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How to Remain Powerful and Authentic In Your Everyday Conversations

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Communication was never a strong suit for me while growing up. I was extremely insecure within myself so naturally, the objective of my communication was to deter the focus from this painfully apparent reality. There were even subtleties buried within my speech patterns that gave this away, such as the tendency to drop the word “so” at the end of every explanation to mask my discomfort with silence.

Much of my conversations were centered around me getting what I wanted, as opposed to collaborating with the other person to cause a breakthrough in our relationship or topic of discussion. Much to my chagrin, I was forced to acknowledge the futility of being disingenuous.

Below are 4 things to pay attention to in order to remain authentic and powerful in your everyday conversations:

1. The voice in our head

We all have multiple voices. Apart from the obvious linguistic abilities, we also experience a running commentary inside of our minds. This voice is very subjective, offering all kinds of alternative views and opinions on what’s happening. We often let this voice dictate how we interpret what the other person says and means. Experiences of the past are brought to the forefront along with world-views, generalizations and conclusion suggestions.

By tuning out this mental chatter, we stay in the moment. More importantly, we’re less inclined to cut off the flow of the other person’s speech and give them ample space to convey their intended message, causing their effectiveness with our listening. The ratio of ears to mouth is no accident. Giving someone the space and time necessary to access their intersection of neurology and linguistics is one of the greatest recurring gifts you can give.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill

2. The trap of manipulation

Maintaining authenticity while attempting to move them from one thought to another simultaneously is a tall order. One could argue that it’s not possible, as there is no honor in attempting to control something you cannot control. Being authentic is all about showcasing the truth, and we don’t get to decide who identifies with it. Influence is a matter of choice, one that isn’t ours to make. Influence occurs when you take a stand for something with no agenda for who may join you in your efforts.

Removing our obsession with outcome keeps us grounded and powerful in our stand. We realize that all we have is the truth of our word. Should people come along and board our train, that’s wonderful. If they don’t, it doesn’t have to diminish our purpose. It can simply allow us to take responsibility to grow in our communication until we achieve the impact we desire.

3. The impact of our word

There’s no accountability level quite like that of our word. What we say has a cyclical effect on the thoughts that show up from our unconscious mind and vice versa. If we’re not careful, our word can lose weight like rapid fire.

If we’re up to something big in life, it’s not likely that we’re always going to keep our word. As imperfect and flawed human beings, the only way to keep your word 100% of the time is to play small. However, we can use this very same word to restore itself whenever our word isn’t in alignment with what happened.

By communicating our original agreement, the impact of what failing to keep our word resulted in, and what we’re going to install moving forward to minimize it from happening again, we are more integrous. This isn’t a fun conversation, but it’s a far more productive one with a much higher success rate than simply making excuses.

“Our words reveal our thoughts; manners mirror our self esteem; our actions reflect our character; our habits predict the future.” – William Ward

4. The propensity to attach

Many times in communication we find ourselves stuck. Whatever the occurrence that took place, it’s left us feeling a loss of power or expression as a result. This often shows up in cases where someone did not fulfill the expectations of another.

While it may be temporarily gratifying to hold the upper hand in a relationship, it robs us of our fulfillment. Far too often, we choose to remain hung up on our view of how things should be or should’ve gone instead of simply being present with the person we’re with. This is easier said than done, but it’s simply a matter of choice.

Communication doesn’t always have to be about right versus wrong. We can choose to communicate from a space of empowerment or disempowerment. We always have a choice. True communication is about relatedness, not selfishness. It’s about vulnerability, not immunity. Stepping outside of yourself for a moment to stand for another or something greater than yourself is an act of nobility you can perform every time you interact with someone.

What could be possible for you in the relationships in your life if you adopted these strategies? Let us know in the comments below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Dan Whalen is a franchise operator with College Hunks Hauling Junk & Moving, personal development writer, and NLP master practitioner. He has a background in business management and team leadership spanning nearly a decade, and has a deeply-rooted passion for helping people experience fulfilling lives. You can find him on Twitter at @DanielJWhalen.

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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time. (more…)

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The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

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When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

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​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

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Life

Practicing Self-Devotion: 3 Ways Towards a More Mindful and Compassionate You

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I can still hear the voices of my older relatives and my elementary school teachers telling me “be disciplined”, “keep at it”, to give time and energy towards what we want. As a young, impressionable child, I believed all those things because well, they made sense. They worked. And honestly, I felt like it’s the only way to flourish. (more…)

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