When was the last time you spent a day or two being the victim? Was it that you wanted something, and it just didn’t go your way or did someone hurt your feelings?
If that’s you, do not even start feeling bad about it. We are all guilty of playing the victim at some point in our lives.
You like most of us react the same way when our feelings get hurt. You feel insulted, disrespected, abandoned, humiliated just to name a few of the emotions you experience.
You are human, and human beings will feel those emotions but how long do they last? Do you hang on to these emotions for lengthy periods of time? Do you tend to wallow in self-pity for days? Do you think the whole world is against you? Or Do you get yourself together, realize that you made a mistake and that some things are just not under your control and immediately start working to change your future?
“Learn from your past but don’t live in it.” – Steve Maraboli
I hope you choose the latter and work on making positive changes in your life. If you don’t, I have included a few of the tips that I used to become unstuck.
Here are 12 ways to become the victor and not the victim:
1. Recognize the self-loathing stage
When you start thinking that bad things only happen to you, and you are asking yourself why me, then you are in the self-loathing stage.
Change your mindset immediately. Instead of asking yourself those questions, start thinking about what you can do to turn things around. Thoughts like those only make you feel worse about yourself. Remember you will have to fix the situation if you want to make things right, so it is better to do so immediately than to spend time attacking yourself.
Refocus your mind on things that will take you from that low. Think about the things that make you a wonderful human being. Listen to motivational speakers, read positive quotes or find something to do that will take your mind away from your problems.
2. Recognize when you start looking back at the past with regrets
When you begin to focus on the past with regrets, it means you are heading down the wrong path. Grieve for your mistakes and bury them.
You must realize that the past is behind you and never can be retrieved so you must move forward. Looking back will only delay your progress. The past is in the past for a reason, either you must continue to grow, or you need to change your focus. Dwelling on your past mistakes and feeling down and depressed will only increase your suffering and ruin your chances for future successes.
Use the mistakes of the past, not only as a reminder never to go back, but also to see how far you have come. You are over your past at this stage so applaud yourself for moving ahead. You are now stronger and wiser because of those mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Your mistakes are not who you are as a person. Separate yourself from the things you did.
3. Recognize when you are comparing your achievements to others
When you start comparing yourself to others, you view as better off you are playing the victim.
First you have to know who you are as a person. There is no one else like you on this earth, and there will never be. Even if you imitate everything they do, you will never be them, and you must accept that. Start accepting who you are and work on appreciating your gifts. Why would you want to live someone else’s life when you have yours to live?
You will never be happy being someone else so accept yourself and love who you are. Work on building your dreams and achieving your goals. Work to become the best version of yourself.
4. You aren’t happy with your success
When you start looking at your achievements and not seeing much, you are feeling sorry for yourself.
You must start celebrating your achievements no matter how small and insignificant they may seem to you. Someone else would love to be in your shoes. Do not diminish all the things you have achieved thus far as this will prevent you from appreciating anything else in the future. Be happy where you are in your life and celebrate what you have. That is exactly where you should be. Keep working harder to get where you want but in the meantime celebrate your achievements.
Happiness is a choice so choose to be happy. Work hard to achieve your goals, but choose to remain happy while doing so. Don’t delay your happiness to achieve material things because they won’t make you happy.
5. You are becoming withdrawn
If you weren’t someone who liked staying away from others and you find yourself suddenly wanting to be by yourself, then you are playing the victim.
Never abandon the relationships you have and become withdrawn when you are feeling sad. You may be sad and disappointed but remember, we all at different stages of our lives, have been disappointed and heartbroken. Abandoning your friends and family will only make things harder for you.
Make the effort to hang around positive people who will encourage and motivate you. Stay amongst people who know and support you. The ones who see the greatness in you and will encourage you.
6. You start placing blame
When you start blaming someone or something for the state you are in, then you are becoming the victim.
