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How to Stop Worrying About Whether People Like You or Not

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There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be liked by people. In fact, everyone seeks some sort of validation from others. The problem arises when this validation starts to become a necessity. The course of your life shouldn’t be dictated by the approval of others, nor should you lose sleep over their opinions.

If you struggle with a need to be liked, there’s a few things you can do to dispel those feelings and get back to focusing on more important matters.

1. Stay Busy

Remaining idle for extended periods of time allows our thoughts to wander to some unpleasant places, such as worrying too much about what other people think. Fortunately, our brains have a limited capacity when it comes to processing thoughts. This makes it possible to divert our attention away from ideas that don’t serve our best interests and replace them with more productive ruminations. A healthy distraction can come in the form of getting lost in a book, playing a sport, or engaging in any activity that requires your undivided attention. It’s a lot harder to dwell on what people think of you when you’re busy living your life.

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

2. Mind Your Judgement of Others

As humans, we’re constantly projecting our inner monologues onto those we come across. Because of this, a person who makes harsh judgments of other people is more likely to be insecure about how those people view them in return. This is not to say you are obligated to like everyone you meet, but being overly critical of people could lead you to feel that they are harboring similar thoughts about you. We could all benefit from looking at one another through a more empathetic lens, so it’s best to judge others how you would want to be judged. Your peace of mind may even depend on it!

3. Practice Self-Acceptance

To fully put an end to the constant search for external validation, you will need to find confidence through self-acceptance. When at peace with yourself, the need to be liked ceases to be a burden. Finding inner peace may sound like an unattainable goal, but it can be achieved by taking pride in your strengths and learning to forgive your weaknesses. 

Doing so creates the single best defense against the potentially hurtful opinions of others: a positive self-image. If you’re someone who struggles in this area, try to come up with at least two commendable attributes that you possess for each shortcoming. This will help teach you to recognize your worth as a person with or without anyone else’s approval.

4. Socialize More

This probably sounds intimidating to someone who already puts too much stock in what other people think. More social interaction means more room for worry, right? Surprisingly, this isn’t always the case. Putting yourself out there can be an excellent form of exposure therapy. For the unfamiliar, exposure therapy is when someone exposes themselves to the source of their fear in hopes of desensitizing themselves from similar occurrences in the future. 

In this instance, the exposure would involve allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of people and thus opening yourself up to criticism. This will build a strong backbone against similar feelings of being judged later down the road.

“To be vulnerable, to really put yourself out there, and lean into it, is to live courageously.” – Brené Brown

5. Be Realistic

Above all, it’s imperative that you stay grounded in reality. The fact is that no matter how hard you try, there will always be people who don’t like you. The world’s population is far too nuanced for any one person to appease everyone. Despite sounding like a harsh truth, this can be somewhat comforting to those struggling with acceptance issues. Once you realize that someone’s opinion of you is largely out of your control, a lot of the pressure you feel to be liked by them can be removed from the equation. Since the responsibility no longer rests solely on your shoulders, it becomes easier to let go of these worries.

If we attempt to please everyone, we’re only setting ourselves up for failure. Furthermore, the time spent trying to win someone over is time you can never get back. When you devote your life to contemplating whether people like you or not, it denies you of the chance to truly live freely and reach your full potential. Luckily, this way of thinking can be overcome with a little effort and some self-assurance. By having the right mindset, ignoring the critics can feel like second nature.

DJ Jeffries is an entrepreneur and the founder of Led2Win.com. He is also an HR consultant, focusing on HR systems, learning and development, and diversity and inclusion. His writing has been featured on Entrepreneur.com, ThriveGlobal.com, and TalentCulture.com. You can find him on the Led2Win website and, at times, on Twitter.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

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Hope as a skill
Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

  1. Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
  2. Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

  • Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
  • Cultivate healthier relationships
  • Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
  • Exhibit better work ethic
  • Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

  • Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
  • Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
  • Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

  • Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
  • Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
  • Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

  • What challenges have I already overcome?
  • How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

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what is a quarter life crisis
Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

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Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

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sharing your knowledge
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Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending.  However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones.  When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)

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Life

3 Steps That’ll Help You Take Back Control of Your Life Immediately

The key to finding “enough” is recognizing that the root of the problem is a question of self-esteem and deservedness

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How to build self worth
Image Credit: Midjourney

“It’s never enough.” (more…)

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