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Are You A Victor or Victim? 12 Signs You Have The Victim Mentality

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When was the last time you spent a day or two being the victim? Was it that you wanted something, and it just didn’t go your way or did someone hurt your feelings?

If that’s you, do not even start feeling bad about it.  We are all guilty of playing the victim at some point in our lives.

You like most of us react the same way when our feelings get hurt.  You feel insulted, disrespected, abandoned, humiliated just to name a few of the emotions you experience.

You are human, and human beings will feel those emotions but how long do they last?  Do you hang on to these emotions for lengthy periods of time? Do you tend to wallow in self-pity for days? Do you think the whole world is against you? Or Do you get yourself together, realize that you made a mistake and that some things are just not under your control and immediately start working to change your future?

“Learn from your past but don’t live in it.” – Steve Maraboli

I hope you choose the latter and work on making positive changes in your life. If you don’t, I have included a few of the tips that I used to become unstuck.

Here are 12 ways to become the victor and not the victim:

 

1. Recognize the self-loathing stage

When you start thinking that bad things only happen to you, and you are asking yourself why me, then you are in the self-loathing stage.

Change your mindset immediately.  Instead of asking yourself those questions, start thinking about what you can do to turn things around.  Thoughts like those only make you feel worse about yourself. Remember you will have to fix the situation if you want to make things right, so it is better to do so immediately than to spend time attacking yourself.

Refocus your mind on things that will take you from that low.  Think about the things that make you a wonderful human being.  Listen to motivational speakers, read positive quotes or find something to do that will take your mind away from your problems.

 

2. Recognize when you start looking back at the past with regrets

When you begin to focus on the past with regrets, it means you are heading down the wrong path.  Grieve for your mistakes and bury them.

You must realize that the past is behind you and never can be retrieved so you must move forward.  Looking back will only delay your progress.  The past is in the past for a reason, either you must continue to grow, or you need to change your focus.  Dwelling on your past mistakes and feeling down and depressed will only increase your suffering and ruin your chances for future successes.

Use the mistakes of the past, not only as a reminder never to go back, but also to see how far you have come.  You are over your past at this stage so applaud yourself for moving ahead.  You are now stronger and wiser because of those mistakes.  Learn from them and move on.  Your mistakes are not who you are as a person.  Separate yourself from the things you did.

Victim Mentality
 

3. Recognize when you are comparing your achievements to others

When you start comparing yourself to others, you view as better off you are playing the victim.

First you have to know who you are as a person.  There is no one else like you on this earth, and there will never be.  Even if you imitate everything they do, you will never be them, and you must accept that. Start accepting who you are and work on appreciating your gifts. Why would you want to live someone else’s life when you have yours to live?

You will never be happy being someone else so accept yourself and love who you are. Work on building your dreams and achieving your goals. Work to become the best version of yourself.

 

4. You aren’t happy with your success

When you start looking at your achievements and not seeing much, you are feeling sorry for yourself.

You must start celebrating your achievements no matter how small and insignificant they may seem to you.  Someone else would love to be in your shoes.  Do not diminish all the things you have achieved thus far as this will prevent you from appreciating anything else in the future.  Be happy where you are in your life and celebrate what you have.  That is exactly where you should be.  Keep working harder to get where you want but in the meantime celebrate your achievements.

Happiness is a choice so choose to be happy.  Work hard to achieve your goals, but choose to remain happy while doing so.  Don’t delay your happiness to achieve material things because they won’t make you happy.

 

5. You are becoming withdrawn

If you weren’t someone who liked staying away from others and you find yourself suddenly wanting to be by yourself, then you are playing the victim.

Never abandon the relationships you have and become withdrawn when you are feeling sad. You may be sad and disappointed but remember, we all at different stages of our lives, have been disappointed and heartbroken.  Abandoning your friends and family will only make things harder for you.

Make the effort to hang around positive people who will encourage and motivate you.  Stay amongst people who know and support you.  The ones who see the greatness in you and will encourage you.

 

6. You start placing blame  

When you start blaming someone or something for the state you are in, then you are becoming the victim.

You must realize that you are solely responsible for your life and your achievements.  It is no one else’s job to give you the life you want. Blaming others for the position you find yourself in will only prevent you from improving.  You must accept responsibility for your life.

Desist from blaming others and work to find solutions to your problems.  Blaming others will only create distance between you and others who could help you. Remember you cannot do it alone and placing the blame will only keep people away from you.

Accept that you have erred and work to improve your future.  Remember whatever you want, you can achieve if you are prepared to work hard enough.  You have your whole life ahead of you to make up for all your mistakes.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless.” – Byron Katie

7. You see yourself as a failure

When you start seeing yourself as a failure then you know you are wallowing in being the victim.

You can never be a failure as long as you are prepared to keep fighting. You will sometimes fail like most of us have, but you must realize that failing at something doesn’t mean the end.  It might simply mean you need to pause, change your strategy or work harder.

Never think of yourself as a failure because things didn’t work out this time.  Keep doing it until you get it right.  Remember you only fail when you give up.

 

8. You are not able to forgive

If you are not able to forgive all those who have hurt or harmed you including yourself, then you are in a victim mentality state.

You must be prepared to forgive those who have caused you harm not for them, but yourself.  Most of the people who have done things to you might not even be aware they have caused you pain and even if they are aware, do not care.  Letting go of the hurt and pain does more good for you than anyone else.

