When was the last time you spent a day or two being the victim? Was it that you wanted something, and it just didn’t go your way or did someone hurt your feelings?
If that’s you, do not even start feeling bad about it. We are all guilty of playing the victim at some point in our lives.
You like most of us react the same way when our feelings get hurt. You feel insulted, disrespected, abandoned, humiliated just to name a few of the emotions you experience.
You are human, and human beings will feel those emotions but how long do they last? Do you hang on to these emotions for lengthy periods of time? Do you tend to wallow in self-pity for days? Do you think the whole world is against you? Or Do you get yourself together, realize that you made a mistake and that some things are just not under your control and immediately start working to change your future?
“Learn from your past but don’t live in it.” – Steve Maraboli
I hope you choose the latter and work on making positive changes in your life. If you don’t, I have included a few of the tips that I used to become unstuck.
Here are 12 ways to become the victor and not the victim:
1. Recognize the self-loathing stage
When you start thinking that bad things only happen to you, and you are asking yourself why me, then you are in the self-loathing stage.
Change your mindset immediately. Instead of asking yourself those questions, start thinking about what you can do to turn things around. Thoughts like those only make you feel worse about yourself. Remember you will have to fix the situation if you want to make things right, so it is better to do so immediately than to spend time attacking yourself.
Refocus your mind on things that will take you from that low. Think about the things that make you a wonderful human being. Listen to motivational speakers, read positive quotes or find something to do that will take your mind away from your problems.
2. Recognize when you start looking back at the past with regrets
When you begin to focus on the past with regrets, it means you are heading down the wrong path. Grieve for your mistakes and bury them.
You must realize that the past is behind you and never can be retrieved so you must move forward. Looking back will only delay your progress. The past is in the past for a reason, either you must continue to grow, or you need to change your focus. Dwelling on your past mistakes and feeling down and depressed will only increase your suffering and ruin your chances for future successes.
Use the mistakes of the past, not only as a reminder never to go back, but also to see how far you have come. You are over your past at this stage so applaud yourself for moving ahead. You are now stronger and wiser because of those mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Your mistakes are not who you are as a person. Separate yourself from the things you did.
3. Recognize when you are comparing your achievements to others
When you start comparing yourself to others, you view as better off you are playing the victim.
First you have to know who you are as a person. There is no one else like you on this earth, and there will never be. Even if you imitate everything they do, you will never be them, and you must accept that. Start accepting who you are and work on appreciating your gifts. Why would you want to live someone else’s life when you have yours to live?
You will never be happy being someone else so accept yourself and love who you are. Work on building your dreams and achieving your goals. Work to become the best version of yourself.
4. You aren’t happy with your success
When you start looking at your achievements and not seeing much, you are feeling sorry for yourself.
You must start celebrating your achievements no matter how small and insignificant they may seem to you. Someone else would love to be in your shoes. Do not diminish all the things you have achieved thus far as this will prevent you from appreciating anything else in the future. Be happy where you are in your life and celebrate what you have. That is exactly where you should be. Keep working harder to get where you want but in the meantime celebrate your achievements.
Happiness is a choice so choose to be happy. Work hard to achieve your goals, but choose to remain happy while doing so. Don’t delay your happiness to achieve material things because they won’t make you happy.
5. You are becoming withdrawn
If you weren’t someone who liked staying away from others and you find yourself suddenly wanting to be by yourself, then you are playing the victim.
Never abandon the relationships you have and become withdrawn when you are feeling sad. You may be sad and disappointed but remember, we all at different stages of our lives, have been disappointed and heartbroken. Abandoning your friends and family will only make things harder for you.
Make the effort to hang around positive people who will encourage and motivate you. Stay amongst people who know and support you. The ones who see the greatness in you and will encourage you.
6. You start placing blame
When you start blaming someone or something for the state you are in, then you are becoming the victim.
You must realize that you are solely responsible for your life and your achievements. It is no one else’s job to give you the life you want. Blaming others for the position you find yourself in will only prevent you from improving. You must accept responsibility for your life.
Desist from blaming others and work to find solutions to your problems. Blaming others will only create distance between you and others who could help you. Remember you cannot do it alone and placing the blame will only keep people away from you.
Accept that you have erred and work to improve your future. Remember whatever you want, you can achieve if you are prepared to work hard enough. You have your whole life ahead of you to make up for all your mistakes.
“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless.” – Byron Katie
7. You see yourself as a failure
When you start seeing yourself as a failure then you know you are wallowing in being the victim.
You can never be a failure as long as you are prepared to keep fighting. You will sometimes fail like most of us have, but you must realize that failing at something doesn’t mean the end. It might simply mean you need to pause, change your strategy or work harder.
Never think of yourself as a failure because things didn’t work out this time. Keep doing it until you get it right. Remember you only fail when you give up.
8. You are not able to forgive
If you are not able to forgive all those who have hurt or harmed you including yourself, then you are in a victim mentality state.
You must be prepared to forgive those who have caused you harm not for them, but yourself. Most of the people who have done things to you might not even be aware they have caused you pain and even if they are aware, do not care. Letting go of the hurt and pain does more good for you than anyone else.
You must also forgive yourself in the process for allowing others to hurt you. You have given them your power and they have used it to hurt you. You need also to forgive yourself for your past mistakes.
When you forgive, you are giving yourself permission to be free. You are allowing yourself the freedom to grow and succeed. You are allowing yourself to live life to the fullest.
9. You have become angry and bitter
If you find that you are becoming angry and bitter, it means you are still in your victim mentality state.
No matter what happens in your life, you must make a conscious effort never to allow these things to make you angry or bitter. You will be the one to suffer because of it. You won’t enjoy life, relationships or your successes, as you will be too angry and bitter to appreciate the good things in your life.
Life knocks us all down sometimes, but you must understand that is life. You are no different nor are you special when it comes to pain, disappointment and hurt. We all have to go through hardship.
10. You stop caring about your appearance
If you find that you are no longer taking care of yourself, then you are in a self-destructive mode.
Your appearance is very important when you are going through difficult times. You cannot afford to let yourself go. Take care of yourself for you.
Find a gym or dance class if you like indoor activities and if you are more of an outdoors person start jogging or doing other outdoor activities. Choose clothes that fit properly and try not to become an emotional eater. You must make an effort to eat well. Remember you are special and that will not change because you are going through a difficult time. You will remain special through life’s ups and downs.
11. When you take rejections hard
If you find it very difficult to take rejections, it means you consider yourself a victim.
Nobody likes being rejected, but when you find that you take it too personal, then you are allowing the rejection to be who you are. A person might reject you not because they have issues with you, but because they are having problems of their own. People will critique you based on their perception of themselves. Many times that has nothing to do with you and who you are.
You must be able to differentiate between someone critiquing your work and criticizing you. You must also be able to take rejection for what it is.
“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.” – Steve Maraboli
12. You are no longer taking risks
When you find that you are no longer willing to take the necessary risks to succeed, it means you see yourself as a victim.
To succeed, you must be prepared to take the risk that will enable you to succeed. Without risk, you will not be rewarded. You cannot be afraid or lack confidence in your abilities that you are no longer willing to take the steps to achieve your goals.
Resist becoming a victim of any kind. You must understand that you are special and being a victim will only rob you of the chance to succeed.
Take care of yourself and those you love. Forgive those around you who haven’t been so kind and most of all forgive you.You do not have to become a victim ever in your life if you are prepared to remain the victor.The fact that you are still alive means you have already won. You are a victor and will forever be one so start accepting who you are.
Thank you for reading my article! Which sign is your biggest action killer?
How to Harness the Power of Your Personal Narrative
Are you “living up” or “living down” to your personal narrative? When you set out to achieve an important goal, you’ll come face-to-face with many obstacles, such as starting a new business and not having your prospects reply to your prospecting emails. Perhaps you’ve had an interview for a new job and learned you didn’t make the final round of applicants.
In those difficult moments, you have to have an internal conversation with yourself, known as self-talk. What do you say? How do you feel? You may find yourself succumbing to negativity or failing to believe in your own self-worth. If so, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all easily overwhelmed by our doubts and fears, because it’s what makes us human.
However, these feelings can not only shape a sense of identity, but also allow our doubt and fear to determine the outcome. When this happens, it’s vital to understand how to have the courage and conviction to move forward despite the obstacles. This includes moving forward in the midst of struggling, even when success seems lightyears away. This may seem daunting, but the answer is right in front of us. It lies in our personal narrative.
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney
What is a personal narrative?
A personal narrative is a life-script that is often followed without question or protest. The conversations you have internally, known as self-talk, make up the core component to our personal narrative. Your self talk represents a powerful belief system that’s baked into our day-to-day existence.
Each of us possess a personal narrative that encompasses a belief system that shapes us and what we see as possible in our lives. As a result, we either live up or live down to that personal narrative.
While a personal narrative is the starting place, it’s a powerful one. On one hand, when a negative narrative becomes suffocating, it can be hard to escape. This will lead you to foster the belief that you’re incapable of accomplishing something, ensuring that you’ll be less likely to continue to take the necessary steps in the direction of a dream.
Your narrative may be so powerful that you may just assume the worst, ending any possibility for you to put in the necessary time, effort and perseverance required to achieve a different outcome.
“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.” – Ralph Charell
Cultivating positive narratives
On the other hand, what if we possessed personal narratives that were more positive? This is not just positive thinking, because it is the practice of consciously cultivating a narrative that you could live up to instead. Imagine how a more positive narrative could support more preferable outcomes.
In life, this may sound like, “I plan to do well in this interview, so I am going to take every action to support that expectation – like working with a career coach.” Or it may sound like, “Because I am someone who tries hard even when I am overwhelmed or uncomfortable, I am going to ask for help if I feel stuck.” That way, when a challenge arises – as they always do, you will grow to trust in your ability to navigate it.
The more you practice this, the more you will come to realize that your personal narrative really represents the essence of who you are. Your self-talk will evolve into someone who plans to do well during an interview, a business meeting, or a workout class because you become someone who invests in their personal well-being as an extension of your self-concept.
Cultivating positive narratives is not a what-if situation. It is an intentional practice that everyone can benefit from. It provides the framework for who you can become. Most importantly, it’s the key to help us transform into the best version of ourselves, while defending our dreams against a spiral of fear or self-doubt.
So, what does your personal narrative sound like? And how can you live up to it? Share with us below!
5 Reasons It’s Important to Understand What You Want to Do With Your Life
No matter your age or your place in life, it is perfectly normal to not know exactly what your next steps should be. There are many factors that can contribute to this situation but it is always important to remember that everything happens for a reason and that this will help you build a much happier you.
There are many ways for you to understand what you should be doing with your life and there are just as many reasons why you should work towards getting a better understanding of those reasons.
If you wish to turn any situation around and start working towards finding your purpose, here are some of the most important reasons why:
1. You will be able to set long term goals for the future
Setting long term goals is one of the things that will help you feel more secure and certain about your future. Instead of relying on living day by day and trying to figure out what your next steps will be without having a future ultimate goal, you will now be able to plan accordingly so that your every step will bring you a step closer to making that dream come true.
One of the things many people forget though is that every plan, no matter how well-organized and planned out it is, will need to be adapted to every situation the person is experiencing. Knowing what your ultimate goal is will help you handle every change of plans with more confidence and will allow you to manoeuvre every situation and turn your problems into positive outcomes.
2. You will get rid of a lot of anxiety
One of the best things about finally getting a better understanding of what you wish to do with your life is that you will finally start feeling less anxious and unsure about the future. Having a certain plan you can follow and looking forward to making a big goal come true will help rid yourself of negative thoughts and allow you to be able to focus on achieving your dreams.
Anxiety is a very common problem in the time we live in and it can make a lot of people feel less productive and scared to take risks, especially in a professional manner. As a result, they tend to hold themselves back and do fewer things than they are capable of, simply because they are too scared to dare.
Realizing what you wish to do in your life and working towards achieving your goals will help you feel less stressed and even if you do, this type of anxiety could actually help you be much more productive and eager to do your best in order to make your dreams manifest into reality.
3. You will be much happier
Understanding what you wish to do in your life will truly help you finally figure out what you are meant to do in your life. For some people, it can help them find their purpose and give them a new perspective on everything they do in their everyday life.
This will help you feel a lot happier and will put your mind at ease, as you won’t have to continue wondering if the path you have chosen to follow is the right one for you or not. Feeling more certain of your decisions will help you feel a lot more confident and happier since you will feel strong enough to overcome anything that might come your way from now and on.
4. You won’t lose time or energy on smaller goals
Setting shorter goals without knowing what you are meant to do in the long run will cost you a lot of energy and time. This will happen as you will spend a lot of time planning out your every move and it will cause you to feel stressed and worried about every little thing going wrong.
Smaller goals will still be important but you won’t spend much time planning them as you would if you didn’t know what your end goal would be. Saving energy and preparing both mentally and physically for reaching your goal will help you achieve a much healthier outlook on dealing with everyday situations and it will make you more excited to complete your ambitions.
5. You will become an expert in one field
Last but not least, another important reason why you should try and understand exactly what you are meant to do in your life is that you will be able to focus all of your time and energy on learning as much as possible and growing only in one certain field.
The uncertainty of having a set goal for your future can make you feel like you need to know many different things in different fields in order to be able to succeed in life and make a living. While having knowledge in various fields is something that will prove to be useful, you will never fully be able to become an expert in one field and make a name for yourself in that sector.