You must realize that you are solely responsible for your life and your achievements. It is no one else’s job to give you the life you want. Blaming others for the position you find yourself in will only prevent you from improving. You must accept responsibility for your life.
Desist from blaming others and work to find solutions to your problems. Blaming others will only create distance between you and others who could help you. Remember you cannot do it alone and placing the blame will only keep people away from you.
Accept that you have erred and work to improve your future. Remember whatever you want, you can achieve if you are prepared to work hard enough. You have your whole life ahead of you to make up for all your mistakes.
“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless.” – Byron Katie
7. You see yourself as a failure
When you start seeing yourself as a failure then you know you are wallowing in being the victim.
You can never be a failure as long as you are prepared to keep fighting. You will sometimes fail like most of us have, but you must realize that failing at something doesn’t mean the end. It might simply mean you need to pause, change your strategy or work harder.
Never think of yourself as a failure because things didn’t work out this time. Keep doing it until you get it right. Remember you only fail when you give up.
8. You are not able to forgive
If you are not able to forgive all those who have hurt or harmed you including yourself, then you are in a victim mentality state.
You must be prepared to forgive those who have caused you harm not for them, but yourself. Most of the people who have done things to you might not even be aware they have caused you pain and even if they are aware, do not care. Letting go of the hurt and pain does more good for you than anyone else.
You must also forgive yourself in the process for allowing others to hurt you. You have given them your power and they have used it to hurt you. You need also to forgive yourself for your past mistakes.
When you forgive, you are giving yourself permission to be free. You are allowing yourself the freedom to grow and succeed. You are allowing yourself to live life to the fullest.
9. You have become angry and bitter
If you find that you are becoming angry and bitter, it means you are still in your victim mentality state.
No matter what happens in your life, you must make a conscious effort never to allow these things to make you angry or bitter. You will be the one to suffer because of it. You won’t enjoy life, relationships or your successes, as you will be too angry and bitter to appreciate the good things in your life.
Life knocks us all down sometimes, but you must understand that is life. You are no different nor are you special when it comes to pain, disappointment and hurt. We all have to go through hardship.
10. You stop caring about your appearance
If you find that you are no longer taking care of yourself, then you are in a self-destructive mode.
Your appearance is very important when you are going through difficult times. You cannot afford to let yourself go. Take care of yourself for you.
Find a gym or dance class if you like indoor activities and if you are more of an outdoors person start jogging or doing other outdoor activities. Choose clothes that fit properly and try not to become an emotional eater. You must make an effort to eat well. Remember you are special and that will not change because you are going through a difficult time. You will remain special through life’s ups and downs.
11. When you take rejections hard
If you find it very difficult to take rejections, it means you consider yourself a victim.
Nobody likes being rejected, but when you find that you take it too personal, then you are allowing the rejection to be who you are. A person might reject you not because they have issues with you, but because they are having problems of their own. People will critique you based on their perception of themselves. Many times that has nothing to do with you and who you are.
You must be able to differentiate between someone critiquing your work and criticizing you. You must also be able to take rejection for what it is.
“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.” – Steve Maraboli
12. You are no longer taking risks
When you find that you are no longer willing to take the necessary risks to succeed, it means you see yourself as a victim.
To succeed, you must be prepared to take the risk that will enable you to succeed. Without risk, you will not be rewarded. You cannot be afraid or lack confidence in your abilities that you are no longer willing to take the steps to achieve your goals.
Resist becoming a victim of any kind. You must understand that you are special and being a victim will only rob you of the chance to succeed.
Take care of yourself and those you love. Forgive those around you who haven’t been so kind and most of all forgive you.You do not have to become a victim ever in your life if you are prepared to remain the victor.The fact that you are still alive means you have already won. You are a victor and will forever be one so start accepting who you are.
Thank you for reading my article! Which sign is your biggest action killer?
2 Simple Steps to Help You Break Through Your Fears
If you are addicted to success you most certainly are addicted to fear too. Why? Because they are a direct consequence of each other. When you achieve success, it’s because you have taken actions and broken through fears that were holding you back. Every success you have comes from breaking a fear you held onto.
It is incredible to think how much energy and time entrepreneurs waste looking after their fears, making sure they are listened to. It is much harder to feed the energy of fear than feed the energy of success. I want you to think about the mental dilemma you face every single day, the battle you will probably have in your mind when it comes to taking certain actions in your business.
Shall I take that risk?
What if I’m rejected? What if I’m not good enough? What if I’ll be ridiculed in front of others? What if I fail? Just think of how hard it is to constantly listen and obey these thoughts.
The battle in your head is real and challenging. The good thing is you can win it, and the bad thing is there will always be a battle going on in your head. However, you can become a more consistent winner.
Success will always require a new level of expansion which will result in a new level of fears needed to be broken. Imagine this like an elastic band. Every time you face a fear, the elastic will stretch more and more, and the tension will be greater. When you become brave and take the action, the tension will be released and the elastic band will fly further creating a bigger expansion.
“The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” – Mark Zuckerberg
Fears are normal and essentials to your success
If there are no fears, there’ll be no stretch and no expansion from you. If you want to succeed, you must break through some fears, and this is obvious. But how can you break through fears with ease? I personally used all the possible solutions available in the world to win my fears: meditation, counseling, talking therapies, exercises and many more.
Although those helped, the ultimate way to conquer your fears is to go straight through them. I won some of my biggest fears since starting my entrepreneurial journey that no one else and nothing could help me break. This seems better said than done, but by following a few simple steps, you can do it too.
Here are 2 simple steps to help you breakthrough those fears:
1. Becoming aware of what your fears are
Often they’re very well camouflaged, and they’ll appear in your life as if on autopilot, in the same way electricity comes when you flip a light switch. They’re often triggered by someone else’s actions or words, or by your idea on what the consequence of a certain action will bring to you.
Fears contain so much energy on their own, so imagine what you could do with that energy if you could use it to your advantage. Imagine fear being a close wrist. Every time you activate the fear, you give more energy to it. Every time you think of the fear, you feed the wrist with more power.
As you live your life controlled by fears, the wrists will get more and more powerful. Picture that. Then you try to take certain actions in your business like going live for the first time, proposing a deal to a certain client, writing an article where you express your very own controversial opinion about something, or invest money you currently do not have.
Fears will come in, fully charged. You try to win by punching towards the wall of action. You want to break through, and you know that on the other side of the wall there’s success.
You punch and keep punching but nothing happens. Then, imagine you taking the leap, pointing the wrist towards the wall and BANG! You break through.
Now, the energy of fear has been released and is now ready to be used to your advantage.
The energy will disperse and free itself and it will transmute into freedom and power to take further actions.
“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” – Jim Rohn
2. Figure out why you fear that certain thing
After you realise what the fear is, ask yourself, “Why do I fear to take this action?” Explore the consequences that breaking that specific fear will bring you. “What will happen if I break this and I achieve the results I desire?
These questions are vital, as you’ll realize your fears are just trying to keep you safe. Humans are not wired for success, they are wired for survival. So anything to do with success will be filtered through your lens of fear.
Once you realize WHAT will happen if you achieve the success you desire, which usually are negative scenarios, calm your mind and imagine a positive scenario instead. Write this down for each negative scenario your mind will create.
One of my biggest fears is the fear of being successful as I believe (my scenario) that people won’t like me anymore, and that I won’t be able to spend time with my family. So once I detected the fear, I changed the scenario. Instead of thinking people will not like me anymore, I create a new reality I desire which could look something like this: I will be able to help and impact more people and I will make sure I take lots of days off and delegate stuff to my team so to spend time with my family.
It is that simple. Once your subconscious mind is reassured with the new positive outcome, it will become easier for you to take action. In the end, always remember you’re in charge of your life, no one else, let alone your fears.