You must also forgive yourself in the process for allowing others to hurt you.  You have given them your power and they have used it to hurt you. You need also to forgive yourself for your past mistakes.

When you forgive, you are giving yourself permission to be free.  You are allowing yourself the freedom to grow and succeed.  You are allowing yourself to live life to the fullest.

 

9. You have become angry and bitter

If you find that you are becoming angry and bitter, it means you are still in your victim mentality state.

No matter what happens in your life, you must make a conscious effort never to allow these things to make you angry or bitter.  You will be the one to suffer because of it.  You won’t enjoy life, relationships or your successes, as you will be too angry and bitter to appreciate the good things in your life.

Life knocks us all down sometimes, but you must understand that is life.  You are no different nor are you special when it comes to pain, disappointment and hurt.  We all have to go through hardship.

 

10. You stop caring about your appearance

If you find that you are no longer taking care of yourself, then you are in a self-destructive mode.

Your appearance is very important when you are going through difficult times.  You cannot afford to let yourself go.  Take care of yourself for you.

Find a gym or dance class if you like indoor activities and if you are more of an outdoors person start jogging or doing other outdoor activities. Choose clothes that fit properly and try not to become an emotional eater.  You must make an effort to eat well. Remember you are special and that will not change because you are going through a difficult time.  You will remain special through life’s ups and downs.

 

11. When you take rejections hard

If you find it very difficult to take rejections, it means you consider yourself a victim.

Nobody likes being rejected, but when you find that you take it too personal, then you are allowing the rejection to be who you are.  A person might reject you not because they have issues with you, but because they are having problems of their own.  People will critique you based on their perception of themselves.  Many times that has nothing to do with you and who you are.

You must be able to differentiate between someone critiquing your work and criticizing you.  You must also be able to take rejection for what it is.

“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.”  – Steve Maraboli

12. You are no longer taking risks

When you find that you are no longer willing to take the necessary risks to succeed, it means you see yourself as a victim.

To succeed, you must be prepared to take the risk that will enable you to succeed.  Without risk, you will not be rewarded. You cannot be afraid or lack confidence in your abilities that you are no longer willing to take the steps to achieve your goals.

Resist becoming a victim of any kind.  You must understand that you are special and being a victim will only rob you of the chance to succeed.

 

Take care of yourself and those you love.  Forgive those around you who haven’t been so kind and most of all forgive you.You do not have to become a victim ever in your life if you are prepared to remain the victor.The fact that you are still alive means you have already won.  You are a victor and will forever be one so start accepting who you are.

Thank you for reading my article! Which sign is your biggest action killer?

Rose Costas is a big believer in the power of facing your challenges head on and then boldly wear your scars to show others that they too can be triumphant.  She is an accountant by profession with a new found passion for blogging and a future author and best seller. You can received her amazing free Ebook  “34 Ways to Build Your Confidence Today”.

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10 Comments

10 Comments

  1. Olga

    Oct 19, 2017 at 3:06 am

    Great article. As my autistic 17 year old was raging in the house today, I kept saying over and over ‘I am a victor. I am a victor”. I never use that word, but for some reason today, I started saying it– I liked the way it sounds. I like your positive take responsibility attitude. My favorite was number 2- Grieve for your mistakes and BURY THEM. I need to remind myself of that as I am often tempted to cry over spilled milk. But most of all, I keep making every effort to continue to follow the Lord. God bless you.

  2. John Michael

    Aug 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Thank you very much for this article. In truth, someone really hurt me earlier this year and I’ve been carrying it around in my heart not forgiving the person nor myself for what happened.
    Thanks to you i can breathe again. I am truly grateful.

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 28, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      John Michael as I stated earlier forgiveness is for you not the other person necessarily. When you choose to forgive you are setting yourself free to go out and love and live a free life. You are releasing yourself from the bondage imposed by pent up anger and bitterness so the real you can live again. I am glad you have chosen to forgive and move on so you can enjoy the wonderful life you so rightly deserve.

  3. B Collins

    Aug 25, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    Rose,

    Another great article. I have to admit I fall into the trap of reviewing my life and wishing I could change things in the past. Can’t do it. Have to focus on being positive and looking forward to the future.
    Keep up the good work Rose!!!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 26, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks Bill for your comment. It is very important to learn the lessons from your past but you must work on leaving the past where it belongs. Hanging on to the past will only delay all that is waiting ahead for you in the future.

  4. Ngiam Tee Ee

    Aug 24, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Thanks for the advice given, today I just trying to get to talk to the girl that I quite interested sometimes ago, since I don’t know her and she don’t know me as well. So when I approach her wanting to meeting her knowing her name. She ignored me and went. At first, it was quite hard to accept but, i’m a risk taker and I tried, i’m a winner here!!

    After reading your article I think that most of their opinion on you won’t matter, because you can’t control what happens. So may I ask should I continue to try getting to know her or move on? Thanks, hope you can give some advice here, thanks!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 25, 2015 at 11:10 am

      Ngiam Tee Ee I am not an expert on relationships but I would suggest you become her friend. Try to know this person for who she is by becoming friends first. You might even find out that you do not even like her as much as you thought you did..
      You have to be confident in yourself and approach her with confidence. Nothing beats a great smile and a hello. Find out something about her from her friends and use that to start a conversation.
      If she refuse you then it is her loss. Good luck.

