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Why Self-esteem Is Different From Confidence and How to Build Both Effectively

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self confidence

As humans, we sort of depend on certain qualities and traits. For example, self-esteem and self-confidence (or confidence) are two fundamental personality traits that we need in our lives. Quickly before you think about each of the terms, let’s define what each of them means.

Self-esteem: How you feel about yourself and about what you do. It’s your sense of self-worth, in a world full of other individuals just like you. When you have self-esteem you believe that you deserve to be happy, and you believe that you deserve the respect of others.

Self-confidence: The self-assurance in one’s personal strengths, judgments, and decisions. When you believe that you can achieve something, you’re basically confident that you’re going to make it. It’s just like a feeling of trust in your own abilities.

The connection between these two personality traits is quite significant. Even though it’s normal for high self-esteem individuals to also be self-confident, the two qualities can also thrive separately. For example, I know someone who’s extremely talented at painting and firmly believes in his ability to create art.

Even though he’s extremely talented and he knows it, he refuses to share his art with other people. He has big self-esteem issues and believes that his work will be negatively judged.

Why do we need to develop both our self-esteem and confidence?

The previous example were meant to highlight the fact that the lack of self-esteem could generate many disempowering effects. Loss of talent is one of them.

Let’s make it clear, self-discipline and self-esteem are qualities that can be developed. It’s not like you get born and die with them. If you want to change, you can have the change. I very often suggest people around me to take full responsibility for their lives.

I’d like to do the same. In case you’re already aware of your issues, taking responsibility and committing to change is the best thing that’s going to make you a better person. Fulfillment and happiness can never be achieved unless one truly believes that he has the ability to earn them, and also that he deserves them.

Here are 5 effective ways to improve both your self-confidence and self-esteem at the same time:

1. Start Taking Consistent Action

Taking action with purpose is the best way to set yourself on the right path. Here’s how to proceed:

  1. Set three long-term goals – brainstorm more and choose the most important three
  2. Split them into small and more manageable goals – it could be monthly/weekly
  3. Focus on each independently and make small steps towards results
  4. BE CONSISTENT and never give up

Taking consistent action will give you momentum to keep going. Whatever you want to achieve (emotional freedom, a better job, better relationships), start doing it now. There’s no better advice than this, even though you have probably heard it before.

“Consistent actions creates consistent results.” – Christine Kane

2. Analyze Your Self-Talk

If you want to change the way you feel, you must listen to your other voice. I bet that you’re always allowing your other voice to take over your mind. You even listen to it frequently, and it often gets you in trouble.

Fear of failure and the lack of self-esteem creates negative self-talk. This affects you on all levels, as most of our self-talk is negative. Start making a distinction between the two voices and stop allowing the big mouthed monster in your brain take the control again.

3. Contribute to The Well-Being of Others

When you’re good to others, you get a feeling that you were sent on earth with a purpose. That sense of purpose is extremely healing for people with low self-esteem. When another human being honest thanked you for your kind deeds, your heart gets filled with joy. If you do more good to the world, that feeling will persist and will eventually become a part of you. Sooner than you expect, your self-esteem levels will skyrocket.

4. Respect and Reward Yourself Every Now and Then

Every one of us has good days and bad days. Every person has problems and sorrows. We’re not perfect, and we’ll never be. It’s important to remember the fact that sometimes we go through good times, sometimes we go through bad times. When the bad times arrive, be prepared.

Respecting your boundaries, your actions, yourself, and your time is essential to your well-being and fulfillment. Besides that, you should also consciously reward yourself from time to time. Go out, do something you enjoy, buy something that you’ve always wanted. The feeling of reward is often helpful for cultivating better self-confidence and self-esteem.

“Self-respect knows no considerations.” – Mahatma Gandhi

5Truly Commit to Change

Again, I’m not going to surprise you with some unusual and ineffective strategy. Instead, I’m going to tell you the truth again. If you’re not committed to progress and change, it’s never going to happen. You’ll be stuck in your state up until you personally decide that you’ve had enough.

This is what it means to take responsibility for your life. No one is supposed to spend their life in fear, disappointment, and unhappiness. These personality traits should always be advantageous instead of the opposite.

Life is much more beautiful if you live it with full confidence and self-esteem. Who says you can’t be happy? Who says you can’t do what you want to do? Everything you think, or more specifically what other people think…it’s all subjective. You can always change the way you perceive the world. You can find new meanings and purposes, and you can live your life intensively and happily.

In your opinion, what is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence? Leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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