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4 Ways You Can Improve Your Self-Esteem Without Sabotaging Yourself

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Stop feeling sorry for yourself and in case you’ve never been told, “sorry is a weak word.” You might even think your problem is unique and no one will ever know how you feel on the inside, but you know what?

Most of the time, people are all struggling with some basic problem and you’re not alone. You’re not the only one struggling from depressing moods and remain unhappy. You’re not the only one who receives bullying at school or suffering from a poor family relationship.

Moreover, you’re not the only one suffering from depression and low self-esteem. Almost everyone faces crucial problems such as deep pain, sadness, and self-doubt. Nevertheless, the feeling of not finding the motivation to do anything and the feeling of being in the darkest days of your life is insidious.

It gnaws at your social life, eating, studying, confidence, and, in other words, practically everything. It even causes talented people to give up and feel that the whole world has turned its back on them. And that’s why that needs to stop now.

If you want to improve your self-esteem, stay in a good mood, and become a happier person during every day of your life, here are some tips you need to put in place:

1. Accept The Fact That You’re In Charge Of Your Life

The fact is, in your life journey, you’re the one in the driver’s seat; you’re the one who makes the decision on what direction to drive every day of your life.

You might see people waving their hands on the road, asking you for a lift through your life’s journey, but you’re the one who makes the decision if you are going to help them or not.

Whenever there is an occasion that might lead to an accident and you’re only left with two options to make, you’re the one who gets to make the decision whether to dodge to the left or to the right.

The people inside the car might pull at you, some might give a shout, saying that turning to the left side is the correct way, but you’re the one who makes the decision and you will be the one to take responsibility for whatever happens to you.

Lil Wayne wrote: “you can play a role in my life, but not the lead.” If you understand this, you will grow. If you don’t, you will end up becoming what people want you to become instead of becoming what you want to become!

So start right now, make a pledge to yourself to take responsibility for whatever has happened to you in the past and resolve that from now on for any decision or situation, you’ll always remember and accept that you’re the one in control.

“Only you can control your future.” – Dr. Seuss

2. Join The 20% At The Top

The top 20% of the people in our society, earn and control 80% of the assets. According to Forbes and the Wall Street Journal, the top 1% of Americans earns and controls as much as 33% of the assets.

And the most interesting part of the discovery is that most millionaires, billionaires, and multi-billionaires started with nothing. In fact, they were once in the bottom 20% and worked their way up to the top 20%.

How did this set of people work their way to the top? Could it be a sort of super magic work? The truth is that they began to do something different with their lives, and in time, they start learning and doing the things that other successful people were doing.

You can also join the top 20% of the people in your society by doing something different that will make you stand out from the crowd. No one becomes excellent by accident; excellence requires a definite decision and a life-long commitment. So what others have done, you can do as well.

 

3. Learn The 3% Rule

Here’s a secret the big boys at the top will never tell you. However, the fact is that successful people do have a life-long formula that helps them grow quickly and keeps them in good shape for every day of their life-long commitment.

And the secret is that they make a decision to invest a certain amount of their income into their life. But here’s the one that has worked perfectly for majority of successful people. They simply invest 3% of their income into their life.

You can do this monthly or annually, whatever seems to work the best for you. If your annual income is $50,000 resolve to invest 3% of this income or $1500 into yourself.

So how on earth do you invest 3% of your income into your life? First, write down everything you think that will quickly help you achieve your goals. Then spend the 3% investment in yourself by purchasing all the materials that will help you learn and to quickly progress toward achieving your goals.

You can buy books, go to seminars, buy audio tapes, or hire a mentor. Whatever you think will help you swiftly proceed toward achieving your goals. This could be the best self-rewarding habit that you can ever teach yourself. Put this into practice now and see the new person you’ve become.

 

4. Strive To Become The Best

This means learning how to follow the leaders instead of following the followers. Make a list of the people you admire most. Ask yourself why you admire them and what you can do to become like them.

Indulge yourself into doing whatever they do, or to do better than they do. For example, Stephen King mentioned in one of his books that he reads at least 70 books a year. Do your best and set a goal of reading 75 to 80 books a year.

You probably understand what I mean now, you see, the key to becoming the best is to find what successful people do and break new ground by becoming someone that does it better.

If you can learn how to put all this into action, you will have done what 70% of the people who read this post won’t do. And I’m guessing that you don’t want to be part of those folks.

The best way to get results is to take action, so start your action now and see how positive you’ll become and what results you will get.

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.”            – Tony Robbins

What are you going to commit to today that will help you in the future? Leave your thoughts below!
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9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. Sammy Blackmore

    Mar 7, 2017 at 7:11 am

    Stephen King reads 70 books a year? Wow! That’s like 5+ books in a month. I can’t even finish reading a novel within a month.

  2. Laura

    Nov 21, 2016 at 12:48 pm

    I planned on doing this not too long ago so this article was too perfect for my read this morning. Ive always been one to give a lot, which imho, feels so satisfying when I do and I’ll never stop. The problem was I never gave to myself. Never invested time to make me better FIRST. That’s all about to change..

    Thank you Cephas.

  3. Dan

    Oct 28, 2016 at 3:47 pm

    I particularly like the 3% rule. I do this already in some form but to apply a budget means one will continually do so each year and benefit exponentially and, crucially, without worrying too much about the cost, as it’s an investment you have budgeted in advance.

  4. Cylon

    Oct 20, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    Thanks for this great post Cephas!

    • Cephas

      Oct 22, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      Thank You so much Cylon!

  5. Maria Stenvinkel

    Oct 20, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Awesome post!!

