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How to Think About Change and the Lessons It Teaches You

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If you’d like to learn how to deal with change in your life so you can constantly adapt, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.


Change – What is it teaching us? Change is hard not just today, but every day. And change has the ability to feel even more difficult when it is “forced” upon us. Many of us are feeling more frustrated than we ever have at any point in our lives due to the daily conditions that now exist – from being forced to “shelter in place” to having to wear a mask to enter stores for essentials to not being able to have access to even the simplest of things that made us feel good – like getting a haircut.

Rewind to just after the New Year – many of us were ready to show our New Year Resolutions who was boss, jet off to the next travel destination on our must-see list and reach new professional goals. Some of us had just recovered from an injury or were finally courageous enough to begin a new venture. And now almost all of us feel blindsided, and quite frankly defeated at times.

But I ask you this – life can be like yoga – so just because a pose is getting hard – will you give up? Or will you channel restraint and resolve to hold the pose and dig deeper? Will you realize you are right where you are at for a reason and be bold enough to seek it?

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” – Henri Bergson

We’re in a space in time where everything feels hard. From going to the grocery store to ordering essentials to navigating complex business deals – it’s hard right now to find the comfort we so desperately are seeking. Our ability to keep pushing forward is feeling diminished and our light within that burned bright is beginning to dwindle.

But consider this – just because where you are today isn’t where you thought you would be, it doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t get to your intended destination. It does mean however that it is time to course correct. The winds of change have blown all of us off course and now it’s time for a new plan. 

In order to do this, we must manage our emotional and mental state with care. It is SO easy to get lost in a barrage of negative news, deeply emotional conversations with others and become overwhelmed by fear that seems to be everywhere we turn. Now is the time to cultivate an active practice of conditioning yourself with healthy perspective. The healthier your mind is and the more thoughtfully your emotions are managed, the better your decision ability will be to help you course correct. 

Here are a couple quick changes you can make:

  • Turn to news sources that you trust – get the facts – and then go on with your day. Do not listen to endless hours of media on end. This is a sure fire way to harm your mental state.
  • Every morning when you get up – literally say “thank you, thank you, thank you” as the late great Wayne Dyer always did. This simple step literally sets your outlook instantly in a positive direction the moment your feet hit the floor.
  • Feed your mind with uplifting podcasts, music, and books. Your mind is a muscle and what you feed it, it will magnify.
  • Write three things that were positive in your day at the close of every day. This will help you celebrate even the smallest wins – maybe you washed your hair today for example. Sounds silly but right now even the smallest of things like caring for ourselves seems like a lot.

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” – Jim Rohn

So, it brings me back to my initial question – change, what is it teaching us? Maybe it is to understand that nothing ever is or ever was or ever will be permanent (and that is ok). Maybe it is teaching us to understand the beauty of growing through things that are stretching us to our limits. Maybe the lesson is to have more grace and empathy for others and ourselves. Or, maybe we are supposed to understand that there will always be more than one way to get to an intended goal or destination. 

For thousands of years, change has looked much like a foe – an enemy that must be defeated by a resolve to remain the same. But what if, finally, we concede that we’ve had it all wrong. That change is necessary for all of mankind to continue thriving, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. 

What if 2020 with all of its pain points, disappointments, and frustrations has been the shake-up that was essential for all us to achieve new levels of success? It may be time to accept that change is not a foe, but rather a long lost friend that has finally made its way back to us looking to guide, protect and elevate us.

How do you deal with change? Share any strategies or thoughts you have on change below!

Ken Kladouris is an esteemed wealth advisor and published author who believes you should be living your life, by design. Charting his own course in the wealth management industry, Ken has earned the respect of his peers and the trust of his clientele. Developing his signature tailor-made approach, Ken has been able to successfully assist countless clients in charting their course to financial abundance. This has allowed the men and women Ken is proud to serve the ability to infuse more life into their years here and now – not just in retirement. Ken’s book, “Get There!”, was developed as a tool that helps individuals discover the clarity they need to design their financial future. Learn more by visiting Ken’s website or connecting with him on LinkedIn.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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