A long term goal will allow you to either study or work full time on one subject you truly enjoy and are good at. This will help you build your reputation, make connections and allow yourself to enjoy and love the path you have chosen even more. As a result, you will be much happier and content with the end goal you have chosen and you will be able to work even harder to achieve all of your dreams.
Working towards a happier you
You might be at a point in your life where you feel like not a lot of things are truly worth your time but the truth is that every little thing you do will help you find what you are meant to do. This will help you feel happy and content and allow you to tackle every issue you come across with much less anxiety and fear.
You will find a lot of stability and comfort in setting a big and important goal for your future and this will allow you to start being more productive and happy to tackle every problem that might come your way. Your life will always be full of surprises and unplanned events but hard work and dedication on your goals will allow you to become the best version of you and enjoy every step of the way.
3 Ways to Stay Strong and Push Through When Hardships Arise
We all have trials and tribulations, and most times they are out of our control. I believe that’s why it can be so frustrating when trouble arises, because we feel powerless. But this isn’t true! How we perceive these times gives us power, and will ultimately dictate the quality of our lives.
Each event can have many interpretations. You can ask two people about a situation they both went through, and sometimes you’ll get two completely different answers! Most times this isn’t because one was being truthful and the other wasn’t, but because of how they perceived the events that took place.
That’s how powerful perceptions are, so why not use this power to our benefit? Instead of thinking on what was lost, think of what there is to gain. When you think positively, it helps you from not feeling stuck, and helps you look towards the future.
Below are three things to consider whenever a hardship comes your way:
1. This is an opportunity for me to grow
Viewing troubling times as an opportunity to improve and grow will give you a sense of freedom and happiness because you’ve decided to lead your life, as opposed to just accepting your life. Some people just accept the things that happen to them/around them. When you have this mindset, you are telling yourself there is nothing you can do in that situation, and you are giving away your power.
This will affect not only your mood, but also the people around you, especially if you’re a leader. They feed off your energy and body language. When you focus on growth, you can think more clearly on solutions, which is what you want. It’s ok to feel sad, frustrated, or confused. If you want to be successful, you will feel all of these, and quite often. When you do, recognize what your feeling, but don’t feed it. If you do, it will grow.
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
2. Don’t focus on the problem, find the solution
This sounds pretty simple but how many of us focus more energy on the problem and why it happened or who did it, instead of trying to focus immediately on the solution? I learned this in the military. If something goes wrong, my superiors were less concerned with who did it and more concerned with finding a solution to the problem, and as quickly as possible.
But I was once guilty of this thinking, and sometimes I slip back into that mode of thinking when my emotions are strong. Changing your mindset to focus on solutions will give you a sense of power, which will calm you, because you feel in control. This in turn, will help you think clearly and rationally, as opposed to emotionally. Furthermore, being in a more relaxed state of mind will allow you to absorb information more clearly so you can learn from the incident and become a better you.
3. Determine how the hardship improves your character
What was being tested during your hardship? Patience? Empathy? Communication? Understanding? Endurance? I remember working for a boss I did not like. He seemed to pick on me, and I couldn’t understand it. I went above and beyond what was asked of me, but people were still being promoted quicker than I was.
To give a little depth on my perception at the time, I was born and raised in Brooklyn NY. Not poor, but close to it. So respect is something that is valued greatly in neighborhoods I come from, because we don’t have much else. Respect was your money, and could get you things money couldn’t buy.
Now everyone wants respect, but me, I need it that much more. So when I felt he wasn’t giving me respect, I almost convinced myself to handle these matters. Imagine the people you train, passing you by and you know their work ethic doesn’t match yours. It sucked.
I talked to my dad, who always gives great council, and he told me it wouldn’t be wise. He told me to look for ways to grow, and I did. And let me tell you, during that time I learned things that cannot be taught in classrooms because you can only be learned through experience. My endurance was really challenged, but made me wiser and stronger, which made me better equipped to deal with future troubles I’d have. Because of those lessons, I was able to teach others about my experience and give wise counsel.
“Lead a life of your own design, on your own terms. Not one that others or the environment have scripted for you.” – Tony Robbins
When those times come, ask yourself where you’re weak and what you can you do to improve on that weakness. Finding something you’re not good at should make you happy, because it gives you a chance to improve! If you suck at something, do something about it! Don’t wallow in self-pity. It’s not a fruitful exercise.
When hardships come your way, your perception is a powerful weapon that you must manipulate, don’t let it manipulate you. Ask yourself how can this help you grow, what positive opportunity is hidden in the hardship and focus on the solution, not the problem. Doing these things will put the power back in your court. Give it a shot, it changed my life!