  5. Rose Costas

    Aug 23, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Hi Tejaswi

    The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

    For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
    Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

  6. Tejaswi Khanna

    Aug 23, 2015 at 1:41 am

    Hi. Great article

    “People will critique you based on their perception of themselves.” Can you elaborate on it??

    My ex criticized me to a whole new level and I could not handle rejection. Now, a burning desire to prove her wrong sticks in my mind, which I know I should let go, but I don’t know how.

    Thanks

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 23, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Tejaswi
      The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

      For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
      Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

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Life

The Guide to Coping With Stress, Anxiety and Failure

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Instead of complaining about the ebb and flow of tough times, we need to learn how to overcome them. We often let bad news cast a pall on our day, but taking it in and moving on with life is what we need to do and that’s a challenge.

Let’s look at 6 ways on how we can deal with the stresses and anxieties we face in our daily lives:

1. Deep breathing

If your schedule has you feeling compressed by unexplainable and intangible forces, stop everything and start taking in deep breaths.

Nobody takes this clichéd advice seriously, however, from a scientific perspective, deep breathing causes your metabolism to decrease, slows down heart-rate, relaxes the muscles and calms you down. So, stop everything for a minute and start breathing!

2. Write down what you’re stressed about

When there is too much going on in your head, you can never get work done. Doing a simple task can seem frustrating if your mind is just a labyrinthine tangle of negative thoughts and demotivating voices. The moment you are not 100% invested in your task, you would catch yourself being stuck for hours and it’s ultimately undue stress.

To avoid this, write down everything that bothers you, however big or small it is. Visualize and envision what you are going to do and remember that worrying about accomplishing a series of tasks will be futile. Don’t punish yourself by getting into a mess of unproductivity and negativity; write it down and clear it out.

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” – Benjamin Franklin

3. Yoga

Forcing yourself to contort your body into pretzel-like forms is not what yoga is about. Throughout the asanas, you need to breathe deeply and feel your muscles stretch. Listen to your body and feel every moment. The increased blood circulation to all parts of your body and the stabilization of hormones will calm you down.

4. Caffeine could increase stress levels

This is tragic news for the caffeine-lovers but you don’t need to panic about giving up on coffee. You need to bite the bullet and restrict coffee consumption to once-a-day. Caffeine can inhibit the absorption of adenosine (hormone) and cause a chaos in your biological clock if consumed excessively or late in the day.

Caffeine injects adrenaline into your system which may give you a temporary stimulation but later in the day you would feel agitated and fatigued. Take baby steps in controlling your addiction and when you have successfully reached the ‘one-cup-a-day’ stage, try to consume that cup of caffeine-loaded drink before 2pm.

5. Exercise and clean eating

Healthy meals and an active lifestyle go hand in hand in dissipating stress effectively. The psychological benefits of exercising have a neurochemical basis, which is the decrease in stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, and the increase in the endorphin hormone which is the body’s natural painkiller and mood elevator.

Parenthetically, you will achieve a toned-looking body, your favourite clothes will fit you perfectly and you will be in the pink of health. All of this will collectively enable you to exude confidence and work efficiently. It’s simple, if you take care of your body, your body takes care of you.

Now that we have discussed handling daily-life stresses and anxieties, let’s talk about failures and how to overcome them:

1. Dissect the experience

Staying positive in the teeth of every difficulty sounds almost preposterous and unrealistic, and it is true that remaining happy all the time is impossible. What is essential though is to accept that you are a human, complain if you have to and feel free to be upset but don’t whine all day long and get over-emotional. Think about how that failure had played out.

Think about why you made the decision you made, recognize where exactly you went wrong and take ownership while not blaming others. There are many things in your control, and it’s up to you to make sure you conquer those factors and utilize them to your advantage. Be in tune with yourself and put things into perspective instead of dwelling on emotions.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others

No two leaves are the same and hence it’s ridiculous to compare yourself to your peers. Your experiences, talents, desires, attitude and everything else is very different as compared to another person and hence there is no basis for you to compare and evaluate.

Always work on becoming the better version of yourself and surround yourself with people who support you, empathise with you, respect your decisions and believe in you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

3. You are equipped

Chances are if you are reading this article, you have the access to a laptop or a computer. You have the privilege of owning a device which basically encompasses the entire world. You have the resources and support to rise from a setback so be grateful for what you have and concentrate on progressing.

In conclusion, be it daily life stresses or an occasional failure, take it with a pinch of salt emotionally. Like glow sticks, we don’t shine until we are broken. Remember the world doesn’t owe you anything so work hard, treat problems as learning experiences, and never underestimate yourself.

How do you deal with the stress, anxiety, and failure? Let us know your tips below!

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Life

5 Ways You Can Make the Most Out of Failure

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It’s been said that only two things are certain in life: death and taxes. I’d like to add another one to the list: rejection. No matter who you are and what life you live, there will be instances in your life when you experience rejection.

Nobody likes to be rejected. It sucks to be told you were good, just not good enough, for the project, job, partner or position. It’s confusing and frustrating, and it can make you want to scream. But more often than not, being rejected can be the start of something brilliant.

Here are five ways you can make sure you make the most out of your difficult experiences and come out at the other end stronger:

1. Take five

When you get bad news or hear negative feedback, most of us can’t help but fall into a sullen mood. Rather than fall into the trap of focusing on the negative and being overly self-critical, take five minutes to clear your head of all negativity. Even after five minutes of silent meditation, you’ll start to clear your head and realise that everything isn’t really all that bad.

“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen

2. Put things into perspective

Unless you are a heart surgeon or have a job in which you are responsible for the wellbeing of others, nobody will die because of this disappointment or mistake. If you lose a job, you’ll find another one. If you don’t get that promotion, you can make more money in some other way. An opportunity lost is another chance for something new to come down the road. Remember that this is only a momentary pain and won’t last long in the grand scheme of things.

3. Assess what went right

You can nearly always find a positive lesson from even the most negative of circumstances. The hardest part is often escaping the negative mindset that everything must have gone wrong if things didn’t go exactly as planned. In reality, there are an infinite number of variables that could have caused an unsatisfactory outcome. If you manage to put the negative mindset out of your head you can focus on the many things that went right, rather than what went wrong. Always remember to look at things on the bright side.

4. Review what went wrong, and look for ways to improve

After you’ve had a chance to look at what exactly went right, you can then take a hard look at how to improve on what went wrong. Consider whether or not you need to get additional training in certain areas, to practice more often, or just to consider ways to improve what worked partially but not fully.

“Success is 99% failure.” – Soichiro Honda

5. Remember, what will be, will be

Try your best, then don’t worry be happy. You will always face difficulties through life, but the more you practice accepting these difficulties, the better positioned you’ll be to make use of your time effectively and improve your life. Look at life through the lens of a stoic philosopher and you will better understand how to live a life of streamlined success and happiness.

The best lessons you learn in life are very rarely the easiest. Remember to reflect on why some of the hardest decisions and saddest realisations you may have are vitally important for future growth and genuine happiness. These moments force you to break out of your normal state of consciousness and reassess what is most important to you.

They make you reflect on what has worked, and more importantly, what hasn’t. Only in these moments do you realise who you really are, and exactly what you are capable of.

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Life

You Can Create Whatever Life You Want So Stop Talking Yourself Out of Your Destiny

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There’s never been a time like right now in human history for entrepreneurship. We have access to virtually limitless knowledge thanks to the advent of the internet, and you can reach anyone on this planet literally at the click of a button.

However, despite the massive amount of opportunity out there, there are still time-tested principles that every wanna-be entrepreneur needs to know in order to truly succeed. Knowing these principles can spell the difference between achieving your dreams and talking yourself out of your destiny.

There is Such a Thing as Preparing Too Much

While it’s certainly necessary to prepare in life, a just as devastating problem many people face in life is being too prepared. Way too often, people believe they’re actually working by spending hours “preparing” when all they’re doing is thinking about working while their actual work goes untouched.

As Gary Vaynerchuk put it bluntly in one of his livestream Q&A videos, “There are just so many ways to build your business, but lack of action is not one of them.” Basically, we are both blessed and cursed by our access to virtually limitless knowledge. We can turn on the faucet of knowledge and grab a quick swig when we need it, but if we leave it on for too long we’ll be drowning in information and be stuck trying to process everything.

If you spend too much time processing, you’ll be more likely to talk yourself out of taking the risks necessary to build a successful business. The solution is simple: stop processing and start taking action.

A phrase I find myself repeating a lot when I get into a bind is, “How did successful people do it before the age of internet?” The answer is they did it by not talking themselves off of the ledge of destiny and instead diving into their project headfirst.

“Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” – Simone de Beauvoir

Our Feelings Often Lie to Us

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like throwing in the towel when trying to build my web design business. I remember one day in particular I had a massive headache and was on the verge of quitting everything due to the frustration I felt while dealing with a problematic client.

I looked at my watch and realized I hadn’t eaten yet that morning, so I went and made myself breakfast. After eating a bowl of scrambled eggs and toast, my headache magically vanished along with my thoughts of wanting to quit. I quickly realized what needed to be done and fixed the client’s issue without much thought. The problem wasn’t with the client, the problem was with my stomach.

Can you imagine how ridiculous I would have looked had I fired my client all because I hadn’t eaten that day? This is why our feelings sometimes need to take a backseat when it comes to making wise, calculated decisions for our success.

Intuition is important, obviously, but it’s best utilized with years of reliable experience to back it up. So go with your gut when it’s wise to do so, but always make sure your gut is fed otherwise you may regret what it has to say.

Perfectionism Can Halt All Progress

You will never have everything figured out. Let that sink in. It’s become such a trope in our society that it’s surprising how easily we tend to forget it. There isn’t a single business out there that has all the answers on how to do things right, so why do we feel the need to stop moving forward if things aren’t perfect?

I remember a friend of mine spent years trying to compose music on his synthesizer but never released anything because it “wasn’t good enough” by his standards. I gave him the simple proposition to “put out crappy music”, since no matter what he would always think his music was crappy due to his perfectionist mindset. Within a day, he finally put something out on SoundCloud and his song “#Selfie” became a hit worldwide while his band The ChainSmokers continues to put out hits to this day.

OK, I’m kidding about that last part, but hopefully you get my point. My friend finally had a song out that he could have had out years ago but was too caught up on making everything “perfect” to do anything. He had, in effect, talked himself out of taking action. The same thing applies with business, even if you don’t have everything figured out it’s best to just start something and learn as you go.