How do you conquer your fears? Let us know your advice and thoughts below!
Being Alone With Yourself Is the Most Important Skill We Have Lost
We live in a world where we’re always around people either at work, in the store, and on our phones through social media. In fact, our society tends to label anybody who wants to be or is alone, as a lonely person or even more terribly, a depressed person. We have forgotten how to enjoy our own company.
This is particularly surprising since some of the admired and highly celebrated icons in human history are well known to be “loners.” We have mastered a lot of skills from society, but perhaps we have neglected the most important skill of all. The ability to learn alone, to learn about your strengths and weaknesses, to reflect on the way forward in life, to just sit and appreciate nature, is invaluable.
Here are 4 ways to make being alone fun and productive:
1. Change scenery
You don’t have to do this all the time, but one way to enjoy your time alone is to take a trip or a very long drive or run. It can be difficult to spend time alone when you’re around familiar faces. It’s one of the reasons why people go on vacations away from home. Just get out and spend some time alone reflecting and enjoying your own company.
2. Switch off everything
We live in a world of digital communication. If you truly want to be alone for a while, it would be better if you didn’t login to Facebook and Twitter at all. Better yet, turn off your phone.
Now that you are alone, it is time to reflect on what you want, what you have done, what you want to be doing. Silence or cool music might be good here. Whichever way, one of the things that make being alone rewarding is the fact that it affords you the opportunity to reflect.
“I’m reflective only in the sense that I learn to move forward. I reflect with a purpose.” – Kobe Bryant
4. Give yourself a treat
Go see a movie, buy a plate of food or a cup of ice-cream. Being alone is not only a time to think, it is also a time to pamper yourself. Treat yourself to the best things that you can afford and be happy and proud about it.
Now that you know how to make being alone fun and productive, it’s time to see the benefits of being alone. Here are 6 benefits you can expect from embracing being alone:
1. It aids personal growth
Apart from all the skills we get from self-development books, being alone helps build us. Through it, we are able to make plans, to ask critical questions and put our lives in the proper perspective. To grow, it is important that you take yourself out and properly assess your life alone, away from friends, families and colleagues.
2. It energizes
There are times when we’re stressed out by work, family, and friends, so being alone is a wonderful way to renew yourself with extra energy. This is the time to give yourself treats and plenty of rest and leisure, away from the stress of the world.
3. It increases the value you place on relationship
When you come to a point where you love being alone, it makes it so that you’re very intentional about your relationship with others. Being alone can also help you properly evaluate and see all there is to love and enjoy about your relationship with others.
4. It increases self-confidence
Another wonderful benefit of being alone is that it helps to boost your self- confidence and self esteem. The more time you spend alone with yourself, the more comfortable you are with your skill and with your strengths and weaknesses.
“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.” – Michael Jordan
5. It helps you become more empathetic
One thing about having friends and those we relate with very often is that we unconsciously develop a mentality that makes us empathetic towards them rather than others. Findings have shown that the more time you spend alone, the more compassion you’re able to show to a wider range of people.
6. The difference between being alone and being lonely
The desire to be alone is quite different from loneliness and sometimes, we do not take the required time to be alone because we don’t want to be perceived as “lonely” by others. To be lonely is to deeply want to relate and have communication with someone or some people but to be unable to.
It’s an ache that you carry around throughout the day, and it seriously affects all you do. It could make the entire world seem frustrating. The death of a loved one can lead to loneliness after a while.
Being alone on the other hand, as seen earlier, is intentionally deciding to get away from everybody and enjoying being with yourself as you reflect on your life and all that’s to come.
Taking time to be alone is very productive and it can be a wonderful thing for you. Take time away from social media and friends and find a nice spot to relax with yourself and analyze your habits and see how they affect your life.
Do you enjoy spending time by yourself? Share your thoughts below on if you think it benefits you and helps you recharge!