How do you keep your head up high when hardships arise? Share your thoughts and advice down below!
7 Essential Mindset Shifts From Gary Vaynerchuk That’ll Help You Have an Amazing Life
Gary Vaynerchuk is full of little gems to success if you listen with an open mind. His unfiltered way of sharing old school values mixed with modern day approaches is remarkably simple and highly contagious. In this world of instant gratification, everyone is focused on doing things faster in order to produce exponential results.
When our visions don’t become an instant reality, we play the comparison game and judge ourselves. This ultimately leads to a decline in our health and crushes our visions. Many of us want to be an overnight success but need a better psychological framework to endure the ride.
Here are 7 perspectives that Gary Vaynerchuk is currently popularising that can help your mindset game be stronger:
1. Aim for happiness
Gary Vaynerchuk’s definition of happiness is “being able to do what you want at all times.” This does not mean quit because your work doesn’t make you happy right now, especially if it is the stepping stone for your ideal lifestyle.
For a period of time you will need to grind and do tasks that are unenjoyable. If happiness is not within your metrics of success, you will eventually suffer from an irregularity in your mental or physical health, which in turn has a downward ripple effect on your valued relationships.
2. Enjoy paying your dues
Every industry has its own set of rules to work up the chain of command. You need to learn to love each role and responsibility that comes with that. Going in with a curious and enthusiastic energy is bound to shine through and show those around you how serious you are.
Be present and learn from every experience you encounter. This is a journey for bigger and better things but you need to put in the time, work and sacrifice to be rewarded. Life is all about what you put into it. You don’t know how these earlier stages will serve you in years to come, so take pride in the journey and appreciation for the lessons and people you meet along the way.
3. Obsessively love what you do
You should always be doing what you want, especially if you have a clearly defined purpose. Purpose is such an energizing force, regardless of whether you are earning $40,000 or $4,000,000. If you really love what you’re doing and it’s where you want to be then you’re already winning.
Always start with what you love because the only way you’re going to hustle hard enough is if you love it. It’s hard to get going around something you’re not passionate about. When you learn to love the game more than the trophy, the game gives you, and you’re on your way up.
“You have to understand your own personal DNA. Don’t do things because I do them or Steve Jobs or Mark Cuban tried it. You need to know your personal brand and stay true to it.”- Gary Vaynerchuk
4. Don’t be driven by the money
To do extremely well in the game of business without disrupting other pillars in your life, you must wake up each morning pondering what solutions need to be found today. You need to be wildly curious and driven by the game of business on a micro level while seeing the macro outcomes.
When you’re excited to play the game, you become absorbed in mastery over playing with your phone, gossiping with friends and watching mindless content. You relentlessly invest in yourself and your growth, which in turn is remunerated with wealth.
5. Have gratitude
Have you ever thought about the fact that the odds of being a human being are 400 trillion to one? You must create an unbelievably clear perspective of how lucky we are to be human. This in turn makes it a struggle to dwell on things that don’t matter.
Focus your attention on the things that you value and appreciate. Appreciate your good health and family, because you’ll value it more. Appreciate your gifts, friends, work and life. By doing this, your perception begins to shift. You see the blessings of your life, versus the broken parts.
6. Adversity is your superpower
Adversity and humble beginnings is an incredible framework to happiness, especially when you layer positivity and optimism around your difficulty. We all have hardships and various scenarios that throw us off balance along the way.
Our super power is when we use that as fuel to drive us to be less audacious and experience more, instead of being held back. What you think and focus on grows. Shift the perspective in your mind so your adversity doesn’t define you, but instead drives you.
“It’s insane to me to ask anybody to be what they’re not. Know what you know the best, love the most. That’s always going to be the answer to the thing that you have the best shot at winning at.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
7. Be excited everyday because you get to play
Learn how to start your morning well and continue that energy throughout the day. That vigour builds momentum that will allow you to actually make your mark. Be fired up that you have given yourself a clear vision and your making moves to play a strong game. This type of mindset gives you an intrinsic pull to do and be better daily rather than external motivation, which over time dies out.
Mindset is everything and it all falls down to your perspective of things. Don’t judge yourself by what you accomplish daily, instead, judge it yearly. It takes years of great creative work to be recognized. Be patient. In the meantime, look at your daily habits and ask yourself if they are causing you to evolve or revolve. Are you moving forward, or just moving in circles? Take constant action to move forward and be grateful you have the opportunity to play in the game of life.
What’s your favorite Gary Vaynerchuk mindset from the article? Share your thoughts below!
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