Connect with us

Success Advice

7 Common Roadblocks to Clear Communication

Avatar

Published

on

communication

Last night, I had one of my weaker moments of recent memory. I was at dinner with one of the dearest friends I have, casually discussing ideas for our evening together. We exchanged playful banter with one another, taking shots at each other’s inconsistencies with planning and executing.

In what felt like out of nowhere, the conversation leveled-up from meaningless nonsense to abrupt authenticity. I chose to ignore what was best for the conversation’s resolve and blurt out what first came to mind in defense of myself. I reached low for this one — to the depths my own insecurity.

My comment centered around his newfound relationship, that of which he was extremely excited about and invested in. My first attempt to retract my statement was to no avail. I stated that I felt attacked in that moment and that what I said was the only place I felt I could reach to silence anything further. But that wasn’t it.

The reality was my comment came from a much nastier, yet far more relatable place. Where it really came from was my jealousy of his newfound relationship, and my continuation of navigating life without a special person to share it with. I attacked my friend with the very thing I wanted most for myself.

Furthermore, I met his acknowledgement of my inconsistencies with aggression, as it’s clearly an area I’ve refused to confront for quite some time. Sometimes what shows up in the heat of the moment is more about short-term survival than long-term connection. It’s important that we remain grounded in our understanding that what our minds cook up and serve us isn’t always meant to eat.

Here are seven common linguistic patterns blocking us from the fulfilling relationships we always dreamed of:

1. Mind-Reading

There’s arguably no better way to make someone feel limited in their existence as attempting to predict what they’re going to say. One of the most precious gifts in life for human beings is a distinct voice. If I choose to cut it down by robbing them of their expression, I’m effectively taking away both of our voices in the process. If I’m being a truly uplifting friend or partner, I’m listening to them as who they could be and not who the past says that they are.

2. Labeling

Name-calling was once relegated to elementary school bickering, but it’s appalling to see how often it takes place among adults — especially those that care for each other. Labels are defined constructs of language, meaning there is a ceiling on the person they can become when I assign said label.

Moreover, the rapidness in which I want to label is startling — one correlated instance and I’m already inclined to box others in. By calling someone a name, I’m communicating that I’m not willing to put in the effort to understand their unique situation. I’m all for being lazy every now and again, but not at the expense of others.

3. Generalizing

The sister to labeling, generalizing is equally as lazy and equally as diminishing. Just because a person’s behavior repeats itself, it does not mean it’s “always” or “never” going to be a certain way.

By believing this to be true, I not only drive a wedge in my communication with others but the way in which I communicate with myself. I slowly depreciate my sense of curiosity and wonder by assuming that what’s so will always or never be — leaving very little reason to put forth any additional effort.

When I generalize, I check out from life. I throw my mind into neutral and look for what else may be wrong. I must keep my foot on the gas and look — really look — at what may be beneath the surface-level explanation I so desperately want to run with.

“All generalizations are false, including this one.” – Mark Twain

4. Jumping to Conclusions

Actions produce outcomes. We have thoughts about outcomes and feelings about thoughts, but we cannot think or feel an outcome in our external reality. Rather that succumbing to our thoughts and feelings about the events that unfold in our lives, we can take action to gain a firmer grasp on what was being communicated or the meaning behind what transpired.

5. Moralizing

Everyone has had a friend that can not control their temptation to advise what you should or shouldn’t be doing. And odds are, that person didn’t stay your friend for very long. Telling people what they need to do or how to live their life when the advice is unsolicited is a quick way to alienate your closest confidants.

If you really want to give advice that badly, you won’t be asked for it without being a supreme listener. Earn your platform to provide insight by lending both ears, as opposed to steamrolling the conversation with your mouth.

6. Re-directing

I used to have a nasty habit of calling people I care about to share something going on with me by means of asking about them first. I felt uncomfortable simply sharing outright what I wanted to and decided I would ask about them prior to, knowing I had little to no interest in that moment about anything but my issue I wanted to work through.

People can sense this immediately and it doesn’t make for a very empowering experience for either party, often resulting in a breakdown instead of a breakthrough. If I have something I want to confront in my life with another person, I ask them upfront if they would be willing to listen and work through it with me. Giving people a choice results in everything we want from our feeble attempts at manipulation.

“There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.” – Anthony Rapp

7. Lying

My word is all I have. If I lose my word, I lose my ability to create something — anything — with another human being. The short-term resolve, satisfaction or avoidance is not worth it. Tell the truth. And I don’t mean “real talk” — essentially complaining disguised as truth. I mean the authentic truth — the one about where I’m imperfect and I’m pretending not to be. That one gets me much further with the people in my life.

This also includes the friend of mine I referenced earlier. Once I shared with him the source of my comment, I was met with compassion and respect. This wouldn’t have been possible had I not stepped outside of the temptation to leverage one of the aforementioned roadblocks. They may seem like an easy way to transition in the moment, but the cost of a meaningful and lasting connection is far too severe a price to pay.

Which of these seven roadblocks do you run into most frequently?  Let us know your plan to get around it in the comments below!

Dan Whalen is a franchise operator with College Hunks Hauling Junk & Moving, personal development writer, and NLP master practitioner. He has a background in business management and team leadership spanning nearly a decade, and has a deeply-rooted passion for helping people experience fulfilling lives. You can find him on Twitter at @DanielJWhalen.