“Imperfection is perfection.” – Flume

Whenever that annoying, perfectionist voice in your head tries to get you to quit because you’ll never have the “perfect” product or service to sell, tell it to shut up and put out your product or service anyway. As you gain experience in your field and receive valuable feedback from customers, you’ll be able to continually improve things with your business.

Had you not taken action to begin with, you would never have attained either of these two valuable assets. Never settle for mediocrity, but at the same time recognize your need to be in motion even if the thing that sets you in motion is initially subpar.

How do you push yourself and keep motivated? Let us know your thoughts below!

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Life

3 Mental Tricks to Help You Become a More Productive Person

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Whether you’re a career salesman, a student, or a software engineer, you can’t move an inch in your career if you produce less. Productivity is the key that will unlock your success. Unfortunately, not all of us are productive. And some of it is not our problem. Our Internet-empowered world is bloated with too many social media tools, too many emails and notifications, too many SMS and short messages, too many YouTube videos and Netflix movies. The distractions are at an all time high.

But what if there is a system that will help you keep all these distractions aside until you have accomplished your tasks? There is. And it only takes 3 simple steps. Read Below:

Step 1: See your everyday tasks as a gift

Showing up every day to work is anything but fun. You know your life depends on it, but some days are not your best days. No matter how you plan your projects, you can’t show up to do them. You’re tired and bored and uninterested. What’s the way forward? It’s not about planning. It’s not about waking up early. It’s not about lack of exercise or anything like that.

If you want to conquer your to-do list, day in and day out, you need a simple shift in your mindset. Stop thinking of your tasks as work. See those tasks as gifts…as natural endowments exclusively given to you. This simple shift in your mindset will awaken the sleeping giant within you. You’ll start feeling great about yourself, stop seeing your work as burdensome. The tasks will now make you feel proud.

No longer will your showing up early at your desk irritate you—because now you feel comfortable doing the work that matters. The mindset adjustment is not even difficult. Just figure out the value that your tasks will bring to your marketplace.

“Focus on being productive instead of busy.” – Tim Ferriss

Step 2: Be conscious of the impeccable values of your tasks

That’s how to shift your thinking. You dissect the unique values that are embedded in your tasks (when you accomplish them, of course). If you’re a web designer, for example, think about the joy and life-changing events that your design job will bring to your client. That landing page that you’ll design, it would mean the world to your client.

It will even change their business and their lives along the way. But that will not happen if you don’t show up every day, roll up your sleeves and work on that landing page. Now if you can visualize that value, it will serve you well. You’ll be motivated. So, how do you become more conscious of the values of your work? Write them down. And read them every day to spark your productivity.

Step 3: Remind yourself of the limited time you have in life

We like to postpone today’s tasks for tomorrow. Often, we’ll schedule a time to work, but when the time is due, we come up with another excuse, “I’ve got to call that client instead; I’ll leave that work till tomorrow.” But we don’t own tomorrow. We don’t have control over it. We don’t even know what it holds. And we have a very limited time.

If you want to improve your productivity, you have got to remind yourself about the scarcity of your time. Here are a few questions to ask yourself (I recommend that you do these exercises every time before you begin to work):

  • If you only have 24 hours left today, how do you want to spend it?
  • If you have 5 projects to complete today, how do you manage your time?
  • Would you rather watch a movie on Netflix or accomplish today’s task and move closer to your vision?

“Do something instead of killing time because time is killing you.” – Paulo Coelho

It’s about making smart choices. I know It’s hard. It’s tough. It requires an impeccable amount of discipline. But with constant practice, these mental tricks will help you become a more productive person, move you closer to realizing your vision.

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Life

The Guide to Coping With Stress, Anxiety and Failure

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Instead of complaining about the ebb and flow of tough times, we need to learn how to overcome them. We often let bad news cast a pall on our day, but taking it in and moving on with life is what we need to do and that’s a challenge. (more…)

David Lim is a Private Tutor at ChampionTutor. And he is very willing to discuss how to live a stress-free life.

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10 Comments

10 Comments

  1. Olga

    Oct 19, 2017 at 3:06 am

    Great article. As my autistic 17 year old was raging in the house today, I kept saying over and over ‘I am a victor. I am a victor”. I never use that word, but for some reason today, I started saying it– I liked the way it sounds. I like your positive take responsibility attitude. My favorite was number 2- Grieve for your mistakes and BURY THEM. I need to remind myself of that as I am often tempted to cry over spilled milk. But most of all, I keep making every effort to continue to follow the Lord. God bless you.

  2. John Michael

    Aug 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Thank you very much for this article. In truth, someone really hurt me earlier this year and I’ve been carrying it around in my heart not forgiving the person nor myself for what happened.
    Thanks to you i can breathe again. I am truly grateful.

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 28, 2015 at 1:01 pm

      John Michael as I stated earlier forgiveness is for you not the other person necessarily. When you choose to forgive you are setting yourself free to go out and love and live a free life. You are releasing yourself from the bondage imposed by pent up anger and bitterness so the real you can live again. I am glad you have chosen to forgive and move on so you can enjoy the wonderful life you so rightly deserve.

