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Are You A Victor or Victim? 12 Signs You Have The Victim Mentality

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victim mentality

When was the last time you spent a day or two being the victim? Was it that you wanted something, and it just didn’t go your way or did someone hurt your feelings?

If that’s you, do not even start feeling bad about it.  We are all guilty of playing the victim at some point in our lives.

You like most of us react the same way when our feelings get hurt.  You feel insulted, disrespected, abandoned, humiliated just to name a few of the emotions you experience.

You are human, and human beings will feel those emotions but how long do they last?  Do you hang on to these emotions for lengthy periods of time? Do you tend to wallow in self-pity for days? Do you think the whole world is against you? Or Do you get yourself together, realize that you made a mistake and that some things are just not under your control and immediately start working to change your future?

“Learn from your past but don’t live in it.” – Steve Maraboli

I hope you choose the latter and work on making positive changes in your life. If you don’t, I have included a few of the tips that I used to become unstuck.

Here are 12 ways to become the victor and not the victim:

 

1. Recognize the self-loathing stage

When you start thinking that bad things only happen to you, and you are asking yourself why me, then you are in the self-loathing stage.

Change your mindset immediately.  Instead of asking yourself those questions, start thinking about what you can do to turn things around.  Thoughts like those only make you feel worse about yourself. Remember you will have to fix the situation if you want to make things right, so it is better to do so immediately than to spend time attacking yourself.

Refocus your mind on things that will take you from that low.  Think about the things that make you a wonderful human being.  Listen to motivational speakers, read positive quotes or find something to do that will take your mind away from your problems.

 

2. Recognize when you start looking back at the past with regrets

When you begin to focus on the past with regrets, it means you are heading down the wrong path.  Grieve for your mistakes and bury them.

You must realize that the past is behind you and never can be retrieved so you must move forward.  Looking back will only delay your progress.  The past is in the past for a reason, either you must continue to grow, or you need to change your focus.  Dwelling on your past mistakes and feeling down and depressed will only increase your suffering and ruin your chances for future successes.

Use the mistakes of the past, not only as a reminder never to go back, but also to see how far you have come.  You are over your past at this stage so applaud yourself for moving ahead.  You are now stronger and wiser because of those mistakes.  Learn from them and move on.  Your mistakes are not who you are as a person.  Separate yourself from the things you did.

Victim Mentality
 

3. Recognize when you are comparing your achievements to others

When you start comparing yourself to others, you view as better off you are playing the victim.

First you have to know who you are as a person.  There is no one else like you on this earth, and there will never be.  Even if you imitate everything they do, you will never be them, and you must accept that. Start accepting who you are and work on appreciating your gifts. Why would you want to live someone else’s life when you have yours to live?

You will never be happy being someone else so accept yourself and love who you are. Work on building your dreams and achieving your goals. Work to become the best version of yourself.

 

4. You aren’t happy with your success

When you start looking at your achievements and not seeing much, you are feeling sorry for yourself.

You must start celebrating your achievements no matter how small and insignificant they may seem to you.  Someone else would love to be in your shoes.  Do not diminish all the things you have achieved thus far as this will prevent you from appreciating anything else in the future.  Be happy where you are in your life and celebrate what you have.  That is exactly where you should be.  Keep working harder to get where you want but in the meantime celebrate your achievements.

Happiness is a choice so choose to be happy.  Work hard to achieve your goals, but choose to remain happy while doing so.  Don’t delay your happiness to achieve material things because they won’t make you happy.

 

5. You are becoming withdrawn

If you weren’t someone who liked staying away from others and you find yourself suddenly wanting to be by yourself, then you are playing the victim.

Never abandon the relationships you have and become withdrawn when you are feeling sad. You may be sad and disappointed but remember, we all at different stages of our lives, have been disappointed and heartbroken.  Abandoning your friends and family will only make things harder for you.

Make the effort to hang around positive people who will encourage and motivate you.  Stay amongst people who know and support you.  The ones who see the greatness in you and will encourage you.

 

6. You start placing blame  

When you start blaming someone or something for the state you are in, then you are becoming the victim.

You must realize that you are solely responsible for your life and your achievements.  It is no one else’s job to give you the life you want. Blaming others for the position you find yourself in will only prevent you from improving.  You must accept responsibility for your life.

Desist from blaming others and work to find solutions to your problems.  Blaming others will only create distance between you and others who could help you. Remember you cannot do it alone and placing the blame will only keep people away from you.

Accept that you have erred and work to improve your future.  Remember whatever you want, you can achieve if you are prepared to work hard enough.  You have your whole life ahead of you to make up for all your mistakes.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless.” – Byron Katie

7. You see yourself as a failure

When you start seeing yourself as a failure then you know you are wallowing in being the victim.

You can never be a failure as long as you are prepared to keep fighting. You will sometimes fail like most of us have, but you must realize that failing at something doesn’t mean the end.  It might simply mean you need to pause, change your strategy or work harder.

Never think of yourself as a failure because things didn’t work out this time.  Keep doing it until you get it right.  Remember you only fail when you give up.

 

8. You are not able to forgive

If you are not able to forgive all those who have hurt or harmed you including yourself, then you are in a victim mentality state.

You must be prepared to forgive those who have caused you harm not for them, but yourself.  Most of the people who have done things to you might not even be aware they have caused you pain and even if they are aware, do not care.  Letting go of the hurt and pain does more good for you than anyone else.

You must also forgive yourself in the process for allowing others to hurt you.  You have given them your power and they have used it to hurt you. You need also to forgive yourself for your past mistakes.

When you forgive, you are giving yourself permission to be free.  You are allowing yourself the freedom to grow and succeed.  You are allowing yourself to live life to the fullest.

 

9. You have become angry and bitter

If you find that you are becoming angry and bitter, it means you are still in your victim mentality state.

No matter what happens in your life, you must make a conscious effort never to allow these things to make you angry or bitter.  You will be the one to suffer because of it.  You won’t enjoy life, relationships or your successes, as you will be too angry and bitter to appreciate the good things in your life.

Life knocks us all down sometimes, but you must understand that is life.  You are no different nor are you special when it comes to pain, disappointment and hurt.  We all have to go through hardship.

 

10. You stop caring about your appearance

If you find that you are no longer taking care of yourself, then you are in a self-destructive mode.

Your appearance is very important when you are going through difficult times.  You cannot afford to let yourself go.  Take care of yourself for you.

Find a gym or dance class if you like indoor activities and if you are more of an outdoors person start jogging or doing other outdoor activities. Choose clothes that fit properly and try not to become an emotional eater.  You must make an effort to eat well. Remember you are special and that will not change because you are going through a difficult time.  You will remain special through life’s ups and downs.

 

11. When you take rejections hard

If you find it very difficult to take rejections, it means you consider yourself a victim.

Nobody likes being rejected, but when you find that you take it too personal, then you are allowing the rejection to be who you are.  A person might reject you not because they have issues with you, but because they are having problems of their own.  People will critique you based on their perception of themselves.  Many times that has nothing to do with you and who you are.

You must be able to differentiate between someone critiquing your work and criticizing you.  You must also be able to take rejection for what it is.

“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.”  – Steve Maraboli

12. You are no longer taking risks

When you find that you are no longer willing to take the necessary risks to succeed, it means you see yourself as a victim.

To succeed, you must be prepared to take the risk that will enable you to succeed.  Without risk, you will not be rewarded. You cannot be afraid or lack confidence in your abilities that you are no longer willing to take the steps to achieve your goals.

Resist becoming a victim of any kind.  You must understand that you are special and being a victim will only rob you of the chance to succeed.

 

Take care of yourself and those you love.  Forgive those around you who haven’t been so kind and most of all forgive you.You do not have to become a victim ever in your life if you are prepared to remain the victor.The fact that you are still alive means you have already won.  You are a victor and will forever be one so start accepting who you are.

Thank you for reading my article! Which sign is your biggest action killer?

Rose Costas is a big believer in the power of facing your challenges head on and then boldly wear your scars to show others that they too can be triumphant.  She is an accountant by profession with a new found passion for blogging and a future author and best seller. You can received her amazing free Ebook  “34 Ways to Build Your Confidence Today”.

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9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. John Michael

    Aug 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Thank you very much for this article. In truth, someone really hurt me earlier this year and I’ve been carrying it around in my heart not forgiving the person nor myself for what happened.
    Thanks to you i can breathe again. I am truly grateful.

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 28, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      John Michael as I stated earlier forgiveness is for you not the other person necessarily. When you choose to forgive you are setting yourself free to go out and love and live a free life. You are releasing yourself from the bondage imposed by pent up anger and bitterness so the real you can live again. I am glad you have chosen to forgive and move on so you can enjoy the wonderful life you so rightly deserve.

  2. B Collins

    Aug 25, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    Rose,

    Another great article. I have to admit I fall into the trap of reviewing my life and wishing I could change things in the past. Can’t do it. Have to focus on being positive and looking forward to the future.
    Keep up the good work Rose!!!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 26, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks Bill for your comment. It is very important to learn the lessons from your past but you must work on leaving the past where it belongs. Hanging on to the past will only delay all that is waiting ahead for you in the future.

  3. Ngiam Tee Ee

    Aug 24, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Thanks for the advice given, today I just trying to get to talk to the girl that I quite interested sometimes ago, since I don’t know her and she don’t know me as well. So when I approach her wanting to meeting her knowing her name. She ignored me and went. At first, it was quite hard to accept but, i’m a risk taker and I tried, i’m a winner here!!

    After reading your article I think that most of their opinion on you won’t matter, because you can’t control what happens. So may I ask should I continue to try getting to know her or move on? Thanks, hope you can give some advice here, thanks!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 25, 2015 at 11:10 am

      Ngiam Tee Ee I am not an expert on relationships but I would suggest you become her friend. Try to know this person for who she is by becoming friends first. You might even find out that you do not even like her as much as you thought you did..
      You have to be confident in yourself and approach her with confidence. Nothing beats a great smile and a hello. Find out something about her from her friends and use that to start a conversation.
      If she refuse you then it is her loss. Good luck.

  4. Rose Costas

    Aug 23, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Hi Tejaswi

    The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

    For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
    Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

  5. Tejaswi Khanna

    Aug 23, 2015 at 1:41 am

    Hi. Great article

    “People will critique you based on their perception of themselves.” Can you elaborate on it??

    My ex criticized me to a whole new level and I could not handle rejection. Now, a burning desire to prove her wrong sticks in my mind, which I know I should let go, but I don’t know how.

