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The Psychology of a Habit and How You Can Change Them

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habits

Humans have an inability to change; this is an argument that has been discussed for centuries and it is largely because of our tendency to be creatures of habit. Think for a moment your daily routine, if you are like 98% of human beings, your morning habits are relatively the same without any true variations from year to year. The other two percent are the very successful minded people that change their habits constantly to maximize their success in life.

The reason that humans stick to their bad habits for so long is because of many reasons; comfortability, fear of failure and the strength of a habit over time. Research shows that the longer the habit has been in effect, the harder it is to change. However, my goal is to articulate that human’s have the ability to change and become adaptable to any and all change simply by replacing an old thought habits with new and better ones.

Moreover, my goal is to persuade that humans don’t actually have an inability to change but rather they are masters of change because they can control their habits.

Understanding habits and How they’re formed 

Before one can change a habit, they must first know what they are, and how they are formed. A habit by definitions is, “a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance” (Merriam-Webster), moreover, a habit is formed simply by repetition.

Anything that you think and do over and over again becomes a habit and according to the University College London, it takes on average 66 days for a new habit to form. On paper this seems quite feasible, however, it is easier said than done because of our human nature to be comfortable. The human mind for over 500 plus years has repetitively been programed to think in black and white, meaning that we are taught to believe things are what they are instead of believing that they have the ability to adapt and change.

Because of this human bias, making new habits stick becomes challenging because the battle has to be won in the mind before it can be manifested to reality. Being aware of this human cognitive bias is crucial for creating the willpower necessary to change any habit you want; humans are not bounded to anything, yet because of thinking habits and our interpretation of them it often feels like we are.

“H is for Habit, winners make a habit of doing the things losers don’t want to do.” – Lucas Remmerswaal

Habits Are Consciously Started, And Subconsciously Finished 

The other conflict that gets in the way of creating new and better habits is the inability to consciously notices habits. Majority of people’s core beliefs and ideologies of the self were developed at a young age, before even having the ability to subjectively pick and choose what they wanted to believe, and also how to properly interpret the situation that occurred.

This is where memory plays an interesting role, our memory is often distorted based on the current mindset we have, meaning an event that once had no significance when it occurred, in a new context or mindset can have a purpose.

Thought habits that developed in adolescence, unless replaced with a better habit, probably still have an unconscious impact. How one can go about changing their thought process is by simply auto suggesting a thought of desire and training it like a habit, consciously sending positive thoughts to the subconscious mind.

An autosuggestion is a conscious thought sent to the unconscious mind. Because thoughts are impulses and have a vibration of frequency, doing this over and over again can create a new habit of thinking; the same way a habit is formed on a surface level it can also be formed on a chemical level as well. Knowing this is fundamental in fighting through the uncomfortable part of change.

Habits Are Not Changed, Only Replaced 

Additionally, in order to adapt to change quickly it is immensely important to know that old habits do not disappear, however, they are instead replaced by better ones. Habits cannot be easily replaced; the body and mind naturally know this and will at first resist.

It is believed that a lot of humans bad habits are caused by stress and boredom and these two elements directly affect the body and mind and its resistance to new habits. Because of this natural resistance, it has been assumed by the 98% of people that think that change doesn’t last leading them to resist it at all costs.

Giving these points, it is easy to see the challenges of replacing old habits and the reluctance of people to resist change, however, it is also clear that training new habits requires a time-tested method for adapting and creating all change. Human’s don’t have an inability to change and fascinatingly enough when aware of this, humans have a tendency to embrace change because they understand the process of creating change.

“The Habits that took years to build, do not take a day to change.” – Susan Powter

Change is a matter of patience, willpower and consistency practiced consciously for roughly 66 days, long enough for a habit itself to take over involuntary. This is important for humans to understand because the only difference between them and the person they are inspired to be are the habits they need to change.

What tips would you give someone to help them change a habit? Please leave your thoughts below!

Kyle Colley is a Junior Political Science major from Denver, Colorado who attends Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a freelance writer with the passion of inspiring people to manifest their passions and become multicultural. In 2016, Kyle became a co-founder of Read More Co. a forward-thinking company that uses fashion and books to promote the importance of reading. Read More Co. believes that reading intentionally with a goal in mind will lead its followers to success and happiness in any endeavor in their lives. You can find him on Facebook (Kyle Colley) or on Instagram.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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