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How to Stop Worrying About Whether People Like You or Not



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There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be liked by people. In fact, everyone seeks some sort of validation from others. The problem arises when this validation starts to become a necessity. The course of your life shouldn’t be dictated by the approval of others, nor should you lose sleep over their opinions.

If you struggle with a need to be liked, there’s a few things you can do to dispel those feelings and get back to focusing on more important matters.

1. Stay Busy

Remaining idle for extended periods of time allows our thoughts to wander to some unpleasant places, such as worrying too much about what other people think. Fortunately, our brains have a limited capacity when it comes to processing thoughts. This makes it possible to divert our attention away from ideas that don’t serve our best interests and replace them with more productive ruminations. A healthy distraction can come in the form of getting lost in a book, playing a sport, or engaging in any activity that requires your undivided attention. It’s a lot harder to dwell on what people think of you when you’re busy living your life.

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

2. Mind Your Judgement of Others

As humans, we’re constantly projecting our inner monologues onto those we come across. Because of this, a person who makes harsh judgments of other people is more likely to be insecure about how those people view them in return. This is not to say you are obligated to like everyone you meet, but being overly critical of people could lead you to feel that they are harboring similar thoughts about you. We could all benefit from looking at one another through a more empathetic lens, so it’s best to judge others how you would want to be judged. Your peace of mind may even depend on it!

3. Practice Self-Acceptance

To fully put an end to the constant search for external validation, you will need to find confidence through self-acceptance. When at peace with yourself, the need to be liked ceases to be a burden. Finding inner peace may sound like an unattainable goal, but it can be achieved by taking pride in your strengths and learning to forgive your weaknesses. 

Doing so creates the single best defense against the potentially hurtful opinions of others: a positive self-image. If you’re someone who struggles in this area, try to come up with at least two commendable attributes that you possess for each shortcoming. This will help teach you to recognize your worth as a person with or without anyone else’s approval.

4. Socialize More

This probably sounds intimidating to someone who already puts too much stock in what other people think. More social interaction means more room for worry, right? Surprisingly, this isn’t always the case. Putting yourself out there can be an excellent form of exposure therapy. For the unfamiliar, exposure therapy is when someone exposes themselves to the source of their fear in hopes of desensitizing themselves from similar occurrences in the future. 

In this instance, the exposure would involve allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of people and thus opening yourself up to criticism. This will build a strong backbone against similar feelings of being judged later down the road.

“To be vulnerable, to really put yourself out there, and lean into it, is to live courageously.” – Brené Brown

5. Be Realistic

Above all, it’s imperative that you stay grounded in reality. The fact is that no matter how hard you try, there will always be people who don’t like you. The world’s population is far too nuanced for any one person to appease everyone. Despite sounding like a harsh truth, this can be somewhat comforting to those struggling with acceptance issues. Once you realize that someone’s opinion of you is largely out of your control, a lot of the pressure you feel to be liked by them can be removed from the equation. Since the responsibility no longer rests solely on your shoulders, it becomes easier to let go of these worries.

If we attempt to please everyone, we’re only setting ourselves up for failure. Furthermore, the time spent trying to win someone over is time you can never get back. When you devote your life to contemplating whether people like you or not, it denies you of the chance to truly live freely and reach your full potential. Luckily, this way of thinking can be overcome with a little effort and some self-assurance. By having the right mindset, ignoring the critics can feel like second nature.

DJ Jeffries is an entrepreneur and the founder of He is also an HR consultant, focusing on HR systems, learning and development, and diversity and inclusion. His writing has been featured on,, and You can find him on the Led2Win website and, at times, on Twitter.

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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