    Thanks

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 23, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Tejaswi
      The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

      For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
      Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

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Life

5 Powerful Reasons Why You Should Commit to Lifelong Learning

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learning

Education is commonly equated to an experience for children and young adults, but the reality is that lifelong learning can benefit you in many ways. The world is constantly changing, and this means that you must be open to absorbing and actively seeking new information to stay up-to-date. This, of course, expands far beyond education in your area of professional expertise.

You can enjoy both personal and professional benefits when you make education a lifelong priority, and these are five very powerful factors to consider:

1. Wider Knowledge, More Skills

As you expand your knowledge base in different ways, you can increase your skill set tremendously. Formal education remains important, but it is not fully sufficient because of how rapidly the world around us is evolving. Therefore, you should regularly work to improve your professional skills and to explore new interests and hobbies as well.

For example, you may consider learning a new language which can help you with your professional career, but also assist you in exploring different cultures more easily while traveling. You can widen your computer skills or learn how to play an instrument.

Whatever you choose to pursue, there are many ways to widen your knowledge base: taking up a class, attending a seminar, listening to audio tapes, etc. You can also leverage online educational opportunities, and these include apps and educational websites. Reading books, visiting museums and watching educational programming on television are a few other thoughtful ideas to consider.

2. New Career Opportunities

The job market is increasingly competitive and many employers are focused on finding well-rounded workers to join their team. They want to find people who have expertise in many areas rather than one, so they will be drawn to individuals with various skills and interests.

Education will, therefore, definitely augment your potential of getting promoted or finding a new job: learning that new language may open up job opportunities in a different part of the world. When you improve your skillset, you may even gain knowledge that can help you start your own business or become a consultant. Such opportunities can improve your quality of life and potentially lead to a higher income level. So, if you are unhappy with your job, don’t wait, start honing your skills now!

“Stay positive and happy. Work hard and don’t give up hope. Be open to criticism and keep learning. Surround yourself with happy, warm and genuine people.” – Tena Desae

3. Open-Mindedness

In the words of Malcolm Forbes, “Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.” The reality is that constantly seeking knowledge can help you to better understand the world around you, and this includes getting to know new cultures, concepts, and customs. Ultimately, this will make you less prejudice and more open-minded. Your horizons will be expanded and you will start exploring things you were previously unaware of.

Furthermore, education can change your entire outlook on certain topics and help you become a well-rounded and informed citizen. More than that, it can help you to carry on intelligent conversations and make you become an interesting person in the eyes of other people. Overall, your broad world view will help you enjoy a more successful career and foster great personal relationships with friends and colleagues alike.

4. Self-Esteem and Health Benefits

By regularly expanding your knowledge in different areas, you may inadvertently be promoting a healthy level of self-esteem and improving your mental and physical well-being. Educated people naturally feel more confident, and this level of self-esteem can exude from you. It can also boost your productivity and lead to a better overall quality of life with ample happiness.

Constantly seeking knowledge may also ward off the development of dementia and other degenerative memory conditions. You may also learn more about dietary and exercise habits, so you can improve your lifestyle and physical health in different ways.

5. Having a Great Time

Many people struggle to find happiness and a sense of fulfillment in life because they lack balance. Simply working all of the time will not lead to contentment with life, and you need to have fun as well if you want to feel fulfilled on a regular basis.

Learning can actually be enjoyable and even fun, which happens when you explore topics that interest you. While some topics may specifically be explored to boost your professional expertise in your field, you can also spend time learning more about religions, locations, cultures and concepts that have fascinated you on a more personal level.

“A good teacher can inspire hope, ignite the imagination, and instill a love of learning.” – Brad Henry

Acquiring new knowledge and learning new skills should be a lifelong endeavor. It can help you to improve both your professional and private life, leading to increased happiness and fulfillment as well as to an increased money-making potential over the years.

Mahatma Gandhi eloquently stated, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Adopting this philosophy can improve your life tremendously in the years to come.

How do you make sure to always stay open-minded in order to never stop learning? Let us know by commenting below!

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I Want To Be Happy – Only With You

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I only want to be happy with you.

I want you to find love and not be single for the rest of your life because you’ve told me how much you want to settle down and have a family one-day. I know how much you enjoy the company of an intelligent partner who knows how to have a proper conversation. I want to be that partner.

I want you to have time to talk before breakfast and enjoy a healthy meal with me, so you have loads of energy to live your day with passion. I want you to have time to tell me about your workday and what inspired you. I want to hear about how you’ve empowered others to chase their dreams.

I want you to tell me about how you went for drinks after work and had way too many red wines. To tell me the smallest detail about your day knowing that I will still be fascinated because of how much I care about you.

I want to smile when I get a message from you knowing that you inserted the maximum amount of emoji’s and that I will do my best to compete and add in more with my own reply. I’ll try my best to add in even more crazy emoji’s so that you have to think very carefully about what I am trying to say and what each emoji means. Our emoji game can be like a never-ending puzzle that we spend the rest of our lives trying to solve.

I want us to travel all around the world and experience new cultures together. I want us to go to places that scare the hell out of us and defy the ridiculous terrorism warnings that stop people going to beautiful cities like Paris.

“I don’t want us to live in fear; I want us to live with passion”

As part of that travel dream, I want to whisk you away when you least expect it and take you somewhere that will help you remember me forever, even after I’m gone. I want you to have one special place where you can remember me for a single moment and know that I will always be with you. I want that place to make us both smile when we think of it. I want to make these crazy dreams with you.