    I loved this part: “And the most interesting part of the discovery is that most millionaires, billionaires, and multi-billionaires started with nothing. In fact, they were once in the bottom 20% and worked their way up to the top 20%.”

    And the 3% rule. Thanks a lot!

    • Cephas

      Oct 22, 2016 at 1:45 pm

      Thanks Maria,

      Glad you enjoy the post!

  6. Mark Tong

    Oct 20, 2016 at 8:35 am

    Excellent points Cephas!

    • Cephas

      Oct 22, 2016 at 1:48 pm

      Thanks so much Mark!

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Life

The 3 Types of Confidence You Need to Know and Understand

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We’ve all heard it before, confidence is everything. Those that seem to have it, have it all. They, themselves, are not necessarily perfect human beings, but they seemingly have the charisma to attract whatever they want in life. (more…)

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3 Simple Tips to Strengthen Your Emotional Intelligence for Better Relationships

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Relationships are challenging. They make you examine yourself from all angles, and that can be triggering. For example, have you ever had a friend or significant other say something that sparked an argument instantly—only to find out you misheard what they said in the first place? (more…)

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Life

If You Want to Avoid Failure Once and for All, Ask Yourself These 4 Questions

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You just invested in yourself and in your business. You are taking massive action but the results are just not clicking yet. While everyone is making 10X, 20X, and even 100X ROI on their initial investment, you have made $0 return. Failure is starting to overcast your bright shining positive attitude and you are feeling the pain and shame of it. (more…)

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3 Simple Hacks That Can Recharge Your Willpower and Help You Perform Better at Work

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How many times did you wake up feeling like you could conquer the world? You set ambitious goals for the day, you put on your best attire and walked out the door with a big smile on your face but eventually, life took over. Traffic, emails, work, family, and everything else you have around slowly but steadily started to drain your energy and made you feel exhausted.

You run out of battery, and the only solution that seemed viable was to rely on more caffeine. When that stopped working, all the temptations around you started to look much more appealing, and that sense of drive and commitment you had before slowly faded away. This is you running out of willpower.

Willpower: what is it? Why is it limited?

The American Psychology Association describes willpower as “the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.” In the book “The Willpower Instinct”, Dr. Kelly McGonigal, explains how every person’s willpower is limited, and slowly depletes throughout the day. The more “willpower challenges” you face, the quicker your reserve drains. Dr. McGonigal divided the different types of willpower challenges you might encounter in three categories:

  • I will: We face this type of challenge whenever we should do something, but we simply don’t feel like getting it done right now.
  • I won’t: We face this challenge when we try to resist temptation, or we try to keep cool in stressful situations.
  • I want: This is a particular type of challenge where we keep track of our long term goals, dreams, and desires. In this instance, we feel like we should take action right now to come one step closer to the goal. 

It’s easy to recognize it when you face a willpower challenge because you literally “feel it in your body.” Imagine being really hungry and walking in front of a bakery. The sight and the smell of pastries quickly triggers an “I won’t” type of challenge, and it takes a severe amount of effort and energy to walk away.

Every time you manage to win one of those challenges, a little bit of your willpower reserve gets used. The more challenges you face daily, the harder it will be to stay true to your goals.

Can you train or recharge your willpower?

A growing body of research suggests that willpower should be considered a muscle. To strengthen it, you should exercise it regularly, but you should not overwork it. Therefore, we shouldn’t try to “be good” at all times. Instead, we should learn how to relax and recharge our willpower.

The general advice on how to improve willpower involves sleep, proper nutrition, and regular exercise. This broad and general recommendation is often not downright applicable by most, because it consists of changing various daily habits. Luckily, three very effective hacks have been discovered, that have an immediate effect on our willpower and take just a few minutes to apply.

Here are the 3 ways to refill your willpower reserves:

1. Focused breathing

Breathing, when done correctly, can stimulate the release of calming hormones while reducing the release of stress hormones like cortisol and catecholamines. To make this effective, you should deeply and slowly inhale through the nose for at least five seconds. Fill your belly with air first, then your chest, and when there’s no more space for air, still try to do tiny inhalations through the nose.

You should feel a pulling sensation around your neck and trapezius muscles. Once your lungs are full, try to hold the breath for five seconds, then slowly exhale through the mouth for at least five seconds. If you repeat this process ten to twenty times, you should feel dramatically more relaxed. Use this method several times a day, especially when you’re experiencing high levels of stress or anxiety.

2. Reward yourself when you accomplish a micro goal

According to a recent study, frequent instant rewards can boost motivation, and therefore, willpower. Creating your own reward system can help you to accomplish your to-do list, and also resist temptations. Since every individual has different tastes, you should come up with creative ideas about the small and frequent rewards you will give yourself upon winning any willpower challenge.

You can see this hack in practice in Apps like the popular Duolinguo, where after completing each lesson you get presented with a chance to open a treasure chest. This rewarding system seems to keep the users much more likely to keep learning new lessons.

3. Taking cold showers

Your body has an autonomic response to cold water. Getting into a cold shower is a difficult (but minor) willpower challenge on its own. As I previously mentioned, winning a willpower challenge strengthens your willpower muscle. Having a morning cold shower, on top of having multiple health benefits, will set you up for a positive winning streak of further challenges.

High performance is the sum of many small habits. Successful people don’t have an unlimited reserve of willpower, but they do have a set of daily rituals that made them succeed. These three hacks are some of the most effective techniques to develop willpower, but some of them may not fit every individual. You should try to find the perfect mix of daily practices that best fits your lifestyle and likes, so that you can strengthen your willpower muscle and perform better at work.

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