Simple Meditation Techniques To Enhance Your Productivity
At times, the workplace can be a stressful place to be. Whether you are faced with demanding clients, even more demanding colleagues, or just the incessant activity of the environment itself, the workplace can at times feel like it is exerting a pressure down upon your shoulders that is difficult to extricate yourself from.
Not only is this unhealthy and detrimental to your wellbeing, it is also highly counterproductive for your organization. A stressed or unhappy employee is, for the most part, an unproductive employee who you do not necessarily want interacting with valuable clients, while its difficult to forge fruitful relationships with co-workers.
However, with these easy-to-use techniques, you can help turn your business space into an oasis of calm, boosting your work productivity at the same time.
It may be that you want to invoke some form of meditative state, but the last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself from wide-eyed colleagues. If this sounds like you, then there are a number of at-desk meditations you can perform which will not only assist in destressing and boosting performance, but will do so without attracting unwelcome glances.
Here are a few of the most easy to use:
1. Tap your fingers to the rhythm of time
Put both of your hands on your thighs or on your desk, and proceed to start tapping each finger individually, starting with your pinky finger. It is important that you use a sequence, and time it effectively to a slow rhythm. The last part is to then recite a five-word mantra that relates to time.
There is an infinity of options here, but you could go with ‘I do have enough time’ or ‘Time is my best friend’. The idea is to create a zen-like state where you are breathing regularly and focussing on the small activity at hand (literally). Continue until your breathing has become regular and the repeated-mantra has eased though you to your core.
This is an immensely achievable meditative process that I love to utilize in any number of situations because it is so private.
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
2. Shake it off
Now is the time to focus on exactly what or who is causing your stress. Take some time out, sit quietly on your chair, and take a few deep breaths while you think about the origin of your stress. Next, start to recite to yourself a mantra along the lines of ‘It’s OK and I can move on from this.’ Then, start to take a few deeper breaths and use the time you breathe out to really sigh away your frustration.
Finally, shake your body to release the tension from you. There is no need to make any deep noises or draw unwanted attention to yourself, but that really shouldn’t be a consideration anyway, and will only exacerbate your stress in the process. This is about breathing and release.
3. Eyes to the flame
If you are feeling a little braver, and you understand that an open flame will not cause any undue disquiet in the workplace around you (or that you are breaking any health and safety regulations), using a candle can be a wonderful tool to help create a meditative state. Start by switching off your computer. In fact, this is a good place to begin with any meditative activity as the glare from the screen will distract your attention.
Light the candle and then bring the flame towards your eye level, holding it approximately 20 inches away, or into a position that is comfortable. Then, stare into the flame for up to 2 minutes, remembering to breathe regularly as you do so.
“Calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that’s very important for good health.” – Dalai Lama
Meditations for a private space
If you have access to a private space in the workplace, there are other types of meditative positions which you can undertake, including, lying on the floor. Lying down immediately helps to put you in an unfamiliar position for work, which is helpful in itself, but a familiar position for feeling comforted and relaxed.
Close your eyes and then once again, start to breathe in a rhythmic manner. It is essential that your breathing becomes your primary focus, so you breathe in and out with a deep concentration on what you are doing.
When starting out, five minutes is more than apt, as long as that’s five minutes of a concentrated nature. You can then start to push out those times, and there is no reason why before long you shouldn’t be able to manage 20 minutes of perfect meditative calm. This can easily be done during a lunch break or even a mid-morning break.
There are also walking meditations for more adventurous types, which involves focusing on your steps and breaths simultaneously, concentrating always on a forward motion, both literally and figuratively. Emotional calmness and wellbeing in the workplace is just around the corner.
Have you tried meditation? If so, do you like it? Let us know your thoughts about meditation below!
