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There Ain’t No Rewind Button On Life

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Yesterday I went to the beach. I was present for the entire day. I didn’t look at my phone and I focused on enjoying nature. I saw parrots, amazing ocean views, endless mountains and met a dog that kept licking my face.

All of these things have been at my disposal each day. The problem is we ignore them. We forget that there ain’t no rewind button on life.

We either enjoy these simple pleasures now or run the risk of never getting to experience them fully. I sat there yesterday and thought to myself “What if this is all there is?”

I pondered that thought all day until I realized that as long as I don’t want to rewind my life because of regrets I have, I’m happy.

Making the most of it

“As long as I can wake up and say I made the most of it, then I’m happy”

What I want you to realize is that making the most of it is not as difficult as it sounds. Sometimes this phrase sounds like a throwaway line like a lot of clichés.

The difference here is that making the most of it means saying yes to opportunities. I would never have gone to the beach yesterday unless I decided to make the most of it. My friend has a lot of wisdom to share and I got access to that. Let’s face it, I had nothing else locked in any way.

Okay, the drive was long, but how can I complain about driving in a nice car, on a beautiful day and watching nature do its thing. On the way, there were some incredibly strong winds and the rain was bucketing down. Then at the end of the day, there was this beautiful sunset with that golden colored sky. The ocean never looked so beautiful.

Have fun

There’s this illusion that we can have fun later. We think “Hey I’m hustling now to make money so I can have fun later.” Why wait, though? Why not have fun now?

By having fun right now, we give ourselves the motivation to push through the challenges that a lot of us decide to let stand in our way. You can’t rewind your life and insert fun in all the places where you left it out.

I’m guilty of this more than anyone. I spent seven years doing nothing but working without a single day of leave from the office. Yeah, I got lots of business skills from this hard work, but I also got this big gaping hole in my heart caused by the lack of fun I was having. During this time, I traded life for work.

“I became a robot on autopilot to society’s idea of success”

I thought I could outwork my unhappiness and have fun later. Now that I think about it is having fun when you are sixty and retired as fun as when you are 25? Hell no. At 25 you can run like Usain Bolt.

You have this energy and fire within that burns the brightest it’s ever going to burn. Now you can still do cool stuff when you are sixty; it’s just that it will be a different sort of cool stuff. Only having one flavor, and one time period of cool will cause you to want to rewind your life.

Smiling

Walking through the shopping mall the other day, I realized that adults don’t smile that much. I’m always the guy that is too serious and so laser focused on the next task for the day. And for what? So I can achieve more tasks than the guy sitting next to me eating a Cherry Ripe?

Concentrate on having variety in your life. There’s no reason why you can’t work hard, have fun and smile every day. Grab each of these spices of life and mix them together in a delicious bolognaise sauce now. Then, enjoy that bolognaise sauce with all aspects of your life mixed in daily.

Banker John

So there’s this banker I worked with. Real nice guy, family man, four kids. He always did a good job and I said to myself, “When we finish the current deal we are working on, I’m going to acknowledge and appreciate him.”

Guess what? He died the following week after I had that thought. I never got to say what I thought to him. Now he’s gone to a better place having never known the impact he had. There’s no rewind button for me to go back and say “Mate you did an excellent job and I love your passion for our mutual clients.”

Nope, he’s gone, never to return. Maybe we’ll meet someday as caterpillars in another life. Otherwise, I now know, and you now know, why you have to stop delaying sh”t.

A helping hand

“When I make a million dollars then I’ll lend a hand to someone else’s business. Then I’ll go and help out at a homeless shelter.”

These are the stupid lies we tell ourselves. If we’re not willing to lend a hand now, we won’t when we get the million dollars. The reason being that we will never have enough money or success. It’s what you do at the start of your career, business, life, that determines what you’ll do when you hit the big time buster!

“The worst feeling in the world is getting to the end of your life, when you are on your deathbed, and realizing you helped no one”

You had so much value to give to the world and you did nothing. Okay, you lined your pockets and got your family all they wanted, but who did you become?

Lending a hand gives us meaning in our life. This kind act allows us to transcend our problems caused by selfishness, and cure ourselves and others, through the heartfelt act of helping out.

The regret of selfishness will come when you get older. By then, you’ll have less time to lend a helping hand. There’s somewhere you could go right now, where you could add tremendous value. That value is often masked in the stories, habits and achievements from the movie of your life.

It’s hard to believe, but people find value in what you think is irrelevant. I always thought my life story was stupid. Then I started sharing it and people found value in it. I didn’t get money from sharing my story; what I got was meaning for my life. I got the chance to lend a helping hand.

In case you forgot; there ain’t no rewind button on life.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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