I want you to feel like you can do whatever you want and there is nothing holding you back. I want you to feel as free as a bird flying over the sea without a care in the world. I want you to know that I will always move obstacles out of your way so you can feel that sense of freedom.

I want to stay home from work when you have the flu and make you yummy soup, even if it means I get sick with you, and we both have to stay home. I want to take you to the doctor’s office when you’re unwell and conquer any medical issue with you. I want us always to believe in hope if the worst happens.

I want to be there for you no matter what.

When our parents are eventually gone one day, I want us both to never forget them. To never forget the dreams they had for our lives and the difference they made. While they may not have got everything always right, they did their best. We’ve both had struggles with a difficult sibling, but that’s not their fault. For their sake, we will do our best to have a relationship with our siblings even if it’s hard. The result of that struggle is the one thing that would make both of our parents proud and we owe them that at the very least.

I may be still single right now, but one day I will find you and we will live happily ever after. That’s a promise to you and to my future self.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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3 Ways You Can Awaken Your Positive Spirit

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positivity

It’s 5:30 in the morning, your alarm rings. Do you feel like waking up? Heck no! The pillow is your best friend and at this moment, you wouldn’t mind breaking your phone to shut it up. Nonetheless, responsibilities are calling you. You roll out of bed, making it all the way to the bathroom. It takes you one shower and a giant cup of coffee to wake up.

You hit the road. No gas in the car and you are already running late. You stop at the gas station, rush in the door when you realize you forgot your wallet at home. Current mood: the bomb before the explosion approached by the mental breakdown. Can you resonate?

So, here comes the question. What do you do when nothing seems to go right? Do you bow your head down and get into “Why is this happening to me” mindset? Or do you step up and look at the bright side even when it is hard to spot it?

A positive attitude is a heartwarming topic for me because, for many years, I lived on the negative side. Only by experiencing pain and emptiness, did I start to understand the power of positive thinking in life. The best part is, you can make this switch too.

Here are 3 ways you can awaken your positive spirit in any negative moment:

1. Motion Creates Emotion

Imagine your regular day. You wake up, get ready and head to work. Throughout the day, you deal with all kinds of problems and challenges. Deadlines for your big projects are catching up and your mom just called you, crying that her dog is sick and it doesn’t look good. You work your butt off and by 5pm you are in something that I call exhaustion state. But wait, there is a gym hang out tonight at 7 pm. You already promised your buddy John that you will be there so you show up.

You grab your headset and step on the running belt while playing your favorite song or compilation of motivational speeches. Within 15 minutes of motion, you are feeling better. Your pulse is rising and you start running faster. After 30 minutes of motion and intense exercise, the entire exhaustion is gone and you feel great. Suddenly, the day doesn’t seem so bad and you feel pretty good about yourself. How come? Because of motion.

Every motion creates emotion. One of the things I started to do when I felt under the weather was to exercise or jump and say YES for 60 seconds. I put my hands up like a champ who just won the gold cup and smile. Of course, it looks totally crazy so you won’t see me doing it but the change of my mental state happens in an instant.

“I’m not going to get somewhere and say, ‘OK, I’m done.’ Success is never final; I’ll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I’m going to the stars and then past them.” – Conor McGregor

2. Positivity Focus

Let’s take a look at this scenario. One day, two big events. The first is good. You finally closed that deal with a very important client which you were focusing on for months. Great success. But then, you receive an email. It’s from the car company where you applied for your dream car. Unfortunately, your credit score is just a few numbers below their required limit so your application is denied. The question is: Which one are you going to focus on?

The art of happiness isn’t in not having problems or not experiencing losses along the way, it’s all about perspective and your ability to focus on the gains. Life balances itself. I can tell you right now, with solid confidence that you won’t always get what you want or when you want it. Life will often welcome you with re-battles. If you can see your glass half full when things don’t go your way, your positive attitude will save you each and every time.

3. Contribution

Okay, now you may be thinking “What’s up with contribution in this article when we talk about the positive attitude?” I get it so let me explain. Contribution has a highly positive impact on your mental health.

When you give and share, more than likely you’ll receive gratitude from the other person. It makes you feel useful, important and grateful as well. Why? Because there comes the time when you’ll recognize all those things you are taking for granted while others are dying to have or experience them. That’s why we tend to feel more grateful when we contribute.

Gratitude activates positive emotions and directs your focus on the good things. You give and receive at the same time. I call this a double victory.

A positive attitude is both, a corny and classy topic. It becomes corny since we hear it all the time but it stays classy because it always works and definitely saves you from living in misery. Even when you don’t always get what you want, with a positive spirit it will feel like you do.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” – Mother Teresa

How do you stay upbeat in moments where nothing seems to be going your way? Please let us know by commenting below!

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3 Things to Pay Attention to When Building Your Own Personal Brand

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Who are you? Not your name or your business or even what your ethics are, but who are you in the sense of what people see when they look at you? Does your name and your business bring happiness to the minds of people who hear it? Does it bring anger? Does it bring peace and joy? Does it bring sadness?

How people feel when they think of you is your personal brand. We all know who Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, and Robert Kiyosaki are. These people have built huge reputations for themselves. We also know who Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Adolf Hitler are. These people have also build reputations for themselves; very different reputations than the first names I listed.