  3. B Collins

    Aug 25, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    Rose,

    Another great article. I have to admit I fall into the trap of reviewing my life and wishing I could change things in the past. Can’t do it. Have to focus on being positive and looking forward to the future.
    Keep up the good work Rose!!!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 26, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks Bill for your comment. It is very important to learn the lessons from your past but you must work on leaving the past where it belongs. Hanging on to the past will only delay all that is waiting ahead for you in the future.

  4. Ngiam Tee Ee

    Aug 24, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Thanks for the advice given, today I just trying to get to talk to the girl that I quite interested sometimes ago, since I don’t know her and she don’t know me as well. So when I approach her wanting to meeting her knowing her name. She ignored me and went. At first, it was quite hard to accept but, i’m a risk taker and I tried, i’m a winner here!!

    After reading your article I think that most of their opinion on you won’t matter, because you can’t control what happens. So may I ask should I continue to try getting to know her or move on? Thanks, hope you can give some advice here, thanks!

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 25, 2015 at 11:10 am

      Ngiam Tee Ee I am not an expert on relationships but I would suggest you become her friend. Try to know this person for who she is by becoming friends first. You might even find out that you do not even like her as much as you thought you did..
      You have to be confident in yourself and approach her with confidence. Nothing beats a great smile and a hello. Find out something about her from her friends and use that to start a conversation.
      If she refuse you then it is her loss. Good luck.

  5. Rose Costas

    Aug 23, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    Hi Tejaswi

    The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

    For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
    Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

  6. Tejaswi Khanna

    Aug 23, 2015 at 1:41 am

    Hi. Great article

    “People will critique you based on their perception of themselves.” Can you elaborate on it??

    My ex criticized me to a whole new level and I could not handle rejection. Now, a burning desire to prove her wrong sticks in my mind, which I know I should let go, but I don’t know how.

    Thanks

    • Rose Costas

      Aug 23, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Tejaswi
      The point I am trying to make is that people often times judge others based on how they view themselves. We all have short comings and many times we use our short comings as a guide to how we see others. We limit ourselves and therefore we have limits for other people as well.

      For example you mentioned your ex criticizing you a lot. You have to understand that in fact she wasn’t criticizing you but herself. She placed limits on herself and because of those limits she was using that to judge you.
      Most people become angry at others because they are angry and frustrated with themselves first. You have to know yourself and be confident enough to believe who you are and never allow anyone else’s perception of you to be who you accept as real.

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Life

The Guide to Coping With Stress, Anxiety and Failure

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Instead of complaining about the ebb and flow of tough times, we need to learn how to overcome them. We often let bad news cast a pall on our day, but taking it in and moving on with life is what we need to do and that’s a challenge.

Let’s look at 6 ways on how we can deal with the stresses and anxieties we face in our daily lives:

1. Deep breathing

If your schedule has you feeling compressed by unexplainable and intangible forces, stop everything and start taking in deep breaths.

Nobody takes this clichéd advice seriously, however, from a scientific perspective, deep breathing causes your metabolism to decrease, slows down heart-rate, relaxes the muscles and calms you down. So, stop everything for a minute and start breathing!

2. Write down what you’re stressed about

When there is too much going on in your head, you can never get work done. Doing a simple task can seem frustrating if your mind is just a labyrinthine tangle of negative thoughts and demotivating voices. The moment you are not 100% invested in your task, you would catch yourself being stuck for hours and it’s ultimately undue stress.

To avoid this, write down everything that bothers you, however big or small it is. Visualize and envision what you are going to do and remember that worrying about accomplishing a series of tasks will be futile. Don’t punish yourself by getting into a mess of unproductivity and negativity; write it down and clear it out.

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” – Benjamin Franklin

3. Yoga

Forcing yourself to contort your body into pretzel-like forms is not what yoga is about. Throughout the asanas, you need to breathe deeply and feel your muscles stretch. Listen to your body and feel every moment. The increased blood circulation to all parts of your body and the stabilization of hormones will calm you down.

4. Caffeine could increase stress levels

This is tragic news for the caffeine-lovers but you don’t need to panic about giving up on coffee. You need to bite the bullet and restrict coffee consumption to once-a-day. Caffeine can inhibit the absorption of adenosine (hormone) and cause a chaos in your biological clock if consumed excessively or late in the day.

Caffeine injects adrenaline into your system which may give you a temporary stimulation but later in the day you would feel agitated and fatigued. Take baby steps in controlling your addiction and when you have successfully reached the ‘one-cup-a-day’ stage, try to consume that cup of caffeine-loaded drink before 2pm.

5. Exercise and clean eating

Healthy meals and an active lifestyle go hand in hand in dissipating stress effectively. The psychological benefits of exercising have a neurochemical basis, which is the decrease in stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, and the increase in the endorphin hormone which is the body’s natural painkiller and mood elevator.

Parenthetically, you will achieve a toned-looking body, your favourite clothes will fit you perfectly and you will be in the pink of health. All of this will collectively enable you to exude confidence and work efficiently. It’s simple, if you take care of your body, your body takes care of you.

Now that we have discussed handling daily-life stresses and anxieties, let’s talk about failures and how to overcome them:

1. Dissect the experience

Staying positive in the teeth of every difficulty sounds almost preposterous and unrealistic, and it is true that remaining happy all the time is impossible. What is essential though is to accept that you are a human, complain if you have to and feel free to be upset but don’t whine all day long and get over-emotional. Think about how that failure had played out.

