I will do this, but you know you probably won’t.

Nothing will sabotage your success more than losing faith in your own word. You need confidence to get results in life! Are you somebody who follows through with their word or not? You either are or you aren’t.

The second consequence, is that you are losing income and awesome results you could be having sooner. Why choose the easier things now and have a harder life later on, when you can choose the harder things now and have an easier life later on?  Don’t settle in life, this will never ever fulfill you.

4 Hacks to get out of bed when that alarm goes off:

1. Don’t negotiate with your brain 

If you start negotiating with your brain, you will always lose. So don’t go there, don’t even start that conversation in your mind! If you have decided to get out of bed, then do it, follow through with your word. Why change your mind in the morning? 

The ‘pleasure seeking’ part of your brain is always on automatic and it’s so strong, your ‘pre-fontal’ cortex doesn’t have much chance of winning this battle when you are half asleep in bed. Once you are out of bed, habit stack. It’s the 5 second rule – you are up already – don’t you dare go back.  Do exactly what you would do habitually. Do you go straight for the shower or do you get a glass of lemon juice? Know what you are going to do already to take any thinking out of it!

“Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it.” – Richard Whately

2. Look at your identity 

You behave according to what you believe. You believe what you repeat. Look at your own language, what do you say to yourself about getting up? Do you say things like; “It’s so hard to get out of bed in the morning” or “I’ve never been a morning person.” What you say becomes your reality of yourself and either motivates or demotivates you.

What you want to be saying to yourself is: “Just get out of bed. It’s easy, just get up. I can do this because I want to, I decide and control my actions. I am in control.” I can almost guarantee, if you struggle to get up when your alarm goes off, there is a part of your identity that believes this is who you are. If you change how you talk to yourself, about who you are, and tell yourself you can do anything, because you said so, your actions will be completely different.

3. Leaping out of bed

Unless I have a very compelling reason, I know it would be hard to get out of bed. We need to use our minds to motivate us into action, and the best way to do this, is to get excited the day before. Write down at least 5 reasons on a piece of paper; list why you want to leap out of bed tomorrow. This can take 2 minutes! The next morning, when your alarm goes off, look at that piece of paper, immediately so you know what awaits you and get up.

4. Use accountability and peer pressure

Create a game with your friends, family members, coach, colleagues, or business partner, I don’t care who it is, as long as you know that person will hold you accountable. Have fun with it, take a picture fully dressed and showered and send to your accountability partner, or call a ‘penalty’ if you don’t, like taking your friend out for dinner or spouse every time you sleep in. Get creative and use your support system.  The point is, it doesn’t matter what system you set up, how crazy it might seem, what matters is if it works!

Remember, you don’t need to make big changes from the outset, if you feel like an hour or 30 minute change is too much, start with 5 minutes earlier each day or 10 minutes earlier each week. You must be getting enough sleep and not over sleeping either. You have one life and if you are a business owner, I know you are missing out on results and lowering your confidence indirectly too.

“Life is getting up an hour early to live an hour more.”

You can have the best intentions to get up earlier every day, but if you let that snooze button control you, you will never follow through with your intentions or get your results! It is the small changes that can give us the biggest results. Try one these hacks to finally get out of that bed in the morning and finally take back your time! Don’t allow it to be more powerful than you.

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Motivation

Why It’s a Great Thing for Adversity to Push You to Your Breaking Point

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If you are not finding challenges that knock you flat on your back then you are missing out. A darker side of success that some have touched on is that you need to fail more. In addition to this, we should consider finding the challenges that punch us in the mouth and knock us unconscious.

The easiest place to be in life is one of comfort and knowing what tomorrow will bring. This brings little growth and requires very little effort because it’s safe. However, if we look at our role models who have done great things, then we will surely see that they have failed spectacularly.

Michael Jordan locked himself in his room and cried after he didn’t make his varsity basketball team as a sophomore. Walt Disney’s second business that failed miserably was called Laugh-O-Gram. JK Rowling was rejected by 12 literary publishers before she found any success.

Most likely you can think of some challenges that you rose up to beat in your own life. I would venture to say that the most difficult challenges that meant the most to you knocked you on your back right before you conquered them.

“Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache, carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or greater Benefit.” – Napoleon Hill

These obstacles are there for a reason. They are an important part of the puzzle for you. So if you find yourself in a place where you feel stuck or overwhelmed by a burden that seems insurmountable then this is a very good thing.

Life gives you everything you need

Life will give us everything we need, including the message that you have to get back up and go back at it with more determination, more will, and more fight than what you had before. Sometimes the moment we are down and out is the moment we have to regroup, reorganize, and come up with a new strategy to overcome those impending obstacles.

The reason the challenge knocks us down is because we need it. Just like an ocean wave knocks down an inexperienced surfer, it’s just a sign that the young surfer has to grow and become better.

Just like a surfer, the same is true for you and wherever you are at now. You have faced many things in your life which force you to become stronger for what is now in front of you.

However, what is most important in all this is having a challenge that can move you. For the surfer, the thrill of riding that perfect wave is worth the cost of getting beaten down by ocean waves again and again. For the man creating a business and putting his heart and soul into it, the reward of being a success and changing lives is worth battling each and everyday to get his enterprise up and off the ground.