Success Advice

5 Things You Can Learn From The 5am Club by Robin Sharma

Avatar

Published

on

It has been said by Robin Sharma, “5 AM is the time of least distraction, highest human glory, and greatest peace.” This also happens to be the central idea or the core value he has discussed in his book, ‘The 5 Am Club.’ Speaking of early mornings, at what time do you wake up? Are you annoyed by the fact that you wake up on the edge of time and then rush to work in haste? 

The life lessons put forth by The 5 AM Club are exactly the learning and motivation you need to challenge your complacency. In your race against time, you may not have the time to read this fabulous book. So, we have summed up the key book’s takeaways for your convenience.

1. The vigor of waking up early

This is what the book’s most fundamental advice to everyone is. Waking up at 5 am every day can work wonders to avert failures and make success a natural habit. When we wake up at 5 am, we have more time on our hands than others. Besides, this is when we have minimum interruptions and maximum powerfulness of the mind. 

To add, the early morning peace is priceless! You can schedule your most important tasks of the day between 5am, and 8am. This book teaches us in the simplest way, how we can train our mind and strengthen it to deliver the highest productivity by waking up early. This energy that you have when you wake up in the morning and the few additional hours in your day are what serve as perfect ingredients for success.

“The secret to productivity is simplicity.” – Robin Sharma

2. The power of finding the right balance in life

The book talks about a precious lesson of finding the right balance within. We often talk about the need for mindfulness and achieving the right mindset to perceive things. But this book goes a few steps ahead of our usual approach to life. It highlights the vitality of mindset and introduces the concepts of heartset, healthset, and soulset.

These terms may seem new, but they are self-explanatory. The idea of heartset endorses the essentialness of emotional stability and well-being. Next, the perspective of healthset indicates the need to look after physical health. At last, soulset is an attribute of spirituality. As explained in this book, success prospects can be enhanced big time by achieving the right balance between these internal virtues.

3. The iconic 20/20/20 modus operandi

What is the first thing you will do if you start waking up at 5 am every day? Did you ever spare a thought about it? This book has the answer to this question, and you will be convinced that it is a great way to begin your day!. The author suggests that you should split the first hour of the day into three equal parts of 20 minutes each.

In the first 20 minutes of the day, you should prioritize your physical fitness and exercise. In the next 20 minutes, you should energize your soul and spirit via self-reflection and soulful meditation. This will prepare you for the rest of the day and will enable you to bolster your commitment and focus. In the last 20 minutes of the first hour, you should read and learn. But what are you going to read about in those 20 minutes? Read about successful people and their inspiring journeys to the pinnacle of success.

4. The significance of a proper sleep schedule

In this book, there is a mention of ‘a ferocious global sleep recession’, which is intriguing and enlightening. It hints at the state of sleep deprivation that this world is sinking into gradually. We often associate success and hard work with the notion of staying up all night and testing our endurance beyond limits. But that is not the right approach to accomplishing success, or rather, it is a flawed methodology.

Sometimes even if we do not have any critical work, we keep whiling our night time on social media or television. What are we gaining from it is the real question, and I am afraid the answer is nothing! We learn from this book that it is critical to look after your sleep cycle and start your day at 5 am afresh. Sleep and rest are indispensable for mental and physical well-being, or your productivity will decline.

“If you want to have the results only 5% have, you must be willing to do and think like only 5% do and think.” – Robin Sharma

5. The art of evolving

The book sheds light on the need to be spiritual and master self-reflection. However, do you realize the purpose that the routine of reflection each morning serves? The idea is to keep learning, keep reflecting on the mistakes and keep evolution an ongoing process. You should evolve every day and strive to be a better version of yourself every day. So, one of your primary goals after waking up should be to reflect on your actions and missed opportunities of the previous day.

To recapitulate, The 5 AM Club is a must-read book if you are a passionate reader. It has the prowess and charm to refurbish your perception of life altogether. Even if you cannot read the book for some reason, make sure you incorporate the above key takeaways into your life. By starting your day at 5 am, you can rediscover your lost soul and enthusiasm, and you would not have complaints to make about the lack of time. If you can own your mornings, you can go places on the ladder of success, for excuses are only for those who are not committed to their goals.

Continue Reading

Success Advice

Prepare Yourself for Prosperity With These 6 Success Habits

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Success stories don’t come from naturally successful people. They come from ordinary people with starry eyes and big dreams who stayed true to their end goal and consistently put in the work. They are just like you and me. What sets them apart is their mindset — a success mindset. (more…)

Continue Reading

Success Advice

How to Overcome the Emotional Rollercoaster of Success

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

If you’re reading this, I’ll let you in on a little secret: you’re a human being. You have feelings, emotions, beliefs, complexity, and a mind that’s always racing. Your feelings at any given moment in your life have the power to affect what you do and how consistently you do it. (more…)

Continue Reading

Success Advice

5 Important Choices that Make Life Worth Living and Success Taste Sweeter

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

As we start another year, you’re probably thinking about your life goals, dreams, aspirations, and what you want to accomplish. We know that New Year’s resolutions have gotten a bad reputation because most people lose focus after the first few months and the first signs of resistance. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending