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How to Be Radically Authentic and Align With Your True Purpose

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authenticity

I’ve realized, over time, that authenticity is the first step to true spirituality.  Not only that but a key ingredient to true success in life. Why? Because we are only truly successful when we are doing something we LOVE, something we are truly aligned with. A truer purpose perhaps, and one that reflects your deepest passions and personality.

Yes, authenticity is being genuine, telling the truth and saying what you mean, but it also involves integrity in all areas of one’s life and the ability to be true to one’s REAL self.

What’s radical authenticity?

There are obvious situations in life where, in order to be honest and authentic requires a great deal of strength and courage in the midst of fear, especially when it involves the opinions of others.

So for me radical authenticity is actually stepping out of your comfort zone. It’s about standing for what you think, believe and feel, even when it’s inconvenient. Even when the thought of it gets you quaking with fear!

I don’t pretend that I’m there yet. Like most of us, I want to give in to my fears and take the easy route countless times in a day, to not speak the truth because you are afraid of what someone’s response might be or what they may think of you, say or do.

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” – Dalai Lama

The webs we weave

We ALL have wounds and distorted beliefs about our own selves. Authenticity is looking at ourselves with growing awareness & sorting through these ‘untruths’ that have held us back from being who we truly are.

When we take the time to strip this away, we get back in touch with the individual self we were ultimately created to be. Going there takes courage and perseverance and this is such a necessary step along the journey towards wholeness and true success.

The masks we wear

Once we start stripping back these layers – how we think we should behave, what everyone expects of us, what society expects of us – the masks we wear even to ourselves, then automatically we’ll start to see and feel who we really are.

We tend to define ourselves by these created parts of ourselves, the parts that are there to make us feel a bit more powerful and in control, or a bit more desirable, stronger, or whatever it is that we feel we’re missing within ourselves, so we hold onto them for dear life!

New Age circles talk about ‘finding your true self’, but I’ve found that if you go looking as if it’s something you need to ‘find’, all you’ll find is another type of mask.

Personally, I’ve found that as I’ve let go of some of the roles, the obligations, the pressures to be a certain way, the ways of being that make others more comfortable, or that feel safer and more acceptable somehow, that I automatically start to feel more of my real self.

“Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement.” – W. Clement Stone

Are you a be-er or a do-er?

Particularly in the western world, we get so caught up in ‘doing’ and the myriad of roles we think we have to play. We’ve been taught that in order to be accepted and loved, we have to do things. So we don’t know how to just be. But in order to align to our true self and purpose, we actually have to learn how to let ourselves BE. Slow it down and create the space to be with yourself.

Aligning with true purpose

Asking ‘How well do I really know myself ?’ is a great question. We often assume that we do, but asking this with genuine curiosity can deliver surprising results. What are the reasons I’m doing what I’m currently doing with my time? Do I love what I’m doing? Does it make my heart sing? What would I be doing if I wasn’t afraid? What are my dearest values and what do I really believe in?

Purpose is a great word. It’s definition is actually the reason or meaning behind doing what we do, our intention behind it. So in order for something to be a TRUE purpose it needs to have meaning to us.

We need to really BELIEVE in it. And belief comes from the heart. If you are your authentic self you have no competition! I’m not all the way there yet, and I’m still a chronic ‘doer’, but feeling more and more of the real me feels wonderful, and requires a lot less energy!

I still occasionally ask myself the question: ‘How can I get more real & in truth with myself and move more towards living a life that is more in alignment with who I REALLY am?’ Are you prioritising your time with the things you really believe in and are aligned with?

What could you do today to get more into alignment with true purpose and make room for more of that in your life? Comment below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Sam Sundara is the creator of Holistic Mumma, a passionate writer, health coach, educator, and mum. With a background of 18 years as a natural therapist, in community services & counselling and a passion for spiritual psychology, Sam offers a holistic view to parenting & wellbeing. You can connect with her on her Facebook.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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