Think about why you made the decision you made, recognize where exactly you went wrong and take ownership while not blaming others. There are many things in your control, and it’s up to you to make sure you conquer those factors and utilize them to your advantage. Be in tune with yourself and put things into perspective instead of dwelling on emotions.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others

No two leaves are the same and hence it’s ridiculous to compare yourself to your peers. Your experiences, talents, desires, attitude and everything else is very different as compared to another person and hence there is no basis for you to compare and evaluate.

Always work on becoming the better version of yourself and surround yourself with people who support you, empathise with you, respect your decisions and believe in you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

3. You are equipped

Chances are if you are reading this article, you have the access to a laptop or a computer. You have the privilege of owning a device which basically encompasses the entire world. You have the resources and support to rise from a setback so be grateful for what you have and concentrate on progressing.

In conclusion, be it daily life stresses or an occasional failure, take it with a pinch of salt emotionally. Like glow sticks, we don’t shine until we are broken. Remember the world doesn’t owe you anything so work hard, treat problems as learning experiences, and never underestimate yourself.

How do you deal with the stress, anxiety, and failure? Let us know your tips below!

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Life

5 Ways You Can Make the Most Out of Failure

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It’s been said that only two things are certain in life: death and taxes. I’d like to add another one to the list: rejection. No matter who you are and what life you live, there will be instances in your life when you experience rejection.

Nobody likes to be rejected. It sucks to be told you were good, just not good enough, for the project, job, partner or position. It’s confusing and frustrating, and it can make you want to scream. But more often than not, being rejected can be the start of something brilliant.

Here are five ways you can make sure you make the most out of your difficult experiences and come out at the other end stronger:

1. Take five

When you get bad news or hear negative feedback, most of us can’t help but fall into a sullen mood. Rather than fall into the trap of focusing on the negative and being overly self-critical, take five minutes to clear your head of all negativity. Even after five minutes of silent meditation, you’ll start to clear your head and realise that everything isn’t really all that bad.

“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen

2. Put things into perspective

Unless you are a heart surgeon or have a job in which you are responsible for the wellbeing of others, nobody will die because of this disappointment or mistake. If you lose a job, you’ll find another one. If you don’t get that promotion, you can make more money in some other way. An opportunity lost is another chance for something new to come down the road. Remember that this is only a momentary pain and won’t last long in the grand scheme of things.

3. Assess what went right

You can nearly always find a positive lesson from even the most negative of circumstances. The hardest part is often escaping the negative mindset that everything must have gone wrong if things didn’t go exactly as planned. In reality, there are an infinite number of variables that could have caused an unsatisfactory outcome. If you manage to put the negative mindset out of your head you can focus on the many things that went right, rather than what went wrong. Always remember to look at things on the bright side.

4. Review what went wrong, and look for ways to improve

After you’ve had a chance to look at what exactly went right, you can then take a hard look at how to improve on what went wrong. Consider whether or not you need to get additional training in certain areas, to practice more often, or just to consider ways to improve what worked partially but not fully.

“Success is 99% failure.” – Soichiro Honda

5. Remember, what will be, will be

Try your best, then don’t worry be happy. You will always face difficulties through life, but the more you practice accepting these difficulties, the better positioned you’ll be to make use of your time effectively and improve your life. Look at life through the lens of a stoic philosopher and you will better understand how to live a life of streamlined success and happiness.

The best lessons you learn in life are very rarely the easiest. Remember to reflect on why some of the hardest decisions and saddest realisations you may have are vitally important for future growth and genuine happiness. These moments force you to break out of your normal state of consciousness and reassess what is most important to you.

They make you reflect on what has worked, and more importantly, what hasn’t. Only in these moments do you realise who you really are, and exactly what you are capable of.

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Life

You Can Create Whatever Life You Want So Stop Talking Yourself Out of Your Destiny

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There’s never been a time like right now in human history for entrepreneurship. We have access to virtually limitless knowledge thanks to the advent of the internet, and you can reach anyone on this planet literally at the click of a button.

However, despite the massive amount of opportunity out there, there are still time-tested principles that every wanna-be entrepreneur needs to know in order to truly succeed. Knowing these principles can spell the difference between achieving your dreams and talking yourself out of your destiny.

There is Such a Thing as Preparing Too Much

While it’s certainly necessary to prepare in life, a just as devastating problem many people face in life is being too prepared. Way too often, people believe they’re actually working by spending hours “preparing” when all they’re doing is thinking about working while their actual work goes untouched.

As Gary Vaynerchuk put it bluntly in one of his livestream Q&A videos, “There are just so many ways to build your business, but lack of action is not one of them.” Basically, we are both blessed and cursed by our access to virtually limitless knowledge. We can turn on the faucet of knowledge and grab a quick swig when we need it, but if we leave it on for too long we’ll be drowning in information and be stuck trying to process everything.

If you spend too much time processing, you’ll be more likely to talk yourself out of taking the risks necessary to build a successful business. The solution is simple: stop processing and start taking action.

A phrase I find myself repeating a lot when I get into a bind is, “How did successful people do it before the age of internet?” The answer is they did it by not talking themselves off of the ledge of destiny and instead diving into their project headfirst.

“Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay.” – Simone de Beauvoir

Our Feelings Often Lie to Us

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like throwing in the towel when trying to build my web design business. I remember one day in particular I had a massive headache and was on the verge of quitting everything due to the frustration I felt while dealing with a problematic client.

