Life

The One Concept We All Need to Accept for a Happier Life

Published

2 years ago

Jun 11, 2021

Image Credit: Unsplash

Best Man Speech: “I met Caleb when I was 15. I’ve been with him through a broken collar bone when he got sacked in football, being suspended from school when we well…let’s just say got in trouble. I’ve been with him through his first heartbreak and I will never forget the night he told me he was going to marry Jackie. You two are meant for each other, I knew it from the first time I saw you together. So, let’s raise a glass to Caleb and Jackie, today is a day filled with happiness but remember, This Too Shall Pass”.

Can you imagine?

Have you ever been having the time of your life, laughing, smiling, you are feeling so happy and then someone says to you, “This too shall pass”? Probably not!

That phrase is usually only used when you are going through a challenging time in your life, not something you would hear at a wedding, birthday party, the excitement from a promotion…am I right?

This too shall pass is a Persian phrase that reflects on the temporary nature or impermanence of anything and everything.

An early English citation of “This too shall pass” appears first in 1848. It was also notably used in a speech by Abraham Lincoln before he was president in 1859.

This too shall pass means that the difficult things you are facing will pass, but it also does mean the amazing things you experience will pass as well. In other words, impermanence.

What is impermanence?

Impermanence is the state of accepting that everything is temporary. Acceptance of impermanence is not meant to make you a Debbie Downer. The idea is that it allows you to cope more easily with challenging times if you can accept that life is fluid.

If you come to the conclusion that life is not permanent, and neither is anything in it (relationships, children, job, physical capabilities, financial status, etc.), then you are more likely to react gracefully when something in your life changes.

Impermanence can give you hope that the painful moments you are facing will not last forever. It also can encourage you to work on being more present because the truth is that you, your relationships, your job, and your mental state will not always be in a permanent state of happiness and bliss.

“When things are bad, remember: It won’t always be this way. Take one day at a time. When things are good remember: It won’t always be this way. Enjoy every great moment.” –Doc Zantamata

What can you gain by learning to accept impermanence?

You accept that bad things will come to an end
You accept that good things will come to an end
You accept ALL emotions are fluid and will not last forever
You accept that life is dynamic, not static

When you are happy, enjoy it! Treasure those moments and be as present as you can be. When you are hurting, feel it, acknowledge it, learn from it and know it will not last forever. You never know if your next moment will be a good moment or bad moment, but what you do know is that whichever it is, it will change.

How do you accept impermanence? Well, you already have before and probably didn’t even realize it. Think back to the last time you had the cold or the flu. You didn’t say to yourself, “Ok, this is it. It’s been a good life. I’m dying.” Ok, maybe you felt like that for a second, but in reality, you knew that it would last 3-5 days and you would feel better again. That is practicing and accepting impermanence.

Embracing impermanence in my life has made me more mindful of living in the present and more emotionally grounded. It also reminds me that things will happen in life that I don’t have control over, but I get to control how to respond to them.

Let’s try that Best Man Speech again…

“I met Caleb when I was 15. I’ve been with him through a broken collar bone when he got sacked in football, being suspended from school when we well…let’s just say got in trouble. I’ve been with him through his first heartbreak and I will never forget the night he told me he was going to marry Jackie. You two are meant for each other, I knew it from the first time I saw you together. The advice I give you today I’ve learned during my own journey. In my own marriage and in life, I have learned to embrace impermanence. You will have amazing moments together, that will pass. You will have challenges you will face, that will pass as well and be replaced with happy moments again. This journey you are on together is fluid and will forever be changing, embrace all of it! It’s all a part of the ride you are taking together. Oh, and have lots of sex! Let’s raise a glass to Caleb and Jackie!”

Related Topics:how to accept everything changes impermanence Life life changes life is fluid nothing stays the same this too shall pass

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Jasmine Rice

Jasmine Rice is a certified life coach with a degree in psychology from the University of Kansas. After experiencing a series of challenging life transitions, including a divorce and a job loss, Jasmine went from surviving to thriving. Her experiences along the way have humbled her and inspired her passion to support others experiencing grief, unexpected change, loss, or any challenging life transition. She supports and guides you while you create your own life recipe.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

1 week ago

Jan 25, 2023

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

1. Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.

Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.

Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.

Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.

These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.

This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.

If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.