5 Areas of Your Life That Need Improvement to Become the Strongest Version of Yourself
We live in a time of abundance. Despite what you see in the news daily, beauty and opportunity are all around us. We have the ability to create success in every area of our life if we’re willing to do the work. That work is the things that help you become more self-aware and help you implement true self-love.
The work is hard. It’s the reason that too many people quit somewhere along the way. Then, years later, they look at the life that has passed them by wondering where it all went wrong. That doesn’t have to be you.
Become the strongest you and create success by doing the work in these five important areas of your life:
1. Become a Jedi mind master
Mindset gets thrown around like a dirty personal development buzzword. While there are those teaching about it that shouldn’t be, mastering your mind is a skill and important part of the success equation.
Your thoughts have a direct effect on your feelings, emotions, and the action you take. When you can focus your thoughts on gratitude, on what’s possible in your life, and on your goals, you’re putting yourself in the best place to take the necessary steps to create success. Train your mind. Learn to get into peak state, as Tony Robbins often talks about.
When you feel off or a negative emotion, feel it through. Acknowledge what you feel in that moment but then get your mind back into peak state as quickly as possible. Listen to music, watch a motivational video, listen to great podcasts like Addicted 2 Success’, change your state. Master your mind and you’ll change your life.
“The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it. As long as you really believe 100 percent.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
2. Treat your health like it’s your only job
Physical fitness and movement have a direct impact on creating success. You’ll need energy and focus to accomplish your major goals. You’ve heard Les Brown say, “your health is your wealth” for good reason. True self-love means you refuse to do anything to your body that doesn’t honor it. That includes what you eat and how you move.
You know how to get and stay fit—there’s a wealth of information online about the tactics. Get there in your mind. Tell yourself a different story in regards to your wellness and commit to doing the work.
There’s a lot of research on the benefits of starting your day with physical movement. It teaches you discipline, gives you an opportunity to release stress, and builds your endurance in many ways.
3. Fire people out of your life that you know need to go
You know that you become who you hang around but it’s deeper than that. You need to fire and cut people out of your life that aren’t aligned with where you are and where you’re going. It’s hard enough to create success and do the work. It gets unbearable when you’re trying to take action while the negative energy of others is holding you back.
This means cutting people out of your life on social media, at work, in your business life, and any other place that needs cutting. Your intuition is speaking to you—listen. Surround yourself with people and the opportunity to challenge your self-limiting beliefs. Model success by surrounding yourself with it.
4. Make more money in a way that brings a smile to your face
We do live in a different time. Today, you can make a living by doing what you love and doing it all over the world. The “laptop lifestyle” doesn’t have to be a cheesy Facebook ad. You can build income teaching on the things that light your soul up. Whether that’s through an online business, a brick and mortar business, a remote job, or a job that you enjoy, we’re surrounded by opportunity.
What you do for “work” will take up a large part of your week. That time could be spent helping you move closer to your goals or it could be spent derailing and depressing you. You can find or create work or a business that you love and that helps you become a better version of yourself.
Use today’s tools, software, technology, and access to knowledge to create work that pays your bills and gives you true freedom. There is no shortage of information online that can teach you how to do that. Don’t settle for “good enough” or worse.
“There’s no shortage of money in this world. Start hustling.” – Grant Cardone
5. Love a person that craves growth as much as you
The romantic relationship in your life is one of the most influential parts of creating success and a better you. You need a partner in crime that understands and craves growth may be even more than you.
A healthy relationship is two complete people coming together and agreeing to support each other as you become better versions of yourself. It’s a partnership in which you come together to build an empire through love.
To get there, you should be with someone who shares your vision and values. Settling in your romantic life is a recipe for failure. This is the person you’ll spend a large amount of time with. Choose wisely and from a place of self-love.
You can accomplish anything if you’re willing to work for it. You can create success and true freedom in every area of your life. You have to believe this is possible for you and take the necessary steps. Work on these five areas and watch magic happen in your life.
What area of your life do you need to work on this week?
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