I looked at my watch and realized I hadn’t eaten yet that morning, so I went and made myself breakfast. After eating a bowl of scrambled eggs and toast, my headache magically vanished along with my thoughts of wanting to quit. I quickly realized what needed to be done and fixed the client’s issue without much thought. The problem wasn’t with the client, the problem was with my stomach.

Can you imagine how ridiculous I would have looked had I fired my client all because I hadn’t eaten that day? This is why our feelings sometimes need to take a backseat when it comes to making wise, calculated decisions for our success.

Intuition is important, obviously, but it’s best utilized with years of reliable experience to back it up. So go with your gut when it’s wise to do so, but always make sure your gut is fed otherwise you may regret what it has to say.

Perfectionism Can Halt All Progress

You will never have everything figured out. Let that sink in. It’s become such a trope in our society that it’s surprising how easily we tend to forget it. There isn’t a single business out there that has all the answers on how to do things right, so why do we feel the need to stop moving forward if things aren’t perfect?

I remember a friend of mine spent years trying to compose music on his synthesizer but never released anything because it “wasn’t good enough” by his standards. I gave him the simple proposition to “put out crappy music”, since no matter what he would always think his music was crappy due to his perfectionist mindset. Within a day, he finally put something out on SoundCloud and his song “#Selfie” became a hit worldwide while his band The ChainSmokers continues to put out hits to this day.

OK, I’m kidding about that last part, but hopefully you get my point. My friend finally had a song out that he could have had out years ago but was too caught up on making everything “perfect” to do anything. He had, in effect, talked himself out of taking action. The same thing applies with business, even if you don’t have everything figured out it’s best to just start something and learn as you go.

“Imperfection is perfection.” – Flume

Whenever that annoying, perfectionist voice in your head tries to get you to quit because you’ll never have the “perfect” product or service to sell, tell it to shut up and put out your product or service anyway. As you gain experience in your field and receive valuable feedback from customers, you’ll be able to continually improve things with your business.

Had you not taken action to begin with, you would never have attained either of these two valuable assets. Never settle for mediocrity, but at the same time recognize your need to be in motion even if the thing that sets you in motion is initially subpar.

How do you push yourself and keep motivated? Let us know your thoughts below!

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Life

3 Mental Tricks to Help You Become a More Productive Person

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Whether you’re a career salesman, a student, or a software engineer, you can’t move an inch in your career if you produce less. Productivity is the key that will unlock your success. Unfortunately, not all of us are productive. And some of it is not our problem. Our Internet-empowered world is bloated with too many social media tools, too many emails and notifications, too many SMS and short messages, too many YouTube videos and Netflix movies. The distractions are at an all time high.

But what if there is a system that will help you keep all these distractions aside until you have accomplished your tasks? There is. And it only takes 3 simple steps. Read Below:

Step 1: See your everyday tasks as a gift

Showing up every day to work is anything but fun. You know your life depends on it, but some days are not your best days. No matter how you plan your projects, you can’t show up to do them. You’re tired and bored and uninterested. What’s the way forward? It’s not about planning. It’s not about waking up early. It’s not about lack of exercise or anything like that.

If you want to conquer your to-do list, day in and day out, you need a simple shift in your mindset. Stop thinking of your tasks as work. See those tasks as gifts…as natural endowments exclusively given to you. This simple shift in your mindset will awaken the sleeping giant within you. You’ll start feeling great about yourself, stop seeing your work as burdensome. The tasks will now make you feel proud.

No longer will your showing up early at your desk irritate you—because now you feel comfortable doing the work that matters. The mindset adjustment is not even difficult. Just figure out the value that your tasks will bring to your marketplace.

“Focus on being productive instead of busy.” – Tim Ferriss

Step 2: Be conscious of the impeccable values of your tasks

That’s how to shift your thinking. You dissect the unique values that are embedded in your tasks (when you accomplish them, of course). If you’re a web designer, for example, think about the joy and life-changing events that your design job will bring to your client. That landing page that you’ll design, it would mean the world to your client.

It will even change their business and their lives along the way. But that will not happen if you don’t show up every day, roll up your sleeves and work on that landing page. Now if you can visualize that value, it will serve you well. You’ll be motivated. So, how do you become more conscious of the values of your work? Write them down. And read them every day to spark your productivity.

Step 3: Remind yourself of the limited time you have in life

We like to postpone today’s tasks for tomorrow. Often, we’ll schedule a time to work, but when the time is due, we come up with another excuse, “I’ve got to call that client instead; I’ll leave that work till tomorrow.” But we don’t own tomorrow. We don’t have control over it. We don’t even know what it holds. And we have a very limited time.

If you want to improve your productivity, you have got to remind yourself about the scarcity of your time. Here are a few questions to ask yourself (I recommend that you do these exercises every time before you begin to work):

  • If you only have 24 hours left today, how do you want to spend it?
  • If you have 5 projects to complete today, how do you manage your time?
  • Would you rather watch a movie on Netflix or accomplish today’s task and move closer to your vision?

“Do something instead of killing time because time is killing you.” – Paulo Coelho

It’s about making smart choices. I know It’s hard. It’s tough. It requires an impeccable amount of discipline. But with constant practice, these mental tricks will help you become a more productive person, move you closer to realizing your vision.

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