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3 Things That Are Holding You Back From The Life You’ve Always Wanted.

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We all have this fairy-tale life we want. We scroll our newsfeed daily and tell ourselves “One day that will be me.”

One day never happens. The fairy-tale often becomes a daily nightmare that you’d rather forget and put to the back of your mind through eating, Netflix, chilling with your peeps and drinking alcohol.

The realization I had after learning these three things were holding me back was profound. Overcoming these three things will help clear your mind, create space and let you do the stuff you love.

These three things are nothing new. Mastery of these three things that are holding you back, though, will help you get the results that you’ve never experienced before.

I avoid these three things like it’s part of the bible of my religion. I’m also non-negotiable on all three because they have been the pinnacle of my online success.

You can stop these things from holding you back right now!

1. Information overload.

In our day-to-day lives, we have information coming at us from all directions. People around us, our day jobs, the Internet, our phone and even the billboard at the bus stop are all trying to give us more information.

All of this information enters our brain and becomes a systemic overload for our mind that is already overwhelmed. To have the life you’ve always wanted, you need to put a stop to most of the information that is coming at you.

Try these tips for overcoming information overload:

–    Avoid marketing emails

–    Throw away paper once it’s served its purpose

–    Delete emails that are not relevant

–    Reduce the need to “network” for the sake of networking thus resulting in fewer contacts

We now have access to more information than ever and it’s not a good thing. To live the life we want and do the things we love, we have to leave room for them.

It’s time to decompress from all the information.

2. Overthinking.

Too much information is part of the reason we also overthink. Thinking uses up our precious energy. Not bringing thoughts, ideas and decisions to a conclusion causes us to overthink. ‘

“The space between yes and no is overthinking. Most people live their entire lives in this space”

Getting the life you want means executing and executing is the close second cousin of making decisions.

The other main cause of overthinking is perfection.

We overthink because we’re waiting for the right time or trying to achieve the best possible result. You’ll never predict what the result is going to be so stop hanging out for perfection to join the party.

I now force myself out of overthinking when I’m faced with a decision and have cut off from all other possibilities. That doesn’t mean I make quick decisions that end up being stupid: it means that I’m consciously aware of overthinking and the failure caused by it.

Every decision needs a countdown timer otherwise it will turn into overthinking.

Whatever you do, you must avoid overthinking so you have the brain power to achieve your goals and get the life you want.

3. Making too many decisions

Allowing decisions to drag out is not the only disaster we face. Trying to make too many decisions is also a big problem. To create space in your life, you need to reduce the number of decisions you have to make.

Reducing the volume of decisions can be done through choosing to live a simpler life and embracing habits. Habits are decisions that are made once and then just occur on auto-pilot with a set frequency in mind. For example, I go to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays.

The decision of when to go to the gym has been removed from my schedule because it’s a habit. Simplifying your life is even easier. Some decisions we regularly make that hold us back are:

–    Deciding what to eat

–    Deciding what to wear

–    Deciding what to do in your spare time

–    Deciding what to do for fun

–    Deciding how to look after yourself

Each of these decisions looks tiny. What you’re missing is that each one is not tiny at all. When added up, the energy, time and effort you’re wasting on decisions like these are stopping you from using those resources on getting the life you want.

Becoming a successful blogger, entrepreneur, YouTuber, sportsperson, salesperson etc requires all the decision-making ability you have. Let’s use business as an example.

Running a business requires lots of decisions every day. If you’re using your decision-making power to decide whether to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt, then you’ll have less inner strength to make the right business decisions.

In the end, unless you’re a fashion blogger, the color of shirt you wear doesn’t matter much. What matters is that your business succeeds and you feel fulfilled.

Divert your decision-making energy into your passion and not into useless sh*t that will never make you successful.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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