When you read these names, a different feeling comes to mind, so below are 3 ways on how to evoke positive emotions when people hear your name:

1. Envoke the senses

First lets understand what a brand is. A brand is a product or service that invokes a feeling or emotion. Building a brand is all about invoking the senses of your Customers, you don’t want people to think of your brand and only think of the logo. We want people to have a scent that reminds them of you, a sight like a logo, and a feel that reminds them of not only your brand, but of you as well.

When people think of your company, what do you want them to think of? What emotion do you want to inspire in your customer base, and what can help you inspire that emotion? When creating your personal brand, you want to invoke all five senses of your target audience. If you own a coffee shop, when people walk in you want them to smell coffee, their mouth to water when they think of fresh pastries, their ears to perk up when they hear the beans being ground up.

“I force people to have coffee with me, just because I don’t trust that a friendship can be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” – John Cusack

To create your brand you can’t only think about what you want associated with your business, but also what you don’t want associated with it. Think back to the coffee instead of smelling coffee and pastries, how would you feel about walking in and smelling bleach? Would you rather go to the first coffee shop or the second one?

Think of ways to create a positive experience when a customer walks in by bringing a scent to people, or an interesting sight as they walk through the door. These things will all eventually become part of your brand in the sense that when people think of them, they will think of you.

2. Attractive marketing

Marketing is an amazing way to help boost your company’s sales. But marketing can also hurt your business if it isn’t done correctly. Have you ever given someone your email or phone number and had him or her relentlessly spam you trying to get your business? When someone does that, do you want to use their service, or do you want to throw your phone at the wall every time they message you? When building a brand you also want to think of ways to make your business, and marketing plans more attractive.  

This goes back to what you want people to think of when they think of your brand. Small things can go a long way in creating an attractive image for you and your company. Attractive marketing doesn’t stop at just ads, and endorsement. Thinking of ways to portray yourself in a positive light will help as well. It’s natural to think a person would be doing business with a company, but each customer is doing business with you directly. Now think back to a time you were in a store and had terrible customer service. How likely are you to go back to that store?

Even if that company employs thousands of people, the one bad experience you had with one employee could actually prevent you from going back. People are more likely to go somewhere they think of in a positive light, some place that reminds them of a good experience. A personal brand is not only a brand for your company or product, but it is also a way of branding yourself. The goal of marketing and creating a personal brand should be, to get your customer base to feel like they know you personally.

3. Build with social media

Social media is a great way to get your clients to feel like they know you personally. When a client feels like they know you, like you, and can trust you, they are more likely to buy whatever you are selling. People buy based off of person, product and price. So having that personal relationship with a client can go a long way, especially if they don’t know a lot about the product or price. There are tons of social media platforms to reach your customer base, but what platform gives the most personal, and honest form of your business?

One of the most surprising ways to build fans of your brand is podcasts. A podcast lets your audience hear your voice and speaking your opinions exactly how you meant them to be said. The more a person feels like they know you, the more likely they are to feel like they can trust you, your recommendations on products, and investments.

“Social media is not just an activity; it is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with people who not just support you and stay with you, but inform your thinking about ways to WOW your online presence” – Sean Gardner

Unlike most social media platforms, podcasts don’t require someone to scroll through an endless feed, or pay attention to their phone or computer. For a podcast all you have to do is throw on a playlist and listen away while you are driving, cleaning, or just doing day-to-day tasks. The main goal is once you have a playlist of podcasts, someone only needs to hear one, let the playlist go, and suddenly be hooked on your opinions and advice.

You have the power to evoke emotions and feelings from people. In every moment of your life you are building your personal brand. Every time you interact with people and every thing you say makes up how people think and feel about both you and your products/services. When it comes to building your brand, the opportunities are endless but what I stated above is the perfect place to begin that journey. Always remember to create a brand to help your company speak for itself.

How do you make sure people understand who you are and follow you? Let us know by commenting below!
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Where Will You Be in 3 Years? How to Strategically Transform Your Life

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transform your life

Let’s settle the debate once and for all. Which is more important? What you know or who you know? Well, as it turns out, it’s a trick question. The answer: Both. (more…)

Seth Coyne is a copywriter and branding consultant. He prefers to be addressed as Jedi Master Seth. Click here to download his Innovation Cheat Sheet with 9 hacks to creating an endless stream of brilliant ideas for entrepreneurship, business growth and career advancement.

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9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. John Michael

    Aug 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Thank you very much for this article. In truth, someone really hurt me earlier this year and I’ve been carrying it around in my heart not forgiving the person nor myself for what happened.
    Thanks to you i can breathe again. I am truly grateful.

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 28, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      John Michael as I stated earlier forgiveness is for you not the other person necessarily. When you choose to forgive you are setting yourself free to go out and love and live a free life. You are releasing yourself from the bondage imposed by pent up anger and bitterness so the real you can live again. I am glad you have chosen to forgive and move on so you can enjoy the wonderful life you so rightly deserve.

  2. B Collins

    Aug 25, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    Rose,

    Another great article. I have to admit I fall into the trap of reviewing my life and wishing I could change things in the past. Can’t do it. Have to focus on being positive and looking forward to the future.
    Keep up the good work Rose!!!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 26, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks Bill for your comment. It is very important to learn the lessons from your past but you must work on leaving the past where it belongs. Hanging on to the past will only delay all that is waiting ahead for you in the future.

