Connect with us

Life

Stop Wasting Your Emotional Energy Committing These 3 Common Pitfalls

Published

on

emotional energy
Image Credit: Twenty20.com

I’ve racked my brain for years on how to cause life to happen, as opposed to just letting it unfold. My successes have varied all the way from run-of-the-mill fulfillment to complete emotional turmoil. However, in recent past, I’ve come across a few critical distinctions to salvaging precious energy while making life work—most notably with the people in.

If you look at the human condition, we weren’t trained to care for others. With the primary function of the brain set in survival mode, it’s not natural for us to be around others. Yet, it’s essentially impossible to live a fulfilling life on one’s own.

As I’ve gone through the trials and tribulations of friendships, relationships and business partnerships, there are several scenarios that pop up consistently. Human nature is to handle it a certain way yet it often results in a severe loss of power or freedom in the interaction or relationship.

Here are three common communication pitfalls that by avoiding, can save you copious amounts of energy to direct towards more important things in life:

1. Taking Requests Personally

If you think about it, life is an ongoing series of conversational requests. Making friends, getting a job, and getting married are all instances where a question is involved prior to the life event happening or not.

What’s important to look at, is how we make these requests and how we handle the outcome. It’s very natural to focus on the desired outcome when making the request however, it clearly deters the conviction behind the request. By remaining on the field and dialed in on what you’re committed to, there’s no attachment to the result—putting the other party at ease and free to choose yes or no.

Moreover, should they say no to your request, you are able to take it for what it is. They’re saying no to the request, not to you. There’s no need to identify or associate with it because what you’re committed to supersedes all. It’s just yes or no — that’s it. If the answer fulfills on your commitment, great. If not, you go back to work. End of story.

“Even a dead fish can go with the flow.” – Jim Hightower

2. Taking Feedback Personally

One of life’s certainties is you’re going to receive unwanted feedback. How you handle this forgone truth however, makes all the difference. Because we pride ourselves on our beliefs, many people automatically associate feedback as an attack.

We think that someone giving us feedback is code for “you’re not good enough,” “you don’t belong,” or “you’re going to end up alone.” This type of neuro-association obviously doesn’t lead to very healthy responses, typically ending in communication breakdowns.

A great way to overcome this default response is to flip the lense. Instead of viewing feedback as a personal attack, we see it as coaching. Very successful people view everyone in their life as a coach—someone invested in the improvement of a particular person.

By viewing everyone who provides feedback—no matter how much we don’t appreciate its delivery—we view others as people taking on leadership roles in our lives. When someone volunteers to lead something, they’re taking responsibility for those they are leading. Great leaders don’t create followers—they create more leaders.

3. Listening To Our Internal Judgment

It’s crazy to think just how often we take ourselves out of the game of life by simply staying in our head and listening to the ongoing judgment being recited. That inner dialogue is no genius. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

The only way we can create change in life is through action. Action doesn’t happen by thinking or feeling. They may be a prerequisite to a certain degree, but you can’t think your way into a promotion or a new relationship. You have to stay in the game.

By acknowledging our judgment as unhelpful dodging of responsibility instead of a roadmap to situational success, we can remain present and distinguish the best ways to move the conversation forward. The default of the mind is not forward momentum. We must cause positive results.

“Either you run the day or the day runs you.” – Jim Rohn

Bringing It All Together

Life wouldn’t be life without the challenging moments, however, we often make things harder than they have to be. We allow our view of things to dictate how we treat others in varying situations.

By understanding the alternative views we can try on during times we typically break down, we can preserve energy better spent elsewhere—on making a difference for other people. The energy you save from not taking requests or feedback personally and quieting your internal judgment will light you up as much as the alternative typically brings you down.

The extra energy you walk around with will be impossible to ignore, and everyone will want to know where they can get it for themselves. Leave the door wide open for you to be a leader for your community and facilitate a better future of human interaction with the people that matter most to you.

How do you maintain your emotional energy at a steady level? Let us know your tips in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Dan Whalen is a franchise operator with College Hunks Hauling Junk & Moving, personal development writer, and NLP master practitioner. He has a background in business management and team leadership spanning nearly a decade, and has a deeply-rooted passion for helping people experience fulfilling lives. You can find him on Twitter at @DanielJWhalen.

Advertisement
2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. AK

    Jul 4, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    TOO MUCH GOOD !!!

  2. Timothy Mills Jr

    Jun 1, 2018 at 11:34 am

    Thank you very much for the article, Dan. I really enjoyed it. I certainly can relate to all three pitfalls you mention, however, I find that for today, number one: taking requests personally, especially resonated with me. I am busier than I have ever been in my entire life between grad school, running a business, building a home with my girlfriend and our puppy (another one coming) and two cats, and everything else we have going on. In all of that craziness of our day-to-day lives, I really struggle saying no to people’s requests of sharing personal time together. I really just want to take the few opportunities I have to relax and recharge. But I feel terrible saying no, like I’m saying no to the person rather than the request. Any advice on how to separate the two when responding to requests? Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

5 Reasons Why You Need to Stop Striving for Perfection

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

We live in a culture where striving for perfection is hailed as a virtue. Over the centuries, that ideal has become embedded in our collective consciousness as something to aspire to consistently. Perfection is what drives us to improve upon past efforts and keep working to better ourselves at every opportunity. While that sounds like a good thing, it is time we came to terms with how much damage this personality trait can cause in the long run.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Why Quantum Physics is So Important to Your Spiritual Awakening

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Quantum physics plays a big part in your spiritual awakening. We are all familiar with Newtonian physics as it deals with the reality of physical matter that we know. We know that if we want to make any type of change to physical matter, it is going to require another physical tool to make that change. As an example, we must have a pick and shovel to move a mound or a mountain; we must use physical strength to move furniture from one place to another; we must use the physical force of heat to melt an iceberg. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

How to Appreciate Life and Not Just Exist in It

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Do you sometimes stare off into space and wonder “Why am I here?” “What am I doing?” or “There has to be more to life than just this.” We get caught in the everyday routine of sleep, work, home, sleep, work, home, and…you get the point.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

7 Ways to Declutter Your Personal Health

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

For most of us, our health is cluttered. Not necessarily cluttered by stuff, mind you, but cluttered with information. Too many new diets, new must-have supplements, or new workout plans. Too many opinions on how much water to drink, which must-have supplements to take, and how much sleep you need. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending