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Unusual Advice To Any Young Person Wanting To Live An Extraordinary Life.

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When I dropped out of high school and took a year off to work on a business full- time, I thought I knew where I was heading. Boy was I wrong!

What saved me was good people who saw something in me that I couldn’t see (my potential). Not long after high school, I was knee deep in lots of business ventures and I had a very successful DJ career.

My early 20’s were well lived and I definitely fit the cookie cutter version of success that you see on all of those entrepreneur blogs where the dude gets out of a Bentley with a tanned colored briefcase and the latest Versace boat shoes.

So, I figured based on my younger years that I’m qualified to talk about how you reach an extraordinary life.

Going through my early 20’s, these are a few things that I wish I known that lead to an extraordinary life:

Whatever you are doing in your 20’s will change.

My early 20’s are 360 degrees different from where I am now. I was a drunk, a brat, incredibly negative and selfish. We all start somewhere.

Wherever you are right now will be completely different in ten years so quit worrying so much.

You’ve got time.

You don’t need to be a millionaire by the time you’re 30. This is shitty advice and not practical. What you need to do is experience life and find out who you want to be.

Being too impatient will stop you from enjoying just how good the now is when your body is young, you don’t have wrinkles, your hair is all there and not grey, you can remember loads of information and you have energy.

Life will become more than just looking after yourself.

Your 20’s start out being all about you. As you move through life, it becomes more about what you can do for others. The quicker you get to this way of living, the faster you’ll reach the nirvana of an extraordinary life.

“Extraordinary life = being associated with something that’s bigger than you and focusing on the needs of others which will ultimately lead to fulfillment”

Show you’re hungry.

Tell the recruiter you’ll walk through walls to get the CEO position. When a mentor asks for a favor which could be your big break, grab the opportunity by the balls and be confident with your ability. Show gratitude and back yourself.

Indecision and lack of confidence is everywhere in society and so if you can give people the feeling that you’ve got your stuff together and you’ll be able to execute, you’ll win most of the time. Sometimes you’ll lose too so don’t fall in the habit of complaining either. Losing is normal.

Experiment on the side.

Your 20’s are about trying things to see what you like and what you hate. Maybe you love working for a big corporate and you have it within you to be CEO. Maybe you can’t stand working for someone else and you’ll end up as an entrepreneur.

All of these outcomes stem from experimenting lots. You won’t know until you try something and analyze how it makes you feel. If it feels good and is congruent with who you are, then go all in. If you lose everything, well hey, you’re still young so it’s no big deal.

I tried something I thought I hated – blogging – and now I love it. Experiment like mad.

Your concept of success will fall off a cliff.

Everyone, when they are young, falls for the idea of success that is money, fame and a good career. This whole philosophy will fall off a cliff when you reach your 30’s. Once you’ve had a small taste of all of this, you’ll see how meaningless it is.

The feelings that come from money, fame and a career that’s all about you will die off quicker than my indoor plants do (I must be doing something wrong!).

The majority of what you see on the Internet does not reflect reality.

The Internet is not fact. The Internet is not reality.

As soon as you come to terms with this somewhat unconventional idea, the sooner you’ll quit thinking everyone is living the good life and you’re not, so you need to work harder – this is not true.

Reality is what you experience day-to-day when you’re not looking at that stupid phone you carry in your pocket. Reality is what you make of it and you are in the driver’s seat.

Disconnect from the liars, fakers, imitators, has been’s etc.

No matter how much you try, if you spend time with these people, then a little bit of them will rub off on you. Reputation takes years to create and only minutes to destroy. Lying, faking, imitating and focusing on the past will not allow you to take any shortcuts.

There are no shortcuts.

“Honesty, integrity and working away at your dream is how you become extraordinary”

Most of the “piss up’s” can be skipped.

Try going to an event that has alcohol available and drink water for the night. Then you’ll see the truth of what’s really going on. People drink to forget, mostly. You don’t need to forget when you’re living a life of purpose. Sure, socialize here and there, but there’s no need to overdo it.

Be smart with your money.

Put some money away into a savings account or index fund. Money will give you freedom later on. Waking up with no money in the bank one day, will give you zero options. There’s going to be a time where you are between careers and you’ll need money to make that smooth transition.

“Money can buy you back time which is the only thing you’ll want more of as you get older”

Your parent’s rules are probably out of date.

Our parents were brought up in an era where it was all about university and owning a home with a white picket fence. In the age of technological disruption, online free speech, unlimited information on the Internet, dating apps and alternative investments, your parent’s advice probably won’t help you.

Your parents are basing their view of the world on when they were young. Living life using the rules of the 60’s and 70’s will make you fail in the age we live in today. Take your parents advice in small doses.

Questions and books form the basis of everything.

That’s why asking questions has become such a big deal. Every self-help book is preaching questions because they work. Questions lead to new discoveries and huge opportunities. The order in which you ask questions and how specific you are will lead to different paths – a bit like a choose your own adventure book.

You’ll also need to read. Reading about extraordinary things will give you the spark of creativity to do the same one day. You have to understand the ingredients of an extraordinary achievement before you can do the same.

Big pivots in life are the cornerstone of something great.

Stuff ups in your 20’s will drive you nuts. You’ll wish they didn’t happen.

As you move through your life, you’ll wish for more stuff ups which is counter-intuitive. This wish usually comes about with the realization that everything good that happens starts from something that probably sucks.

Not getting what you want forces you to go harder at getting what you want. You’ll probably get stuck later in life following the same routine every day. I’ve found that when I break the pattern, I get different results which are far better than what I was getting previously.

Chill the F out.

There’s no need to stress. You’re still young and you have so much to learn. Relax once in a while and stop trying to control every bit of your future. Take a chill pill and reframe from being so serious. Living an extraordinary life takes years, so sit back and enjoy the ride.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

Aussie Blogger with 500M+ views — Writer for CNBC & Business Insider. Inspiring the world through Personal Development and Entrepreneurship You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.com

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Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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