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How to Remain Powerful and Authentic In Your Everyday Conversations




Communication was never a strong suit for me while growing up. I was extremely insecure within myself so naturally, the objective of my communication was to deter the focus from this painfully apparent reality. There were even subtleties buried within my speech patterns that gave this away, such as the tendency to drop the word “so” at the end of every explanation to mask my discomfort with silence.

Much of my conversations were centered around me getting what I wanted, as opposed to collaborating with the other person to cause a breakthrough in our relationship or topic of discussion. Much to my chagrin, I was forced to acknowledge the futility of being disingenuous.

Below are 4 things to pay attention to in order to remain authentic and powerful in your everyday conversations:

1. The voice in our head

We all have multiple voices. Apart from the obvious linguistic abilities, we also experience a running commentary inside of our minds. This voice is very subjective, offering all kinds of alternative views and opinions on what’s happening. We often let this voice dictate how we interpret what the other person says and means. Experiences of the past are brought to the forefront along with world-views, generalizations and conclusion suggestions.

By tuning out this mental chatter, we stay in the moment. More importantly, we’re less inclined to cut off the flow of the other person’s speech and give them ample space to convey their intended message, causing their effectiveness with our listening. The ratio of ears to mouth is no accident. Giving someone the space and time necessary to access their intersection of neurology and linguistics is one of the greatest recurring gifts you can give.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill

2. The trap of manipulation

Maintaining authenticity while attempting to move them from one thought to another simultaneously is a tall order. One could argue that it’s not possible, as there is no honor in attempting to control something you cannot control. Being authentic is all about showcasing the truth, and we don’t get to decide who identifies with it. Influence is a matter of choice, one that isn’t ours to make. Influence occurs when you take a stand for something with no agenda for who may join you in your efforts.

Removing our obsession with outcome keeps us grounded and powerful in our stand. We realize that all we have is the truth of our word. Should people come along and board our train, that’s wonderful. If they don’t, it doesn’t have to diminish our purpose. It can simply allow us to take responsibility to grow in our communication until we achieve the impact we desire.

3. The impact of our word

There’s no accountability level quite like that of our word. What we say has a cyclical effect on the thoughts that show up from our unconscious mind and vice versa. If we’re not careful, our word can lose weight like rapid fire.

If we’re up to something big in life, it’s not likely that we’re always going to keep our word. As imperfect and flawed human beings, the only way to keep your word 100% of the time is to play small. However, we can use this very same word to restore itself whenever our word isn’t in alignment with what happened.

By communicating our original agreement, the impact of what failing to keep our word resulted in, and what we’re going to install moving forward to minimize it from happening again, we are more integrous. This isn’t a fun conversation, but it’s a far more productive one with a much higher success rate than simply making excuses.

“Our words reveal our thoughts; manners mirror our self esteem; our actions reflect our character; our habits predict the future.” – William Ward

4. The propensity to attach

Many times in communication we find ourselves stuck. Whatever the occurrence that took place, it’s left us feeling a loss of power or expression as a result. This often shows up in cases where someone did not fulfill the expectations of another.

While it may be temporarily gratifying to hold the upper hand in a relationship, it robs us of our fulfillment. Far too often, we choose to remain hung up on our view of how things should be or should’ve gone instead of simply being present with the person we’re with. This is easier said than done, but it’s simply a matter of choice.

Communication doesn’t always have to be about right versus wrong. We can choose to communicate from a space of empowerment or disempowerment. We always have a choice. True communication is about relatedness, not selfishness. It’s about vulnerability, not immunity. Stepping outside of yourself for a moment to stand for another or something greater than yourself is an act of nobility you can perform every time you interact with someone.

What could be possible for you in the relationships in your life if you adopted these strategies? Let us know in the comments below!

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Dan Whalen is a franchise operator with College Hunks Hauling Junk & Moving, personal development writer, and NLP master practitioner. He has a background in business management and team leadership spanning nearly a decade, and has a deeply-rooted passion for helping people experience fulfilling lives. You can find him on Twitter at @DanielJWhalen.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



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