  3. Ngiam Tee Ee

    Aug 24, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Thanks for the advice given, today I just trying to get to talk to the girl that I quite interested sometimes ago, since I don’t know her and she don’t know me as well. So when I approach her wanting to meeting her knowing her name. She ignored me and went. At first, it was quite hard to accept but, i’m a risk taker and I tried, i’m a winner here!!

    After reading your article I think that most of their opinion on you won’t matter, because you can’t control what happens. So may I ask should I continue to try getting to know her or move on? Thanks, hope you can give some advice here, thanks!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 25, 2015 at 11:10 am

      Ngiam Tee Ee I am not an expert on relationships but I would suggest you become her friend. Try to know this person for who she is by becoming friends first. You might even find out that you do not even like her as much as you thought you did..
      You have to be confident in yourself and approach her with confidence. Nothing beats a great smile and a hello. Find out something about her from her friends and use that to start a conversation.
      If she refuse you then it is her loss. Good luck.

  4. Rose Costas

    Aug 23, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Hi Tejaswi

    The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

    For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
    Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

  5. Tejaswi Khanna

    Aug 23, 2015 at 1:41 am

    Hi. Great article

    “People will critique you based on their perception of themselves.” Can you elaborate on it??

    My ex criticized me to a whole new level and I could not handle rejection. Now, a burning desire to prove her wrong sticks in my mind, which I know I should let go, but I don’t know how.

    Thanks

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 23, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Tejaswi
      The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

      For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
      Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

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Life

5 Powerful Reasons Why You Should Commit to Lifelong Learning

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Education is commonly equated to an experience for children and young adults, but the reality is that lifelong learning can benefit you in many ways. The world is constantly changing, and this means that you must be open to absorbing and actively seeking new information to stay up-to-date. This, of course, expands far beyond education in your area of professional expertise.

You can enjoy both personal and professional benefits when you make education a lifelong priority, and these are five very powerful factors to consider:

1. Wider Knowledge, More Skills

As you expand your knowledge base in different ways, you can increase your skill set tremendously. Formal education remains important, but it is not fully sufficient because of how rapidly the world around us is evolving. Therefore, you should regularly work to improve your professional skills and to explore new interests and hobbies as well.

For example, you may consider learning a new language which can help you with your professional career, but also assist you in exploring different cultures more easily while traveling. You can widen your computer skills or learn how to play an instrument.

Whatever you choose to pursue, there are many ways to widen your knowledge base: taking up a class, attending a seminar, listening to audio tapes, etc. You can also leverage online educational opportunities, and these include apps and educational websites. Reading books, visiting museums and watching educational programming on television are a few other thoughtful ideas to consider.

2. New Career Opportunities

The job market is increasingly competitive and many employers are focused on finding well-rounded workers to join their team. They want to find people who have expertise in many areas rather than one, so they will be drawn to individuals with various skills and interests.

Education will, therefore, definitely augment your potential of getting promoted or finding a new job: learning that new language may open up job opportunities in a different part of the world. When you improve your skillset, you may even gain knowledge that can help you start your own business or become a consultant. Such opportunities can improve your quality of life and potentially lead to a higher income level. So, if you are unhappy with your job, don’t wait, start honing your skills now!

“Stay positive and happy. Work hard and don’t give up hope. Be open to criticism and keep learning. Surround yourself with happy, warm and genuine people.” – Tena Desae

3. Open-Mindedness

In the words of Malcolm Forbes, “Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.” The reality is that constantly seeking knowledge can help you to better understand the world around you, and this includes getting to know new cultures, concepts, and customs. Ultimately, this will make you less prejudice and more open-minded. Your horizons will be expanded and you will start exploring things you were previously unaware of.

Furthermore, education can change your entire outlook on certain topics and help you become a well-rounded and informed citizen. More than that, it can help you to carry on intelligent conversations and make you become an interesting person in the eyes of other people. Overall, your broad world view will help you enjoy a more successful career and foster great personal relationships with friends and colleagues alike.

4. Self-Esteem and Health Benefits

By regularly expanding your knowledge in different areas, you may inadvertently be promoting a healthy level of self-esteem and improving your mental and physical well-being. Educated people naturally feel more confident, and this level of self-esteem can exude from you. It can also boost your productivity and lead to a better overall quality of life with ample happiness.

Constantly seeking knowledge may also ward off the development of dementia and other degenerative memory conditions. You may also learn more about dietary and exercise habits, so you can improve your lifestyle and physical health in different ways.

5. Having a Great Time

Many people struggle to find happiness and a sense of fulfillment in life because they lack balance. Simply working all of the time will not lead to contentment with life, and you need to have fun as well if you want to feel fulfilled on a regular basis.

Learning can actually be enjoyable and even fun, which happens when you explore topics that interest you. While some topics may specifically be explored to boost your professional expertise in your field, you can also spend time learning more about religions, locations, cultures and concepts that have fascinated you on a more personal level.

“A good teacher can inspire hope, ignite the imagination, and instill a love of learning.” – Brad Henry

Acquiring new knowledge and learning new skills should be a lifelong endeavor. It can help you to improve both your professional and private life, leading to increased happiness and fulfillment as well as to an increased money-making potential over the years.

Mahatma Gandhi eloquently stated, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” Adopting this philosophy can improve your life tremendously in the years to come.

How do you make sure to always stay open-minded in order to never stop learning? Let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

I Want To Be Happy – Only With You

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I only want to be happy with you.

I want you to find love and not be single for the rest of your life because you’ve told me how much you want to settle down and have a family one-day. I know how much you enjoy the company of an intelligent partner who knows how to have a proper conversation. I want to be that partner.

I want you to have time to talk before breakfast and enjoy a healthy meal with me, so you have loads of energy to live your day with passion. I want you to have time to tell me about your workday and what inspired you. I want to hear about how you’ve empowered others to chase their dreams.

I want you to tell me about how you went for drinks after work and had way too many red wines. To tell me the smallest detail about your day knowing that I will still be fascinated because of how much I care about you.

I want to smile when I get a message from you knowing that you inserted the maximum amount of emoji’s and that I will do my best to compete and add in more with my own reply. I’ll try my best to add in even more crazy emoji’s so that you have to think very carefully about what I am trying to say and what each emoji means. Our emoji game can be like a never-ending puzzle that we spend the rest of our lives trying to solve.

I want us to travel all around the world and experience new cultures together. I want us to go to places that scare the hell out of us and defy the ridiculous terrorism warnings that stop people going to beautiful cities like Paris.

“I don’t want us to live in fear; I want us to live with passion”

As part of that travel dream, I want to whisk you away when you least expect it and take you somewhere that will help you remember me forever, even after I’m gone. I want you to have one special place where you can remember me for a single moment and know that I will always be with you. I want that place to make us both smile when we think of it. I want to make these crazy dreams with you.

I want you to feel like you can do whatever you want and there is nothing holding you back. I want you to feel as free as a bird flying over the sea without a care in the world. I want you to know that I will always move obstacles out of your way so you can feel that sense of freedom.

I want to stay home from work when you have the flu and make you yummy soup, even if it means I get sick with you, and we both have to stay home. I want to take you to the doctor’s office when you’re unwell and conquer any medical issue with you. I want us always to believe in hope if the worst happens.

I want to be there for you no matter what.

When our parents are eventually gone one day, I want us both to never forget them. To never forget the dreams they had for our lives and the difference they made. While they may not have got everything always right, they did their best. We’ve both had struggles with a difficult sibling, but that’s not their fault. For their sake, we will do our best to have a relationship with our siblings even if it’s hard. The result of that struggle is the one thing that would make both of our parents proud and we owe them that at the very least.

I may be still single right now, but one day I will find you and we will live happily ever after. That’s a promise to you and to my future self.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

3 Ways You Can Awaken Your Positive Spirit

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positivity

It’s 5:30 in the morning, your alarm rings. Do you feel like waking up? Heck no! The pillow is your best friend and at this moment, you wouldn’t mind breaking your phone to shut it up. Nonetheless, responsibilities are calling you. You roll out of bed, making it all the way to the bathroom. It takes you one shower and a giant cup of coffee to wake up.

You hit the road. No gas in the car and you are already running late. You stop at the gas station, rush in the door when you realize you forgot your wallet at home. Current mood: the bomb before the explosion approached by the mental breakdown. Can you resonate?

So, here comes the question. What do you do when nothing seems to go right? Do you bow your head down and get into “Why is this happening to me” mindset? Or do you step up and look at the bright side even when it is hard to spot it?

A positive attitude is a heartwarming topic for me because, for many years, I lived on the negative side. Only by experiencing pain and emptiness, did I start to understand the power of positive thinking in life. The best part is, you can make this switch too.

Here are 3 ways you can awaken your positive spirit in any negative moment:

1. Motion Creates Emotion

Imagine your regular day. You wake up, get ready and head to work. Throughout the day, you deal with all kinds of problems and challenges. Deadlines for your big projects are catching up and your mom just called you, crying that her dog is sick and it doesn’t look good. You work your butt off and by 5pm you are in something that I call exhaustion state. But wait, there is a gym hang out tonight at 7 pm. You already promised your buddy John that you will be there so you show up.

You grab your headset and step on the running belt while playing your favorite song or compilation of motivational speeches. Within 15 minutes of motion, you are feeling better. Your pulse is rising and you start running faster. After 30 minutes of motion and intense exercise, the entire exhaustion is gone and you feel great. Suddenly, the day doesn’t seem so bad and you feel pretty good about yourself. How come? Because of motion.

Every motion creates emotion. One of the things I started to do when I felt under the weather was to exercise or jump and say YES for 60 seconds. I put my hands up like a champ who just won the gold cup and smile. Of course, it looks totally crazy so you won’t see me doing it but the change of my mental state happens in an instant.

“I’m not going to get somewhere and say, ‘OK, I’m done.’ Success is never final; I’ll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I’m going to the stars and then past them.” – Conor McGregor

2. Positivity Focus

Let’s take a look at this scenario. One day, two big events. The first is good. You finally closed that deal with a very important client which you were focusing on for months. Great success. But then, you receive an email. It’s from the car company where you applied for your dream car. Unfortunately, your credit score is just a few numbers below their required limit so your application is denied. The question is: Which one are you going to focus on?

The art of happiness isn’t in not having problems or not experiencing losses along the way, it’s all about perspective and your ability to focus on the gains. Life balances itself. I can tell you right now, with solid confidence that you won’t always get what you want or when you want it. Life will often welcome you with re-battles. If you can see your glass half full when things don’t go your way, your positive attitude will save you each and every time.