For the woman who runs a marathon, the thrill of running across the finish line and having that experience was worth all the training and the grueling exhaustion she had to endure so that she could get to that point.

These experiences are the ones that can move you, but if your goal can have such a positive affect on you, then it can also have a dramatically negative affect as well. This is why you need challenges that can break you.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” – J. K. Rowling

Why you need failure

The surfer is devastated after breaking his arm and having to spend time away from his passion, but after his recovery he is reinvigorated. The business fails and the man is crushed, but he comes back stronger and more experienced with another business. The runner fails at finishing her marathon, but trains harder and comes back even better.

For this reason, failure is only feedback and something to be used as a positive for getting to where you want to go. If you get knocked down you might just need to rest and try again. Or it could mean that you should go get some help and try again.

Remember, failure isn’t final and success within failure is having the opportunity to try again.

You should only be alarmed when you have failed challenges that aren’t breaking you. This means that you are playing it safe and need something more compelling to propel you forward.

If the challenge breaks you then you know it means something to you. Even more importantly, you have the opportunity to go again, harder and even more determined.

How do you handle failure? Let us know in the comments below!

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Motivation

What To Tell Yourself During A Tough Time.

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We all go through tough times.

A few examples of mine are:

  • Multiple consecutive breakups
  • Walking away from a business that could have made me a lot of money
  • Having my career come to a grinding halt
  • Dealing with mental illness

The list is very long and I’m sure yours is similar. It’s not about the tough times we go through though because they are guaranteed and you already knew that before you clicked this article.

What matters during tough times is what you tell yourself.

This is what I say to myself during tough times — well there’s actually four things I say to myself depending on the tough time I’m facing:


“This will pass”

No event in your life lasts forever. Today may be a really tough day, but that won’t last forever. We delude ourselves at times by saying in our head “I’m always going to be like this.”

“Why does this always happen to me?”

“Here we go again.”

These negative phrases tell our brain that things are never going to get better. When we say these phrases to ourselves enough, we start to believe them. During a difficult period in your life, in that moment, things will suck.

The way to get out of your head is to see the truth: this will pass. In one day, one month, or one year this tough situation will have passed and you’ll be onto the next part of your life.

Nothing lasts forever unless you allow your mind to trap you in the moment and believe a lie which is that this moment won’t pass. It will. You will come out the other side.


I’ll be stronger having dealt with this situation

When you reframe your tough times into strength building exercises, they take a whole new meaning.

All of a sudden, your current situation that may be wearing you down becomes like reps at the gym. The reps are a struggle and it hurts, but if you keep moving forward, you end up with mental toughness and strength.

“Exchange your tough times for mental toughness”

See this challenging situation for what it is. It’s the chance to come out the other end stronger.

Stack your tough times up like gold medals.

Have you dealt with cancer? Good, then you won’t take your health for granted ever again.

Have you lost a loved one? Then you’ll never take the rest of your family for granted and care for them more than you did before.

Did you lose your job? Amazing! Now you can work somewhere else and discover more of your hidden talents!

Without tough times, you won’t have the strategies you need to deal with the impossible. Your heroes are your heroes because they’ve used their tough times to become stronger.

Failure and rejection are the building blocks to whatever your definition of success is. Tough times make you hungryand that’s a good thing.


Keep taking baby steps forward

Tough times can feel like quicksand sometimes.

If you don’t keep moving forward though, you’ll eventually sink into the quicksand. The best thing you can do during the toughest of challenges is take baby steps.

When I battled severe anxiety, I took baby steps such as these:

  • Walked 15 minutes a day
  • Drank an extra glass of water each day to hydrate my body
  • Read one book a month on anxiety
  • Exposed myself to one small fear each day. It started with going two levels in a lift (something I couldn’t do before). Then I’d go three levels the next day and so on.

That last dot point is critical. Overcoming tough times requires you to take baby steps in the form of being uncomfortable. When you’re growing each day, you don’t have time to be too concerned about a particular tough time.

My battle with anxiety eventually led me to flying long distances (another thing I couldn’t do before) and then speaking on stages in front of a lot of people.

As you can see, the first few steps — like going two floors in a lift — are quite small. Then the steps get bigger and bigger until what used to seem impossible becomes a piece of cake.

Take baby steps.


“It only takes one person”

Tough times often require someone to believe in you. From my experience, you only need one person.

One person to believe in your idea.
One person to love you.
One person who has gone through the same tough times as you.

This one person exists. You have to go out there and find them. That one person for me was a team leader when I was working in a call center. He believed in me enough to take me aside and coach me one on one.

He believed I was going to go on and change the world through personal development. He was right and I did!

Don’t give up. Your one person exists as well.

<<<>>>

These four things are what I tell myself during a tough time. One of these phrases will always be the right one depending on the circumstance.

Believe that there is a way out and you’ll find one. It’s during the tough times that you’ll develop the skills and experience to help others.

What I’ve learned is that to get through the tough times, one of the best hacks is to focus on helping others. When you’re focusing on how you can serve, your own selfish problems become insignificant.

Seek out people who have even bigger problems than you do and listen to them. See if you can help them.

That’s how you deal with the tough times.

Tell yourself the truth. You deserve to hear it.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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