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The Cinderella Myth About Life We All Need to Reconsider

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cinderella fairytale

Cinderella’s story is unquestionably one of the most popular fairy-tales of all times. Both the old and the young are enchanted by the kindness and purity of Cinderella, and by the magic that transforms her into a real Princess.

Although this fairy-tale teaches us invaluable lessons on human kindness, it can also be interpreted as one which praises victimhood and creates false image on how positive changes happen in our life.

Symbolism of Cinderella characters from the perspective of accomplishing one’s dreams in life

Cinderella embodies the individual who wants to accomplish his/her dream. The Prince symbolizes the dream that the individual has. Cinderella’s stepmother and stepsisters represent every obstacle that is on an individual’s way to his/her dream. Among such obstacles are challenges, difficulties, fear of failure, fear of what others will think of us, lack of self-belief and lack of self-confidence.

As Cinderella is oppressed by her stepmother and stepsisters, the same way individuals are often chained down by such obstacles in life and silently obey them.

But wait… isn’t it Cinderella who is the true owner of the house, which her stepmother took total control of?  Yes, she is! Yet she willingly accepted her role as a servant. Similarly each human being is the master of his or her own life. However, like Cinderella, many people victimize themselves and let obstacles or tough times take away their inner power.

But you would argue, “It is not Cinderella’s fault, it is because of the circumstances that she is in”. Let me explain. Cinderella, as any other human being, is nothing more but the result of all her decisions and subsequent actions. I agree that there are many things in life which we do not have any choice over, such as which family we are born in, what socio-economic environment we are raised in, what education we get. Of course, all this influences the way one is shaped as an individual.

But there is a time in life, my dear friend, when you are no more a 2-year old baby, who needs care, who is just learning to communicate its thoughts and who hardly knows anything about the world.

There comes a time that you are already a mature human being, who is capable of making conscious decisions and acting on them. You are the one to decide who you make friends with, what you spend your precious time on. you are the one to decide whether you are a victim or the leader of your life.

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France

You and only you are responsible for your life

Responsibility? Most people are just too much afraid of this word. Why? Because it means that you must learn to become accountable for each and every action of yours to no one else but yourself. This means that you have no right to blame anything or anyone in your life. Scary, isn’t it?

Coming back to Cinderella, my humble opinion is that it is not  the stepmother or her daughters who are to blame for Cinderella’s situation, but it is Cinderella who was responsible for it (see I am not using the word to blame). Similarly in life, no matter what happened in the past, who caused you pain, no matter how many challenges and obstacles you have in your life at the moment, there is only one person responsible for the person you are now, and it is YOU!

You may also say, “But Cinderella had a hope for a better future. She was dreaming about her Prince.”  Yes, she was dreaming but nothing more. This is the case with 95% of the world population, who have dreams about their future and again nothing more.

And here the story calls upon Fairy Godmother, who transforms Cinderella into a Princess with her magic stick. In my perspective, Fairy Godmother embodies the positive change in one’s life, which brings individual’s dreams into reality.

The myth about overnight success

To me, this is the most heart-touching moment in the whole story. It just makes you believe in magic! Yet it also makes us believe in one of the greatest myths of all times, meaning that “Great accomplishments happen overnight”. They do not. Period.

Since childhood people are sold into the idea that if you are one of those lucky ones, then one day by some miracle your dreams will come true.

Just to make clear, I am a big fan of miracles, many have happened in my life. But I also know well enough the backstage story of what it takes to see and experience these miracles. I recall well enough that miracles started happening in my life following my decision to become my own Fairy Godmother.

Well, back then I did not have a magic stick, but I had a passion for my dreams and I had faith in my heart. Those miracles did not happen in an instant, unlike Cinderella’s who was transformed in a few seconds. Those miracles took time and a lot of consistent efforts. Ahead are even bigger dreams and even more miracles to experience.”It takes time to be who you really want to be. It doesn’t happen overnight.” – Chanel Inman

Final thought

Look, even if Fairy Godmother came to me one night and gave me a chance to make all my dreams come true by some miracle, I would thank her wholeheartedly, but would prefer to realize my dreams myself. Sounds crazy, right? I know it does!

But to me nothing compares to the joy I feel when I have just accomplished something significant in my life due to my own efforts, not just by mere luck. I look back on my journey and I feel so proud of myself for overcoming all those challenges and difficulties on my way, for failing and learning from pain and bunch of mistakes I made, for growing even stronger and more mature, and becoming the human being I am today.

With all my love and respect, I dare you become your own Fairy Godmother and see miracles happen in your life.

What miracles have happened in your life lately? Leave your thoughts below!

Arevik Hayrapetyan is the Co-founder and People development mentor & coach at Kaizen Mastery. She has a dream of uplifting as many human beings as possible to their highest potential and encourage them to fulfill the ultimate purpose of each human being, to create a Life, called a Masterpiece! Get in touch with Arevik through her LinkedIn.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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