3. Contribution

Okay, now you may be thinking “What’s up with contribution in this article when we talk about the positive attitude?” I get it so let me explain. Contribution has a highly positive impact on your mental health.

When you give and share, more than likely you’ll receive gratitude from the other person. It makes you feel useful, important and grateful as well. Why? Because there comes the time when you’ll recognize all those things you are taking for granted while others are dying to have or experience them. That’s why we tend to feel more grateful when we contribute.

Gratitude activates positive emotions and directs your focus on the good things. You give and receive at the same time. I call this a double victory.

A positive attitude is both, a corny and classy topic. It becomes corny since we hear it all the time but it stays classy because it always works and definitely saves you from living in misery. Even when you don’t always get what you want, with a positive spirit it will feel like you do.

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” – Mother Teresa

How do you stay upbeat in moments where nothing seems to be going your way? Please let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

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Life

3 Things to Pay Attention to When Building Your Own Personal Brand

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Who are you? Not your name or your business or even what your ethics are, but who are you in the sense of what people see when they look at you? Does your name and your business bring happiness to the minds of people who hear it? Does it bring anger? Does it bring peace and joy? Does it bring sadness?

How people feel when they think of you is your personal brand. We all know who Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, and Robert Kiyosaki are. These people have built huge reputations for themselves. We also know who Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Adolf Hitler are. These people have also build reputations for themselves; very different reputations than the first names I listed.

When you read these names, a different feeling comes to mind, so below are 3 ways on how to evoke positive emotions when people hear your name:

1. Envoke the senses

First lets understand what a brand is. A brand is a product or service that invokes a feeling or emotion. Building a brand is all about invoking the senses of your Customers, you don’t want people to think of your brand and only think of the logo. We want people to have a scent that reminds them of you, a sight like a logo, and a feel that reminds them of not only your brand, but of you as well.

When people think of your company, what do you want them to think of? What emotion do you want to inspire in your customer base, and what can help you inspire that emotion? When creating your personal brand, you want to invoke all five senses of your target audience. If you own a coffee shop, when people walk in you want them to smell coffee, their mouth to water when they think of fresh pastries, their ears to perk up when they hear the beans being ground up.

“I force people to have coffee with me, just because I don’t trust that a friendship can be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” – John Cusack

To create your brand you can’t only think about what you want associated with your business, but also what you don’t want associated with it. Think back to the coffee instead of smelling coffee and pastries, how would you feel about walking in and smelling bleach? Would you rather go to the first coffee shop or the second one?

Think of ways to create a positive experience when a customer walks in by bringing a scent to people, or an interesting sight as they walk through the door. These things will all eventually become part of your brand in the sense that when people think of them, they will think of you.

2. Attractive marketing

Marketing is an amazing way to help boost your company’s sales. But marketing can also hurt your business if it isn’t done correctly. Have you ever given someone your email or phone number and had him or her relentlessly spam you trying to get your business? When someone does that, do you want to use their service, or do you want to throw your phone at the wall every time they message you? When building a brand you also want to think of ways to make your business, and marketing plans more attractive.  

This goes back to what you want people to think of when they think of your brand. Small things can go a long way in creating an attractive image for you and your company. Attractive marketing doesn’t stop at just ads, and endorsement. Thinking of ways to portray yourself in a positive light will help as well. It’s natural to think a person would be doing business with a company, but each customer is doing business with you directly. Now think back to a time you were in a store and had terrible customer service. How likely are you to go back to that store?

Even if that company employs thousands of people, the one bad experience you had with one employee could actually prevent you from going back. People are more likely to go somewhere they think of in a positive light, some place that reminds them of a good experience. A personal brand is not only a brand for your company or product, but it is also a way of branding yourself. The goal of marketing and creating a personal brand should be, to get your customer base to feel like they know you personally.

3. Build with social media

Social media is a great way to get your clients to feel like they know you personally. When a client feels like they know you, like you, and can trust you, they are more likely to buy whatever you are selling. People buy based off of person, product and price. So having that personal relationship with a client can go a long way, especially if they don’t know a lot about the product or price. There are tons of social media platforms to reach your customer base, but what platform gives the most personal, and honest form of your business?

One of the most surprising ways to build fans of your brand is podcasts. A podcast lets your audience hear your voice and speaking your opinions exactly how you meant them to be said. The more a person feels like they know you, the more likely they are to feel like they can trust you, your recommendations on products, and investments.

“Social media is not just an activity; it is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with people who not just support you and stay with you, but inform your thinking about ways to WOW your online presence” – Sean Gardner

Unlike most social media platforms, podcasts don’t require someone to scroll through an endless feed, or pay attention to their phone or computer. For a podcast all you have to do is throw on a playlist and listen away while you are driving, cleaning, or just doing day-to-day tasks. The main goal is once you have a playlist of podcasts, someone only needs to hear one, let the playlist go, and suddenly be hooked on your opinions and advice.

You have the power to evoke emotions and feelings from people. In every moment of your life you are building your personal brand. Every time you interact with people and every thing you say makes up how people think and feel about both you and your products/services. When it comes to building your brand, the opportunities are endless but what I stated above is the perfect place to begin that journey. Always remember to create a brand to help your company speak for itself.

How do you make sure people understand who you are and follow you? Let us know by commenting below!
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